This was bound to happen sooner or later. After all, she worked for him now; he’d agreed to it yesterday, and he could hardly take it back just because he was a little embarrassed. Samuel knew he couldn't hide his personal things from her if she was to have access to him and his haus.
It's her job, he told himself.
No matter how many times he repeated it to himself, it didn't change things or take away the nervousness that twisted in the pit of his gut like an early spring tornado.
Knowing there was nothing more to do but face his humiliation, Samuel shrugged off the predicament and stepped inside the back door, determined to show Grace just how strong he was.
Chapter 18
Grace folded each pair of Samuel’s broad-fall trousers and placed them in the basket, knowing she would have to hang them on the pegs by their suspenders before they had a chance to wrinkle. She’d already noticed a pair she would have to mend, but it was apparent that his mamm had been a better seamstress than she was, and she feared her attempts at repair would prove nothing short of shameful. Even if she was careful, she didn’t trust herself to be able to mimic the meticulous stitches of an experienced haus fraa—something of which she was neither.
Grace suddenly felt like a fool.
She’d pushed herself into this position in Samuel’s haus when he may not even want her around. She’d practically thrown herself at him.
Grace replayed their conversation in her head repeatedly while she pulled the dry clothes from the line. Samuel hadn’t invited her to spend her days cleaning and cooking for him; he’d merely relented when she’d practically insisted.
Had she completely misread him?
She’d noted his expression from the kitchen window when he’d seen his personal things which she now removed from the clothesline. He’d been too quiet at the evening meal. She’d taken this too far and had disgraced him with her blatant disregard for his privacy. She’d snickered when she’d found them hidden under the bureau in his room, thinking it was funny that he should hide them from her. Now, she realized she should have left them there and had used more discretion. Grace sighed, knowing there was nothing to do about it now but apologize and ask Samuel to clarify her duties in his haus.
Perhaps she shouldn’t have even attempted the laundry. Being Friday, it wasn’t the usual washday, but it seemed his dirty clothes outweighed his clean ones, and Grace had taken it upon herself to decide what was best for Samuel instead of asking him.
A cool breeze ruffled Grace’s dress, causing her to shiver. The temperature seemed to have dropped several degrees since she’d taken down the first dry piece of clothing. Grace had removed her sweater to do the laundry, and looking out at the clouds asserting themselves across the afternoon sky, she wondered if she dare do any more. Though she had intended to finish the bed linens, the weather didn’t appear as though it would cooperate long enough for her to finish the chore.
No sooner had she finished pulling the last of Samuel’s shirts from the line when the rain began. She gathered up the basket and made a run for the kitchen door as the dark grey clouds assaulted her with heavy pelts of icy cold water.
Holding the basket close to her to keep Samuel’s clean clothes dry, Grace hurried to get inside the haus.
It was too late.
The rain had come so hard and so fast that both she and Samuel’s clothes were completely soaked.
Dropping to the floor with the basket of wet clothes, Grace shook with uncontrollable sobs.
She felt as if she’d made a mess of everything.
Chapter 19
Samuel ran in from the rain, hoping to get a cup of hot kaffi when he came upon Grace’s shaking, wet frame on the floor. Immediately, he pulled her into his arms hoping to warm her and calm her at the same time.
What could possibly have happened to cause her to cry so hard?
His gaze dropped to the laundry that had spilled from the basket, and wondered if she’d fallen.
“Are you hurt, Grace?” he asked, feeling her head for possible signs of trauma.
She shook her head, her breath catching as if she’d been crying for some time.
Samuel pulled her close, stroking her wet hair. She was shivering, and being in his arms was not going to be enough to warm her. Lifting Grace from the floor, Samuel carried her into the sitting room and placed her gently onto the sofa. He pulled up the folded quilt at the end and draped it across her, tucking it beneath her chin.
The fireplace had all but gone cold since the last log had finally become embers by late morning. A few coals remained, so Samuel worked quickly to revive them with kindling. Within minutes, flames licked at the small twigs making them ready to spark a larger split log. Samuel positioned them against one another and watched them catch quickly. Closing the wire-mesh over the opening, he stood back for a moment with hands pointed toward the flames, allowing the warmth to permeate them.
“I’m sorry I’ve made such a mess of things.”
Grace’s weak voice startled him.
Samuel knelt beside the sofa and pushed back her damp hair.
“You haven’t made a mess of anything. I’ll help you take care of that laundry when you warm up.”
Grace tried to sit up, but Samuel urged her back into the cocoon of the quilt.
“I’m not talking about the laundry,” Grace said lightly. “I’m sorry that I pushed you into having me here when it’s clear you don’t want that.”
Samuel looked into her red-rimmed, green eyes and smiled.
“I want you here more than you could possibly understand.”
Before she could question him, Samuel bent toward her until his lips touched hers. She untucked her arms from beneath the quilt and wrapped them around his neck, embedding her fingers in the thick of his hair. Deepening the kiss, Samuel indulged in the overture of her mouth.
