The kitchen was devoid of Grace’s presence, but the delectable aromas coming from the stove were evidence that she wasn’t far away. He stepped up to the counter to lift the lid from the plate that confirmed pan-fried chicken was on the menu. He breathed in, his gaze scanning the rest of the small feast she’d prepared for him.
Taking note of the cleaned counters, he noticed right off that his mamm’s collection of hand-made tea-towels no longer occupied the handles of the stove or refrigerator, and her canisters had been moved to the pantry shelf.
Samuel made his way through cupboards and pantry, taking note of everything Grace had moved or rearranged.
Leah had done the same thing to him.
It had angered him then, and it angered him now.
What was it about women that made them think they could take over his space to make it the way they thought it should be? Were they all just pushy? Or was there more to it than that?
Whatever the case, he would not tolerate such disrespect from Grace. He hadn’t accepted it from Leah, and he wasn’t about to start things off with Grace by allowing her to think the same way.
Grace entered the room just then wearing his mamm’s favorite apron.
Samuel glared at her before walking past her.
“Don’t move mei mamm’s things,” he barked over his shoulder. “And take off mei mamm’s apron! This is my haus, and those are my things—not yours.” Samuel walked away from Grace; his heart was torn between his love for her and the deep mourning that had clenched his heart from seeing his mamm’s apron on Grace.
Samuel walked into the small bathroom and paused in front of the tiny mirror as he washed his hands. The crease in his forehead gave away the stress he felt at having made such an unreasonable demand of Grace. He’d regretted the words almost as soon as they’d escaped his lips.
I’ll simply apologize, he told himself. Surely she will understand better than Leah did.
Leah hadn’t given him a chance to take it back, but he thought that Grace proved to be more reasonable than her cousin.
He was wrong.
When he returned to the kitchen, Grace was gone, and it was apparent to him that she would probably not be coming back.
Chapter 25
Grace snatched at the ties of the apron she’d borrowed from Samuel’s kitchen and slapped it on the counter. She felt her breath catch as she suppressed sobs that threatened to overtake her. Practically running to the back door, she threw her coat over her shoulders, feeling the need to leave before Samuel came out of the bathroom.
It was obvious to her that she’d overstepped her boundaries and there would be no taking it back.
Grace shouldered out into the cold, October wind, tears stinging the backs of her eyes.
How could she ever face him again, knowing how much she’d hurt him with her boldness?
But he had hurt her too with his tone.
Was it possible that he was still in mourning, and it had been too much for him to see her in his mamm’s kitchen donning her apron? If that was the case, shouldn’t he have put the things away rather than risk them being used by someone else? Surely others had used the items before her. Familye members, perhaps.
Dark clouds rumbled overhead, threatening to unleash a storm if she didn’t hurry back to Leah’s haus. Grace didn’t care. She slumped down beneath the tree where she’d first met Samuel, leaning against the trunk, uncontrollable sobs shaking her.
How had this situation gotten so out of control? It was apparent to Grace that Samuel was still in mourning, and perhaps not ready to pursue her, and she had pushed him too far.
She thought of the tender kiss they’d shared in front of the warm fire. The memory of it made her cry even harder, knowing how much she already loved him. She felt that if he was incapable of loving her back, he should never have kissed her.
Such an act would be cruel, and she didn’t think of Samuel as being capable of something so dreadful.
But he had kissed her, and it had been more delightful than she could have ever imagined.
If only she could find a way to make it work.
Chapter 26
Leah paced the floors, wondering what could be keeping Grace occupied all day. She’d intended to follow her in the morning, but when she’d woken up, Grace had long been gone from her neatly-made bed. Now, as Leah watched the storm roll in, she wondered if her cousin would be home soon, or if she’d wait out the storm wherever she was.
Just where was she?
Leah knew of a young widower down the main road that had been advertising for a haus-keeper. Surely she would not work for a single, Englisch mann.
Would she?
She knew that, prior to her trip, Grace had discussed the desire to get employment to help pull her weight around their farm. But she’d assured Grace that wasn’t necessary. She also knew that Grace had the notion that if she earned enough money, she would be able to convince her parents to let her stay in this community. Leah had to admit this community posed more possibilities for Grace to find a husband, than did the community Leah, herself, had moved from a few years ago.
Thunder jolted Leah out of her reverie.
She looked out at the lightning, worrying about her cousin. She didn’t like being in the haus alone when it stormed, and she would welcome the company. She knew her daed was not far away in the barn if she should need him, but her mamm had been gone most of the day acting as midwife to Susie Graber, and would likely not return until tomorrow.
Where are you, Grace?
Rain began to hit the tin roof, pelting it with such force, Leah was grateful she was inside by the fire where it was warm. Normally, the sound of the rain on the tin roof comforted her, but at the moment, concern for her cousin distorted that feeling.
Picking up her sewing, Leah sat on the sofa, trying to concentrate on her wedding dress. She was nearly finished sewing it, even though her wedding was still several weeks away. She put it back down quickly, unable to keep her mind on-task.
