The Tapper Twins Go to War (With Each Other)
Page 11
Now that Reese and I have made peace, it’s almost like it never even happened.
Almost.
MOM AND DAD (text messages)
(MOM) My winter coat smells like a dead fish
(DAD) Mine too
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COMING SOON!
To a bookstore and/or library and/or e-reader device thing near you!
It is three times funnier and five times crazier than THE TAPPER TWINS GO TO WAR! (Seriously.)
Turn this page Ed. Note: (and/or swipe left on e-reader thing) for a sneak preview!
PROLOGUE
CLAUDIA
This is the official history of the First Annual Culvert Prep Middle School Scavenger Hunt For Charity.
I am writing it because there is a WHOLE lot of bad information out there about what happened. Mostly because of that stupid article in the New York Star.
Which was almost completely not true. At no point did anybody involved in the hunt “run riot.”
Except possibly for a couple of minutes at the end. But I can explain that.
And I’ll admit that what happened was technically a “fracas.” But since almost nobody has any idea what that word means, it’s kind of ridiculous to put it in a headline.
Also, some of the things that happened with my brother Reese’s team were definitely not good. Or legal.
But overall, the scavenger hunt was a HUGE SUCCESS. We raised $8,748.75 for the Manhattan Food Bank, which is TOTALLY AMAZING. A LOT of hungry people got to eat decent meals thanks to our scavenger hunt.
Not that you’d know any of this from reading the stupid New York Star.
Which, again, is why I’m writing this history, based on interviews with everyone Ed. Note: except people who wouldn’t talk to me involved. Because as the person who not only had the idea for the hunt, but also organized it, all this misinformation has been very painful and frustrating.
The fact that there will not be a Second Annual Scavenger Hunt—because Vice Principal Bevan has banned them forever—is also very frustrating.
And honestly, I think Mrs. Bevan overreacted. Nobody actually filed a lawsuit. Those were just empty threats. Ed. Note: (so far)
REESE
All I can say is, none of the bad stuff that happened on our team was my fault. Most of the laws we broke, I didn’t even know were laws. So those shouldn’t count.
And none of it would’ve happened in the first place if Dad had done a better job of being our team chaperone.
I don’t want to throw Dad under the bus or anything. But that was pretty much the whole problem right there.
Mom’s still really mad at him for it.
MOM AND DAD (Text messages copied from Mom’s phone)
(MOM) FYI, Claudia is writing another
oral history
(DAD) About what?
Guess
Please tell me it’s not scavenger hunt
Bingo
OMG. You’re not letting her use
our texts again, are you?
why not?
BECAUSE I WILL LOOK LIKE WORST
PARENT IN HISTORY
Also worst husband. Don’t forget that
I know! I am sorry for 100th time! Please
please please don’t let C use texts
I won’t
thank you!!!!
unless I’m lying. Because we know ALL
ABOUT lying to people in text messages,
DON’T WE ERIC??
I am so so so very very sorry
I know you are. And I forgive you
so you won’t let her use texts, right?
right?
honey?
no comment
Ed. Note: Thanks, Mom!
CHAPTER 1
I HAVE AN EXCELLENT IDEA (WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM MY BROTHER)
CLAUDIA
I came up with the idea for the scavenger hunt while taking the M79 bus across Central Park to school.
REESE
You didn’t come up with it! It was MY idea!
You just ripped it off. And you never once gave me credit!
CLAUDIA
Do you seriously want credit for it? After everything that happened?
REESE
Oh, yeah… Good point. Never mind.
CLAUDIA
By the way, for anyone who doesn’t already know, Reese and I are twins.
Which is weird. Because we are not twin-like at all. In fact, we are VERY different.
I don’t want to get into HOW we’re different, because I believe every person is special and unique—and if you put a label on someone, it’s like forcing them into a tiny box where they have no room to move and can’t just be themselves.
Which, obviously, is not cool.
Although if I absolutely HAD to put labels on us, I would be The Smart One.
And Reese would be The Sporty One.
Or possibly The Smelly One.
Or maybe even The One Who Wastes His Life Playing Video Games While His Sister Is Busy Trying To Make The World A Better Place.
See what I mean about labels? They are very unfair.
Even when they’re true.
Back to the M79 bus.
Reese and I were sitting together, and I was writing a speech for Student Government about my proposal to do a fund-raiser for the Manhattan Food Bank.
The fact that some people in New York City don’t have enough food to eat REALLY bothers me. Especially when you consider how well off a lot of families at Culvert Prep are. It just seems completely unfair and wrong that kids could go hungry in one part of the city while people like Athena Cohen have so much money they can fly to Bermuda every weekend on a private jet.
And as president, I’d decided I should do something about this.
REESE
You realize you’re only president of the sixth grade, right?
Like, you’re not president of the whole city?
CLAUDIA
Okay, A) Duh.
B) New York City has a MAYOR, not a president. And C) have you ever heard the term “Think globally, act locally”?
REESE
Maybe. Was that in a Burger King commercial?
CLAUDIA
I am almost completely sure it wasn’t.
REESE
Oh. Then no.
CLAUDIA
That is just sad, Reese. Seriously.
Back to the bus. I was working on my speech. And Reese was babbling about some MetaWorld thing.
