Willow Grove Abbey: A Historical World War II Romance Novel (The Somerville Trilogy)

by Payne, Mary Christian

  “Calm down, Sophia. I understand. You don’t know anything with certainty. Perhaps your father is telling the truth. Perhaps it is just a fantasy on his part. Men do go through periods of odd behavior, often at mid-life. You women don’t have a lock on that, you know.” He smiled that marvelous smile of his.”

  “Do you believe Papa’s explanation?” I asked. It was impossible for me to imagine that he did.

  “I believe he doesn’t want to cause you pain. Whatever the truth, I’m virtually certain that he isn’t going to tell you any more than he already has. Whether or not what he has told you is true, I can’t really say. I don’t know your father well enough. Well... let’s face it, Sophia, I don’t know him at all.”

  His comment made me realize how rather foolish it was for me to be asking Spence’s advice about the motives and actions of a man whom he had never met. It also reminded me of the twists and turns our own relationship had taken, and of how much I wished Spence did know my parents. Perhaps, if I had braced myself long ago, and let the meeting take place, I wouldn’t be sitting with him now, having married a man I didn’t love, and having had Spence’s daughter without his having been aware of it The entire tangled mess was horrifically complex.

  “My God, Spence. If they’re involved in an affair, what if he leaves my mother and marries Edwina?”

  “That’s awfully hard to imagine, isn’t it? It’s a far cry from a dalliance outside of marriage to leaving your wife and marrying the woman, whomever she may be.”

  “Spence, I think I’d lose my mind. That would just be too impossible. Things like that don’t happen in the real world. Do they?”

  “Unfortunately Sophia, things like that do happen in the real world, all too often. I could name you scores of families in Britain where precisely that sort of thing has occurred. I must say, however, even in families like the Simpson’s’ I don’t believe there has ever been a scandal involving a daughter’s schoolmate. When I make reference to the Simpson’s, you know I’m speaking of our former beloved Prince Edward and Wallis Simpson. One can go back as far as Henry VIII and clearly see how often divorce and remarriage has taken place on our Fair Isle. However, I think we’re both getting ahead of ourselves. Right now, you don’t even know that they really are involved in an affair. Perhaps it’s a bit of a flirtation, and that will be the end of it.”

  “Oh goodness, I hope you’re right. I don’t see that I have a lot of choice except to believe his explanation. There would be no point in confronting Edwina. I would only cause Papa embarrassment by telling Edwina about this, if it isn’t true.”

  “Absolutely right. I think that’s very wise thinking. I know you won’t forget this has happened, and I would suggest that you be somewhat guarded where both your father and Edwina are concerned, at least for a time. But, don’t let it consume you.”

  “What do you mean guarded?”

  “That’s what I meant a moment ago. Don’t tell Edwina something that you would prefer your father not know... if there is anything of that nature in your life. That’s where an involvement between your father and your friend could become sticky. Friends share secrets, as do lovers.”

  Isabella! My first thought was of my daughter. Edwina knew everything. She had been my salvation during the pregnancy and birth. Would she tell Papa that Isabella was not Owen’s child? Obviously, that was a concern I couldn’t discuss with Spence.

  “Sophia, what is it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” he said, with concern. “You’re white as a sheet.”

  What? Oh... nothing. I was just thinking of something. Your comment about friends sharing secrets reminded me of something.”

  “Nothing you want to share with me?”

  “No, I’m afraid not, Spence. I’m sorry.”

  “Ah... Far be it for me to interfere with the secrets of two Ashwick Park girls,” he laughed.

  That was the first bit of levity in what had been an otherwise solemn afternoon. I returned the smile. “Oh Spence, I’m so confused and frightened. What if my mother learns of this? She has always treated Edwina like a daughter... better than a daughter. And if she ever thinks that I knew... or that I even suspected... well, I just don’t even want to think about what could happen.”

  “Since you’ve told your father what you found in his hotel room, he’s going to be very circumspect. If nothing else, he’s surely going to become less careless. I shouldn’t overly worry that your mother will discover anything.”

