Dancing With the Preacherman (Book Two of the Red River Valley Brides)

by Rita Hestand

  Her shoulders slumped and she nodded. "My mother only allowed it, which…I guess is as bad. Only when I was really bad, I'm sure I probably deserved what I got."

  "Why?"

  She shrugged, "Does it matter?"

  He put his hands on her shoulders and stared into her glassy eyes. "It does to me."

  "I liked a boy…"

  He relaxed his hold of her, but stared into her eyes. "Was there more to it than just liking?"

  She hesitated and stared into his silken stare. "Not at the time…no…"

  "Your parents were very strict, then." Luke's voice held little tolerance now.

  "Yes…compared to others I'd guess they were."

  "And they beat you?"

  "No more than any of the other kids…"

  "And they threw you out of their home…because you liked a boy?" He questioned.

  "I kissed him…several times."

  "So you think kissing is dirty?"

  Sarah hung her head and leaned against the railing on the porch. "I think it can lead to other things…yes."

  He touched her cheek with the palm of his hand, his thumb absently stroking her. "Sarah…even animals kiss, and lick, and sniff…but it's part of getting to know someone, don't you know that? There's nothing wrong with kissing. And…it's up to the boy or man to stop at kissing and go no further. Still…after you do get to know someone, it is natural to want them too. What you feel, is natural Sarah, not dirty. God didn't make love a sin. Man did. Just like your parents did."

  Sarah walked toward the door; her eyes devoured him, and looked sad too. "I don't think we should be having this conversation. It's not very proper for a Reverend."

  "That's the problem Sarah, I'm not just a Reverend, I'm a man too. Look at these clothes, Sarah. Just as I saw you as a child, you see me as a full time preacher. I'm both, and—I'm a man."

  "I know…" She answered awkwardly.

  "Do you? "

  She looked at him, and she wanted to run into his arms and be comforted. She thought of all the men that had taken her and used her for their pleasure. She thought of the money she'd taken for that pleasure, and she felt suddenly very dirty in front of Luke. He thought her innocent, and she was so guilty. How could she ever tell him the truth?

  She swallowed hard and held her tears back. "I don't think I should go to the dance with you. I'm sorry."

  "What?" He looked stunned. "Why?"

  "I just can't….I'm sorry."

  Then she ran inside and up the stairs slamming her door.

  Luke stood out on the porch for a long time, and then he slowly walked to his horse and rode home.

  Chapter Nineteen

  "What's this about you not going to the dance with Luke?" Ma questioned the next morning. Sarah had come down without a word to Ma as to why she didn't eat supper. She knew there would be questions, but she needed that cup of coffee.

  "Who told you?" She asked flippantly.

  "Luke came by early this morning. He seemed quite upset."

  "Oh, I'm sure he can get another date. Why did he stop here?"

  "To tell me, of course."

  Sarah was still in her gown and robe as she poured herself a cup of coffee. She numbly sat at the table, looking out the window. She heard the mockingbird singing and tried to smile, but there was no smile in her this morning.

  "I'm sorry Ma. I don't know how to tell you this, but, well, it won't work between Luke and me. I know that now. I should have known it long ago."

  "And why not?" Ma turned around from stirring the scrambled eggs.

  "When he finds out about me, he'll run as far as he can from me. Instead, he thinks I'm an innocent. He's a preacher for God's sake. Where was my mind? I mean of all people to get tangled with, him!"

  Ma set her wooden spoon down and set the eggs off the fire, then turned her attention to Sarah who looked as forlorn as Luke had looked this morning.

  "This is pure nonsense. Luke is a good person. He might be angry for a while, but he'd get over it. He's a grown man, he knows about such things." Ma explained as she sat right in front of Sarah. "I'm sure he's faced a few scandals in his lifetime. Give him some credit girl."

  "I was a prostitute Ma?" Sarah hollered. "That's not exactly a normal thing to tell someone. I had trouble telling you."

  Ma glanced around, "Keep your voice down. Everyone will hear."

  "Josh will probably be there and tell him. It will be a big scene. I may not even go to the dance now." Sarah insisted. "I think it best I just stay home."

