The Call of the Desert

by Abby Green

  The moment hadn’t lasted long before she’d withdrawn again to that cool, polite distance which only dissolved when they were in bed.

  He didn’t need to be reminded that Julia hadn’t smiled like that once since she’d met him again. As if he didn’t know why. She was stuck in a marriage of convenience with a man who had brutally rejected her when she’d been at her most vulnerable just to protect his own cowardly heart. Julia was humbling him every day with her innate grace and stoic acceptance of a difficult situation. Of a life she didn’t want.

  Kaden knew that he had to be fully honest with her. She deserved to know everything. Later, he vowed. When she got home he would tell her. Everything. And whatever her reaction was … he would have to deal with it.

  Two hours later Kaden was sitting at his desk listening to his minister for foreign affairs talk, but not taking anything in. He was wondering where Julia was now. Had she reached the fête? Was she feeling awkward? Was she smiling in that slightly fixed way which signified she was shy or uncomfortable? His gut clenched at the thought of anyone being rude or unfriendly to her.

  Only last week he’d watched her host another of her coffee mornings, this time outside in the palace grounds. He’d been inordinately proud of the way she’d listened to people, really devoting her time to them. A million miles away from his ex-wife and stepmother who had both been brought up specially schooled to be in this world.

  “Sire?”

  They’d announced the news of Julia’s pregnancy a few days ago, now that she was showing more obviously, and he was hoping it would have an effect on people’s interaction with her. Surely the prospect of—?

  “Sire!”

  “Hmm?” Kaden looked at his minister, a little dazed for a moment, and then saw that his secretary was also in the room. He frowned. He hadn’t even noticed her come in. “Yes, Sara?”

  He only noticed then that she was deathly pale and trembling. The hair went up on the back of his neck for no reason.

  “Sire, I’m sorry to disturb you, but I’ve just heard—there’s been a terrible multi-vehicle accident on the main freeway to Kazat, where the fête is. We’ve been trying to call your wife and the driver, but there’s no response from them or the bodyguards. We don’t have news yet as the emergency services haven’t reached them.”

  Kaden heard her words and tried to react, to move. But it was as if his limbs were instantly weighted down with wet cement. He couldn’t get up. He could feel his blood draining south and put his hands on his desk to hold on to something.

  His secretary started crying and the foreign minister stood up. “Sire, I’ll get your car immediately.”

  Kaden stood up then, even though he couldn’t feel his own legs, and said with an icy calm which belied the roaring in his brain, “Not the car. Too slow. Get the helicopter ready and make sure there’s a doctor and a paramedic on board. Now.”

  What felt like aeons later, but what was in fact only thirty minutes, Kaden’s helicopter pilot was setting down in a clearing beside the freeway. All Kaden could see was a tangled mass of vehicles, a school bus on its side, with steam billowing out of its engine, and lines of cars blocking the freeway.

  The flashing lights of the first emergency vehicles were evident, and there were people blackened from smoke and fire rushing everywhere. And amongst all that twisted metal and heat was Julia. Kaden’s mind shut down and he went into autopilot. He simply could not contemplate anything beyond the next few seconds.

  The blast of heat nearly pushed him backwards when he got out of the chopper, but Kaden ignored it and waded straight into the carnage. He shouted at the young, scared-looking doctor with him, “Stay beside me!”

  All around them people were wandering around looking dazed, with blood running down their faces, holding hands and arms. But to Kaden’s initial and fleeting relief there seemed no serious-looking injuries. He focused on the school bus on its side, and as he went towards it, acting on instinct, he finally saw the Royal car. It was skewed at an angle near the bus, ploughed into the steel girder which ran down the middle of the highway, and near it, on its roof, was the security Jeep.

  Kaden’s heart stopped. He ran towards the car, and when he got there, his lungs burning, ducked his head into the back seat. It was empty. He felt sick when he saw the trail of blood that led out of the car.

  He stood up. “Julia!”

