The Amish Secret Wish

by Laura V. Hilton

  He wasn’t Toby.

  He was very nearly a stranger. Her best friend via mail these days, but still a stranger. And not only that, but she wasn’t looking for a relationship. Well, maybe truthfully she was. With Kiah.

  She released her choke hold on him, placed her hands on his shoulders, and pushed.

  Disappointment clouded his gaze.

  But he gently set her feet on the ground and stepped away.

  It took all her strength not to pull him back. Especially when she was about to collapse with the new pain shooting up her leg and she couldn’t walk…and the distance between them wasn’t masking the pain unlike the snuggling during the ride.

  * * *

  Kiah probably should’ve brought the crutches along instead of deliberately leaving them behind, because without them Hallie wouldn’t be able to walk. She balanced on one foot now, the injured one slightly raised, as if she planned to hop around.

  She’d risk injuring herself worse.

  He dared to step closer. “Do you want…I mean, should I…um…It might be easier if you put your arm around my waist. I can support you.” Although he was a bit worried about getting too close to her after that ride together. He needed some distance to shore up his internal defenses, but she needed help and he couldn’t bear to cause her more pain.

  “I’m not looking for romance, Kiah.” Her voice lacked conviction.

  His brow furrowed. The correct answer was that he wasn’t, either. That he was courting the scribe. But he wanted Hallie. She was the one who didn’t want him. Well, maybe she did, but her words and actions were conflicting. However, a little evidence suggested her sister was the scribe, and he owed it to Anna to give their relationship an honest try even if he wasn’t attracted to her. Wait. No. He owed it to Anna to be truthful. He chose Hallie.

  “I said I wanted to be your friend.” He had said that, hadn’t he? Closer than friends would be more accurate. “I’m just offering to help you walk, not asking you to go skinny-dipping. The bishop and our parents would all frown on that.” He was trying to be funny.

  Anger flashed across her face, but he didn’t know why. Women were so confusing.

  She stared at him a long minute, her gaze narrowing; then she lunged toward him. Whether on purpose or by accident, he didn’t know. She fell against him, and he released a quiet oof as her nearness forced air from his lungs. The scent of lavender filled the air. Her softness pressed against him as she wrapped her arm around his waist and slid—slid!—to his side. His nerve endings incinerated. “Glory! Have mercy.” It was a prayer, a plea for divine help, and definitely a lot louder than he intended.

  She froze, her body pressed against his side, then burst into tears.

  * * *

  It was unintentional. It was all unintentional.

  Hallie hadn’t intended to fall against him, just to hop closer. But she’d lost her balance on the uneven ground and put her injured foot down to keep from falling. It gave out under her weight, and she collapsed against Kiah. Then she was afraid to let go, so she slid to his side, not even considering what he must think and feel. And he cried out her given name. Glory! But he didn’t know it. It was like they had some supernatural connection. And oh, that hurt! Because he planned on courting Anna, not putting the effort into wooing Hallie and trying to change her mind. Not that he could—it was already changed—but it would be oh so wonderful if he at least tried.

  “Hallie,” he said, his voice strangled. “Is it your ankle?”

  Without waiting for an answer, he scooped her into his arms and carried her to the blanket.

  She clung. Unashamedly. Tears dripping off her chin because the pain in her heart rivaled that in her leg. But if she was going to feel the pain of a life without Kiah in it, she might as well know exactly what she would be missing.

  He lowered her to a sitting position on the blanket and knelt beside her. “Please, don’t cry.” He brushed at her tears with his thumbs. “I shouldn’t have asked you to come with me. I’m sorry I was so selfish. I should’ve thought about how much pain you’d be in.” He leaned in and gently kissed her forehead. “Tell me how I can make this better.”

  Was she forever doomed to forehead kisses and brief lip brushes with this man? She was so over this.

  Besides, he was about to be used by Anna. He’d slink home, like a dog with his tail between his legs, never to return to Hidden Springs again. This was her one chance.

  “Should I carry you closer to the water so you can soak your foot?” He started to push up.

