Mirrors of the Sea

by Sally Wentworth

  When they got back to the ship there was only time to wash before lunch. The ship had two restaurants: the large main one in the centre of the ship, and a smaller taverna type on the upper deck where a buffet was served. Her aunt being a light eater, they went to the latter and joined the queue to select their food. It was strange; yesterday she hadn't seen Titus at all, today she seemed to see him everywhere. He came to stand behind them in the queue and nodded briefly when Alys glanced round and noticed him. She swallowed, not knowing whether to say anything or not, but luckily Aunt Lou came to her rescue by saying, 'Dr Irvine. Hello again. Is this your first tour with the cruise company?'

  'Yes. I usually go to Egypt.'

  'Oh, a favourite place of mine. I went there with a friend a few years ago and we had the most wonderful time.' Her aunt chatted on about her holiday, Titus politely turning in her direction, but Alys had stopped listening. Aunt Lou had told her to try to remember only the happy times and now, without any effort on her part, they came sweeping back; the first time they had kissed, made love; a never-to-be-forgotten night soon after they had moved into their little house, when a storm raged outside and Titus had quoted love poems to her as he slowly undressed her in the firelight; an afternoon of the most passionate lovemaking in the dappled sunlight of a woodland glade. Memories that she had deliberately tried to suppress because they were too poignant, too unbearably painful. But now they seared into her mind, into the sensual depths of her soul, putting an instant torch to flames that had never completely died away. Shaken by the sudden surge of emotion, Alys gave an unsteady gasp and Titus immediately swung his head round to look at her. Somehow she managed to smother it in a cough, but his eyes stayed on her, alert, probing, searching for the memories that filled her heart. Alys tried desperately to hide them, but perhaps something of them lingered in her wide, vulnerable eyes, because Titus's glance sharpened and he took a half-step towards her, ignoring poor Aunt Lou, whose voice trailed away.

  'Ah, Irvine. I don't think you've met my wife.'

  They both glanced quickly round as one of the other lecturers came along at that moment, his wife smiling a greeting, and Titus had to turn and shake hands, be polite. The queue moved up, and Alys thankfully picked up a tray, turned her back on Titus and determinedly didn't look in his direction again.

  It was so warm that many of the passengers had taken their food outside to eat, sitting on the yellow-mattressed loungers with the trays on their laps. Most people had chosen to sit in the sun but Alys found two together in the shade and settled her aunt there. Titus followed them out on to the deck and glanced round for an empty lounger. There was one next to Alys. She saw him notice it, visibly hesitate, and then turn quickly as he heard his name called and Gail waved to him. 'I've saved you one over here,' she called. Again Titus hesitated, but then made his way over to the other girl.

  The lesser of two evils, Alys thought, reading his mind. Poor Titus: how he must wish himself anywhere but here.

  'That girl is making herself very obvious,' her aunt remarked reprovingly.

  'She's between husbands. She's looking for number three.'

  'And does she think a college don would make a nice change?'

  Alys smiled, liking her aunt's dry sense of humour. 'Possibly, but I think she's decided to latch on to Titus before anyone else grabs him because he's the only decent-looking single man among the passengers.'

  'He's certainly that. I had no idea he was such a handsome man. Only I suppose you think handsome is an old-fashioned word nowadays; what do you say instead—dishy?'

  'I think perhaps good-looking or attractive,' Alys suggested, keeping a straight face. Glancing across to where Titus and Gail were sitting, she saw that he was bending towards her, listening as Gail talked animatedly, occasionally touching his arm lightly to make sure she kept his attention. A flash of emotion that was all too familiar suddenly surged through Alys's heart. Oh, God, not that too, she thought miserably. To be jealous just because Titus was sitting with another woman, one he probably didn't even like, was utterly ridiculous, especially after all this time. With wretched insight, Alys realised that her emotions were still raw and primitive where Titus was concerned. Not only the desire that had drawn her to him, but also the jealousy that had torn them apart were still there, both emotions threatening to make her life totally unhappy again.

