Mirrors of the Sea

by Sally Wentworth

  A look of anguish came into his face and for a moment Titus closed his eyes tightly, his jaw thrust forward as if in pain. 'I have no choice, Alys. You see ‑'

  But she'd stepped back from him, her face white. 'There's always a choice. But Camilla's blackmailed you into thinking there isn't. Well, it seems she's won. I'm not going to wait around until she destroys us.'

  'Alys, I owe it to them to ‑'

  'And what about me?' she cried out in torment. 'Don't you owe me anything?'

  'Yes, of course, but ‑'

  'But they come first. Then to hell with you!' She went to swing away but Titus caught her arm. 'Alys, you're upset now and you have a right to be, but if you'll just give it time ‑'

  'No! I won't spend an hour in this house with her.'

  His face hardened. 'If you love me, Alys, you'll stay.'

  'And if you love me you won't let her come here!' He was silent and she gave a bitter laugh. 'An impasse, isn't it? And we've both used emotional blackmail.' Suddenly she reached up and kissed him fiercely. 'I love you,' she said brokenly. 'I'll always love you.' Then she tore herself away and ran upstairs to dress and throw her things into a suitcase.

  He came up behind her but she'd locked the door and wouldn't open it, even though he hammered on it in frustrated anger.

  When she came out she was ready to go.

  'Don't do this, Alys,' Titus said urgently. 'I need you. Please don't go.'

  She had never seen him beg before, never seen such a look of entreaty in his eyes. For a moment her rage almost melted, but then she shook her head. 'No! I'm like you; I have no choice,' she answered shortly. And, taking the scarab ring from her finger, she pushed it into his hand.

  As he looked down at it, something in Titus seemed to snap, and he snarled out on a rising surge of fury, 'Has it occurred to you that you're behaving like a spoilt brat who can't have everything its own way?'

  Her face tightened and Alys fought back the tears that were all too ready to fall. 'Whatever you say.' She shook off his restraining hand and started down the stairs, lugging her case.

  He didn't follow her, but shouted, 'Don't be a coward. Stay with me. See this through.'

  The hall was tiny; Alys got the front door open and stood framed by the light as she looked up at him, her face already dark-eyed with sadness. Slowly she shook her head. 'No—I love you too much for that.'

  Titus gazed down at her, his face white, and for a wonderful moment Alys thought that he was going to relent, but then he suddenly opened his clenched fist and threw the ring back at her. 'Go, then,' he yelled viciously. 'Get the hell out! Why the hell should I care when you won't even listen? I'll never forgive you for doing this to us!'

  Alys stared at him, appalled by his violent outburst, then, infuriated beyond control in her turn, shouted, 'And I'll never forgive you for allowing your ex-mistress and your bastard son to ruin our lives!' And with a sob of rage she ran out of the house, out of his life.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  There was silence in the cabin when Alys finished speaking. She sighed, and gave an unsteady laugh. 'Not a very edifying story, is it?'

  'Human relationships seldom are. But you were lucky to have found a man you loved so much,' Aunt Louise commented.

  'Does that mean you disapprove of my leaving him?'

  'I see little point in having an opinion on something that happened in the past. Did you talk about all this to Titus earlier tonight?'

  'Not directly. There was no—warmth towards me. The opposite in fact. He called me a coward again. Do you think it was cowardly to leave him?'

  Seeing that she wanted reassurance, Aunt Lou said, 'If you felt that you couldn't stay, then it was probably right to follow your instincts. Do you know what happened between him and Camilla?'

  'No. When he didn't make any attempt to get in touch I tried to forget him. But I suppose I was hoping against hope that he would sort things out with her and come after me to take me back.' For a moment there was a tone of little-girl bewilderment and resentment in Alys's voice, then it hardened into bitterness. 'But he didn't, of course.'

  'Maybe Titus was hoping against hope that you would relent and go back to him,' her aunt suggested.

  Alys sighed. 'No, he knew I'd made up my mind.'

  'Didn't he give you any hint about what happened after you left?'