  “No. Not yet.” She rested the palms of both hands against his cheeks.

  His eyes widened. “Hallie—” Her name ended on a groan. “Are you sure?”

  She nodded. “Jah. Very sure.” She’d figure it out later. She only knew that if this moment slipped by, she’d regret it forever.

  And then his lips were on hers and all thoughts evaporated.

  Chapter 16

  In his wildest dreams, Kiah might’ve imagined this, but reality was so much better. She—his beloved Hallie—clung to him, exchanging kiss for kiss, and raising the temperatures from the tepid just-trying-this-out beginning to the current boiling hot, can’t-get-enough fever pitch. Somehow they maneuvered from the sitting up, clumsy sort of kisses, to lying on their sides on the blanket, bodies pressed against each other. Her fingers feathered through his hair, and his itched to touch hers the same way.

  She made some sort of whimpering sound that triggered his answering groan. He tugged at her kapp, but it caught, giving him a much-needed pause. He broke the kiss to try and figure it out, but they lay there, breathing heavily. Her fingers toyed with the buttons on his shirt, smoothed her hands over the rough material. They closed around his suspenders and clutched them.

  “Kiah. Oh, Kiah.” Her voice was filled with desire. Maybe he imagined the need, the want. Maybe not. The world was spinning, and he was fairly positive he wouldn’t make intelligent sense if he tried to talk.

  It was time to stop. Or to cross the point of no return.

  They’d regret that, and it was his responsibility to put on the brakes if she wouldn’t.

  “Ich liebe dich,” he whispered in her ear, even though it was way too early for words of love. Even though they were true. But there was still the issue of telling Anna he wasn’t interested, and a man’s word should mean something. He’d have to break his word in the letters and what he told people in town, as well as her family, about courting the scribe…or he’d have to deny his feelings for Hallie. Either way he’d be a liar.

  Unless his dearest wish came true and Hallie and the scribe were the same person after all.

  If only it were true. What he should’ve said was he came to meet the scribe. Mission accomplished. Carry on with courting Hallie.

  His heart ached. But then again, she got all his questions right. And they bonded.

  Hallie simply had to be the scribe.

  She was. He was convinced of it. “I love you.” He pressed a kiss against her neck.

  She stiffened and shoved against him, rolling away. “Guys will say anything to get what they want.”

  True, but wait. “No. No, it’s not like that.”

  She snorted.

  “And how do you know?” Fear coursed through him. “Did some guy…or what was his name. Toby. The furniture maker’s son. Did he…?” Oh, dear Gott. No. Please, no.

  “Daed told me and Anna. Joy, too. Warned us about guys like you.”

  Ouch. But her daed. That was good.

  “I’m not that guy.” There might’ve been a shade too much desperation in his voice.

  “But you are.” She sat up. “You said you’re here for Anna.”

  “Not Anna, the scribe. But I—”

  “You’ll tell her the same thing. You only kissed me because I asked you to. And then you thought I was easy.” Her voice cracked.

  What? “No!” He was the one who stopped it, for pity’s sake.

  She slashed the air with
her hand. “I’m going to soak my foot.”

  At least she wasn’t demanding to be taken home yet. That meant he had a chance to redeem himself. Right?

  Except he didn’t have a clue how.

  * * *

  With a strength born of anger, Hallie hoisted herself to her feet, ignoring Kiah’s feeble offer of help, and hobbled to the springs. She sank down on the edge of the rock where the water bubbled up from underground, forming a small pool that broke into a brook and, if followed far enough, joined with a river. She wouldn’t be doing any hiking tonight, obviously. Not even to show Kiah her favorite place. That might give Kiah too much power over her heart and she couldn’t risk that.

  After unwrapping her foot, she eased it down into the cold water. Then gasped at the shock of it. The water was seriously cold and after that heated kissing, she almost expected to see steam rising. She forced herself to keep her foot submerged.

  Kiah paced behind her, muttering under his breath. Probably arguing, correctly, that she was the one who initiated it. He was the one who broke it off. She was overreacting to his declaration of love. Also true. But…love? Really?