Leah was truly worried about Grace.
She’d said some harsh things to her the night before and she’d hoped to get the opportunity to work things out with her. She hadn’t meant to argue with Grace. She’d looked so forward to their visit, and had such plans for the two of them. So far, none of that had mattered. Leah could have made no plans for Grace’s visit, and it wouldn’t have changed the awkwardness between them.
Had it been her accident that had changed things? She knew Grace had suffered a mild concussion, but that couldn’t have altered her personality, could it? Leah had never heard of such an incidence, but she had known of another cousin who’d suffered from short-term memory-loss from a concussion. Was it possible that Grace had forgotten how close they used to be?
Surely she wouldn’t forget something like that even if she’d suffered a concussion—would she?
Still, Grace had been putting the roosters to shame every morning by rising before they had. She’d been predictable with that much. Leah would just have to try to catch her tomorrow morning. She intended to find out Grace’s secret one way or another—even if it meant she would have to stoop to following her.
Chapter 27
Samuel began to serve himself his meal three times. Each time he stopped, guilt overtaking him. Grace had set the table for two; she had intended to eat with him, and he’d ruined that for both of them. He stood at the stove, trying not to inhale the mouth-watering aroma of the pan-fried chicken and warm biscuits fresh from the oven. She’d even slathered butter over the tops just the way his mamm used to.
Looking around at his mamm’s kitchen, he took notice of how clean it looked. It was less cluttered, and even the splattered food he’d gotten on the wall behind the stove had been scrubbed. He’d often been so tired after working the farm all day that he’d fallen asleep and had left food bubbling and overflowing on the stove. She’d cleaned it all. In fact, he’d noticed the entire haus smelled better—cleaner.
He sat d
own at the table with his plate full of food and stared at the empty plate across from him.
Why had he run her off?
She hadn’t interfered with his mamm’s things or put them away as he’d originally thought—she’d merely cleaned the mess he’d made of it. The haus hadn’t looked this nice since his mamm had tended to it herself. If truth be told, Grace had made this place a home again. He’d been so busy with his chores and keeping up the farm that he hadn’t realized just how much he’d let the place go. His mamm would have been ashamed of him if she were around to witness the chaos that her home had become.
Samuel picked up a drumstick, the crispy batter tempting him, but he couldn’t bring himself to taking a bite. Guilt filled his stomach, and there didn’t seem to be much room for the piece of chicken that Grace had so lovingly prepared for him. He didn’t deserve to eat this meal. He didn’t deserve Grace. After the way he’d treated her, he wouldn’t blame her if she never wanted to see him again.
How could he have misread her actions so severely? Could it be that even Leah had been trying to help him when he’d barked out the same orders to her when she’d tried to do the same for him? She’d left him to his mess ever since then and hadn’t tried to help him again. But would all that change after the wedding?
The wedding.
Samuel shook his head and took a big bite of the drumstick, barely tasting the tender meat around the adrenaline pouring into his mouth. That wedding was going to change everything whether he wanted it to or not, and there was no room in his life for Grace.
If only he’d met her first.
Before he’d made such rash decisions about his future. He was in-leib with Grace, and would not easily put her out of his mind or his heart.
Unfortunately, there was just no room for her in his life’s plans and he would have to tell her—soon.
Chapter 28
Grace flung the front door open, her entire body soaked from the rain. She stood in the doorway shivering, her eyes staring blankly.
She couldn’t even be certain as to where she was.
Leah grabbed the quilt from the end of the sofa and threw it around her cousin, closing the door to shut out the rain that blew in. She awkwardly led Grace toward the fire, hoping to warm her quickly.
“Stay here and I’ll get you some hot kaffi,” she said, wondering if Grace had heard her.
Grace didn’t respond or even look at her.
Caught between wanting to get the kaffi to warm her cousin, and feeling the need to remain at her side, Leah felt immobilized.
“Grace, are you hurt?”
Of course she was hurt. But not from being out in the storm.
She shook her head mindlessly.
“What happened to you? Should I get the doctor?”
Shaking her head once more, she pulled away from Leah and headed up the stairs. Leah followed closely on her heels, placing a hand at the small of her back a few times when Grace seemed a little unstable on the stairwell.
Once inside the large room they shared, Grace collapsed onto the bed and laid there staring at the wall beside her.
She was numb, and not from the cold, wet condition of the clothing that clung to her. She shivered again, wrapping the quilt closer around her shoulders.
“We should get you out of those wet clothes, Grace.”
Leah’s presence was not helping matters.
She shook her head and closed her eyes, ignoring her cousin.
She wanted to be left alone.
****
The sound of buggy wheels grinding against the rocky driveway stirred Grace enough to wonder what time it was and how long she’d been asleep. She sat up on the bed, noting that the sun was sinking. The storm had obviously passed. Or had it? Her head was so fuzzy, she couldn’t even be certain of what day it was.