  'No, and I was afraid to ask. I did ask him how his son was, though, but he just said, "Well enough," in the kind of voice that shuts you out.'

  'Is there anyone on the ship who might know, do you think?'

  'I couldn't ask someone else,' Alys said in a shocked voice.

  'No, but I could.'

  Sitting up, Alys plumped up her pillows and leaned against them. She shook her head. 'I shouldn't think there's anyone.'

  'Then we'll just have to find out from Titus, won't we?'

  'You can't ask him, Aunt Lou. I won't let you.' Alys's voice sharpened.

  'I wouldn't dream of asking him—but there are other ways.'

  Alys was silent a moment then said, 'You're taking it for granted that I want to know.'

  'Don't you?'

  'I'm not sure. I mean—what's the point?'

  'The point seems to me that you still haven't got over him,' her aunt answered roundly.

  'Perhaps not. Perhaps I never will,' Alys replied, trying to keep her voice calm. 'But what difference does that make? We each feel that the other let us down so badly that we'll never trust each other again. I don't think that Titus even likes me any more. He—he gave me the impression that he despises me.'

  'Love and hate are very close emotions, you know.'

  'I thought I hated Titus at the time, but afterwards I realised it was just anger and—and humiliation that made me feel that way. I could never really hate him,' Alys said with certainty. 'I don't see how you can if you deeply love someone.'

  'Perhaps not, especially with a love as all-consuming as yours. But sometimes love as intense as that can demand too much of a man and a woman. You wanted it all to be perfect, and I think Titus knew that and tried to keep it that way for you. That's why he didn't tell you about his son until he absolutely had to. And that's probably why you ran away—because you couldn't bear to have your dream shattered.'

  'Maybe you're right. He said I was selfish.'

  'More over-protected, I think. He should have told you from the beginning, given you time to face up to it all, helped you and reassured you, so that you knew you were together. Instead he poured it all out on your head at a time when you were feeling low and vulnerable, and expected you to accept it and be as strong as he was.'

  'His fault, then?'

  'No one's fault. Just bad timing.'

  Alys laughed. 'You're a great comfort, Aunt Lou.' Her voice caught. 'You always were.'

  'Well, that's very flattering, but if I'm going to continue to be a comfort, then I think I'd better get some sleep. Do you know it's almost three in the morning?'

  'I'm sorry,' Alys said contritely. 'You need your sleep.'

  'Not as much as I used to—but I do need some.' She settled in the bed. 'Goodnight, Alys. And try not to worry; these things have a habit of working out, I find.'

  Not worry! Alys thought. As if she could think of anything else. She set her mind to working out what was best to do, and, against all expectations, fell instantly asleep.

  The weather was even hotter the next morning. People appeared in sun-tops and shorts, exposing patches of white skin to the sun's rays. The pool was popular, the pool-side bar even more so. The passengers lay on loungers in the sun or the shade according to their inclination, but vacated them at nine and eleven for the two morning lectures on Knossos and the Minoans. Alys stuck close by Aunt Louise for these, but towards noon, as they were approaching Crete, Titus gave a deck talk on Heraklion, the port where they were to moor.

  After lunch they all piled into coaches for the short drive to Knossos where they were met by local guides who took them round in groups. Aly
s was on the lookout for Titus and Gail, but saw neither of them. Jack Reed was on their coach, though, and would have merely nodded if Alys hadn't smiled and said good afternoon.

  'Did you enjoy your hour alone in Hydra?' he asked her as they waited their turn at the gate.

  'I didn't get the chance,' she answered lightly. 'Titus Irvine turned out to be a tutor at my old university. He remembered me and came to chat.'

  'Oh, that's how it was.'

  So evidently he had seen her walk back to the ship with Titus last night. Alys was glad she'd told him; she didn't like hurting people's feelings, even a casual acquaintance like Jack.

  Knossos, the Palace of Minos, was a large and impressive site, with quite a large area that had been restored, so that you got a good impression of what it must have been like about two thousand BC. But for Alys there was no sense of peace and timelessness as there had been at Delphi, no magical sense of history. They were just very interesting ruins with red-painted pillars and some good wall-paintings. Maybe it was because they had gone to Delphi early in the morning and had been the first there; Knossos was full of groups trailing their guides and trying to sort out their own languages from those of other guides speaking at the tops of their voices in German, French, Italian and Spanish as well as English.