  Okay. Love.

  But she was still upset. At herself if she was honest.

  Okay, she might’ve fallen in love with her pen pal, too. But back when he was only a name, he was safe. While she’d had a name, she didn’t have a face to go with it. She never connected the name Kiah with the man she met at Toby’s funeral. It should’ve been an easy enough thing to avoid Kiah Esh when she heard he was in town. But no. He arrived at her house under the cover of darkness and with his parents, who were simply referred to as the visiting preacher and his wife.

  But he’d imagined her at the other end of his letters. Her! A woman wandering in a fog of grief the day they’d met over a year ago. He’d remembered her name.

  He’d. Remembered. Her. Name.

  That was enough to make her cry. Enough to feel oh-so-loved. That she was important to someone. Maybe even to Gott. Although maybe that was pushing it. She prayed but was fairly positive Gott had stopped listening to her a long time ago.

  Bishop Nathan’s words replayed. Don’t accuse Gott of ignoring your questions if you’ve been avoiding His answers.

  How did the bishop know these things?

  But that wasn’t the point.

  She shook her head, trying to get her thoughts back on track.

  It was commendable that Kiah wanted to honor his imagined commitment to the scribe even though what he believed was false. He didn’t know.

  Hallie couldn’t tell. But she wanted to. She yearned to have his full pursuit and attention.

  His strength of character was amazing.

  She attempted a sigh, but it sounded more like a whimper.

  Kiah immediately appeared next to her. He reached, as if he intended to touch her, but yanked his arm back to his side. “Hallie, I’m so very sorry. I know, I’m a mess—”

  “A hot mess,” she whispered.

  He gave a sharp intake of air, but otherwise remained silent.

  She leaned over and bumped his shoulder with hers. “Just kidding. I’m sorry, too. I might have overreacted.”

  Another long stretch of silence, but this time she didn’t attempt to break it. She didn’t know what to say.

  Finally, he said, “I should’ve let your no be no.”

  “I said I was sure.” She glanced at him.

  He said nothing, but she imagined him thinking, You clearly weren’t.

  The clouds parted and the moon shone. Stars popped out in abundance.

  Kiah looked around at the night lights and their reflections in the water. “This is amazing.” He caught his breath. “And you’ll show me a whippersnapper? Even though I know what it is now.” He chuckled.

  “Look and see.” She pulled her foot from the water, leaving ripples.

  He stood and looked down at the springs. From where she sat, she noticed a somewhat distorted reflection of him appear. But then she’d disturbed the water when she pulled her foot out.

  “Wow. I’d like to see this in the daylight.”

  “I don’t know why, but it’s not as magical during the day.” She refrained from suggesting that Anna might bring him. Instead, Hallie held out her hand. “Can you help me back to the blanket?”

  “It’d be an honor.” He crouched and scooped her into his arms.

  She sucked in a gasp and resisted the urge to snuggle in his arms.

  Seconds later, he deposited her gently on the blanket. But this time he didn’t kiss her on the forehead.

  Hallie missed it. But he was probably wise. She grasped the long flesh-colored bandage and leaned forward to rewrap her foot, but hesitated. Maybe it’d be better to wait until her foot was dry to rewrap it. She lay back on the soft blanket. “You want to stargaze?”

  He stared down at her, his pale green eyes glittering in the dim light, hesitated a moment, then sat beside her. “Sure. For a little while.” But even though he laid down, he kept his distance. More than enough space for someone to lie between them.

  She hated that it was her fault that he was being so cautious. Her fault he was so quiet. Her fault. All her fault.

  What had the bishop said? Something about leaving the shadows and stepping into the light of the campfire? She couldn’t remember his exact words. Maybe she should’ve listened better. Or asked for pen and paper to write it down. But that would’ve drawn out the uncomfortable conversation, and she’d wanted it to end. He’d still given her plenty to think about.

  She rolled over to face him. “I’m sorry. For so many things.”

