Seeking

by Calle J. Brookes

  “Did he not have a family?”

  “He had us. And we had him. Geoff had my back more times than I can count.”

  He clung as the grief for his friend threatened to shake him apart.

  NINETY-FOUR

  SHANNON JUST STOOD and held him for a long time. It didn’t matter that there were cameras, no doubt trained right at them. Or that anyone could walk by at any time. All that mattered was that she couldn’t stand the pain that had been in his eyes.

  The knowledge that he had just lived every agent’s nightmare—seeing someone he cared about on the autopsy table—made all those insignificant points.

  His grief stabbed through her. Shannon wanted some way to just make it better. But she couldn’t. There was no way for her to do that. None at all.

  All she could do was be there for the aftermath.

  “I think you should call Cam or someone to stay with you.” She wanted to. She wanted to take him back to her apartment and just talk. Help him through this.

  The depth of that urge almost terrified her.

  But she couldn’t. Ken was expecting her to run every search imaginable to connect the victims somehow. Then she’d be combing over witness statements, making notes of any patterns she could find. To isolate some sort of description of their shooter.

  It was about all they had to go on. And a lot of the work was going to fall to her. Hours’ worth.

  Never had she felt so torn between duty and what she wanted to do.

  She wanted to make certain Ezra was ok first.

  For the first time since she’d transferred in, PAVAD came second.

  Because the man she cared about had to come first.

  “I got it covered.”

  She had no doubt exactly what he’d be doing the first moment he was alone. He’d be breaking down after pretending he was stronger than any other human should ever be expected to be. “Ez...just don’t be alone, ok?”

  “I’ll be ok. I’ve been alone before.”

  “Call Cam. He’ll be there.”

  “I’m not so sure I can be around him right now. He and Geoff were a lot alike.”

  “Then stay here. Make your calls from here, then crash in the bunk room. When I can, I’ll come be with you. You shouldn’t be alone. Not like this.”

  His arms—strong, sure, and almost safe—tightened around her. A shudder went through him.

  Ezra broke, right there in her arms.

  All Shannon could do was hold him while the loss of his friend shook through him.

  NINETY-FIVE

  MAX WALKED DOWN the hall toward the ME’s office and geared himself up to enter the room that he’d always found beyond creepy. Wimpy of him, but it was the truth. Not that he’d ever admit it. But who wanted to cut open the dead for a living? He’d never understood that.

  It took a special kind of person to do it. That most of them weren’t the least bit weird had surprised him at first. That most in the PAVAD ME’s office were women had. Scary women with sharp knives and saws and other tools of terror.

  They had one more victim to finish up with and compare to the rest of their victimology, then his team was heading out for the night. They’d be back in at eight in the morning. They had their unsub identified, and the man was in the custody of the St. Louis locals on an unrelated alcohol charge. He wasn’t going anywhere. Tomorrow was soon enough to tighten what they had. Then he was going to get back with Team Four and go over what they knew about the abduction and whether someone was targeting the FBI in St. Louis. All of this had to happen in conjunction with what he and his team were going to have to work with Team Four regarding what had happened to Sin Lorcan and his wife.

  Max’s gut tightened when he thought about what had happened.

  He’d known Cody Lorcan for a while and greatly liked the woman.

  He didn’t have anything more than a hunch to go on, but his gut was telling him that what had happened in that cabin in Arkansas had more purpose than just some jerk with a revenge plot going on.

  It was probably going to take him months to find the answers he sought.

  But he was going to.

  It could have been Jac those bastards had grabbed. She did the same thing for his team that Shannon did for hers. They could have taken her that night, just as easily as they had Shannon.

  Except Jac had been with him and the rest of the team. Shannon had been alone. Except for Ezra. How close they had come to dying was something he wouldn’t forget.

  He rounded the hall corner near the morgue and stopped.

  Ezra was wrapped tightly around Shannon. And he thought the man was crying. Her skinny arms clutched him close.

  Max cleared his throat so he wouldn’t startle the couple—and they were definitely a couple. He’d bet last month’s paycheck on that, despite what Jac had said—and stepped around them. “Sorry to disturb you.”

  Ezra looked at him from damp eyes. Max fought wincing—the guy looked like total shit.

  Something had happened. And it wasn’t good. “What’s up? You both ok?”

  Shannon shot a look up at Ezra before nodding. “Ezra is next of kin for the latest victim in our case.”

  “Shit.” Max winced. Every agent’s nightmare. Especially around PAVAD. And today was already more than horrific. Once word got around that Ezra was connected to this victim, it was going to get even tenser. “I’m sorry, Ez. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.”

  “Thanks. Right now, I’m going to focus on finding the sonofabitch responsible.”

  Max nodded. He wasn’t good with this part. Jac always handled the victims’ loved ones. It was doubly worse when that loved one was a friend of his own. “Still, you need help with anything, just ask. I’m happy to help.”

  Ezra nodded. Shannon had approval in those beautiful brown eyes of hers. Along with love and concern for the man next to her.

  Despite what had happened, he hoped Ezra realized just how lucky he was to have her.

