Blush: A Strangers-to-Lovers Romance

by Rachel De Lune

  The questions in my mind cast a shadow over what had been a pretty special day.

  A few hours later, Finn stirred for his first feed. Leo bolted up in bed like an alarm had sounded in the house.

  “Relax. He’s just hungry. I’ll grab the milk. Do you want to feed him?”

  His sleep-filled eyes took a moment to catch on. Night-time feeding wasn’t something I enjoyed, but it was part of the routine. “Sure.”

  “Could you check his nappy as well?”

  After fixing the milk, I came back in to collect Finn. Leo was kneeling over his basket with Finn’s hand firmly latched around his finger. They both seemed pretty content with the arrangement.

  “Okay, nappy first, then feed. He’ll drift back off, and we might get through to the morning.” And by morning I meant five a.m.

  “Is the night feed the same as all the others?” Leo asked.

  “Sure. Just try not to stimulate him, or we’ll both be awake all night.”

  “If you do the nappy, I’ll feed him. You can go back to sleep.” He stood and stretched, shaking his hands through his hair to try and wake himself up.

  “Thank you.”

  I slid back under the covers after leaving Leo feeding Finn. Peace. And for the first time, I knew there was someone other than me looking out for my baby.

  That knowledge was the best lullaby in the world.

  27

  Leo

  I woke up with Finn still asleep on my chest. I must have fallen back to sleep after I’d fed him last night, and what do you know, he was happy enough to use me as a pillow. My neck hurt like a bitch, but looking down at the little man, it seemed to fade.

  Risking waking the sleeping baby, I stood up, balancing him where he’d positioned, and crept into the bedroom. Astrid was sound asleep, sprawled across the bed, so I let her catch up. I headed to the living room and eased myself onto the sofa, again hoping that I didn’t disturb Finn. I’d seen Astrid get his milk prepared and all the other stuff she had to do, but I was nervous of doing it by myself, I mean, how did she know the milk was the right temperature?

  I checked my phone and saw a message from Gwen sent last night.

  If I’m to take the job as auntie seriously, I need proof. Hope it goes well.

  I snapped a quick photo of my sleeping baby and sent it before I realised what the time was. Five thirty in the morning was early, even for Gwen’s standards.

  The early wake up is only forgiven because of the cute baby in the photo. When do we meet him? And check the time before you text, jerk face.

  Sorry. I didn’t realise it was so early. Baby time, remember. I’m working on getting them both to come back with me. I’ll keep you posted.

  Both?

  Yes. Both.

  It’s your life. See you soon.

  I was leaving today—leaving Finn and leaving Astrid. And it fucking broke my heart.

  With Finn still asleep on my chest, I pulled up a few searches on Amazon and ordered some of the essential stuff I’d need if they were coming to stay with me. What I’d told Gwen was what I’d hoped would happen. I just needed to pull the trigger with Astrid, and I wanted to ensure I had all the bases covered first.

  A steriliser, a baby monitor, and cot with mattress and bedding went into my basket, along with a couple of toy things and the same baby milk powder as Astrid had in the kitchen. I’d be able to feed, play with, and put Finn to sleep by the end of the day thanks to the same-day Prime delivery option. That subscription had just paid for itself in full.

  At about half six, Finn started to stir. His little grizzle started softly, but no matter what I did, he wasn’t content and was soon screaming at the top of his lungs as I tried to bounce him into staying calm. Astrid came out of the bedroom, her eyes searching for us as if we’d vanished in a poof of smoke.

  “God, I was worried. Neither of you were in the bedroom.” She went straight to the kitchen, and set about Finn’s bottle.

  “Yeah, I fell asleep with him. Woke up about an hour ago, so decided to come out here and let you sleep. He was doing fine until just now.”

  “He never goes this long. He’s usually screaming by half five if I’m lucky.” She took him from my arms and headed to the rocking chair in her office with the milk. Even without following, I knew the second he had his bottle as silence descended.

