Ethan
January 20, 2010 839 PM
What’s this I hear about you doing a movie?
Damn you, Luke, and your big mouth. You had to tell Ethan. She shook her head, angry that after all this time this is what he contacts her about. He stayed away and moved on—just like she’d asked—but it still made her angry and her reply reflected her anger.
I don’t know what you heard. Don’t have the slightest clue since I haven’t talked to you in forever.
That you’re going to star in a movie. The main focus of which is drugs.
Your intel isn’t very good. Drugs are part of it. Not the main focus.
Is this a smart move?
Is it any of your concern?
Don’t do that, Mia. Don’t be angry.
I find anger is suiting me right now.
Why?
She searched on her phone for the photo of Ethan and Kristen kissing on New Year’s Eve and then attached it to her text to him. She wrote no words—the picture was enough.
He took a while to return her text and she wondered what he would say. Would he try to excuse it away or would he tell her the truth?
There really is nothing I can say to make that better.
Why her? Anyone but her, Ethan. Have you slept with her?
What the fuck? Why the hell did she just text that? Why was she torturing herself? She had to focus on herself—not Ethan. Mia and Ethan as a couple didn’t matter anymore. They didn’t exist.
Not thirty seconds after sending that text, he called her. She couldn’t answer it, didn’t want him to hear her tears. Instead, she just messaged him.
I’m not going to answer, Ethan. I can’t.
Please.
Why? To make you feel better when you tell me that you’ve slept with Kristen? Sorry. I can’t do that for you.
Mia . . .
How long? Tell me. Was it a one-time thing or is it still ongoing?
It’s been a couple months.
She kicked at the table in frustration. Now she wished she could have been on the phone so he could hear how he just broke her heart—for the second time because of Kristen. Mia didn’t understand. He had said he wanted her to come back to him, so why Kristen?
‘Fix you and come back to me.’ Does that even mean anything to you anymore?
Of course it does.
Answer the phone, Mia.
This time she did. The last time she’d heard his voice was the night he’d left her, and hearing his voice stopped her heart.
“Mia, are you there?”
“I’m here,” she replied, her voice a little shaky.
“Thank you for picking up.”
How the hell did his voice always soothe her? She was so mad at him and with just a few words, she felt herself calming down. “Sorry. I should have answered before. But I was upset.”
“I don’t want you upset.”
“What do you want, Ethan?”
Saying his name out loud felt so weird, yet felt so right. Over a year and a half since she had spoken it. Such a long time.
“My wants are still the same, Mia.”
“Yet they’re not. You’re with her.” She couldn’t even speak her name. “And not me,” she laughed bitterly. “This is one fucked-up déjà vu.”
“Stop. Right now. Let me talk,” he said, his voice firm, authoritative.
“Why?” she said in response. Why should she even let him talk? What purpose would it serve? He was with Kristen. Not her.
“I remember everything I said to you that day. I still mean all of it, Mia.”
“Then why, Ethan? Why are you with her if you still love me?” she paused as she realized that her reaction was hypocritical. She knew it but didn’t care because he was with Kristen, the woman he almost fucked while engaged to her.
“To forget you.”
“Yet here you are texting me . . . talking to me.”
“Yeah, it’s not working.”
“What does that mean, Ethan?”
His long silence had her sitting up straight. What could he be thinking? She closed her eyes and concentrated on listening to him, hearing his breathing, the movement of his lips as he swallowed before speaking. “I miss you.”
Her shoulders fell with his words. She knew there was more to what he wanted to say. She was about to ask when he spoke again. “Are you sure about this movie?”
“I have to do it.”
“Suga, this movie scares me.”
She exhaled at the concern so prominent in his tone and decided to be honest with him.
“Me too. But it’s my test.”
“Why do you need a test?”
She didn’t want to talk about this with him anymore, didn’t want to worry him any further. “Ethan, I’m going to do the movie. I have to—for me. And that is the last I’ll say anything about that to you. Now, I should go. It’s not right for me to be talking to you. You are with Kristen.”
“Mia!” he said loudly. “No. Don’t do that.”
“Ethan, I don’t want to be the other woman. Can’t you see that? Kristen may be fine with it, but I am not.”
He said her name once again, pain lacing his voice.
“Goodbye, Ethan,” she said quietly and then hung up.
Mia
Los Angeles, January 2010
Mia put her car in park and stared out the windshield at all the cars before her. She was probably the last to arrive, but that didn’t get her out of the car any faster. If anything, it made her want to stay in the car even more.
She was flat out nervous.
Two days before, as she went over her lines with Allie, doubt washed over her. Was Ethan right? Should she be doing this movie? Was this the right move for her?
“I can do this,” Mia said to herself, regarding her reflection in the rearview mirror. She knew it was her nerves doing their damnedest to sabotage her. She could do this—even if this was completely out of her comfort zone. Everything about the movie was a test for Mia. She had done many music videos in the past but nothing on this scale.
Everything was bigger.
In three days, Mia would be traveling to some small college town in the South to shoot the movie, working with all the people in the house in front of her.