  But at least Alys was adult enough now to recognise the feelings for what they were and try to fight them. She held on to that thought as the ship changed course a little, bringing her chair into the sun. She welcomed the chance to put on her sunglasses so that her aunt couldn't see the despair in her eyes.

  But she had been silent for too long and her aunt said, 'Are you all right, my dear?'

  'Yes, of course. Fine,' she answered, so brightly that it could only be a lie.

  'You never did tell me much about what happened between you and Titus. Would you like to tell me now?'

  Alys hesitated; she had told her parents her reason for leaving Titus, told them when she was still full of her first overpowering fury, but their reactions had been so strong that she'd often regretted it. Since then she had been more circumspect, because of her own humiliation and shattered self-confidence as much as anything. Telling anyone about it, even thinking about it, still hurt, so much that she was reluctant to talk about it even now. But perhaps her aunt had a right to know, although she might then feel guilty for having tricked Alys into coming on the trip. And right now those feelings of deep need and jealousy were too strong for her to tell it with any impartiality. So she shook her head and said unsteadily, 'I'm sorry, no. Not here, not now.'

  'Of course, my dear. I quite understand. I shouldn't have asked.'

  'I think you have the right to ask; I just don't feel able to talk about it at the moment.'

  'Then shall we look at the day's programme?' Aunt Louise suggested, accepting her decision and briskly changing the subject. 'There's an illustrated talk on plants of the Mediterranean at three. That's in the lounge. And we shall be entering the Corinth Canal at approximately four-thirty.' She turned over the single sheet of the ship's daily programme. 'And while we go through the canal we're to have a talk on deck by—oh, by Titus, on its history.'

  'Really?' Alys managed to keep her voice as calm as her aunt's. 'That isn't his field at all. I bet he's been madly mugging it up in his cabin.'

  'Will you come to the lecture on plants?'

  'Do you mind if I don't? I think I'd like to go and sunbathe up in the solarium for a while.'

  'Of course not. But mind you don't get burnt; the sun is very hot at midday, you know.'

  'I'll be careful,' Alys promised and went down to the cabin to change into a swimsuit.

  Although she had a fragile look about her, Alys's figure was slim and athletic, almost boyish, from the constant exercise she got in her job, part of which was to teach swimming. At the school she wore a sedate swimsuit but for sunbathing she had treated herself to a strapless one that was cut away high in the legs. It didn't reveal anything but it didn't hide much either. Alys took it out to put on, thought of the possibility of Titus catching sight of her in it, and an immediate tremor of awareness ran through her. Sitting down on the bed, she tried to pull herself together. This is crazy, she thought almost angrily. But it had been such a shock to see Titus again; she could hardly be expected to get over it in just a few hours. It would take time. Time that she'd promised both Aunt Lou and herself wouldn't be spent moping in the cabin, so she had better do as she'd intended and go and sunbathe, Alys thought determinedly. Putting on the swimsuit, with a towelling robe over it, she made her way back to the upper deck, carefully not looking towards where Titus and Gail had been sitting, and to the stairs leading up to the tiny sundeck above the pool bar.

  There were a couple of elderly people there, soaking up the sun, their skin already deeply tanned. Alys could imagine them sitting in deckchairs in their garden every day, enjoying their retirement. They took no notice of her
as she settled herself in a corner and took out the book she'd brought to read. Her own arms and legs were already a pale gold from playing tennis, but her shoulders were whiter than her limbs. Not like Gail, she thought, who had a beautifully even tan.

  Just before three the couple roused themselves and went down to the lounge for the lecture on plants. Alys tried to concentrate on her book. Thinking that she'd have lots of time on her hands, she'd treated herself to several of what she called 'pleasure' books, mostly novels by authors she hadn't tried before. She'd been looking forward to reading them, but that was before she'd found out that Titus was on board. Now she found it almost impossible to lose herself in the book as she normally did. Instead she sat back and closed her eyes, but then she kept remembering past incidents with Titus, both good and bad—but somehow her errant mind now kept remembering mostly the bad. Then she would determinedly chase them away and try to keep her mind on something else, but always her thoughts found their way back to Titus.