REESE
MetaWorld is, like, the greatest video game in the history of the universe. It’s not even one game. It’s more like fifty different games all skrudged Ed. Note: not an actual word together.
And one of them is MetaHunt, which is this super-massive scavenger hunt. Only it’s MUCH cooler than a regular scavenger hunt, because you can kill other players and take all their stuff. So if you kill enough people, you don’t even have to find any of the stuff yourself.
I’d been playing a ton of MetaHunt, and it got me thinking how awesome it’d be to do a scavenger hunt for real all over New York City.
We couldn’t, like, actually kill each other. But it’d still be cool.
So when Claudia was like, “Shut up, Reese! I’m writing my Student Government speech!”
I was like, “You should have the SG do a scavenger hunt! For the whole school!”
And Claudia was, like, “That is the DUMBEST idea—heeeeey, wait a minute…”
CLAUDIA
And that’s basically how it all started.
Read the rest of the story in
THE TAPPER TWINS TEAR UP NEW YORK
Coming Fall 2015!
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Geoff Rodkey is best known as the screenwriter of the hit films Daddy Day Care, RV, and the Disney Channel’s Good Luck Charlie, It’s Christmas. The author of the acclaimed middle-grade adventure-comedy trilogy The Chronicles of Egg, he
’s also written for the educational video game Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego?, the non-educational MTV series Beavis and Butt-Head, Comedy Central’s Politically Incorrect, and at least two magazines that no longer exist.
Geoff currently lives in New York City with his wife and three sons, none of whom bear any resemblance whatsoever to the characters in The Tapper Twins Go to War (With Each Other).
SPECIAL THANKS
Nina Lipkind, Gage Jayko, Brittney Morello, Matt Berenson, Ronin Rodkey, Rahm Rodkey, Michael Frank, Amanda Newman, Lily Feldman, Amy Giddon, the Newman-Corré Family, Lisa Clark, Liz Casal, Andrea Spooner, Deirdre Jones, and Josh Getzler.
PHOTO CREDITS
All photographs are copyright © 2015 by Geoff Rodkey except for the following, reprinted with permission:
1: United States Navy
2: United Kingdom Government
3: Ronin Rodkey
4: Ronin Rodkey
5: Ronin Rodkey
6: Ronin Rodkey
7: Ronin Rodkey
8: Ekler Vector/Shutterstock.com
9: Amanda Newman
10: Curtis Brown Photography
11: Hulton Royals Collection/Getty Images
12: antpun/Shutterstock.com
13: Elizabeth Newman-Corré
14: Erin Simon Berenson
15: Stephen Rees/Shutterstock.com
16: Currier & Ives N.Y.
17: Express Newspapers/Getty Images
18: cbpix/Shutterstock.com
19: khuruzero/Shutterstock.com
20: Vicke Andren
21: Marsan/Shutterstock.com
22: Firma V/Shutterstock.com
23: Tooykrub/Shutterstock.com
24: smuay/Shutterstock.com
25: Ekler Vector/Shutterstock.com
26: National Archives and Records Administration (USA)
27: Nina Lipkind
28: Alfred Eisenstaedt/Getty Images
29: Natalia Pushchina/Shutterstock.com
30: Mat Hayward/Shutterstock.com
ILLUSTRATION CREDITS
Liz Casal: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27
Lisa Clark: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11
Chris Goodhue: 1
CONTENTS
Cover
Title Page
Welcome
The Officially True History of the War between the Tapper Twins (Claudia and Reese)
Prologue
1 The Gathering Storm
1½ The Storm Is Still Gathering
1¾ The Storm Stops Gathering and Starts Storming
2 Peaceful Diplomacy Is a Total Fail
3 Operation Fishy Revenge
4 The Fishy Aftermath
5 Reese Strikes Back (Sort Of) (But Not Really)
6 Fitler Joins the War
7 The ClickChat Atrocity
8 Attila the Fembot
9 Operation Stupid Haircut
10 The War Comes to Planet Amigo
11 (Planet Amigo’s) God Is on My Side
12 The Terrible Vengeance of Invisible Death
13 Attack of the Whiners
14 The Thursday Night Massacre
15 The Friday Morning Catastrophe
16 Peace in Our Time
Epilogue
A Sneak Peek of The Tapper Twins Tear Up New York
About the Author
Special Thanks
Photo Credits
Illustration Credits
Copyright
Copyright
This book is a work of fiction. Except as described below, names, characters, places, product names and services, organizations and events in the book are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any similarity to actual people, locales, products, services or events is coincidental.
In order to create a sense of setting, some names of real places have been included in the book. However, the events depicted in this book are imaginary and the real places are used fictitiously.
Copyright © 2015 by Geoff Rodkey
Cover Illustration and Design by Liz Casal
Cover © 2015 Hachette Book Group, Inc.
This constitutes an extension of this copyright page.
All rights reserved. In accordance with the U.S. Copyright Act of 1976, the scanning, uploading, and electronic sharing of any part of this book without the permission of the publisher is unlawful piracy and theft of the author’s intellectual property. If you would like to use material from the book (other than for review purposes), prior written permission must be obtained by contacting the publisher at permissions@hbgusa.com. Thank you for your support of the author’s rights.
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First ebook edition: April 2015
ISBN 978-0-316-29782-0
E3