  NINETY-SIX

  SHANNON DIDN’T KNOW what else to do with him, so she just held him. There in the hall outside of the M.E.’s office. She could see the plaque with Mia’s name on it just beyond Ezra’s shoulder. People passed them, staring. None of it mattered.

  She just held him. Until he was the one to pull away.

  “It’s getting late, Ez. Come on. Let’s hit the cafeteria. Grab something to eat. Then we’ll decide what to do next.”

  She’d need to call Ken. Let him know what she knew. She doubted Ezra would be allowed to work on the case in an official capacity any longer.

  It was protocol put into place to protect him and the bureau. But it would hurt him, make him feel isolated and invisible.

  But he would never be invisible to her.

  He didn’t say anything as they walked. She wanted to touch him somehow. But she didn’t. Never before had she resented where they were.

  It felt wrong not to touch him. To hold him.

  To want to make things better for him. Because she cared about him.

  More than that. It went deeper than that.

  She hurt because he hurt. Because she loved him.

  Shannon almost stopped walking.

  She loved him.

  And she was going to do whatever she had to in order to take care of him.

  She slipped her hand into his. “Come on. Food. Then we’ll think. Together.”

  NINETY-SEVEN

  HE’D LOST FRIENDS before. Ezra had even watched some of them die right in front of him—he’d held two in his arms as they’d taken their last breaths. Geoff hadn’t been that far away that day, either.

  Never before had he had a woman to be there with him. For him.

  That small, boney hand was his damned lifeline at the moment, and he knew it.

  They settled in the cafeteria, and she hit the counter to grab them some lunch. PAVAD had a cafeteria staffed twenty hours of the day and had cold foods available the remaining four. He’d eaten there count
less times.

  Ezra bit back a curse. Damn it. This shouldn’t have happened to Geoff. After everything the guy had been through, this wasn’t the way it should have ended. His friend had had a core of deep honor that had run through him. Geoff had been the kind of guy to stop to help anyone. He’d also collected stray animals when he could. Geoff had tried to get him to take on a kitten just the week before.

  Ezra had told him no. He suspected that kitten was in Geoff’s apartment now.

  Someone would have to get the cat. They couldn’t just leave it there.

  He pulled out his phone. There were calls he needed to make. People who would want to know.

  A small hand he recognized covered his on his cell. “Ez...eat first. I’ll help you make the calls when we’re finished.”

  Ezra looked up at her. Those freckles were right there. Just a little bit off-center and so achingly perfect. The emotion in those big, dark eyes rocked him.

  She put food down in front of him. He barely looked at it before he started eating.

  “Tell me about him.”

  “He was Cam in a different costume, only far more of a player. That core of honor was there. When I first came to St. Louis, Geoff was in and out of the area on a regular basis. He showed up on my doorstep with a duffle bag. He dragged me out to a club downtown and got off-his-ass drunk. I had to call a cab to get us. He’d breeze in every so often and stir up trouble. I’d always go along with it to pull him out of the fire. Me and Nils.”

  “You’ve known him long?”

  “Since basic.” Geoff had been the one to make a pest of himself. He’d almost gotten himself, Nils, and Ezra kicked out a few too many times.

  “I’m sorry, Ez. I don’t know what else to say. Everything we’re taught to say...it feels flat. I wish it wasn’t him.”

  “I know.” Ezra couldn’t eat. He pushed his half-empty plate aside and snagged her free hand. “I want this bastard, babe. And I’m going to get him. No matter what I have to do. When we’re done with the case... You and I...”

  “We’ll talk then. I get it. And I’m here to help you do that. We all are.”

  NINETY-EIGHT

  SHANNON TOOK HIM home after she’d spent hours going over traffic cams. She led him to her bed and kept him there until the alarm went off the next morning.

  Neither of them had slept much. She hadn’t expected that they would. Ezra was restless most of the night. All she could do was be there each time he woke.

  She was exhausted by the time morning came.

  He was more determined than he’d been the night before.

  After her shower, she met him in her kitchen, where he’d grabbed breakfast for the two of them.

  As soon as she stepped over the threshold, he put the eggs on the table and his arms went around her.

  Ezra lifted her straight off the floor. They were pressed chest to chest. “Thank you, babe. I...I mean that.”

  Emotion cut off her words for a minute. Her arms slipped around his neck. She fought the urge to wrap her legs around him, as well. At his height, he was perfect for that. And she had no doubt he was strong enough to hold her forever if he wanted.

  But she was going to hold on to him for as long as she could.

  Just like this, if he’d let her. “Ez...”

  HE TOOK a step. Just one. Until he could lean her back against her kitchen wall. She had one of those stupid cat clocks on her wall with the tail that swished. It hadn’t been there last time he’d been there.

  “Where’d you get the cat?”

  “Present from Kyra. She has a thing for cats and bought it as a joke, why?”

  “I like it.”

  “I’ll get a real cat someday. When I...”

  When she had a life that was more stable. They both knew it.

  Damn it, it was going to be with him.

  He’d buy her a damned cat.