  “My mother is totally capable of killing Edwina... and Papa, and probably me. Most probably, me,” I replied, with a half-hearted, watery smile.

  “I’d forgotten what a beautiful smile you have,” he said, suddenly changing the subject. The compliment unnerved me. “How is Charlotte?” I blurted out.

  “Charlotte? She’s well. Just opened in a new West End play.”

  “How nice. You must be very proud of her.” That was one of the hardest sentences I have ever uttered.

  “Yes, she’s quite a fine actress, actually.” He was now turning his glass round in his hands, looking as though he wasn’t certain what to say next. It was unlike Spence.

  “Have you set a date, then?” I asked.

  “No…No... It’s been, well... complicated...”

  “I suppose it’s hard when she has an erratic schedule, what with rehearsals, openings, and so forth?”

  “Yes... Quite”. Spence looked distressed. He would not meet my eyes. A silence ensued. “Oh, Hell Sophia. The truth is there is not going to be any setting of a date. We have broken it off. It just didn’t seem right. To be honest, after I saw you that night in Paris... and then again in Sloan Square... I realized that it was too soon after us. I don’t know. I just couldn’t go through with it. I’d allowed the engagement to go on for too long. I knew that I would never carry through on the marriage. Finally, I summoned up enough courage to admit I couldn’t marry her.”

  My heart soared, even though I tried to make the requisite remarks about how sorry I was to hear about the end of his engagement to Charlotte. “I’m sorry, Spence. But, I must be honest. I never thought Charlotte was the right girl for you. She’s much taken with herself, and not at all ‘down to earth’. She never struck me as a girl who would want to be a doctor’s wife.”

  “Oh... she’s a bit different when one peels away the outer layers. She’s really rather insecure. The difficulty wasn’t with her. To be honest, Sophia, I was somewhat surprised that you were able to move on so quickly after our relationship ended. You were married to Lord Winnsborough within a matter of months.”

  “Lord Winnsborough and I had known each other all of our lives, Spence.”

  “I know. Obviously, you were much better suited, but still. . .”

  I couldn’t bear the hurt that was so apparent in his eyes. “Spence, I didn’t love him as I loved you. That kind of love doesn’t come along often. I married him because... because... My voice trailed off.

  “You married him because?”

  “Well, because, I knew my parents would approve, and he was considered suitable. I knew I would never feel about anyone the way I felt about you, so I decided to settle for a life with Owen.”

  “Oh Sophia, what a muck we made of everything. In other words, you simply settled. Did it have to be that way?”

  “I believed it did, Spence.”

  “Why did I always feel that there was something you weren’t telling me? That you were holding back?”

  I looked down at the table. My hands were clenched in my lap, and I was biting my cheek. “I don’t know,” I murmured.

  “Sophia, look at me. I think you do know. What is it you haven’t told me?” He reached across the table and put his finger under my chin, tilting it upward.

  “Spence, can’t we just leave it alone? What is done, is done. What difference does any of it make now?”

  “It matters because I still love you.” I jerked my head, and gazed at him. I could not believe he had said those words. It was hard
for me to believe that he was sitting there across from me, so strong, handsome and sensitive, when I had never dared even hope that I would see him again, let alone hear those words from him. I began to blink back tears.

  “Sophia, please tell me the truth. Whatever it is, it cannot hurt more than that which I’ve already endured.”

  “It’s all so complicated.”

  “Just start at the beginning.”

  “Remember the night at The Royal, after I’d seen my parents and spoken with them about us?”

  “Of course. How could I ever forget?”

  “Well, two days before that I went through absolute horror. I told my parents of my feelings for you, and Mummy went mad. I have never seen her in such a state. She was thoroughly out of her mind. Completely irrational.”

  “Because I wasn’t of the gentry?”

  “Yes, partly. However, I think even more because you are Irish and Catholic. She is demented on both subjects. She threatened horrible retribution if I continued to see you.”