He was in love with Grace, and that presented a whole new dilemma.
*VOLUME THREE*
Chapter 20
Grace couldn’t wipe the smile from her face no matter how hard she tried to conceal it.
The entire walk home from Samuel’s haus had been one of awe and wonder as Grace flirted with robins and talked to squirrels. If someone had been following her, they might have thought she’d gone and swallowed a handful of sunshine and was hiccupping bits of it along the way.
As it were, Grace had her head in the clouds and was definitely smitten, if not in leib with Samuel. She felt like the luckiest woman in the world. No longer did she fear becoming a spinster. In fact, she wouldn’t be surprised if her arrangement with Samuel became a permanent one.
Grace had spent the rest of the afternoon while it rained cooking in his kitchen while she’d daydreamed of what it would be like if that kitchen were her own. She’d mentally rearranged the cupboards and imagined a fresh coat of creamy, yellow paint on the walls. Upstairs was a perfect little room off the larger bedroom that would make a perfect nursery for a new boppli.
Grace was getting ahead of herself.
One lengthy kiss did not make her his fraa.
But it was a start—wasn’t it?
The entire afternoon she’d hummed away the time thinking of what it would be like to be Samuel’s fraa.
Before she’d left, she’d strategically left his evening meal warming in the oven for him. Thinking that her absence would make Samuel yearn for her, Grace had slipped out of the haus before he’d come back in from the barn. If it was possible, she hoped her actions would show him that she was pursuable. She had started things off with him by being a little pushy, and it just wasn’t in her nature to be that way. She didn’t want him thinking that she could not step back and allow him to be head of his familye, if she was lucky enough to be counted as such in the near future.
Grace slowed her steps, despite the sinking sun, hoping to come up with a feasible excuse for her absence from Leah’s home all day. She prayed she wouldn’t have to outright lie, but she feared she would surely suffer a lec
ture from her know-it-all cousin if she didn’t.
Chapter 21
Grace tried sneaking past Leah, who was engrossed in her sewing.
That didn’t work.
As Grace tried to pass through the room unnoticed, Leah jumped up and threw her half-stitched dress down on the sofa cushion behind her.
“Where have you been all day?” Leah demanded. “You have missed two meals.”
Grace spun on her heel so she could face her overbearing cousin’s tone.
“Is that your only concern?” she asked casually. “Or is it that your curiosity has you so bound up that you couldn’t let me get more than two steps into the haus before attacking me with a demand for my whereabouts?”
Leah took a step forward, studying Grace. Her arms had quickly folded in front of her, and her chin was taught. Her eyes darted back and forth like a rabbit running away from a predator.
“You’re up to something,” Leah accused. “And don’t think I won’t find out about it.”
Grace turned away from her and tossed her comment over her shoulder causally. “Well, when you find out, let me know what it is so I can deny it or confirm it. Until then, keep your accusations to yourself. I’m here to visit with you, not to be accountable for every breath I take.”
Leah followed Grace into the kitchen.
“You’re here to help me with my wedding, and so far you have not helped at all.”
Grace tried to ignore her, not wanting to give her further opportunity to question her, but Leah wouldn’t let it go. Her only choice was to keep the conversation pointed in a direction away from her day with Samuel.
“I don’t know why you wanted me here so early. Your wedding is close to two months away.”
Leah’s eyes widened, and her expression turned angry. “There is much to be done. I need you here helping me instead of out getting lost and who knows what else.”
Grace cast her eyes downward.
Leah sucked in a gasp. “You were not alone today. You were with someone—a mann!”
Grace shook her head. “What I do on my own is none of your business.”
Leah clamped her hand across her mouth for a moment in shock. “It must have been an Englischer, or you would have told me straight away!”
Grace narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips.
“I would appreciate it if you would show me a little more respect than this. We are grown now and do not need to tell each other every detail of our lives the way we did when we were younger. Honestly, Leah, I’m not certain you are mature enough to marry!”
By her cousin’s expression and lack of come-back, Grace could see she’d struck a nerve. She hated to avert the conversation in such a mean-spirited direction, but Leah had given her no other choice but to defend her right for privacy.
Or was it more than that?
Leah’s lower lip quivered and her eyes welled up with tears. She left the kitchen without another word.
Grace had hurt Leah, and there would be no taking it back without telling her about Samuel. But in order to avoid embarrassment, Grace felt she needed to keep that to herself until she could be certain in her own mind of her role in his life.
For now, Grace would allow her cruel comment to keep Leah a safe distance from knowing the truth.
Chapter 22
Samuel pushed down resentment for his bruder, Henry, as he mowed down the deadened cornstalks in the familye field. Henry had managed to escape responsibility and start anew. Even though Samuel had released him from that obligation, he couldn’t help but wonder if life might have been different for him if he’d been selfish in his decision.
Guilt would have most likely eaten away at him until he’d made it right with Henry, but at least he might have had the chance to sample a little freedom before he’d yielded to his generous nature and forfeited that liberty.