  "You've got to go, Sarah."

  "No ma'am. I don't. I won't have Josh making a scene and telling everyone in front of the Reverend." Sarah cried. "He doesn't deserve that."

  "Honey, you have a problem. I'll admit. He is a preacher. But the truth is, you have feelings for the man, you always have, since you came here. At first, granted, I thought you were just having one of them so called daydreams. Now, I truly believe you love the man. Now, I think he's got some feelings for you, too. If you could have seen his face…I've never seen him look so depressed in my life."

  Sarah glanced at Ma, "I'm sorry for that. I really am. But he'll get over this easy enough. He wouldn't get over being humiliated in front of everyone. No, I'm not going to the dance. If the entire town finds out, I won't get married and I'll have to go back to Al's."

  "That's taking the coward's way out Sarah, and I've never known you to be a coward."

  "Ma, it's best." Sarah stared into her soft gray eyes. "I don't want to hurt him like that."

  "Honey, this will all work out, I just know it." Ma told her.

  "Even God would have a hard time with this one." Sarah cried and ran up the stairs.

  Maggie came down and looked at Ma, who was sitting with her hands over her face. "What's wrong with Sarah?"

  "She's not going to the dance." Ma cried.

  "Oh, why not?"

  "She's afraid Josh will expose her to the Reverend. And I'm afraid she's right about that. But he'll find out sooner or later anyway." Ma shrugged. "He really wanted to take her, Maggie."

  "Poor kid. Must be rough setting your sites for a preacherman. I mean any other man…maybe could handle it."

  "You girls have this notion about preachers that is way wrong. Preachers are just men who read the bible and try to live a better life."

  "Maybe so, Ma. But he has a reputation to uphold with the community, and I'm sure that's what is upsetting Sarah."

  "She's been in love with him since the first time she met him and he carried her back to town from the stagecoach."

  "Yeah, I guess she has. I wish I could help."

  "Me too!"

  ~*~

  On Saturday night, Sarah sat alone in her room upstairs. She sat beside the window so she could watch all the people heading for the big new barn, where the dance was held.

  Her heart was breaking to be with Luke, especially since he'd kissed her so. She couldn't wipe that out of her mind. She was really in love with the man, and it was a huge mistake.

  She was wearing her undergarments and had a raggedy robe on.

  She leaned back, opened the window and let the cool breeze filter across her face.

  She'd already cried half the day, and everyone in the house was gone. She was totally alone.

  Facing the reality, she focused on her plans for the future. Since she was in love with Luke, she couldn't just up and marry someone else. But she knew she'd never be happy with anyone but him. She knew she would have to go back to Al's.

  Perhaps she should pack her bags tonight and leave on the morning train. No, she couldn't do that to Ma. Leaving Vada meant leaving everyone she had come to love, Ma, Luke, the girls, Brady, Haney…Etta, Martha, so many others.

  She took the black dress that Abigail had loaned her, out of the closet and put it up against her. Then she pulled the big mirror around to look into it.

  "How I wish I could have worn it…," she mumbled to herself miserably.

  Depressed and
not knowing what to do, she went out on the porch and sat on the swing. She could hear the music from the dance, and she closed her eyes for a moment, to visualize what it might be like to dance with the preacherman.

  He asked her for a dance, she blink, hiding her gladness in her heart, and he'd take her into his arms and waltz her around the room until there was no one but the two of them. They'd dance outside under the stars. And when the dance ended, he'd tell her how beautiful she looked and kiss her.

  All her dreams had to end about Luke.

  That is until she opened her eyes and saw him standing there. She quickly wiped a tear away from her eyes and stared, mesmerized by the site of him.

  He had a suit on, and a tie, but he didn't look like a preacher tonight. He just looked like a handsome man.

  "What are you doing here?" She asked in a breathless whisper.

  "My girl didn't go to the dance with me, tonight, so I stopped by to see her…" He said softly.

  The fact that he called her his girl made her heartbeat quicken. His girl!