  Nothing. Panic at full throttle now, he went towards the other side of the school bus and stopped dead in his tracks, a mixture of overwhelming relief and incoherent rage making him dizzy. Julia was handing a small child to her driver, who was in turn handing it to someone else. Adults who looked like teachers were standing in groups with other children, crying. Julia’s kaftan was ripped and bloody.

  He went towards her and she saw him. “Oh, Kaden—thank God! Please … you have to help us. There are still some children trapped inside, and the engine is leaking petrol.”

  She looked half crazed, which he could see was due to shock and adrenalin, and in the periphery of his vision he could see people standing with phones, taking videos and photos. Very deliberately he put his hands on Julia’s arms and bodily moved her out of harm’s way. He looked at the doctor and said, “She’s over five months pregnant. If anything happens to her you’ll be held personally responsible.”

  Julia protested. “But, Kaden, there are still children—”

  He cut her off. “You stay here. I will go and get the children. If you move one inch, Julia, so help me God I will lock you in the palace for the rest of your life.”

  Through a haze of shock and panic Julia could only feel limp with relief as she watched Kaden stride back to the bus, climb up, and reach in to help pull the children out. Within minutes they were all accounted for, and Julia had already instructed the now terrified-looking doctor to go and help the injured children instead of babysitting her. She was helping too, ripping material off her dress to tie around bleeding arms and legs.

  She felt herself being lifted upwards and was turned into Kaden’s chest. His eyes burned down into hers. “Are you OK? Are you in pain anywhere?”

  Julia shook her head. Some of the shock was starting to wear off, so she was aware of how deranged Kaden looked. She put it down to the accident. “I’m fine. We need to help these people …”

  But her words were muffled against Kaden’s chest as he pulled her into him and hugged her so tightly that she couldn’t breathe. Eventually he pulled back. “We’re getting out of here right now. I need to get you to the hospital.”

  Julia protested. “I’m fine—what about all these people? The children? They need help more than me!”

  But Kaden wasn’t listening. She could see an emergency medical plane circling overhead, and more choppers landing. The scene was swarming with emergency staff now, and the young doctor was busy.

  When she still resisted, Kaden uttered an oath and turned and picked her up into his arms. Julia opened her mouth, but closed it again at the stern set of his features. He looked as if he was going to murder someone, and she felt a pang when she recalled what he’d said to the doctor. “She’s over five months pregnant …” He must be livid with her for putting their babies at risk.

  She was in the chopper and secured within minutes, and then they were lifting up and away from the mayhem. Julia was comforted to see that the emergency vehicles were already speeding back towards the city, and other choppers were loading up with patients.

  Kaden couldn’t speak because of the noise but Julia was glad. She wasn’t looking forward to what he had to say.

  “Kaden, why don’t you just spit it out? You’re giving me a headache, pacing around like a bear with a sore head.”

  He stopped and glared at her, his jeans and shirt ripped and dusty. “You’re a national hero. Do you know that? With one fell swoop the entire nation is in love with you.”

  “What do you mean?” Julia was confused.

  Kaden picked up the remote and turned on the TV. A rolling
news channel was showing images of the crash, and then it zoomed in on Julia, where she was handing a small child to someone.

  She glanced at Kaden. He’d gone grey.

  He switched the TV off and muttered thickly, “I can’t even watch that.”

  Tears stung Julia’s eyes. “I’m sorry, but I couldn’t just ignore what was happening. I know these babies are important to you, but surely your own people are important too?”

  He just looked at her. “What are you talking about?”

  Julia put her hand on her bump. She’d just had a scan with Dr Assan and been reassured that all was fine. “The babies. I presume that’s why you’re so angry with me … for putting them in danger?”

  Kaden raked a hand through his hair and ground out, “I’m not angry with you for putting the babies in danger. I’m livid with you for putting yourself in such danger.”

  He came close before Julia could fully take in his words and sat down, pulling a chair close to the bed and taking her hands in his with a tight grip. “Do you have any idea what I went through before I got to you?”