  I set about making coffee and a cup of tea and waited for Astrid. I ran over the conversation I wanted to have with her—all the benefits of coming back to Bristol with me—and hoped that she’d at least consider it.

  “Umm, coffee. Thank you.” She came into the kitchen dressed in a sweeping dressing gown of sorts with a contented Finn resting on her shoulder. I immediately went to take him back. “What’s the plan for today, then?” she asked after getting her drink.

  “Well, that’s up to you. I’ve got the day to spend with you guys.”

  “What time is your train?” She ran her finger around the rim of her mug, keeping her eyes downcast, as if she was watching the future in the swirl of coffee.

  “It’s an open ticket. I’m in no rush.” I walked past her perch on the edge of the sofa and planted a kiss on the top of her head.

  She turned to look at me, and I couldn’t help but see the doubt in her eyes. Yesterday couldn’t have gone better, but now the real questions had returned.

  Fuck it.

  “Come back with me. I don’t want to leave either of you. I want you to come and meet my parents and my sister. And I want them to meet Finn.”

  “Wow, Leo.” Her eyes popped wide as if this was the last thing she’d expected me to say.

  “What? It makes sense. I’ve already ordered some stuff for Finn. You don’t need to worry about that, plus my sister would love to meet him. And I’ve still not told my parents.”

  She broke contact and started to fiddle with her hands, wringing them together. “I don’t know, Leo. I can’t just pick up and leave.”

  “Why? You can work on your iPad—we can take what we need for Finn, and anything else we can buy. What’s stopping you? There’s room at my place. And then I won’t need to get Symon to cover for me.”

  “Symon?” she asked.

  “He’s another trainer at the gym. He’s covering my classes and clients while I’m here. I have a business that’s based in Bristol, remember.”

  “Yes, I get that,” Astrid snapped.

  “Look.” I went and lay Finn down on his playmat before coming back to Astrid. I took her hands in mine. “This might sound crazy, but we are good together. There’s something between us—a connection—a pretty fucking big one if you count Finn. But it’s more than that.” I dropped her hand, pushed the hair behind her ear and tilted her head up so she couldn’t hide. “I thought we could be something really special. Make a go of things. I was angry, and upset and fucking pissed off when I left London. I would have never left if I’d known.”

  “We will never know how things might have turned out, Leo. Let’s not torture ourselves now.” She dropped my hand and walked away.

  “But don’t you see? We have a second chance. We have a son. Don’t we owe it to ourselves and to him to give this a shot?”

  “That’s exactly why we can’t rush this, Leo. If we screw this up, where do we go then?” She flopped onto the sofa. “I can’t mess this up.” She ran her hands through her hair, and paused, dipping her head in defeat.

  “Come to Bristol. Spend some more time with me. Let me get to know Finn some more,” I pleaded. “Even for a few days. We can take things slowly, but I promise you, this is what I want, and I’m not going to change my mind.” This was my last-ditch attempt, and I needed her to see that we could make this work.

  “If I agree, it’s just a visit. It doesn’t mean I’m suddenly moving in with you.” She pointed her finger at me in warning.

  “Of course.” No fucking chance I’d let that drop.

  “And I’d have to work, too.”

  “Absolutely.”

&nbs
p; “Okay, then.” She smiled, and for the first time since she walked back into my life, I felt I could breathe again.

  I ran my hands down the line of her jaw and bent my head to kiss her. It was possessive and dominating, and I forced everything I was feeling at that moment into that kiss. Her hum of appreciation only stoked my desire, but I tapped that down. There would be time for that later. Right then, I needed to show Astrid how much she meant to me. By the end of her stay, I didn’t want her to have a single doubt about our future together.

  We’re all coming back. I’ve ordered a load of stuff from Amazon, which has just been delivered. Could you head over to my place and check? It’s probably been left outside, and it’s all of Finn’s stuff.

  I fired the message off as soon as we got settled on the train. We had a suitcase of stuff for just a couple of nights. Babies didn’t travel lightly, that was for sure.