  Angry with herself, Alys got quickly to her feet, dropped her sunglasses on the lounger, ran down the stairs and jumped into the empty pool. It was only a few yards wide, useless for burning off inner anger and frustration, but she did her best, diving to the bottom and up again, and counting the number of continuous somersaults she could do until she had to stop and rest. Slowly now, she climbed the steps from the pool and stood on the wooden deck, immediately assailed by the heat. Reaching up, she pushed her hair back and wrung the water out of it with her hands, her face tilted towards the sky, eyes closed, her figure, outlined in the wet swimsuit, young and intimately feminine.

  Perhaps it was some instinct that warned her that she was being watched. Looking towards the pool bar she saw the young Greek barman, a rapt smile on his face, and sitting on one of the stools an older man, perhaps in his early forties, with an equally appreciative look in his eyes. Thinking that she had found her watchers, Alys turned away—and was devastated to find that Titus was still there.

  He was alone now, though, and had changed into a pair of shorts, his shirt cast aside. All the other passengers had gone to the lecture and she hadn't noticed him when she'd run so quickly across the deck, and it had been impossible to see him from the pool. But did he know that? Did he think that she was flaunting herself for his sake?

  His eyes were on her, quite openly watching, and her first instinct was to cover herself—which was completely irrational when she'd lived with the man for over two years. There was nothing of her body that he didn't know, nowhere that he hadn't caressed and kissed, and delighted in the doing—running his hands over her, exploring, creating that passionate, aching need that only he could assuage.

  Her thoughts must have shown in her face, in the tenseness of her body. Titus lowered the book he was holding and sat up straight on the lounger. Quickly, ashamed of her thoughts, Alys looked round for her robe, but she'd left it on the upper deck, and she hadn't thought to bring a towel. But the man who'd been sitting at the bar strode forward and handed one to her.

  'Need this?'

  'Oh. Yes. Thanks.'

  'You looked to be working off a lot of energy in there,' the man remarked as she began to towel herself dry, her back to Titus.

  'Did I?' She laughed nervously, not really taking any notice of the man, her senses still in chaos.

  'Have you been sunbathing? You must be careful, you know. I don't want to have to treat you for sunstroke.'

  'Treat me?' She blinked and tried to concentrate. 'Oh, I see; you're the ship's doctor.'

  'That's right. Jack Reed. You look rather flushed. Come and have a drink and cool down.'

  Alys hesitated, very much aware of Titus listening and watching, but then she thought, To hell with him, and her chin came up as she nodded. 'Thanks, that would be nice.'

  They sat on the bar stools and Alys watched as the Greek barman mixed long drinks for them, making a showy performance out of it because he had her attention.

  'This your first cruise with the touring company?' the doctor asked.

  'Yes—although I didn't actually choose the holiday; my aunt's friend couldn't come at the last minute so I took her place.' She didn't know whether Titus was listening or not, or even if he could hear from where he was sitting, but she said it clearly, hoping he could.

  'I'm not surprised; they don't get many young unattached girls on these trips, Miss... ?'

  'Oh, sorry. Alys Curtis. And, yes, it is Miss.' She took a sip of her drink. 'And are you with the ship permanently?'

  He laughed and shook his head. 'No, just for this trip.' Leaning forward, he said in a lowered voice, 'You get the cruise free in return for your services. Just like the lecturers.'

  'Oh, I see.' Alys smiled at him, thinking that he must be an overworked hospital doctor, or perhaps out of work altogether. 'Would you like to stay on longer?'

  'Wouldn't mind. The sun and sea are just what I need. Only drawback is I have to accompany all the excursions in case someone takes ill. Must say, though, that all the pensioners are a fit lot; most of them left me panting behind at Delphi.'

  The mention of Delphi brought back too sharp a memory; Alys looked down at her drink, longing to glance at Titus to see if he was listening, but afraid of betraying herself if she did. But maybe he had heard because he sauntered over and sat on a stool at the other end of the bar, ordered a drink.