  She opened her mouth to speak, but nothing came out. She was afraid he was an apparition.

  "You've been crying, why…?" He asked as though he had every right to.

  She stood up and moved to the railing, "Sometimes music makes me cry."

  "Why wouldn't you go to the dance with me?" He asked his expression tight.

  "Luke…it's…" She couldn't explain it.

  "Have I done something wrong?" He asked coming closer.

  "N-no, of course not." She answered in a rush.

  "Is there someone else you'd rather have gone with?" He asked softly, his expression mellowing as he stared at her.

  "It's nothing like that," She assured him.

  He stepped closer again. "Then what is it?"

  She couldn't tell him. She just didn't have the courage to tell him.

  She turned away…and tears fell down her cheeks as she tried to compose herself.

  "You're crying, my God, Sarah, what is wrong?" He came up just behind her.

  She slowly turned around to face him. But the words wouldn't come.

  He took her hand in his, wrapped his other arm around her, and started dancing with her. "Dance with me Sarah." He whispered as his cheek lay against hers.

  She closed her eyes as he whirled around the porch, when his arm rose and he twirled her about, he then brought her close to him and continued to waltz her all around the porch.

  When the music stopped, he pulled her against him and touched his lips tentatively to hers. When her lips melted against his, he groaned and pulled her solidly against him and kissed her with such passion she swooned.

  "Luke I…"

  "Don’t talk, just kiss me…" He whispered against her lips.

  When his lips devoured hers, she raised her arms and wrapped them around his neck, hanging on for dear life; she released the fear inside her and let herself be swept away by his sweet attack of her senses.

  Her mind ceased to think, her body reacted naturally. Something as old as time passed between them in that kiss.

  "Be my girl, Sarah. We need some time to get to know each other. Let me in your life Sarah, let me in your heart." He whispered for her ears alone.

  She couldn't begin to take it all in; all she could do was react. She tiptoed, pulled his head down and made love to his lips.

  "But suddenly she realized something and pushed him away.

  "What's wrong?" He looked as though she'd stopped his very heart.

  "I'm not properly dressed, that's what is wrong. I'm sorry. I've got to go now…goodnight." She started to leave him, but he caught her hand in his and stopped her.

  "Put a dress on and come back down," He pleaded, with a slight smile.

  "It's not a good idea…" She tried to control her racing heart, and her need to be with him.

  "Do it anyway," He said, his smile lighting his face, "for me."

  "But..." she fussed. She was confused, and aroused and so frustrated. She wanted her brain to stop thinking and let her heart feel.

  "Please…" He touched her cheek once more and she was quickly relenting.

  "Alright…wait here, please." She told him.

  "I'll be here." He whispered.

  She went up the stairs in a half daze, the other half of her brain was working though and she kept telling herself that she shouldn't do this, but she wanted to, so badly.

  If she could have a few minutes of heaven with him, maybe it would be enough.

  Refusing to give into her worries, she grabbed a cotton dress, flung it over her head and buttoned the small buttons at her breast, then slowly, with dignity walked down the stairs and opened the front door.

  He was standing there, in his suit, with his hat in his hands, and his smile welcoming her.

  "Let's sit in the swing a while…" He directed her.

  She sat down slowly. He wrapped an arm around her. "Are you cold?"

  "No," she barely uttered. "Not with your arm around me at least."

  His smile widened. "Sarah, tell me about yourself, about your life, before you came here, about what you want in life. Everything…"

  She pulled away, straightening herself. "Do we have to talk about that right now?"

  "Well, how else am I going to get to know you," He asked, taking her hand in his.

  "What do you really want to know?"

  "What is it you want in life, Sarah?"

  "The same thing any girl wants, a life, a family, a home, children." She answered almost angrily.

  "How many children?"

  "Four at least, more if I can afford them." She answered, a frown wrinkling her forehead.

  "You came from a very big family didn't you?" He asked.

  "Yes," She sighed heavily.

  "Mine wasn't that big, two brothers, a sister, that's all." He looked into her eyes. "You don't ask many questions of me, aren't you curious about me?"

