Fierce September

by Fleur Beale

  Have you heard? Vima told Galla she’s got a lot to think about, but she wouldn’t tell Galla anything else.

  Did you see the web? The net’s gone crazy. Now we’re the heroes and the saviours.

  Have you heard? Creen wants to know if anybody has managed to have a sensible conversation with Vima. Creen reckons she’s evasive and elusive, and she’s driving her to distraction.

  www.bobbingontheocean.blogspot.com No comment necessary

  Sorry! Can’t resist …

  And check this out

  23

  A DIFFERENT LIFE

  I WOKE VERY EARLY THE NEXT morning — my first day of freedom. I didn’t have to stay locked up anywhere: not here, not in Vima’s tiny rooms and not in a jail cell. It was good, especially the bit about the jail cell.

  When I couldn’t stand the waiting a second longer, I ran and hammered on Silvern’s door.

  ‘Juno? Bug off. It’s the middle of the night!’

  ‘If you won’t come with me, I’ll go out by myself,’ I yelled. I held my breath, hoping she wouldn’t say, Good, now disappear. Instead she hauled the door open.

  ‘Listen, you! It’s too bloody early. Nothing will be open. Give it a rest and come back in an hour.’ She slammed the door.

  I hadn’t thought about things not being open. But I couldn’t stay inside, and there was plenty else to explore apart from the shops. I went to tell Mother that I was going for a walk, probably down towards the sea, and discovered Hera was awake too, and demanding to come with me. We eyeballed each other, but I was the one to cave. I knew she must be as fed up with this place as I was.

  ‘Only if you come in a pushchair,’ I warned.

  ‘Go fast,’ she said, nodding her head off. ‘Go fast like a bird.’

  Once I got outside I was glad to have Hera’s company in this wide, open world, for I couldn’t quite shake the feeling of danger, of being watched. When I focused on the feeling though, it faded. I decided it must be just the strangeness of being able to walk freely, of knowing the hate against us had died. I hoped so.

  I ran to the sea, taking in great lungfuls of salty air. I wanted to shout, to sing – but refrained, for I could do without the attention that would bring. Soon the loneliness got to me, and although I was ashamed of being such a wimp I turned and pushed Hera at high speed back to the Centre.

  I figured I would be all right so long as my stratum was happy for all of us to go exploring together. I didn’t want to tell them why I wasn’t keen on going unaccompanied. They’d tease me without mercy because I was the girl who had wanted so desperately to be Outside and able to walk alone.

  I needn’t have worried. Dreeda was knocking on our door almost as soon as we’d finished breakfast. ‘Hurry up, Juno or we’ll go without you.’

  What a strange day it was. Everyone knew who we were. Some people just smiled as they passed us; others called out things like, Hiya, how’s it going? Some stopped us to chat, to tell us they were sorry we’d been treated so badly. Some even apologised for thinking the worst of us.

  Our first destination was the bookshop. ‘The guy told us to be sure you came to see him,’ Marba said.

  ‘And then we have to visit Magda again,’ I reminded him.

  Paz looked as if this would be no hardship.

  The bookseller was as friendly as I remembered him, and seemed almost excited to see my friends again as well. ‘It’s not every day we get a pack of celebs in here,’ he joked.

  Celebs? Us? We walked taller after that – for a few steps anyway.

  In the Newtown café, Magda hugged me. ‘I kept telling people you weren’t a bad lot. And now I’ve been ringing them all up and saying Told you so.’ She laughed. ‘So satisfying.’

  Back at the Centre, there was further excitement in greeting those who had come back while we were out. Jov had returned. He held his son, a look of awe on his face – until Jovan cried. Then Jov looked panicked. Sina laughed but she didn’t rescue him. ‘Rub his back and whisper to him. He just needs soothing.’

  I was dying to see who else had returned – Vima for starters. But she hadn’t come back. Galla said she’d called to say she’d be with us later in the evening. It seemed weird, but it was so like Vima not to do what was expected of her. Whatever she had in mind, I was willing to bet she hadn’t spent her first day of freedom shut up in that tiny flat. Then I got caught up in watching a movie in the big room and forgot to look out for her homecoming. Mother had come downstairs too, with Hera who stuck her bottom lip out and said, ‘Not bed. Want to see my daddy.’