  The sun reflecting off the white stone was intensely hot and dazzled the eyes so much that it was impossible to see without sunglasses. There were also a great many steps and nowhere one could rest, so it was hardly surprising when there was a shout for Jack Reed, but it was Titus and not one of the cruise directors who came hurrying towards them. 'An elderly lady has passed out,' he told the doctor.

  Jack turned to excuse himself but Aunt Louise stepped forward and said, 'I'll come with you. She might be glad of some female support.'

  Titus hadn't noticed them until Aunt Lou spoke, but he looked round, recognised her, and then his gaze swept on to Alys. For a searing moment their eyes locked, but then he turned away without speaking, putting his hand under Aunt Lou's elbow as they hurried after the doctor. Alys went to follow, but then stopped, deciding she would only be in the way. She watched them walk away, Titus in shorts and T-shirt, as tall and strong as a tree, Aunt Lou in her cotton dress, straw hat and sensible walking shoes, small and frail in comparison, but trotting gamely along beside him.

  It wasn't until they reached the museum in Heraklion that Alys caught up with them again. But only Aunt Lou and Titus were there, sitting outside at a table and having a drink. They seemed to be chatting in a friendly manner—far too friendly for Alys's liking. She gave them an uneasy glance, wondering if her aunt had betrayed her confidence, not on purpose, of course, but by artlessly saying too much. Titus could be very charming when he wanted to be, and also very sneaky. Alys had never been able to keep a secret from him; he had always known and got it out of her. She strolled up to them. 'How's the poor patient?'

  'Oh, hello, Alys. Jack Reed took her back to the ship in a taxi. The heat was too much for her and she fainted. And in a most inaccessible spot, too. They were going to send for a stretcher to carry her to the gate, but she was frightened that they'd drop her, which I thought was quite justified when I saw how puny the two stretcher-bearers were. She was rather a large lady, you see.' She glanced at Titus and said admiringly, 'But Dr Irvine just scooped her up and carried her out to the taxi as easily as anything.'

  Alys sat down with them and gave her aunt an old-fashioned look. 'It's one of his party tricks,' she explained on a patient note. 'The caveman syndrome. He wows them with it every time.'

  'Well, it came in very useful today,' Aunt Louise said firmly. 'I don't know what we would have done without him.'

  'Oh, well, if you're going to admire a man just because of his brute strength, then there's nothing more to be said.'

  Titus, a wry quirk to his mouth, said, 'Shall I go away so that you can discuss me without embarrassment?'

  'Who's embarrassed?' But Alys stood up. 'No, I'll go. With any luck I should have lost the guide by now and can go round the museum at my own pace. Will you take the coach back to the ship, Aunt Lou, or would you rather walk?'

  'In this heat, I'll definitely take the coach. But you do as you wish, of course.'

  Alys nodded at them both and went into the crowded coolness of the museum. The artefacts were beautiful, many of them frescoes taken from the Palace, but she couldn't help thinking how much better it would have been to have seen them in situ. It was a great condemnation of modern man that everything of value had to be taken away and locked up in glass cages. She was gazing up at a breathtakingly graceful fresco of figures leaping over a bull when Titus walked up to join her.

  'The figures are of both men and girls,' he remarked.

  'They let women take part?' she asked in surprise.

  'Oh, yes, the ancients let the girls have their fun, too.'

  'I wonder what it was like to live then?'

  'Extremely uncomfortable, I should imagine.' He glanced at her. 'Looking for your ghosts again?'

  'There aren't any here; not like Delphi.'

  'I thought I was your ghost at Delphi.'

  She turned to look at him fully. 'I think you'll be my ghost wherever I go,' she said shortly, almost curtly, then strode on to the next exhibit.

