A Fairy's Guide to Disaster

by A W Hartoin

  “But I am a wood fairy,” said Soren. “My father believed the spriggans could see reason if given the right motivation and I think we have the right motivation.”

  “You mean her.” The commander gestured to me.

  “You want me to do it,” I said. “That’s crazy. They won’t listen to me.”

  Soren looked down into my eyes. “They will if you make them. Your journey home begins here. You have abilities. It’s time you honed them. You’ll need all your gifts to accomplish your goals.”

  “I still say we attack,” said the commander. “Skills or no skills, let’s get straight to the point.”

  Soren placed his large hand on the tiny phalanx fairy’s shoulder. “She shall be allowed to try. If Matilda can’t get them to see reason, we attack. I leave the details to you, Kukri.”

  CHAPTER 11

  I soared just over the heads of the commander’s troops with Iris at my side. She carried Soren’s banner, a flag with a maple pattern on it. The banner would show the spriggans that Iris and I were under Soren’s protection, but I insisted on carrying my earring anyway. I held it tight to my chest and it proved to be much less unwieldy than I expected. Soren and his group were somewhere behind us, heading toward the center of the mall with their slow steps.

  Soren had mapped out the spriggans’ nest for me. It was in the humans’ cashier area, a rectangle made of high counters. There were three nests in old cash boxes on the shelves below the registers. We didn’t know where Easy was. It would be Iris’s job to listen and figure it out. Then she and I would confront the spriggans under Soren’s banner and ask for Easy back. Soren seemed to think I would be able to persuade them, but all I had was the threat of the phalanx attacking. Maybe that would be enough.

  The white counters of the spriggans’ area were easy to spot. We flew around the rectangle until we found the entrance on the other side and landed. The phalanx caught up with us in a couple minutes and the commander popped off his shell to give us last minute instructions.

  “You hear anything?” he asked Iris.

  “There’s a lot of them,” she said.

  “Sixty-eight at last count. Lucky for us they don’t breed well. You hear your baby?”

  “Not yet.”

  I planted the tip of my earring on the linoleum. “Are you sure?”

  “Sure, I’m sure. What’s the plan?”

  The commander tapped his white teeth. “They might’ve taken Easy somewhere else for pickup from a buyer. That could be anywhere. We won’t find him before the transaction takes place unless we get some cooperation.”

  “You don’t think I can do it,” I said.

  “On the contrary,” said the commander. “I think you can, but it won’t be words that do the trick.”

  “Words are all we have,” said Iris.

  “I won’t be the one to disagree with you.” The commander gave me a curious look. I suppose he meant my fire, but what was I going to do with it, light the spriggans’ torches for them, help them cook their dinner? I wasn’t going to out myself to Iris for apple strudel.

  Iris pointed to the third register on the far right. “That one. They’re talking about an impending sale. It must be Easy.”

  “Nice,” said the commander. “I’ll give you ten minutes, no longer. Iris, you listen for the countdown.”

  “Yes, sir.”

  I hesitated and then picked up my earring. “Let’s go.”

  The air in the mall was still and warm. I only had to beat my wings a couple of times to stay on track as we flew over yellow slips of paper littering the floor and past rolls of newspaper and bubble wrap. I landed on the lowest shelf under the third register with Iris close behind me. Iris pointed at a rusty old cash box shoved deep into the gloom. I saw a rusted out hole in the side of the cash box and hefted my earring. Soren’s banner trembled in Iris’s hands, but her face remained determined.

  When we reached the hole, we found a dime slid across the opening. The smell of spriggans was thick in the air and I started breathing through my mouth. I thought nothing could be grosser than the baby spriggan, but I was wrong. A bunch of adult spriggans smelled much worse. Iris gagged beside me and the banner wobbled above her head. Before I thought about it, I tapped the end of the earring on the dime. The sound was blunt and dull, less impressive than I’d hoped for.

  “They heard,” said Iris.

  I stepped back from the dime and planted the ball end of my earring firmly on the shelf and put my hand on my hip. Iris stood the banner in front of her so the spriggans wouldn’t miss it.