  “What sort of retribution? What sort of revenge could she possibly enact upon me?”

  “She said that she was prepared to pay a prostitute to say that you had performed an abortion, thus ruining your career, and possibly causing you to be sent to prison.”

  “And you believed she would do such a thing?”

  “Yes. Definitely. She would have, Spence. It could have ruined you. Don’t you see, I couldn’t allow that to happen?”

  “Why didn’t you come to me with the truth?”

  “Because I knew that you would want to try and talk to her, and I knew that would be futile. It would only have caused more pain. I didn’t want to expose you to her verbal abuse. She can be so biting and cruel.”

  “What of your father? Was he content to stand by and watch this debacle, without acting to stop it?”

  “Not content, but helpless. That’s the way things have always been in our family. There is nothing he could do to change her mind. Had he intervened, she simply would have turned on him too. Actually, she did anyway.”

  “Sophia, don’t you know that nothing she could have said would have mattered to me? The only thing I cared about was you.”

  “Yes. You say that now, Spence, but do you really think you would have married me if my mother and father had registered such harsh disapproval?”

  “I think it could have been sorted out. I have believed for some time that your mother needs someone strong to stand up to her. She has gone through life browbeating her children and husband into submission, and in general, acting like a tyrant. I think she has been crying out for someone to take a stance with her. Once that was done, I believe we actually might have come to an understanding. We might even have gotten along quite nicely.”

  “I simply couldn’t take that chance.”

  “And so, instead, you chose to lie to me, and marry a man you didn’t love.”

  “Yes.”

  Spence cleared his throat, and lighted a cigarette. There was silence for a moment. “Sophia, I’ve heard rumors about your marriage. I’ve tried not to listen, but I would really like to know. Did Owen commit suicide?

  “To be honest, Spence, yes, he did. He left a note with his Solicitor, which was solely meant for my eyes. Only my parents and family, and his parents know, besides me. Well, and Edwina. The last time Owen and I spoke, I thought everything was all right. I thought that we had come to an understanding about our marriage. It was going to be annulled.

  “Annulled? On what grounds?”

  “I’d learned some shocking truths. Owen was homosexual, Spence.”

  “Oh, dear God! Poor Sophia. How astounding!”

  “Sometimes it’s difficult for me to believe that I ever married him.”

  “I’m surprised that under the circumstances you didn’t revert back to your maiden name?”

  “I’m sure I would have, but for Isabella.” I absolutely had not planned to tell him about my daughter. It just slipped out. But, perhaps the time for secrets was over. At least the time for most secrets. I still didn’t intend to tell him that he was Isabella’s father. Nevertheless, I certainly couldn’t hide my baby’s existence from Spence if, as I fervently hoped, he was about to become a part of my life again.

  “And who is Isabella?” he asked.

  “My daughter,” I replied.

  “Your daughter? You have a child? But, I had no idea. When was she born?”

  “I became pregnant shortly after Owen and I married in January, 1936. She was born on the 6th of September, 1936. In fact, she was born while I was visiting Edwina in Paris, shortly before we ran into you at Deux Magots. She was actually due in October, but she was premature. I had become so adept at lying about Isabella’s birth, that I, myself, almost believed that her birthday was in September instead of August.

  “My God. I’m speechless. So much has happened.” He sat back in his chair, and looked as though someone had just delivered a blow.

  “Spence. You look upset. Does it matter about Isabella? Does it cause you to feel differently about me?”

  “No, of course not. I’m just surprised. It’s none of my business, but did you plan a baby so quickly after your marriage?”

  “No. In fact, Owen didn’t want children so soon. Of course, now I understand why. I’m not certain he ever planned children. But, Isabella was conceived on our wedding night.”

  “I see.” he replied. It was clear that he didn’t like to think of me in someone else’s bed.

  “Actually, it was the one and only time,” I added.

  “The one and only time?” he echoed, looking perplexed.

  “The one and only time he touched me. I suppose he felt it was his duty on our wedding night, but it never happened again.”