  Julia shook her head slowly. An ominous fluttering feeling was starting up in her chest.

  “I think I aged about fifty years, and made blood promises to several gods. So if some strange-looking person turns up and demands our firstborn baby don’t be surprised.”

  “Kaden …” Julia was feeling more shaky now than when she’d been at the crash. “What are you talking about? You’re not making sense.” And yet at the same time he was making a kind of sense she didn’t want to think about.

  “What I’m talking about, habiba, is the fact that for the longest thirty minutes of my life I didn’t want to go on living if anything had happened to you.”

  Feeling suspiciously emotional, and very vulnerable, Julia couldn’t take her eyes off Kaden.

  He continued. “I was going to talk to you this evening when you got back … I don’t want to tire you now …”

  Concern was etched onto his face, and Julia said fiercely, “I’m fine. Talk.”

  Kaden looked down, and then back up at Julia. “I’m not sure where to start … There’s so much I have to say … But I think first I need to tell you the one truth that is more important than anything.”

  Julia held her breath as Kaden gripped her hand tighter.

  “I want you to know that I’m not saying this now because of the crash, or because of the after effects of adrenalin and shock. I had arranged for us to go to the summer palace this evening, for a belated honeymoon. You can ask Sara. She was organising it.”

  “Kaden …” Julia said weakly. She couldn’t look away from the dark intensity of his eyes.

  He took a deep, audibly shaky breath. “I love you, Julia. Mind, body, heart and soul. And I always have. From the moment we met in the middle of that dig. I did a wonderful job of convincing myself twelve years ago that I hadn’t ever loved you, but as soon as I saw you again the game was up … and eventually I had to stop lying to myself.”

  Julia looked at Kaden in shock. She could hear her heart thumping. Her mouth opened.

  Kaden shook his head and said, “Don’t say anything—not yet. Let me finish.”

  Julia couldn’t have spoken, even if she’d wanted to. Her mouth closed. She could feel the babies moving in her belly, but that was secondary to what was happening right now.

  “The day you left twelve years ago was possibly the worst day of my life.” He winced. “Barring today’s events. I felt as if I was being torn in two—like Jekyll and Hyde. For a long time I blamed the grief I felt on my father’s death—and that was there, yes. But a larger part of my grief was for you. There’s something I have to explain. When we returned from that last trip to the desert I went to my father. I told him that I was going to ask you to marry me. All I could think about was you—you filled up my heart and soul like nothing I’d ever imagined, and I couldn’t imagine not being with you for ever.”

  Julia could feel herself go pale as she remembered that heady time. And then her confusion when Kaden had abandoned her. She shook her head. “But why did you not come to see me? Tell me this …?”

  Kaden’s jaw clenched. “Because that night my father had his first heart attack. Only those closest to him knew how serious it was. We sent out the news that he wasn’t well, but we hid the gravity of the situation for fear of panicking the people. I became acting ruler overnight. I was constantly surrounded by aides. I couldn’t move two steps without being questioned or followed. And I suspect that after what I’d told my father he instructed his aides to keep an eye on me and not let me near you.

  “I think he saw history repeating itself. His second wife had been a bad choice, unpopular with the people. He knew how important it would be for me to marry well and create a stable base, and here I was declaring my intention to ask you to marry me and to hell with the consequences.”

  Kaden sighed. “I stuck to my guns. I was still determined to ask you to marry me. I decided that while you were finishing your studies I’d give you the time to think about whether or not you really wanted this life …”

  Julia felt tears prickle at the back of her eyes. She knew how she would have answered that.

  Kaden’s voice was gruff. “The first chance I had I got away on my own and went to find you. One of your tutors told me you were all out that night in a bar …”

  Julia squeezed Kaden’s hand, willing him to believe her. “You have to know what you saw meant nothing … it was just a stupid kiss. It was over the moment it started. I was feeling insecure because I hadn’t heard from you, and I think I wanted to assure myself that you couldn’t be the only man who could make me feel. I was afraid we were over and I’d never see you again.”