  “Open up!” I yelled.

  The dime slid back, revealing a dark, stinking hole.

  Iris gripped my shoulder. I stared into the darkness, my stomach feeling as twisted and hard as a piece of driftwood. My anger rose and my face flushed, hot and red. What were they waiting for? If they thought I’d just go away, they’d find out how wrong they were.

  “One of them just said come in,” said Iris. “It sounds like the spriggan who came to the mantel.”

  Iris made a move as if to obey. I hissed over my shoulder a sharp dissent and she froze.

  “You come out here,” I said.

  When the spriggan didn’t answer, my palms began to prickle and itch. I couldn’t remember Soren’s plan. The spriggans were ignoring us. I couldn’t talk them into giving back Easy if they ignored me. The thought of being ignored made my palms prickle more.

  “What should we do?” asked Iris.

  My palms were unbearably itchy. I stared into the hole and remembered Soren’s words.

  “Soren said I had to make them listen,” I said.

  “How?”

  I glanced down at my palm and saw a flame erupt in the center. It was nothing like the pretty little yellow flames I’d produced before. This one was snapping in anger and blue in its intensity. It grew larger every second and, without thinking, I drew back my hand and launched it at the hole. The blue flame streaked into the darkness. Iris gasped. Panicked shrieks came from the hole. The spriggans’ panic wove its way around us, so thick I could feel it in the air. I smiled and continued to stare into the hole that now had a faint blue glow in it. Spriggans ran around, emitting more stink in their panic. Another blue flame appeared in my palm and I itched to throw it.

  “Don’t do it,” said Iris.

  “Why?” My flame grew larger.

  Iris backed away from me. “You can’t. You can’t.”

  The blue glow in the hole disappeared and the spriggan from our mantel stepped into the opening still wearing his oily paper bag suit. He crossed his arms and leaned on the edge. His tongue slithered out, slow and slimy. I had the impression that he was tasting us, looking for something in particular. The thought made the flame in my hand grow larger still.

  “Very impressive,” he said. “You don’t seem the type.”

  “Where’s our baby?” I banged the earring on the floor and held up my flame. The blue burned so bright that it was beginning to turn white.

  He produced a hairy black stick from his pocket and started picking his teeth with it. “Not that impressive.”

  I pointed at Soren’s banner. “How about that?”

  The spriggan yawned. “That is even less so. Soren is a weaker version of his father.”

  “Soren isn’t weak.”

  “He must be or you wouldn’t be here. Two little girls to beg our indulgence.”

  “I don’t beg,” I said. “Soren wanted to give you a chance.”

  “So he’s stupid as well. Perhaps now is the time to end his reign, starting with you.”

  I drew back my arm, but before I could throw the flame, a cold stream of water washed down from above. My flame went out and darkness overwhelmed us. I blew on my hand. Nothing, not a sputter, not a spark.

  “That will teach you, little girl,” said the spriggan. “Never attack your betters in their own home.”

  “Our betters? You thieving, disgusting piece of rotten frog filth! Where’s
our baby? Give him back.” I pointed my earring at the spriggan.

  “I imagine your baby is back at your mantel. His name is Horc, by the way. Do take good care of him.”

  “That’s not our baby. We want our baby!” I yelled.

  My eyes adjusted to the darkness just as the spriggan wrenched the earring out of my slippery hands and pointed it at me. “I don’t know who you are, but it’s time you take your leave.”

  “I’m not leaving. The phalanx will attack if don’t give our baby back.”

  “Let them. We’re prepared.”

  The spriggan jabbed the earring into my stomach, piercing my clothing. I felt the pain, but it didn’t bother me. I eyed the spriggan, feeling cold and so self-assured it was almost as if I’d become another person entirely.

  “Interesting,” said the spriggan. “Let’s try the sister. Perhaps she’s easier to persuade.”

  The earring’s tip swung toward Iris, who gasped and stumbled backward, falling with Soren’s banner. The spriggan marched forward, jabbing the earring at Iris.

  “I knew there couldn’t be two so fearless,” he said.