  “Amazing. Moreover, as a result, you are a mother. I should like to meet your little girl. Let’s see, she would be about two years old now. Is that right?”

  “Well…one and a half…she’ll be two in September. She is a little darling. I absolutely worship her. “Spence, she is so advanced. She already has a vocabulary. She’s like a miniature adult.

  “And how do you manage to work at University and be a mother, as well?” he asked.

  “I’ve an indispensable woman who keeps things running smoothly at the flat. A housekeeper, who also acts as nanny. Isabella adores her, and so do I. Dr. Hausfater, the professor I work for, is terribly considerate about my obligations at home. He adores Isabella. I even bring her along to work with me some days, if she’s not feeling well... has the sniffles or something... or sometimes he tells me to work at home on that sort of day. I’m very fortunate.”

  “Well, I’ll certainly look forward to meeting this remarkable child,” he smiled. “I want her to become well-acquainted with me, as I hope you’re going to allow me back into your life, Sophia.”

  “Spence, I’m not sure that much has changed.”

  “Sophia, everything has changed. There will be no more lies. I’m assuming that the objections you voiced regarding Catholicism and Class were simply fabrications in order to avoid the truth. On the other hand, I could be wrong. Are those topics still a problem for you? ”

  “No. They truly aren’t, Spence. They never were. I still don’t know much about Catholicism, but I wouldn’t have any problem learning. But, now, I have Isabella to consider too.”

  “Naturally. And what of your parents?”

  “I don’t know? I’m independent of my parents now, in terms of finances, but I wouldn’t be totally honest if I didn’t admit that I’m still tied to them emotionally. For such a long, long time, I very nearly had no identity, Spence. My mother is such a dominating individual. I’ve spent my life trying to satisfy her. Even now that I’m a mother myself, I find myself reverting to that behavior. She can still frighten and intimidate me. Papa doesn’t frighten me so, but I crave his approval as badly. I don’t know why that is, because, frankly, I think of them both as children.”

  “It’s going to take yo
u a lifetime to overcome the damage they’ve both done, Sophia.

  “I know that, Spence.” But, in terms of a relationship with you, or any man for that matter, I believe my mother would be less inclined to voice objections toward whomever I might become involved with,” I smiled. “I think she now believes that I’m damaged, and that I’d be fortunate to have any man pay attention to me. Also I’ve made it perfectly clear that I intend upon earning a University degree. Mummy is concerned that I won‘t ever remarry. She thinks I’m bonkers to want an education... that I’m going to turn into a blue-stocking, and that no man will ever want me.”

  Spence burst out laughing. It was good to hear him laugh. “What rubbish. Well then, perhaps we won’t have to worry so much about Mummy, and her threats this time.”

  “Oh Spence. I bungled things so badly. Do you really think we might overcome all that’s happened?”

  “I only know that I meant it when I told you that I’ve never loved anyone the way I love you. I still feel that way. You have said that you feel the same way. Surely that means we mustn’t walk away from one another again, without trying very hard to find solutions to whatever obstacles exist. I do think we should act quietly on our feelings for a time. Only because we don’t need the aggravation of attempted interference from your mother. In addition, we need to go slowly with Isabella. She adds a new dimension to the whole scenario. I want her to learn to know . . . to trust . . . and to love me. That will take time.”

  “Thank you for being so understanding. I’m so happy that my heart literally feels as though it could burst. I never dreamed that today would turn out this way. I’ve almost forgotten what brought us here in the first place.”

  “Sophia, you’re still such a precious girl,” he smiled. He reached over and covered my hand with his. “Please remember that whatever is going on with your father and Edwina is going to have to resolve itself in its own way. You have to let them lead their own lives. I know it’s hard, and that it could irrevocably alter your relationship with both of them. There’s little you can do now but wait. At least you know more than you did. You can stay vigilant. Perhaps the opportunity to speak with Edwina will present itself. Maybe she will come to you. I truly believe, as close as the two of you have been, that if there’s anything to this, she will come to you and tell the truth.”