  Mother settled her on a cushion and tucked a blanket round her. ‘We’ll wake you up when he gets here.’

  She closed her eyes. ‘Grif’s not coming back.’

  No.

  When the movie ended there was still more than an hour to wait. I couldn’t bear it.

  ‘Come on,’ I said, ‘let’s take Hera and go to meet the train.’

  Mother didn’t need persuading – she jumped up and rushed off to grab a pushchair.

  We walked through the city. Taxis passed us. A monorail car zipped along overhead. There were plenty of people milling about, and somebody was singing.

  We weren’t the only ones waiting at the station either. We stood back from the crowd, trying to see over their heads. ‘There!’ Mother shouted, and she was off, running to Dad.

  My grandparents began to run too, when they saw us. Danyat felt insubstantial as I hugged him. ‘Danyat?’ I touched his face. ‘You are well?’

  Yes, he assured me, he was well. But how, I wondered, could a person be well when the fabric of their life had ruptured?

  Then Dad was there, wrapping his arms around me and swinging me in a wild circle. ‘We’re so proud of you, my daughter. So very proud.’

  Leebar held Hera and laughed to be back with us, to be a family again. Bazin kissed my forehead. ‘Proud indeed. We walk again in the sunshine because of you.’

  Tears burned in my eyes. I wanted to say it wasn’t only me, that the rest of my stratum had been just as steadfast. But they knew. They had seen them in the courtroom, had listened along with the rest of the nation to Silvern’s story.

  As we made our way back to the Centre they told us gentle stories about their time away. Vima’s brother Inva walked with us, as did the others who had worked with Dad.

  ‘I’ve gotta get a pair of those boots,’ Inva said. ‘Can you imagine? Boots that keep your feet dry and warm even when the rain is pouring down.’

  We walked along the waterfront. ‘The water level is higher now than it was when we left for Taris,’ Bazin remarked.

  It was a beautiful night with moonlight on the dark quiet sea.

  The Centre too was quiet and dark. We whispered goodnight and went to our own quarters. At the doorway to his apartment, Danyat hesitated, gathered his strength and walked alone into the rooms he’d shared with Grif.

  All of us woke late the next morning. Hera stayed close to Danyat, playing on the floor near his chair. He watched her, his mind elsewhere.

  Dad spoke to us of the future. ‘I’ve been offered work at the gardens in Otaki. There is a house for us, already furnished.’

  ‘There is accommodation nearby for us three as well, my daughter,’ said Danyat. ‘Don’t worry.’

  Dad took Mother’s hand. ‘Sheen, we’ve known this would come. We’ve known we’d not be able to stay together. Five hundred of us are just too many for one place.’

  She closed her eyes for a moment. ‘Yes. It’ll be a different life. It’ll take time to get used to it. I know that too.’

  I said nothing, but I thought plenty. What I hoped was that at least one of the others of my stratum would be going to Otaki as well – preferably one of the girls, although Marba would be okay if only Mother would stop thinking we’d marry.

  Dad would have work when we moved to Otaki, but what of the rest of us? Everyone had worked on Taris, even the little children. I wouldn’t mind not working, not if I could dance
instead. My mind flicked back to what Her Highness had said to me: Your technique is appalling. Since I’d learned my technique from Mother it was unlikely she’d be able to teach. I shrank from telling her what I knew.

  In the middle of the day we went to join the others who’d returned for a celebration meal. Vima wasn’t among them.

  ‘Don’t ask me,’ Inva said. He looked as puzzled as I felt. ‘She came back last night, but was out again this morning before I woke up.’

  ‘Has she said anything to your parents?’ I asked. ‘She must have told them something about why she’s acting like this.’

  He shrugged. ‘I reckon she has, but they’re not talking about it.’

  There was nothing to do but wait. Typical Vima. She’d do things in her own sweet time while her friends died of curiosity.

  Late in the afternoon, Marba called a stratum meeting on the roof.

  ‘Do you all know where you’ll be living when we leave here?’ he asked. He waited as we nodded, but nobody said anything. ‘Good. Then let us say where we’ll be going. Just for a change, I’ll start. We’re going to Dunedin.’