  He didn’t look at her, instead keeping his sight fixed on the stars above. “Bishop Nathan told me to choose between you and Anna. Now.”

  And with Hallie’s immature behavior, he was picking Anna. He didn’t need to spell it out.

  Pick me. Please, pick me.

  She fought the burn in her eyes as she rolled away. The heavens were blurry through the moisture beading on her lashes.

  “If she’s the scribe, she’s the one I imagined that I fell in love with. But if that’s the case, why does my heart recognize you?” There was something husky in his tone. Maybe even heartbreak. “But…I choose you.” The words were whispered.

  Why did her heart long for him when she’d sworn off love?

  There were no words.

  And since she wanted to roll into his arms and resume their earlier activities, there were no actions, either.

  * * *

  It was Kiah’s first time stargazing with a girl. Well, the first time the stars actually factored in. Because he had stopped the horse and buggy in Shipshewana with his ex-girlfriend-slash-brief-fiancée under the guise of admiring the night sky, but really it was for other extracurricular activities. Not that they’d ever anticipated their wedding vows, but they had gone further than they should have.

  Whereas, he and Hallie lay flat on their backs, staring up at the night sky, not touching and no longer talking. And it was nice. Although, if given his druthers, Hallie would be back in his arms, their breathing heavy as they communicated horizontally.

  And he was a preacher’s son. There was something shameful in even admitting his thoughts to himself. He needed to ask Gott’s forgiveness, probably. Both for his thoughts and actions.

  Gott, forgive me for my thoughts and actions. But regarding Hallie, give me a sign. Give me peace…

  He must’ve dozed off, because he awoke to Hallie shaking his arm and pointing at a kaleidoscope of colors shooting across the sky. The bright lights danced and played, a beautiful display of Gott’s handiwork.

  “What’s happening?” Fear filled her voice.

  He sat and held out his arm, reaching for her. She burrowed against his side. “The northern lights,” he said. “We see them occasionally in northern Indiana. Aren’t they beautiful?”

  “Northern lights,” she said with a puff that might’ve been a disguised sigh of relief. “I’m not going to s
ay what I thought was happening.”

  He chuckled. “The world was coming to an end? Or maybe that Jesus was coming again in a blaze of glory? That’s what I thought the first time I saw them.”

  She bobbed her head. “They’re safe?”

  He hesitated. “Jah, as far as I know.” He started to shift away from her. “We should get back to your house. It’s late.” Probably, but he didn’t know what time it was. Whatever the case, he didn’t want her to get into trouble.

  “I need to wrap my foot, and since I’ve never seen these before, I’d like to wait a bit. Do you mind?”

  “That’s fine.” He lay back and held out his arm. “Enjoy the show.”

  She snuggled against him.

  Kiah smiled, glad she was back to normal. His mind was made up. He wanted Hallie. Not Anna. Not some unknown scribe. Hallie. He brushed a kiss against her cheek.

  And he closed his eyes to simply enjoy the moment and dream of their future.

  He was still smiling when a bright light shocked him awake and blinded him.

  Chapter 17

  “Turn off the flashlight, Anna.” Hallie flung her arm across her eyes as she squeezed them shut and rolled to bury her face in the pillow. A softness she couldn’t find. Instead, her cheek rested against one very hard chest. What? Where was she? She smoothed her hand over the plains of solid hardness. The scent of pines filled her senses. Pines?

  “Hallie, wake up.” A rough, sleep-husky male voice filled with urgency.

  Not Anna. Male?

  Mercifully, one of the flashlights flicked off. The other two aimed away from her.

  Wait. Two?

  And she was wide awake. And lost. Confused. Why was she in the woods? Who was she with…? Kiah. His name burst into her thoughts like sunshine after the rain. She rolled away from the suddenly sexy chest and sat. “Oops. We’ve been bad.”

  Kiah coughed. Choked, really. Followed by a trio of shocked gasps.

  And then it registered that the men standing over them were their fathers and her brother.

  And she’d just accidentally implied that she and Kiah had done a lot more than heavy kissing. Her face burned.