  She sat back and began to relax a little. "I'm sorry. But what I know of you I like, and that's enough."

  His facial expression changed to serious now. "Sarah, have you ever been properly courted?"

  "No, I guess I haven't. Why?"

  "Because, courting is a way to get to know each other. To see if your life could fit together. Because I want to court you, Sarah." He announced.

  "I always thought courting meant sparking." She shot him a quick glance.

  He relaxed again. "It does, but…there's more to it than that."

  "What?"

  "You came here to this town, all grown up, with opinions, and thoughts and a background I know nothing about. Not that it's that important, but to understand another; one must open up and talk about themselves. Share feelings and secrets, and a bit of themselves."

  She stared at him now, seriously. "What is it you want to know?"

  "Tell me about your family."

  "My father was strict, and mean. He beat us every time we did something wrong. He preached only when he beat us, as though that gave him the right to do so. My mother would never open her mouth to defend us. I don't know why, maybe she was afraid he'd beat her too. I don't know. Two of my brothers ran off at fourteen. They had enough of Pa. Two of my sisters got married so they wouldn't have to put up with Pa. But I got caught kissing a boy, and I was no good. My own father and mother labeled me as bad. I don't have a lot of good memories, Luke. I don't like to think about those days. They are gone, and I am going to have a better life than that."

  "Why did you agree to this marriage contract?" He asked without regret.

  "Because a woman should marry and have children and make a home. And that's what I want to do. I wasn't thought of too highly back home. So the prospect of marriage wasn't something available to me. I was the kid that got kicked out of her folks place. That made me a bad person. However, I survived and now I want a better life. I want to make something of my life."

  "Those are very good answers, Sarah. But the contract is only for a year…and then what?"


  "If I'm not married within a year, I'll go back home."

  "I don't want you to go home. I want you to stay…and be…"

  "Be what?" She prodded.

  "My girl for now..."

  Sarah scrutinized him for a long moment.

  "I'm sorry, that's not good enough Luke. I've got to actively seek a husband, or go home." She said standing up and moving toward the door.

  "You don't understand, I'm not a man to jump into things."

  "Oh yes, I do understand. Goodnight, Reverend." She said and went inside the house.

  "Sarah…" he called, but she didn't answer.

  Chapter Twenty

  "What in the world happened?" Ma asked Luke when he came by a few days later. He always seem to come just before a meal, and she was always happy to invite him to stay. However, today she had things on her mind.

  Luke glanced outside, he saw a load of wash on the line, noticed the light breeze blowing the sheets. It had a calming effect on him, until he turned back to Ma.

  "What do you mean?" Luke asked sheepishly.

  "I mean Sarah is dolling herself up every day, going to town, and men are all over the place trying to court her. What got into her, and what happened to you?" Ma demanded to know.

  Luke sighed heavily and flopped into the kitchen chair. Luke never flopped. Ma brought him a cup of coffee and joined him at the table. She folded her hands repeatedly before speaking. "Out with it. What happened between you two?"

  Luke frowned as he watched her, his finger going over the edge of the cup as he spoke. "I asked her to be my girl and she practically turned me down. Well, I guess this means she did turn me down. I don't understand it, we were getting along fine."

  Ma moved her head so he couldn't see her expression. Luke sat fumbling with his coffee cup and frowning as though he couldn't figure it all out.

  "What did I do wrong, Ma?"

  Frustration seemed to crawl all over Ma. "Well, I see you didn't ask her to marry, now did you?"

  "Well, no, not yet. I mean, isn't it proper to court a girl for a while first?" Luke asked, his forehead wrinkling.

  "Sure, most of the time, that's the way it's done, Luke. But the thing you don't understand is, she can't wait for you to decide if she is right for you or not. She has a contract to fulfill. And courting won't get the job done. You've known her a while and perhaps she thinks long enough. If you aren't sure yet, maybe she thinks it is a waste of time to wait and see…" Ma turned her head in disgust. Ma seemed to take great interest in the wallpaper that was fading on her kitchen wall. Then she went to get herself a cup of coffee and fumbled with the cup as she sat down once more.