No need for nerves. Time for confidence, she thought with a swift nod of her head. She got out of the car and proceeded to the front door. The moment her foot landed on the first step, the door opened and there stood Blake with a wide smile on his face.
“Mia! It’s about time you showed up.”
She glanced down at the ground before looking up at her producer. “Sorry. I’m the last to arrive, aren’t I?” she asked, finally reaching him. He placed his hand on her back and gently pushed her into the house.
“Yeah, you are,” he said with a laugh. “Everyone is congregating in and around the kitchen. Come with me.”
There were four main stars in the movie: Mia, Joshua Carstons, Austin Panner, and Quinn Findlay. All three men played a man in Mia’s character, Sophia’s, life. Austin played Mitchell, Sophia’s main love interest. Josh played Scott, Mitchell’s best friend, as well as one of Sophia’s lovers. Quinn played Sophia’s husband, Stephen.
Mia had yet to meet any of the men, though she knew of them. Quinn was from Scotland and had been acting for over twenty years. Tall, dark, and brooding.
Austin had been acting for twenty years too, but he’d started as a child actor and currently held the title as sexiest man alive.
Then there was Josh. He’d started out as a musician and was quite a successful artist. He dominated the pop world before making the leap into acting, where he’s been for the last half-decade.
The star power she was about to meet was fucking intimidating. She took a fortifying breath as Blake basically shoved her into the fray.
“Hey, everyone! Mia’s finally here!”
“Mia!” shouted the twenty or so people there. The first person to come over to meet her was Austin. H
e reminded her a lot of Tom. Just a little taller with light blond hair, piercing blue eyes, and beautiful, bulging muscles. Hot damn! It should be illegal to be as good-looking as him. The best part of all of this was that she was going to get to kiss him!
As she talked with Austin, Mia found him to be quite magnetic but also incredibly sweet. She expected a dirty, conceited dog but she got the complete opposite. He loved music too and talked her ear off about that over the course of the night.
She then met Quinn. He wasn’t as tall as Austin, but still taller than Mia. His coloring was the same as hers—dark brown hair and eyes to match, though his hair had small patches of sexy gray a la George Clooney. His accent was amazing. Too bad he wouldn’t be using it in the movie. Mia felt like nothing bad would happen with him around and found herself confiding her nervousness to him. He told her not to worry and that he’d help her while he was there. She’d only be shooting with him for a couple weeks in the very beginning, then he was off to shoot another movie in New Zealand. Busy guy.
Finally, a few hours into the party, she met Josh. He wasn’t a mass of sex appeal like Austin, but he overwhelmed her. His dark blue eyes looked at her like he knew her soul. But when she thought something insightful may come from his mouth, she got a lewd joke that had her side aching from laughter.
By the end of the night, Mia knew she would have a good time doing this.
On Location, Georgia, February 2010
Mia’s first scenes were with Quinn Findlay playing Sophia’s husband. These scenes were towards the end of the movie, but they were shooting them now to accommodate Quinn’s other commitments. She found it odd to work out of order, but she went with it.
Sophia was in her forties for those scenes, and Mia found herself spending hours in a makeup chair as the makeup artists aged her and even when done with the makeup, she waited. Mia decided to be productive during those extended lulls. She did a lot of writing and found that the new songs came together quite well. One day, she sent them off to Marty and that same evening, he called her back, the excitement rolling off him.
“Damn, Mia. These are good. I’m really loving ‘Darkness Falls’ and ‘Mania.’ They go with ‘Breaking Out.’ All three of those songs . . . 1, 2, 3. These songs are much different than what we have done previously. It’s like two different albums. Maybe a double album?”
“The way I’ve been writing lately, that’s probably doable,” she laughed, leaning back in her chair.
“So, I was meaning to tell you. Todd says he’s ready to come back to the band.”
Mia bolted from her chair at that bit of wonderful news. “Oh, thank God! We need to set up a show! Get Allie to work! I need to play with all my guys. All four of us back together again. It’s been too damn long.”
He laughed. “That would be nice. A small show though.”
“Yeah. I’m getting excited. I’d like next month sometime, if possible.”
“While I’m talking to Allie, when do you think we’ll be in the studio?”
“May, I think, probably the latter half. I’ll have to check for sure.”
“Cool. I’ll let her know. So, how’s the movie going? The buzz about this movie is insane. I’m hearing about it all over the place,” Marty said.
“Movies are definitely interesting and a little boring at times, but when I’m filming . . . it’s just . . . awesome. You can feel that it’s special.”
“So, besides writing a shit ton of music, what else do you do when not filming?”
“It’s kind of like traveling while on the tour bus. My iPhone keeps me entertained, as do the guys I’m shooting with. I have been jamming with Josh and Austin. I didn’t know Austin had a band. Did you?”
“No.”
“Well, he does. When we’re not playing around, we seem to be goofing off. Lots of practical jokes. Sound familiar?” she asked the king of tour bus hijinks.
“Pfft—that shit doesn’t happen on our tour buses.”
She let out a deep laugh. “What. Ever.”