  I’ve got you covered. But I want bragging rights. Best auntie in the world.

  You’re his only auntie, kid.

  Don’t forget the best.

  In a few hours, we’d be home, and I could set about convincing Astrid that she should move her life to be with me. Finn was happily strapped to Astrid in the sling thing for the journey, and thankfully the train was quiet for once.

  My eyes were riveted on Astrid and Finn. I still remembered—so vividly—the first moment I saw Astrid. She’d been breathtaking then, but that didn’t compare to what I saw now.

  When I went to London, it was because I was lost and needed an escape, and I came back because that hadn’t changed. I was in a dark place that I didn’t even see. But somewhere, in those few months, I met the woman that would change my world forever. And I was so grateful that I got to have a second chance at the forever part.

  Gwen was a lifesaver. When we pulled up, there were no signs of boxes outside of the house.

  “So, this is me.” I opened the door and held my breath. I led Astrid inside and into the front room. There were a few boxes of toys and other baby stuff in the far corner, so I guessed that Gwen had opened and put all the stuff I’d ordered in the relevant rooms. “Kitchen is through there. Bedrooms upstairs.”

  “Nice.” Astrid took her time looking around. “Got to admit, I didn’t have you for a neat freak.”

  “Hey, less of the freak. Things have a place, and I hate mess. Not hard.” I went over to her and kissed her forehead and started to take Finn from his cocoon.

  “We’ll need to go and grab all the stuff we need for Finn. I only brought the essentials.”

  “I went on a bit of a spree, and there should be everything we need. Go and have a look around, and if there’s something we’ve missed, we can go out later.” I hadn’t told Astrid about everything I’d purchased on my early morning shop, mainly because I wanted her to see that I was serious about them staying with me and that I could look after Finn. Ordering a bunch of stuff from the Internet was just the first step to demonstrate that.

  “You got a cot?” I heard her shout from the stairs.

  I took Finn with me and searched her out. “Well, yeah. You said he needed his own room. I have the space. And he needs somewhere to sleep when he’s here.

  “How are your DIY skills?” She pointed to the box of parts propped up against the wall.

  “I’ll get it fixed up.”

  “What else did you get?” Astrid crossed her arms and looked at me. Finn was happy to be carried around, and it felt good to finally have him at my place.

  “The mattress, monitor, steriliser. Some toys that I think were like the ones you had. You packed clothes and nappies and stuff.” I thought over the rest of the items on that order. “Oh, a change mat thing.”

  She smiled and nodded. “And where am I sleeping?” She headed out of the spare room and into my room. It didn’t have the same edge as Astrid’s place, but I liked this space. And the super king bed guaranteed a great night sleep. “That’s some bed.” She looked at me, but her face couldn’t hide the questions behind the smile.

  “Before you even ask, I’ve not been with anybody since us.” Our eyes broke contact. She didn’t say anything but headed out and back downstairs.

  “What do you think, buddy? You’ll be happy here, right?” He put his hand out to swat my face and made a raspberry with his dribbly lips. “Good boy. I knew you were on my side.”

  Astrid was in the kitchen.

  “I thought you could commandeer the dining table for work. I don’t think I’ve eaten at that thing in months.”

  “Thank you. You’re taking all of this really seriously.”

  “Of course.” I frowned. What was I meant to do? “We need to be open and honest with each other here. I’m not messing about, Astrid. And I need you to see that.”

  She nodded again. I couldn’t ignore the fact that our conversations had grown a little awkward and stilted today. Maybe I needed to give Astrid some time to adjust. She’d come, and that was the main thing. I had time to work on everything else.

  “I know. I’m sorry, but I’ve been on my own in this for a while. I’m just getting used to someone else being in the parental space.”

  “Okay. So what do you think?” I changed the subject, not wanting to dwell.

  “You’re full of surprises, Leo Walker.” She stepped up to me and moved to kiss me, and I wasn’t going to shut that down. It was a win, and I needed every single one.