  One by one, we named the places we’d be living.

  Me: Otaki.

  Silvern: Hokitika

  Paz: Auckland

  Dreeda and Wenda: Invercargill. Lucky them to be together.

  Brex was going to Mosgiel which wasn’t so far from Dunedin and Invercargill.

  Pel: Westport

  Shallym: Whanganui

  Biddo: Paraparaumu

  Fortun: Greymouth

  Jidda: Lower Hutt

  Rynd: Raglan

  Yin: Whangarei

  Marba rubbed his hands. ‘Excellent! We’re spread right from one end of the country to the other.’

  ‘There’s nothing excellent about it,’ Paz snapped.

  Marba stared at him, then at the rest of our glum faces. ‘Don’t you see? It’ll give us such a good overview. We’ll find out what it’s like in each of those places – from right up north to the bottom of the South Island.’

  Rynd hunched a shoulder. ‘Who cares? All I care about is how far one place is from the next.’ He looked at Dreeda, who was trying not to cry. Invercargill was such a long way from Raglan. Yin and Shallym also looked upset. Whangarei and Whanganui: they’d be miles from each other.

  ‘I’d rather talk about our compulsory service year,’ Pel said. ‘We could all do that together. Go to the same city, I mean.’

  ‘But that’s ages away,’ Marba objected. ‘We don’t even know how many years it’ll take till we finish school. There’ll be so much we don’t know, and then there’s the reading and writing we have to catch up on.’

  Silvern said, ‘Only one more year. Even if I have to go without sleeping to get the work done. That’s all I’m going to do. Just the one year.’

  Paz was nodding. They’d discussed this? I dug my fists into my gut. I was the youngest – could a kid of my age leave school so early? I tuned in again to the discussion. Marba thought it was a pathetic idea, but the rest of us seized on it. ‘Yep,’ Jidda said, summing up what we all felt. ‘Suits me. Don’t mind working my butt off.’

  Marba threw up his hands. ‘I just don’t get it. What’s the problem with being apart?’

  Shallym leaned over to pat his knee. ‘Just accept it, Marba. Will you do it too – work your butt off so that we can all do our service together?’

  He looked so disgusted with us that we burst out laughing. ‘Oh, all right then! But it’s stupid, I just want to make that clear.’

  End of meeting. We went back to the big room to see who else had come back. Trebe, Creen, Kalta and Aspa were there.

  We took our evening meal together in the dining room and it was full just the way it had been when we arrived, though diminished by the absence of Grif and Nixie. I wondered if it was just me who felt so.

  I sat with my family but kept my ears tuned to the talk around us. Thomas’s name floated in the air, as did Vima’s. Where was she? Others spoke of Grif and of Nixie. It was good to be together again.

  Vima didn’t show up during the meal and she still hadn’t appeared by the time we’d cleaned up. My stratum, along with a few others, stayed on in the big room to watch a movie. Vima walked in about halfway through – but she wasn’t alone. James was with her, carrying Wilfred in his arms.

  ‘Who’s he? Why is he with Vima?’ The questions swirled around the room.

  Vima smiled and waved but didn’t stop. She and James stepped into the lift.

  Silvern dug me in the ribs. ‘Well? You’ve gotta know who he is by the look on your face. Tell!’

  I gulped a couple of times, trying to work out what it meant, why Vima had such a look of defiance on her face. Who was there now to defy? Before Silvern could jab me again I said, ‘You know who he is. James. The one who told you about the phone.’

  ‘So why’s she brought him here?’ Brex asked.

  None of us put our speculations into words; neither did we glance to see if Jov and Sina were still in the room. We loitered in the lobby once the movie ended, hoping for a glimpse of James when he left.

  ‘Dumb,’ said Rynd after a few minutes. ‘He’s gotta be gone already. Come on, let’s call it a night.’

  I certainly wasn’t expecting to find Vima and James in our apartment. My parents seemed dazed; my grandparents were inscrutable.

  ‘What?’ I asked.

  ‘Good to see you too, Juno,’ James said, grinning at me.

  I rubbed my head. It couldn’t be true – what I suspected just wasn’t possible. It wasn’t right.