  'Have this on me,' Jack Reed offered.

  'I don't want to intrude on you and your—friend,' Titus returned smoothly, but with a sardonic edge that only Alys detected.

  His tone made Alys's chin come up and her eyes harden. Good; his coolness helped to still the inner panic that his closeness and the sight of his bare, broad chest had brought.

  'The more the merrier,' Jack said expansively. It appeared that he and Titus had already met at a briefing for the doctor and lecturers, but he introduced Alys. She nodded without speaking, refusing to acknowledge that they already knew each other unless Titus did. But he merely gave her a coolly mocking look and said, 'Enjoy your swim?'

  'Not really; the pool was too small.'

  'It didn't seem to cramp your style.'

  Alys frowned, then realised that it was a double entendre and that he was really referring to her having a drink with Jack. Her hand tightened on her glass. 'Have you dipped into the pool yet?'

  'Not yet.'

  'Really? I quite thought you had.' And she gave him an overly innocent smile.

  Titus knew full well that she was obliquely alluding to Gail. He gave a lazy grin. 'I'm afraid the pool is too small for me,' he answered. 'I prefer something bigger.'

  'Like the sea? Be careful you don't get caught by an octopus.'

  'Knowing what they're like, I'm quite sure I'd be able to avoid the tentacles if I saw another.'

  Jack glanced from one to the other of them, perhaps sensing the strong undercurrent of tension. 'I don't think the fish in the Med are big enough to do you any harm.'

  'No,' Alys agreed. 'It's probably the other way round.'

  Titus smiled thinly, but it seemed he was content to leave their war of hidden words because he started talking to Jack about the speed and history of the ship.

  It had been very quiet on the deck, but suddenly there was a burst of noise and the passengers, the lecture over, came pouring out to find good places for their journey through the Corinth Canal. People came to the bar, getting between them, so that it was now impossible to talk. Titus swallowed down his beer, thanked Jack, gave Alys a derisive nod, and went through the doors into the ship. Alys chatted to the doctor as naturally as she could after a run-in with a man who excited both need and anger in about equal parts, until she'd finished her drink, then excused herself and went up to the sundeck to collect her things, before going back down to the cabin to shower and change.

  It seemed that the person giving the deck lecture didn't actually stand among the passengers but up on the bridge where he could use the ship's loud-speaker system. Alys stood on the shadowed side of the de
ck, where there were few people, while she listened. And although she heard him telling how ships had originally been dragged by hand across the Isthmus, it was Titus's voice that held her. He had a deep, well-modulated voice, exactly right for holding an audience when he gave a lecture. He also had the ability to imbue his listeners with his own enthusiasm and love for his subject, a talent that had made him an excellent tutor. Alys had heard it often when he had been a lecturer at university. Although Egyptology wasn't Alys's field she had gone along and quickly become converted, changing courses in midstream, foreseeing the shared interest lasting a lifetime. They would go together on digs, she would be his assistant, his secretary, his sounding-board. So long as she and Titus were together she didn't much care what she did.

  And she had heard his voice, too, when it was husky with desire, thick with passion, when it whispered the most wonderful compliments, and when it had cried out her name at the height of sexual excitement. And she had heard it when he had said fervently, 'I love you, Alys. Love you, love you, love you.'

  If you say it thrice it must be true, she thought, but then silly tears came into her eyes. She blinked them away, staring unseeingly up at the sheer sides of the canal, towering above the ship and only a few feet away. 'Try to remember only the happy times', her aunt had said, but the happy times made her even more sad than the bad.

  Alys leaned against the rail, gripping it tightly. Too many memories were coming back, too many old emotions stirred. She had walked out on Titus but she hadn't stopped loving him. And she knew now that she never would. But learn to live with it? Every moment that she heard his voice only made that seem more impossible.

  CHAPTER THREE

  After the lecture everyone had to go to their stations for lifeboat drill, Alys and Aunt Louise finding themselves in the same group as Gail and her mother.