  I grabbed at the earring. The spriggan shoved me with it and I stumbled back, landing next to Iris. Dozens of spriggans gathered behind him. They laughed and chewed on bits of fly as we scooted backwards toward the edge of the shelf. I scrambled to my feet and picked up Iris.

  “You better give him back,” I said.

  “I’m exceedingly worried.” The spriggan jabbed the earring at us again. Iris lost her balance and fell backwards off the shelf, dragging me with her.

  We landed hard on the linoleum. My whole body went red hot with pain and anger. My chest constricted and air refused to enter my lungs for a moment. Finally, I drew a long raspy breath. The spriggan came to the edge of the shelf and looked down at us, smiling.

  “Go home, girls,” said the spriggan. “Know when to quit.”

  I jumped to my feet and prepared to launch myself at him, to scratch the hateful grin off his face. The spriggan looked down, daring me to try. His cohorts pointed and laughed. Iris grabbed my arm and held me back.

  I turned to scream at her, but found myself staring at a stream of black rushing by instead. The phalanx fairies formed a barrier between us and the spriggans. One phalanx fairy climbed on the back of another.

  “Up to your old tricks, ain’t you?” said the commander.

  The smiles faded from the spriggans’ faces and the sharp scent of fear wafted off of them. The majority stepped back and let the leader face the commander alone.

  “I don’t know what you mean, Kukri.” The spriggan crossed its arms and looked at the commander with an air of indifference.

  “Sure you do,” said the commander.

  “You wouldn’t take the word of these girls over mine, would you?” asked the spriggan.

  “I’d take the word of practically anyone over yours,” said the commander.

  “Can’t we discuss this like gentlemen?” asked the spriggan.

  “We could. Do you know any?” The commander jumped off the back of the other phalanx fairy and winked at me. I turned to Iris, who was bright red and avoiding my eyes.

  Around us, the phalanx fairies took off their shells. They flipped them in front of themselves and held them like shields. The spriggan backed up a step.

  “You know the rules,” said the commander.

  “You wouldn’t attack us over slanderous lies, surely?”

  “It ain’t possible to slander you. Now do you yield and surrender all ill-gotten gains?”

  “I do not. You have no authority here.”

  “Soren does and he commands it.”

  The spriggan stood up straighter. “I do not recognize Soren.”

  “I was hoping you’d say that,” said the commander.

  The phalanx fairies swarmed forward, climbing onto the shelf without benefit of flying or ladders. They moved so quickly that the spriggans appeared too stunned to move. Only when their leader was grabbed did they retreat into the darkness. Iris clamped her hands over her ears. I moved forward, straining to hear anything.

  “What’s happening?” I asked.

  “They’re fighting.”

  “I know that. Who’s winning?”

  Iris looked at me like I was as smart as a box of rocks. Before I could ask again, a spriggan flew off the shelf and landed at our feet. He lay gasping with a nasty slash across his chest. Yellow ooze dripped down his side and his eyes rolled up in his head. The ooze was the worst smell yet and we backed up as the phalanx fairies launched more spriggans off the shelf.

  “Look out!” yelled Iris.

  More spriggans carrying short wicked swords came from under the other cash registers. Their mouths formed caverns and I knew they must be screaming. The spriggans made straight for us, their beady eyes fixed. I flew straight up with Iris clinging to my waist. Two armies of spriggans merged beneath our feet. The spriggans shook their fists at us. I beat my wings as hard as I could, but we began to sink.

  “Iris, Iris! Let go!” I yelled.

  Iris didn’t let go. Her grip tightened. Her eyes darted around, not focusing.

  “Iris!” I smacked her, but she didn’t respond. We were sinking fast. Below, the spriggans waited, their moist brown hands stretched upward. Still, Iris wouldn’t let go and down we went.

  Hands grabbed at me, pinching and pulling. All I could see was brownish-green skin and moldy teeth. Iris clung to me. Her nails tore my clothes as the spriggans wrenched her away. She screamed at me for help, but I couldn’t break free. I had to watch as the spriggans dragged my sister off, slapping her and pulling her hair.

