Grace turned her back on Leah angrily, not wanting to partake in any late-night girl-talk the way they used to when they were younger. She did not want to hear about how much fun Leah had with Silo; all she wanted to do was sleep and avoid any possible talk of their intimate life together. If she were to have to endure listening to any gushy talk about kissing or how much in-love Leah was, Grace thought she might just vomit. Her stomach was already upset enough without having Leah rubbing it in about how happy she was.
Grace thought about leaving Leah’s home as soon as the doctor gave her permission. She wasn’t certain she wanted to be part of a wedding when she couldn’t be certain of the groom’s integrity. Surely he would have to spend some time in front of the Bishop in confession before the wedding to explain his actions.
Swallowing hard, Grace suddenly felt sorry for Leah. If her betrothed was that type of mann now, she was in for a lifetime of pain and suffering.
Soft snoring filled the other side of the room. Leah had fallen asleep, oblivious to the kind of mann she was about to marry. Grace wondered if she should tell her what had happened between them yesterday and allow her cousin to draw her own conclusion to the matter. Feeling very guilty, Grace’s throat began to swell with tears.
How could she tell her cousin something so hurtful? But she must tell her to spare her from any future pain he would put her through.
Grace wondered if she would want to know if the situation were in reverse. It was a tough question to answer. After all, he’d not made the most bold of advances a mann could make. On the other hand, if he was capable of making the small advances that he had toward her, how much more was he capable of?
Grace was letting her imagination run away from her. She had to get control of her emotions before they ruined her cousin’s future.
There was only one way to solve all of this, and that was to confront Samuel herself. She owed it to Leah find out the truth.
It was settled.
She would see Samuel first thing in the morning to discuss it with him before telling Leah.
Chapter 12
Birds chirped outside the bedroom window, but the sun had barely made an appearance. Grace stretched as she looked out at the puffs of pink and yellow clouds at the horizon, hovering as if to announce the sun.
It promised to be another beautiful, Indian summer day, but Grace felt the worst pang in her stomach that had nothing to do with hunger.
Leah was already gone, and the bed made. It was as if she hadn’t even been there.
Grace swallowed the lump in her throat. She’d been so unkind to her cousin. Guilt filled her once again. Had she known who Samuel was, she would never have betrayed her cousin the way she had. She’d have kept her eyes cast downward, and would have never allowed the mann to comfort her the way he had.
Swinging her feet over the edge of the bed, Grace felt for her slippers, but found only the cold, wood floor beneath her feet. It didn’t matter. Her heart felt colder than the floor at the moment.
She felt numb.
How was she going to smooth this over between her cousin and her betrothed? She wasn’t certain, but she knew how important it was to put her own feelings aside for Leah’s sake. Her cousin did not deserve to begin her life with her betrothed on a bad leg. If Grace had anything to do with it, she would set him straight.
Dressing quickly, Grace was on a mission. Her heart raced as she brushed her teeth and smoothed her hair beneath her prayer kapp. It hit her suddenly that she had no excuse to give Leah for wandering off on her own.
Should she risk sneaking away?
It was unlikely that she would be able to get past Leah and her aenti, but she knew Leah would be the hardest to break free from. Going through the kitchen was probably going to be the easiest escape route Grace could take if she wanted to clear Leah, who would more than likely be in the sitting room sewing her wedding dress.
Her wedding dress.
Grace had to fix this for her cousin’s sake.
If not, Grace would have a lifetime of guilt to endure that would eat away at her until it consumed her. This was not something she could live with. She would never forgive herself if she let her cousin unknowingly marry a mann who would think his brazen advances toward another woman was acceptable behavior. Grace would certainly never forgive herself if she told her cousin without proof of her claim. She would not risk hurting Leah over a suspicion. She owed it to herself and to Leah to find out the truth first.
Grace managed to sneak out of the haus unnoticed. Once outside, she somehow recognized the path that led to Samuel’s field. She supposed it had stuck in her mind from the cab driver’s description.
Either way, her feet were bound toward the mann who had duped her.
Chapter 13
Grace followed the trail that she believed would lead to Samuel’s field, hoping he would be there and she wouldn’t have to go looking for him. She walked through the field with reckless abandon just below the layer of fog that hovered over the tops of the cornstalks.
What would she say when she saw him?
She’d rehearsed it several times in her head, but it suddenly left her.
She heard the bays whinny and knew she was close.
At the clearing, her gaze fell upon Samuel, who sat beneath the large oak tree where he'd held her just yesterday. At the sight of him, Grace stopped, her heart beating much faster than her pace. Though the sun was barely up, she could clearly see he was the same mann with whom she'd spent time—the same mann she’d fallen in love with.
Her heart quickened at the thought of Samuel being the same man who was betrothed to Leah as well.
Grace suddenly wished she hadn't come to see him, but it was too late. He'd already seen her, and was standing up to greet her.
He closed the space between them and managed to slip both his hands around hers, lifting her hand to his lips and kissing the back of it before she realized what was happening.