  Titus stood still, watching her intently for a moment before he came after her, but by then Alys was already cursing herself for having given so much away. I'm indifferent, indifferent, she muttered in her mind, but it was hard, so terribly hard not to let her awareness of him show.

  'Why will I always be your ghost, Alys?' he asked, his eyes on her averted face.

  Trying to recover the slip, Alys laughed a little. 'Oh, please don't read into that something that isn't there. I merely meant that you—and everyone else—that I've known in the past, and have—moved on from, are ghosts that you carry around in your memory... Until you forget them completely, of course.'

  'But you haven't forgotten me.'

  It was a statement, not a question, and for a second Alys was tempted to deny it, but wisely said, 'That would be rather difficult, in the circumstances. You were part of my—growing-up process. I've put you down to experience.'

  'And have moved on?'

  She managed to turn and look at him, her eyes steady, even laughed lightly, although her hand gripped the side of the glass case they were standing by. 'Of course. I'm sorry if you think you ought to mean more, Titus, but I'm afraid you're definitely the past tense as far as I'm concerned. As passe as these relics,' she added flippantly.

  It was meant to be rude, to put him off, and his lips thinned, but then Titus gave a rather crooked smile, and, lifting his hand, let it he beside hers. 'Good, I'm glad to hear it.' Idly he let his finger stroke the length of her hand, slowly, delicately, but very deliberately. 'I should hate to think that what happened between us had embittered you in any way.'

  Alys had forgotten what surging emotions could be awakened at just the touch of a fingertip. She felt like begging him not to touch her, wanted to snatch her hand away, but knew that was what he wanted her to do, to prove to them both that she was no more immune to him now than she had been before. But knowing it was some kind of test helped and she was able to reach across with her free hand, push his away, and meet his eyes as she said lightly, 'Sorry, I'm fussy about who touches me. Try Gail, why don't you?'

  This time she walked on further, into the next gallery. Titus didn't follow her this time; perhaps he would have done but two other female passengers came up to him and asked him a question about an object in a nearby case. Alys looked back at the end of the room and saw him gesticulating towards the case as he talked to them. Feeling safer now, Alys grinned, wondering how much the two women knew, because Titus was no expert. He happened to look up at that moment and saw her. To her surprise he gave a rueful grin in return, as if he'd read her mind, before giving his attention to the two women again. That grin of shared understanding, as much as his deliberate attempt to awaken her a
wareness, left Alys feeling deeply disturbed, her thoughts bruised. She went on to the next room, but moving more quickly now, not wanting him to catch up with her again.

  At the inevitable shop, Alys bought some postcards to send home, then came out to where the coaches were parked. Most of the passengers were boarding them, but Alys was used to far more exercise than she'd had in the last few days and she decided to walk, despite the heat. She set off but had only gone a few yards when she heard her name called. Turning quickly, Alys expected to see her aunt, but it was Gail who was waving to her.

  'Are you going to walk back? You don't mind if I come with you, do you? Those coaches are so overpowering. I expect you find them the same.'

  Alys didn't particularly, but didn't bother to say so. She had also wanted to be by herself, to try and sort out her thoughts and feelings, but it was evident that Gail was determined to talk to her, and it could only be about one thing.

  'Let's go back through the town, shall we?' the other girl suggested. 'There might be some decent shops.' And she turned into a side-street.

  Feeling that this conversation was inevitable, Alys didn't protest, but fell into step beside her. 'What do you want to buy?'

  'Oh, anything interesting.'

  'Presents?'

  'Oh—yes, I suppose I could buy a couple of presents.'

  But although she looked in several shop windows Gail couldn't see anything that she liked. 'That's the trouble with ports,' she grumbled. 'They're always full of tacky souvenir shops.'

  The things in the windows had looked OK to Alys, but maybe Gail had different standards. She waited, not bothering to talk much, more interested in looking about her.

  'It seems you're a dark horse,' Gail remarked eventually, in an accusing tone.

  'Really? In what way?'

  'You didn't tell me you knew Titus Irvine.'

  'You didn't ask me.'

  Gail gave her a baleful look. 'You know what I mean. I told you about him but you didn't say you knew him.'