  The spriggans passed me from hand to hand. I twisted and arched my back, surprising the spriggans by managing to get on my feet. One spriggan grabbed me by the shoulders. “Going somewhere? I think not.”

  His breath would’ve dropped a rhinoceros beetle, but I clutched his dry coat in my damp hands drawing him close. He jerked back and gave me a stinging slap. The room spun. I caught glimpses of the phalanx near me as I fell. They used their shells as weapons as well as shields. They slashed at the spriggans with the edges.

  I got to my feet and my palms began to prickle. Blue flames formed in each one. A spriggan grabbed me and I pressed my palms against his chest, burning holes through his coat. He shrieked and let go. In the distance, I spotted Iris being carried toward the exit. I threw two fireballs in a great arch and hit the spriggans carrying her. I held out my hand and my fire spread into a round shield, protecting me. I ran through the battle to Iris. Two more spriggans were dragging her by the legs. I hit them with fireballs and pulled Iris to her feet. Then I spun in a circle and formed a ring of fire around us. The spriggans backed away, the fire glittering in their eyes.

  “Stay here,” I told Iris.

  I jumped through the ring and ran toward the third cash register. The spriggans and phalanx fairies battled on, but it was clear who was winning. The phalanx overwhelmed the spriggans even though the spriggans outnumbered them two to one. Working among the wounded were little fairies with silver wings half the size of mine. Their long, fine hair, the color of wheat, flowed around their heads like they were underwater. They bent over the wounded, soothing them with drinks from a long-handled water dipper. I saw one bandage the head of a phalanx fairy. When she rose to go to another of the wounded, a spriggan rammed into her. Instead of being thrown to the floor, she melted into a pool of water and then reformed. I ran past her and flew up onto the shelf. The battle was less intense there and I spotted the spriggan leader in his paper suit. I blasted my way through his guard and grabbed him by the throat.

  “Where’s my baby?” I screamed in his face.

  His eyes were wide with fright. “I don’t know.”

  “You know.” My palms prickled and his eyes went wild.

  “Stop!”

  “Tell me and I’ll end the battle. Don’t and I’ll end you.”

  “He’s in the apothecary cabinet
by the front door,” he gasped.

  I shoved him back and formed a fire ring around him. I ran back to the shelf edge and looked out over the battle. For a second, I considered letting it go on, but Iris’s words echoed in my head. Wood fairies don’t kill. If I let it go on, I’d be confirming what people thought of kindlers. I could control myself. I could do the right thing.

  I shot flames out of my palms. They exploded over the melee in a beautiful burst. Both sides froze and looked up.

  “Stop,” I screamed. “It’s over.”

  After a pause, the phalanx retreated and formed ranks near the exit. One phalanx climbed up the shelf before me.

  “Why’d you stop us?” asked the commander.

  “We got what we came for. I have Easy’s location,” I said.

  “Well, I can’t say that I’m not disappointed, but Soren will be pleased. He’s not the fan of bloodshed that I am.”

  “I have a gift,” I said with a smile.

  The commander cocked his head at me and I pointed at the spriggan leader running around like a nut within my fire ring.

  “Ain’t this just like Christmas.” The commander rubbed his hands together and grinned, showing every one of his numerous teeth.

  CHAPTER 12

  I landed beside the charred circle of Iris’s fire ring. She stood next to Soren, staring at the ring.

  “Are you okay?” I asked her.

  She peeked at me from under long lashes and nodded. Soren’s eyes roved over the battlefield and its combatants. Spriggans were melting away into the darkness under the registers. They left their wounded behind to be cared for by the silver-winged fairies. The phalanx wounded formed up in ranks and disappeared under their shells.

  Soren put his arm around my shoulders. “You did well to end it when you did.”

  “You wanted me to use my fire,” I said.

  “I did. Gifts should be used, not hidden away.”

  “My family might not agree,” I said, reaching for Iris.

  She shrunk away, avoiding my eyes. “You should’ve told me.”

  “That’s what you’re mad about. My fire saved you. I got Easy’s location.”