Grace blinked and swallowed hard as she looked into the deep blue eyes that had mesmerized her.
She quickly snatched her hand away from his, remembering how he’d done the same thing to Leah last night.
"How dare you," Grace snapped at him.
"How can you make advances toward me and betray the trust of your betrothed?"
Samuel eyes widened at her accusation.
"I'm not betrothed," he defended himself.
"You asked me yesterday if I was married and I told you no. Now you accuse me of being betrothed?"
"But…I saw you yesterday…with Leah," she stammered.
"I did go to see Leah yesterday, but only to see if you were alright. Since I know you hit your head pretty hard yesterday, I'm going to assume you're confused, and let your accusation go."
Grace paused.
She had no other choice but to believe him.
She was more confused than ever, but all too happy to learn that Samuel was not Leah’s betrothed. Grace was eager to take Samuel at his word, knowing that Amish menner were not known to lie. Several thoughts still nagged at her, but she pushed them down, not wanting to deal with any of it. All she could think about at the moment as she looked into his dreamy eyes, was being in those strong arms of his once again.
"I'm sorry I misjudged you," Grace offered. "I have to admit, my head is still a little foggy from yesterday."
Before she had time to think about it, Samuel pulled her into his arms and held her. She breathed in the fresh smell of lavender soap against his skin, causing the whole world to melt away for just a moment.
Was it possible for Grace to be so much in love with this mann already?
"I was hoping you would come to see me today," Samuel whispered in her ear.
His breath tickled her ear, making her knees feel weak.
Grace feared him letting go of her; the only thing she wanted to do at the moment was press her lips to his and lose herself in his love. She feared that if she let go, she would realize that this was truly all j
ust a dream.
Chapter 14
Grace wanted to believe Samuel, and it wasn’t that she didn’t, but she still felt a bit of reservation about him. She’d witnessed him kissing Leah’s hand the same way he’d kissed hers.
Was that his way of greeting?
Did he greet every woman this way?
Grace wasn’t certain she felt comfortable with that, but determined to let it go for now. She was comfortable in his embrace, and didn’t want it to end.
But it had to.
They needed to talk.
Grace gently pulled away from Samuel, regretting it the moment she did. She looked up into his serious blue eyes, realizing she now had to face him. She suddenly couldn’t remember what she’d wanted to talk to him about and stood there awkwardly close to him.
Thankfully, he pulled her back into his arms.
“I think I like you better right here,” he said in that deep baritone that almost made her forget who she was.
“I like it too,” she answered, the words barely above a whisper.
Was this the start of something between them? Dare she hope for such a thing? Grace didn’t dare ask him, though she knew she must.
Samuel held Grace close to him, his heart racing at the thought of having to tell her he wasn’t able to pursue her. As much as he wanted to, he just couldn’t, but he wasn’t ready to let her go just yet either. He wanted to savor this moment for as long as he could. He’d already wasted half the morning daydreaming about her to the point he was unable to concentrate on his work. He couldn’t afford to get caught up in her right now. The farm was a big responsibility and he would not let his parents down by letting it go. His daed had spent a lifetime turning their farm into a way to support his familye, and he now had the responsibility to do the same.
Grace began to fidget.
Was he going to ask her for a buggy ride?
If he wasn’t, was she bold enough to ask him?
Unable to take the silence between them a second longer, Grace blurted it out in the most un-lady-like fashion. She regretted the words as soon as they escaped her lips.
She felt his frame turn rigid, and she knew his answer without hearing him say the words.
Chapter 15
Fear tugged at Grace’s heart, yanking it harder than a fisherman reeling in the biggest of fish. She felt as though she were being pulled in two different directions, and it was more than she could bear.
Why was Samuel holding her so close if he was about to let her go?
Or was he?
Grace had been getting mixed signals from him ever since she'd met him the day before yesterday, and suddenly, she was no longer certain of anything where he was concerned.
Grace pulled away from Samuel once again.
She looked up at him; a wide grin spread across his face. His smile might have fooled her if his eyes hadn't given him away. There was a sadness there that she couldn't quite narrow down.
Was it possible he was just as conflicted as she was?
Samuel knew he needed to say something to Grace, but he just couldn't bring himself to hurt her in any way. It was obvious to him that she cared for him and he already cared for her more than he should.
But how was such a thing even possible?
They'd only just met.
This sort of thing had never happened to him before and he wasn't certain how to handle it. Nevertheless, his desire to explore where things could go with the two of them far outweighed his desire to break it off before it even started.
"I would love to take you for a buggy ride if only I had the time," he said cautiously. "But I already have a commitment that I just can't get out of."
Grace took a step back, observing his body language, and looking for anything she could hold onto before walking away. She could see the hesitation mixed with sorrow in his expression.
"What is it?"
"My obligation is to my familye farm," he stated sadly. "This is my inheritance and I will not be able to live with myself if I let my father down."
Grace looked at him seriously.
Was he making excuses?