  The words burst from me. ‘You’re getting married?’ My voice rose to a squeak.

  Vima answered. ‘Yes, Juno, we are. Next week, and we’d like you to be there.’

  All I could do was gape at her, for the things I wanted to yell at her would hurt James – possibly her too, though it would only be what she deserved. In the end I managed to say, ‘But you’ve only known each other a week!’

  James stood up. ‘We thank you for your good wishes, friend.’

  I sent him a scorcher of a look. ‘You’re welcome.’

  Vima touched me on the cheek as she left. ‘Be happy for me, Juno.’

  I grabbed her hand and squeezed it. ‘Of course … but …’

  She shushed me. ‘No buts. It’s for the best and we suit each other. You’ll see.’

  With that they went out the door, leaving us in a whirlpool of unspoken words until I cried, ‘She can’t do it! She’s lost her mind. Somebody has to make her see it.’

  Leebar’s eyebrows snapped together. ‘Why? Do you know something bad about that young man?’

  I shook my head. ‘No. No, of course not. She wouldn’t marry somebody bad.’ The words clamoured through my brain: He’s from Outside, she doesn’t love him, she loves Jov.

  Danyat said, ‘Juno, you must do as she asks and be happy for her. We were impressed by James.’ He smiled at me. ‘Love can come slowly, you know, and it’s none the worse for that.’

  I sat beside him, needing comfort. ‘You loved Grif. All your lives, you so loved each other. How can Vima hope to have a life like that now?’

  It was Bazin who answered, his deep voice gentle. ‘Ah Juno – you know so little, dear granddaughter. None of the four of us were in love when we married. We hardly knew each other.’

  Leebar said, ‘They screened us for compatibility when we were selected for the Taris project.’ She glanced at Bazin, a private memory smiling in her eyes.

  ‘But that was different!’ How or why I didn’t know.

  The three of them got up to leave. Danyat kissed me goodnight. ‘Those two,’ he nodded towards Leebar and Bazin, ‘nearly asked to go back home because they both declared they could never live with each other.’

  ‘I don’t care! It’s just wrong!’ I shouted as the door shut behind them. I would never accept it, never.

  Mother said, ‘It’s a surprise, Juno, that’s all. You must accept it if you want
to have Vima as a friend.’

  I ran to my bedroom where I lay staring into the darkness. My heart hurt. How could she? My friend had betrayed me. I sat up to rest my head on my knees. Sure, Vima could do what she liked. But she should have told me, she should have talked about it with me. And then I could have talked her out of it. I groaned and Hera stirred.

  The morning brought no calmness, no acceptance. At breakfast, Mother finally set both hands on the table the better to scold me.

  ‘Juno, you’re being unfair and unkind. I’m ashamed of you. Vima is your friend. It’s your duty to support her. Now put a smile on your face, and go and tell her you’ll be at her wedding and you are happy for her.’

  Hera watched me, her head on one side. I jumped up. Wisdom from my kid sister was not what I needed right now. ‘I’m sorry, Mother.’ I was too, and deeply ashamed. ‘I’ll go and see her.’

  But not yet, not while the wrongness of it still ate at me. Instead I went to Silvern’s apartment. She took one look at me and came out. ‘What?’

  ‘The roof. Don’t care if it’s pouring with rain.’

  It wasn’t, but the wind was vicious. We sat down in the shelter of the wall and I told Silvern everything – of the marriage, of my hurting heart, my feelings of betrayal, how Mother had growled at me.

  ‘You,’ she said, ‘are completely over the top.’ Her face took on its smug, superior look. ‘For the love of Taris, Juno! You know what your trouble is?’

  No. And I hoped she wouldn’t tell me. Fat chance. ‘You’re stuck in some dreamy romantic land where everyone lives happy-ever-after lives.’ She prodded me. ‘I hope you’re bloody listening, because you’re going to make a big fat fool of yourself if you go on like this.’

  I went to get up, but she grabbed my arm and jerked me back down again. ‘You think Vima should be with Jov, which is daft. What about Sina and Jovan? What happens to them?’ She jabbed me again. ‘Stop dreaming. I think Vima’s doing a good thing. And they’ll probably be happy.’