Pulling the quilt away from her, she noticed that Leah had somehow managed to get her into her sleeping gown; her wet clothes hung dry now and wrinkled on the peg on the opposite wall.
The door swung open and her aenti entered the room with a tray of food for her. Grace wearily accepted the broth and bread, her stomach growling as if she hadn’t eaten in several days.
“I was hoping I wouldn’t have to wake you,” her aenti said as she pulled the quilt back over Grace and set the tray down. “The doctor told me if you didn’t get up today to be sure and let him know. I’m glad to see he won’t have to pay you another visit.”
Grace pushed the sleep from her eyes.
The doctor had been to see her?
“How long was I asleep?”
“Two days,” her aenti said casually. “You eat, and I’ll be back in a little while to take the tray. Don’t push yourself. We don’t want you getting sick on top of everything else.”
On top of everything else?
What had happened to her?
Grace watched her aenti leave the room just as calmly as she’d entered, confusion clouding her thoughts.
Chapter 29
Grace sipped the kaffi on the tray her aenti had brought her, willing her head to stop pounding. If she’d been asleep for two days, that would explain her headache, but what would explain the sinking feeling she just couldn’t shake?
Samuel.
Her aenti hadn’t mentioned him paying a visit to check on her, establishing his lack of concern for her. She’d lost him; that much was obvious. She hadn’t been at his haus today to prepare his meals or clean for him, and he’d not cared to inquire as to why. She’d not just lost her employment, she’d lost the mann she dearly loved and had hoped to marry.
She felt like such a fool.
The sound of a whinnying horse outside the window interrupted her feeling of disappointment.
Grace pulled back the quilt and pushed aside the tray, lifting her weary body from the bed. She crossed slowly to the window and looked out at the lawn below.
New hope sprung to life as she noted Samuel’s horse and buggy sitting in the long driveway. The sound of the screen door slamming shut startled her.
Onkel should fix that spring on the door, she thought.
Grace watched Leah step off the porch to meet Samuel, who’d stepped out of the buggy. He closed the space between them and cupped his hands over hers, lifting it to his lips and placing a slow kiss upon the back.
Jealousy rose up in Grace.
Did he greet everyone like that?
Her breath caught in her throat as she observed Samuel pulling Leah into his arms suddenly and kissing her several times.
Grace clamped her hand over her mouth to prevent a cry from escaping her lips.
He doesn’t love me, she whispered with a hiccup. He loves Leah.
How could I have been so foolish? What made me think he loved me?
The kiss.
Grace left the window’s edge abruptly, her hand cupped tightly over her mouth.
What was she going to do?
He’d kissed her!
She’d kissed him back!
Tears spilled from her eyes and she struggled to breath around her tightly-clamped hand that covered her mouth.
Was she going to pass out?
Perhaps not, but she certainly felt as if she could vomit.
Oh, Lord, help me! I’ve made a mess of things. Forgive me for being an abomination to mei cousin’s betrothed. Guide me, Lord. I don’t know what to do.
Grace fell to her knees beside the bed, collapsing against the mattress. Her heart ached, and her spirit felt weak.
She couldn’t think straight.
She had to do something, but what?
She knew for certain she couldn’t stay with Leah knowing she’d fallen in leib with her betrothed. There was no escaping the truth this time.
Leaning her arm under the bed, Grace felt for her suitcase.
She had no other choice but to leave.
*VOLUME FOUR*
Chapter 30
Grace packed her suitcase with as much haste as she did with anger. She knew she had
no one to blame for this but herself. Still, she couldn’t help but feel rage boiling up in her stomach like a bubbling pot of oatmeal over an open flame.
She had half a notion to show up at Samuel’s farm in the morning and demand an answer from him. Unfortunately, she didn’t trust herself not to act like a fool with pleading sobs that would surely make her look desperate.
Desperate was the last thing Grace was. She was not so hard-pressed to be wed that she would throw herself at a mann who was already betrothed. Not only would Leah never forgive her, Grace didn’t trust herself not to disclose his indiscretion and ruin her cousin’s wedding.
Or should she?
Was one steamy kiss worth ruining Leah’s entire life over? Although there was the very real possibility that he would repeat his mistakes—maybe even in a worse way, Grace convinced herself he may have simply had a case of “cold feet” and needed to get it out of his system.
Still, that was not an acceptable excuse for his behavior. A mann of Gott didn’t commit such despicable acts.
It was selfish of him to use her in that way, but she supposed it was better that it was with her, than with another woman who might lack the morals needed to put an end to it.
Grace began to sob even harder.
Just because he’d used her did not mean her feelings for him had not been in good faith. Sadly, she genuinely loved him, and it would be a long time before she would get over such an offense.
Not bothering to organize or fold her things, she stuffed them haphazardly into the tiny suitcase, knowing she might have to sit on it in order to close the lid. With her few, humble belongings packed away, she was free to leave.
So why would her feet not move?
An Amish Courtship, COMPLETE SERIES: Amish Novella Page 5