He laughed at that, the chuckle still heard when he spoke. “So . . . brat, how you feeling about a tour with this next album?”
“You want to go on tour?”
“Yeah.”
Mia heard the longing in his voice. She kind of wanted to head out on tour too. Especially now that the four of them were back together again. Well . . . almost.
“With Todd back, I’m all for it.”
“Good. I’ll get Todd up to speed with the new songs. We’ll talk more after I speak with Allie.”
“That sounds great. I should go anyway. I’ve got some bugs to plant in Austin’s trailer.”
“Please do not get any ideas!” Marty pleaded.
“Don’t worry.”
“Fuck,” he exclaimed and then hung up the phone.
The big drug scene was coming up. Mia thought about it a lot. It loomed over her as she sat in her trailer, waiting to be called to the set. She went through exactly what her character, Sophia, went through, learning the hard way that drugs didn’t help solve her problems. They only made things worse.
But Mia had to see if she went back to that place if she could get back out again. Did she learn enough from it to not repeat the past?
This was her test.
Sitting in her trailer, Mia spent a lot of time thinking about the drugs and what they did to her. Granted, they did give her a temporary high, but afterward she always felt worse. So much worse. Not physically but mentally. Mia recalled all the things she’d done, so disappointed in herself. She was better than that. Better than what had happened to her. She couldn’t keep letting all the shit in her life define her.
Nor could she let the demise of her relationship with Ethan define her either. Despite the fact that because of him she was in the news yet again—he had broken up with Kristen, which made Mia happy, but then there were the many rumors of him going out with lots of other women. Neither made her happy.
His way of forgetting her was quite different than what she used to do. Maybe she should take a page out of his book, because she wanted to forget and drugs were definitely not an option. They were an escape. She didn’t want to escape anymore. She wanted to face her problems, face the past, and move forward with her life. Mia was definitely scared. Could she do this? She didn’t know, but she still had to try—for herself.
The knock on her door was her call to the set. Mia stepped out and walked with the two assistants. Her eyes landed on Josh the moment she arrived. All the time Mia had spent with him had turned up her attraction to him and that made her nervous for tonight’s upcoming scene—their sex scene. That wasn’t the only reason for her nerves. The scene was also the first time Sophia took drugs. Mia remembered how she felt on ecstasy, the intensity of wanting to feel a man’s hands on her, the bliss from that and just the high in general. She replayed the times she took the drugs over and over in her mind—she drew from it, the desperation she felt leading up to taking the drugs. She had to pull from that memory because she no longer felt that desperation. She was happy in her own skin—a new but wondrous feeling for her.
Mia glanced at Josh leaning up against the wall and was surprised when her heart rate increased. She didn’t know what to do about her reaction to him.
With an exhale, she crossed the set to where he stood and took up the space next to him. He cocked his head to look at her and gave her a lopsided grin.
“Ready to get it on?” he asked.
“Oh my God, you are so crude,” she shot back, the desire ebbing as each word came out of his mouth. Though it shot right back up when he leaned forward, his breath right against her cheek. He pecked her cheek with his lips before he spoke.
“Don’t you know it!” he said with a smirk, backing away from her.
She shook her head and decided to play with him. “Did you brush your teeth? I saw what you had for lunch . . .”
Josh rolled his eyes. “Pfft, yes. Did you shave your legs? I don’t want bristly hairs touc
hing me, scraping my skin raw.”
“Did you?”
The affronted look he gave her made her burst out laughing. “Not funny.”
“So funny,” she shot back.
They continued to make each other laugh until the director called them to get into their places. Mia took a deep breath and pulled out that desperation, focusing on that pain she felt right before she broke up with Ethan for the first time, when she ended their engagement, the pain leading up to her overdose, and the pain of Ethan leaving her after that. She took all of it and focused it on Sophia and this upcoming scene.
The director . . . and Josh . . . pushed her in the scene. Mia zoned out everything but Josh’s intense face in front of her. He turned her on and she knew he was turned on, too. It had been way too long since she had been this aroused.
She forgot that there was a room full of people looking on while she made out with Josh, while he undressed her. When the director yelled “cut,” Mia felt like she was snapped out of a dream.
Lying in bed with Josh, only a sheet covering their nakedness, she squeezed her legs together to ease the ache before rolling over to face him. She stopped when she found him regarding her with a thoughtful look on his face.
“Are you all right?” he asked, pushing her hair out of her face. His hand lingered in her hair, his thumb lightly caressing her chin. It was an unexpected, sweet gesture that threw her off-balance, especially since his eyes were dark with desire.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” she replied. “That was pretty intense.”
He laughed softly. “It was. I almost forgot I was being filmed.”
“Same here. The other scenes didn’t make me lose focus.”
“You didn’t lose focus. I thought you did great.”
“You’re just saying that,” she said, staring at the well-defined chest in front of her, blond hair sparsely covering his torso.
“No, I’m not.”
Her head shot up and he was still smiling at her, yet his gaze slid down to her chest. “By the way, you have nice breasts,” he said, his smile growing even bigger, showing off his beautiful, white teeth, before he started laughing.
Still Into You Page 23