  “Hey, how do you feel about meeting Gwen later? She’s desperate to meet Finn.” I watched her eyes as the questions flitted across her face.

  “Gwen is your sister. The one I met before?” Astrid squinted as if remembering something.

  “Yeah, but she didn’t know who you were then.”

  “She can come around for dinner, maybe? Do you cook in that immaculate kitchen of yours?”

  “I was thinking takeout. With everything to build and sort.”

  “Twice in two days. It’s your home. I’m not going to say no.”

  “Great. I’ll let her know. And we can get a start on building that cot.”

  “How can it be so fucking hard?”

  “It’s not. You just need to interpret the instructions. Here.”

  I watched as Astrid realigned and switched a couple of the side panels around, threaded the screws and lined up the pre-drilled spots.

  “See. Screwdriver?” She put her hand out, and I obliged. After the first corner slotted into place, Astrid was away and had the rest of the cot finished in a matter of minutes. I’d never live this down.

  “Please tell me you’ve built one of these before?”

  “Nope. Although I’ll know how to do it right, thanks to you.” We lifted the cot into position in the corner of the room. Finn was happy lying on his playmat, which was much easier to put together—unfold, click the arms in, and done. His gurgles came through on the monitor just fine. “You okay to finish now I’ve done the hard part? I’ll go and check on the little dude.”

  “Yeah yeah. Okay. Would you make tea? The coffee machine is down there as well.”

  “Do you have caramel syrup?” She asked with a beaming smile on her face as she wrapped her arms around my neck. It felt fucking fantastic.

  “No, but there’s a whole bunch of flavoured coffee pods. I’m sure one will satisfy your sweet tooth.”

  Astrid headed downstairs, and I wrestled with the last bits of the cot.

  “Hey, little man. Have you had fun?”

  I listened through the monitor to her talking to Finn, and the unease from earlier seemed to settle in my chest. The next hurdle was Gwen, and I really hoped she’d be on her best behaviour and be won over by Finn before she could run her mouth about Astrid.

  A couple of hours later, and Gwen was due with the Chinese.

  Finn was in a contented mood after having had a longer nap than usual and just being fed. He was happily playing on his playmat thing.

  “I swear, you're torturing me. I’ve not eaten all day, and you’re making me wait for Chinese until
after I meet my nephew.” Gwen didn’t bother to knock but used her key to make her entrance.

  “Relax, kid. You’ll have plenty of time to cuddle Finn. Here.” I got up to grab the food from her and took it into the kitchen. “And the baby on the floor, that would be Finn.”

  Finn gurgled away and smiled up at Gwen. I watched as all her bravado and front dissolved and she was left an emotional wreck. I’d not seen her shed a tear since we were kids on the playground and Jimmy Adeline had pushed her off the monkey bars. But right then, watching Finn, her eyes were filled with the little drops of saltwater.

  “Do you want to hold him?” Astrid asked, picking him up and offering him to Gwen.

  She shifted her stance and sniffed back the emotion, wiping away any trace. “I’m good. Let’s eat first. You’re Astrid, then.”

  “I am.”

  The swing in emotions was fucking fast, and now tension plastered the atmosphere. I looked between Astrid and Gwen, not knowing what would happen next. At least Astrid had Finn—it ensured Gwen would play nice.

  “So, Gwen, I know you’re starved. Let’s eat and catch up.” I interrupted the stalemate. She didn’t take her eyes from Astrid, but she backed off and smiled at Finn again.

  “Sure. I’ve been waiting for too long for a cuddle. And remember, I want a keychain or something with ‘Best Auntie’ on it. When you said you had a few boxes, I didn’t realise you’d ordered everything under the sun.”

  “Give over. A cot and mattress and some toys.” Our banter broke the tension, and I hoped that Gwen would keep things light.

  “Okay, it’s time. Before he falls asleep.” Astrid and I were still finishing our food. We’d used the dining table for the first time, but Gwen was done and wanted to get to the fun stuff.

  “All right, here you go.” I went to pick him up from his playmat and passed him over.