  To Julia’s intense relief Kaden picked up her hand and kissed her palm. “I know that now … and I can see how vulnerable you must have felt—especially so soon after that blow from your birth mother …” He grimaced. “I, however, was blindingly jealous and hot-headed. It felt like the ultimate betrayal. Especially when I’d been pining for you for what felt like endless nights, dreaming of proposing to you even if it meant going against my father’s wishes. And then to see you in another man’s arms … it was too much. The jealousy was overwhelming. I’d been brought up to view romantic love suspiciously. My father became a shadow of himself after my mother died, and he never stopped telling me that my duty was first and foremost to my country. He was most likely trying to protect me … but when I felt so betrayed by you it only seemed to confirm his words. I convinced myself that it wasn’t love I felt. It was lust. Because then it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

  Kaden shook his head. “I returned to the palace and that night my father had his final heart attack. I got to him just before he slipped away, and his last words to me were pleas to remember that I was responsible for a country now, and had to look beyond my own personal fulfilment. By then I was more than ready to listen to him.”

  “Oh, Kaden … I had no idea.” Pain cut through Julia as she saw how the sequence of events had played out with a kind of sickening synchronicity.

  Kaden let her hands go and stood up, pacing away from Julia, self-disgust evident in every jerky movement. He turned round and looked haunted. “When you came to me before you left and tried to explain you got the full lash of my guilt and jealousy. I couldn’t be rational. All I could see was you and that man. It haunted me even when we met again. The depth of the feelings I had for you always scared me a little, and I never resolved them years ago. I buried them, and that’s why it took me so long to come to my senses …”

  Julia felt incredibly sad. “We were so young, Kaden. Maybe we were just too young to cope with those feelings.”

  Kaden raked a hand through his hair. “That’s why Samia looked at you with such hostility at her wedding. She was protecting me because she was the only one who saw the dark place I went to after you left. I never explained anything to her, so she assumed you’d broken my heart. When in fact I did
a pretty good job of breaking yours.”

  “And your own …” Julia bit her lip to try and keep a lid on the overwhelming feelings within her. Tears blurred her vision, and despite her best efforts a sob broke free.

  Kaden was standing apart, hands clenched at his sides, looking tortured.

  She shook her head. “I just … I can’t believe you’re saying all this …” Another sob came out and she put a hand to her mouth. Tears were flowing freely down her face now.

  Kaden clearly wanted to comfort her, but was holding back because he didn’t know if she wanted him. “God, Julia … I’m so sorry. What I’ve done is—”

  “Kaden, don’t say anything else. Just hold me, please.”

  Julia wasn’t even sure if her words had been entirely coherent, but Kaden moved forward jerkily, and after a moment he was sitting on the bed and enveloping her in his strong embrace.

  Julia’s hands were clenched against his chest. She couldn’t stop crying, and kept thinking of all those wasted years and pain. Ineffectually she hit at his chest, and he tensed and pulled her even closer, as if to absorb her turmoil. Eventually he drew back and looked down, his face in agony. Seeing that made something dissolve inside Julia.

  “Don’t let me go, Kaden …”

  He shook his head and said fiercely, “Never. I’ll never let you go ever again.”

  When the paroxysm of emotion had abated Julia pulled back in the circle of his arms and said shakily, “I’ve always loved you. I never stopped. You and no one else. From the moment I saw you again in London all the feelings rushed back as if we’d never even been separated.”

  Kaden shook his head, clearly incredulous. “How can you? After everything … You don’t have to say this …

  You don’t want to be here. You’ve been forced into this life.”

  Julia touched his face and smiled tremulously. “I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else in the world. I was resigned to my fate, loving you while knowing you’d never love me back.”

  Kaden’s eyes shone suspiciously. “Oh, my love … that’s what I expected. I love you so much that if anything had happened to you today …”