It was too late to play what-if.
Especially with Grace.
He’d spent half the night feeling completely right with the world and thinking he could be in-leib with her, and the rest of the night feeling guilty over the steamy kiss they’d shared.
What was he to do?
He couldn’t continue to deceive her into thinking they had a future together. At least not for long. It was only a matter of time before he’d have to tell her the truth and let her down easy. Samuel knew the longer he waited, the harder it would be for the both of them. But somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to instill hope in her for a future with him that could never come to pass. It just wasn’t possible no matter how he did the math.
There was no hope of survival for the two of them. His obligations were set, and he couldn’t hurt the ones he loved by backing out of his commitments.
Samuel stopped what he was doing and reflected on the choices he’d made.
This is all Leah’s fault, he muttered to his bays.
If she hadn’t insisted on having her way, Samuel wouldn’t be in this predicament. If it was up to him, he’d choose Grace’s happiness over Leah’s, but there was too much at stake for him to make that kind of hasty conclusion. Leah would never forgive him if he chose Grace’s happiness over hers, and that was no way to start things off. Leah had come before Grace, staking a claim in her future, and that was how it would remain. He’d given his word, and if he reneged on that, his word would lose its integrity.
His only option was to hurt Grace, but he wasn’t willing to do that either. Was it right for him to continue to mislead Grace? He knew it wasn’t, but he hoped that the luxury of time would allow him to consider another solution. One that would benefit both women who were now a part of his life.
Selfish thoughts dominated him at the moment, and no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t shake them.
Chapter 23
Samuel made it a point to pay close attention to Grace’s body language throughout the day. He’d observed her behavior even when she didn’t know she was being watched. If he didn’t know any better, he’d say Grace had made herself very much at home in his haus. It was almost as if she saw herself as his haus-fraa, and it had turned into quite the amusing pursuit for him.
He hadn’t missed a single opportunity to observe her the entire day. He knew that in a few days her time with him would be minimal as the workload lessened, and she’d agreed to make all three meals for him as long as she was there full-time. But once the laundry was caught up and the rest of the haus was in order, she would only be available to him for the afternoon meal.
Grace had agreed to arrive in the mornings in time to cook for him after his chores, and as much as Samuel enjoyed her cooking skills, he didn’t want to take advantage of her hospitality.
He had to admit that things had run more smoothly in the few days that she’d been working for him. It had almost given him hope that he could juggle his responsibilities and fit her into his life somehow. But Samuel knew that was his earthly desire getting the better of him, and his loyalty to his present commitment far outweighed his dreams for such an unrealistic future.
Sucking in a long breath, Samuel wondered how long he could keep his true feelings from being known to Grace. Surely she had to know how he felt about her, and that made him more than a little nervous. He was in leib with her; that was for sure and for certain.
Samuel had kept to himself most of the day, only watching her from afar, and not wanting to complicate things by kissing her again. But, oh, how much he’d wanted to kiss her every time she was near. It took every bit of self-control to keep his desire for her in-check. If he had his way, he’d let go of his commitments and take her as his fraa. They were certainly compatible, and she had a way of making him smile just by being herself. Having her serving him his meals and being in his haus had felt natural to him—almost as if she was meant to be there all along.
But how could he possibly make it work with her? If he turned his back on his commitments now, his bruder and schweschder would suffer. More than that, if he sidestepped from the plans set out for
his future and the future of his loved-ones, he would have to answer to a very angry Leah, and that was not something he would want to deal with on any level at any time. Not only would she never forgive him for destroying her future happiness, she would surely find a way to make him pay for it, and he would never live it down.
It was clear to him that his desire for Grace had caused him to lose his ability to think rationally.
Chapter 24
Grace was hoping that today, Samuel would invite her to take a buggy ride. She’d noticed him watching her throughout the day, and she had even caught him sneaking peeks at her when he thought she wasn’t looking.
Who was he trying to fool?
Surely not her!
She could see in his eyes how much he desired her, and it had caused her to make herself quite comfortable in his home. She felt confident that it was only a matter of time before he made her his bride. Surely with her already taking a position in his home, it would be an easy transition from haus-keeper to haus-fraa.
It was tough for Grace not to daydream of the life she could have with Samuel. He was strong and a hard-worker. He had a gentle side too. He was certainly a patient and kind mann, and that made all the difference in the world to her when it came to choosing a life-mate.
She was in-leib with Samuel; that was for sure and for certain.
But did he feel the same for her?
It seemed as if he did, but the only way to know for certain was if an invitation for a buggy ride would soon evolve from their time together.
****
Samuel came into the kitchen, his mouth salivating from the smell of pan-fried chicken, and he thought he detected gravy and possibly biscuits baking in the oven. His taste-buds were dancing around on his tongue as he hung up his jacket on the pegs along the wall by the door.
An Amish Courtship, COMPLETE SERIES: Amish Novella Page 4