  He’d buy her a house and a yard and a cat and a dog and anything else she ever wanted. As long as she’d share it with him.

  Ezra never wanted to let her go.

  Ezra covered her trembling mouth with his own. This was exactly what he’d needed. A reminder that life was going to go on.

  At least for him.

  NINETY-NINE

  THE TEAM WAS working in two shifts around the clock. He and Shannon were the first ones of their assigned shift to hit the CCU4 section of the bullpen the morning after Geoff’s death. Ezra had come to a resolution late in the night while curled around Shannon.

  He was going to keep his cool and do his job. He’d hold himself together until after they caught the bastard responsible for doing this to Geoff.

  Ken Chalmers walked in a few moments after Shannon put her bag on her desk. He came right up to Ezra’s side. “Ezra, I’m sorry about your friend.”

  Ezra nodded. He’d no doubt get the same sentiments from everyone who knew. He would deal with it. In his own way.

  By finding the sonofabitch who’d done this. “How’s Jaynice?”

  Ken shook his head. “Touch and go.”

  “Geoff’s girlfriend?”

  “Upgraded condition this morning. She’ll most likely recover. Her family is with her now.”

  “The other victims?” He’d lost count. Why had he lost count? “How many do we have?”

  “Sixteen. We lost one last night. Terrance Alcher, forty-one. He had three kids. Four others were upgraded as of this morning. All women.”

  “There’s a pattern,” Shannon said quietly. “Look.”

  Ezra turned to look at her. She was in front of the bulletin board with photos and the timeline. “How so?”

  “There are two types of incidents. Before the day of Jaynice’s attack, they were almost random. No set number of victims, no set timeline of events. Just completely random. But nothing is truly random, especially when you add in the human element. After Jaynice, he changed.”

  “How so?” Chalmers asked. “Tell me what you’re getting at, Shan.”

  “It’s timing.” Shannon’s voice had changed, and Ez wondered how much she was there in the room and how much she was gone in her head somewhere.

  Shannon’s thing was numbers. She’d told him she’d originally applied for forensic accounting’s cyber position before getting scooped up by Carrie Lorcan for the CCU appointment with Chalmers’s team, who had needed an analyst. She’d been torn between computers and numbers her entire career. With PAVAD, she got to do both. “What’s the pattern?”

  “The man was shot first in crime scenes one through three. Then it’s random. Two men here, four co-eds there. An older couple here. But after Jaynice, he always hit the woman first. Then a man. And they were always together.”

  “Couples,” Ezra said. “They were couples. Jaynice was with her fiancé, Geoff was with his girlfriend. Alcher was with his wife.”

  “With only three to go on, I can’t say it’s a definite,” Chalmers said. “But it’s an angle that we don’t already have. One we can run with. Ez, you know I can’t let you out there in the field now.”

  Ezra cursed. “Chalmers, this... Geoff didn’t have too many other people in his life. And I owe him this.”

  SHANNON TURNED FROM the board and looked at the two men next to her. Both were about the same height, but Ken was built like a brick building. Ezra was leaner and almost more graceful in the way he moved. She could watch him all day.

  She’d said that before once. But then had had to qualify it with something about his behavior making him an ass.

  The two were in a silent conversation. No doubt trying to will the other to see their points of view. They were all professionals here. They understood it.

  Ken was the first to back down, which surprised her. Ken rarely backed down from anything. Unless it was truly important. He shot a look at Shannon. “You stay in the PAVAD building with Shannon. I can’t let you deal with any unsubs or victims. You can’t sign off on anything. Shannon can. You know what protocol says. And you know I’m breaking it to le
t you stick through this. I’ll pay for it, no doubt, with Kyra and Mick. But...watch yourself. Keep in line. Follow protocol so close we need a magnifying glass to see where it ends and you begin.”

  Ken shot her a look. Shannon nodded.

  She’d be there if Ezra needed her.

  Anytime he needed her.

  ONE HUNDRED

  EZRA HAD STAYED with Shannon again last night. Chas had sat there, staring at her front door. The pain was unimaginable. It almost rivaled how he’d felt after he’d lost Amelia.

  All he had wanted to do was storm in there and show her that Ezra Hahn was the worst choice for her.

  Ezra’s best friend had been killed, and Ezra had spent the night screwing with Shannon.

  Like Geoff Morten hadn’t mattered. Hadn’t mattered at all.

  He would have bet good money that Ezra would have been doing something besides screwing Shannon after losing his best friend like that.

  He hadn’t taken Geoff out because of Ezra.

  Certainly not because of Shannon.

  Shannon would never equal death in his eyes.

  Chas hadn’t meant to go hunting up the rest of his old team. But he’d done that this morning. He’d dreamed of Amelia again last night, and he’d watched her with Hollace, Schneider, Geoff, and Ezra. Saw things he didn’t remember. Little things like the way the other men had touched her. He needed to see her again. But he couldn’t.

  His next best option was to find them.

  Just to see. To see if they knew about Geoff yet. He’d even called Hollace, but the other man hadn’t answered.