Or was he genuinely devoted to his familye farm so much so that he would put off his own happiness to fulfill his obligation to his father's memory? Either way, it wouldn't be proper for her to question him. As much as it grieved her, she would once again have to take him at his word.
Then suddenly an idea came to her.
"What if I offered to help you?"
Looking into Samuel's eyes, she could see he was pondering the idea.
"I cannot put you to work like I would if you were a mann," he stated firmly. "But I could certainly use some help with the things mei mamm used to do in the house."
Grace wasn't certain if he was looking to hire her or to make her his fraa.
Did she even dare to ask?
Chapter 16
Grace woke before Leah, thankfully, as she was anxious to get to Samuel’s farm before the sun had too much time to light the morning sky. She’d gone to bed so early the night before that she’d fallen asleep before Leah had slipped out of the haus for her date with Silo.
Happily convinced that she’d witnessed Samuel’s visit with Leah the night before when he’d inquired of her well-being, Grace had every reason to believe she’d been crying too hard to notice when Samuel had left and Silo had shown up to take Leah for their nightly buggy ride. If it was nearly as late as it had been the night before, Grace was content not to have waited up to meet him. There would be plenty of time for the two to meet, though Grace wasn’t all that eager to see her cousin flaunting Silo in front of her.
Though she was also content in her new arrangement with Samuel, however strange it was, she wasn’t in any hurry for Leah to begin asking her questions about her new job. In essence, she was taking on the role of mamm to Samuel, but she hoped it would perhaps turn into something that more resembled being his fraa as time wore on. Surely in the two months that she was to be visiting, she and Samuel would have plenty of opportunity to grow closer.
Grace tip-toed out of the room, carefully turning the squeaky doorknob to keep from disturbing Leah. She intended to take her meals with Samuel, who would most likely be out in the barn by now feeding the animals. When he returned, he would surely be in need of a hot meal to start his day.
Samuel hadn’t readily discussed payment arrangements with Grace before she’d left yesterday, but he’d agreed to hire her to fill the role of housekeeper and cook for him. He simply did not have enough time in the day to be tending to chores that women-folk usually performed, and he’d complained about his own cooking, causing Grace to laugh heartily.
Grace was an excellent cook, having learned from her mamm and grossmammi from an early age. She hoped her skills would make a gut impression on her new boss. The only problem Grace saw in taking this position at Samuel’s farm would be the questions she would have to avoid in order to keep the lies to a minimum. She was not an advocate for telling untruths, but in this case, she felt it was for her own good that she keep the truth from Leah and her familye. She would only work a few hours each day, and that was enough time to spend with Samuel, but not too much that she wasn’t able to come up with an excuse for her time away.
Once outside, she avoided her onkel, who was coming in from the morning milking. Not realizing how much time she’d spent in choosing her favorite dress and combing her hair into the perfect bun, Grace quickened her steps so as not to be late her first day. Surely Samuel would also be coming in soon from the morning milking, and the last thing she wanted to do was make a bad impression on him from the start. After all, she was certain her future depended on avoiding disappointment from him—especially since he’d been almost reluctant in agreeing to hire her in the first place.
Chapter 17
Samuel headed in from the field, his stomach aching with hunger. The morning meal with Grace had felt a little awkward, but he'd been less personal with her and more business-like to accommod
ate her for their arrangement.
He’d greeted her when she'd arrived with a kiss to the back of her hand, but that had been the extent of his affection toward her. He wasn't certain how he should conduct himself in this situation and he didn't want to confuse her by making her think this was anything other than a job. In his heart he knew better, for he already desired her to be his fraa. Logically, he knew that wasn't possible, but it didn't stop the yearning he felt for such a thing.
As the house came into view, Samuel could see that Grace had already filled his clothesline. Making his way toward the house, his heart suddenly took a tumble behind his rib cage. Right there in plain view, hanging on the clothesline, were his undergarments, which he had painstakingly hidden behind his bureau in order to avoid the humility which he suddenly felt. He'd wanted to avoid any further awkwardness between the two of them, and felt very uncomfortable about her washing the things that only a fraa should see.
Samuel stopped just short of the clothesline, realizing that if Grace had found his undergarments and had washed them, there was to be no privacy between them. Perhaps if he'd taken them with him and had hidden them in the barn, he wouldn't be feeling as embarrassed as he did now.
How could he face her knowing she'd touched his intimate things?
Surely she'd understand if the situation were turned around.
His stomach grumbled, urging him into the house for his meal, but his feet would not propel him forward. He suddenly felt as if he was stuck knee-deep in the mud of a pigpen.
What was he to do?
He couldn't stay out here in the yard.
If Grace hadn't noticed him from the kitchen window already, it wouldn't be long before she caught sight of him standing in front of his undergarments and staring at them blankly. Samuel jutted out his chin and cleared his throat, determined that the only way to get through this was to face his fear. If she was going to be this bold with him, he needed to prove to her that he was a strong enough mann to handle it.
An Amish Courtship, COMPLETE SERIES: Amish Novella Page 3
