Polterheist: An Esther Diamond Novel

by Laura Resnick

  “Realize what?” I asked.

  “Oh!” Jeff said, his eyes widening as he looked at Lopez. “Seriously?”

  “Seriously, what?” I said.

  “Nothing,” said Lopez.

  Satsy asked him, “Is this really a good place for you to be? I mean . . .”

  “Esther! Are you all right?” Rick came trotting in from the North Pole. “I was in the break room. I just heard what happened!”

  Lopez drew in a sharp breath through his nostrils when he saw Super Santa. A muscle in his jaw worked tensely.

  “I’m fine,” I said. “Actually, Jeff got hurt more than I did.”

  While Rick took a look at Jeff and asked him some medical-sounding questions, I said quietly to Lopez, “Are your teeth clenched?”

  “How many more of them are there?” he asked in a low voice.

  “Them?” I repeated, not understanding.

  Looking uncomfortable, he stepped closer to me and muttered, “Santas. Just so I know. How many more of them are lurking around here?”

  My eyes flew wide open as I realized the problem. “Oh! You have a San . . . Um.” Not wanting to embarrass him, I leaned close and whispered, “You have a Santa phobia?”

  “It’s not a phobia,” he whispered back tersely. “It’s just a—a—a thing. I find them . . . startling.” He glared at the three Santas and added, “Especially when they creep up on me from behind.”

  “Oh, my gosh,” I said, looking at him in wonder. “That must be so inconvenient at this time of year. How do you manage—”

  “I just don’t like it when they sneak up on me, okay? I’m fine otherwise.” He glared at the Santas. “Do there have to be so many of them?”

  “Probably you should stay out of the North Pole while you’re here,” I said.

  “Where’s that?”

  I pointed. “It used to be Holidayland. But maybe you didn’t go there as a child. Given your problem—”

  “It’s not a problem. It’s just a . . . a thing.”

  “—I’m guessing your parents didn’t bring you here?”

  “Just the once,” he said darkly.

  “Why are all three of my Santas on the floor at the same time?” Miles demanded, approaching us from the direction of Solstice Castle. “And in here? This isn’t Santa’s station.”

  “Chill, Miles,” said Jeff. “We’re checking on Esther. Thanks to the shoddy maintenance practices around here, you were almost minus one more elf today. In a big way.”

  “But as you can see, Dreidel is fine,” said Miles. “Aren’t you, Dreidel?”

  “Well, I—”

  “Good.”

  I added, “But Jeff’s been hurt—”

  “We’ve closed off the Enchanted Forest for the rest of the evening,” Miles said. “We’re placing security barriers at the entrances to this area. The rest of Solsticeland will remain open. So let’s all get back to work and let maintenance do their jobs.”

  “It’s very lucky that no one sustained serious injuries here today,” Lopez said to Miles. “When I come back tomorrow, I’m going to want to see proof that this incident is being investigated thoroughly and steps are being taken to prevent another event like it.”

  “There’s already been another event like it,” Satsy blurted. Ignoring my (admittedly unclear) signals to drop the subject, he continued, “This morning, the freight elevator went crazy while I was inside it! The lights went off, the thing started shuddering, and then it was bobbing up and down like a yo-yo. There were flames! Laughing and growling, too. I was terrified!”

  We all looked at him for a long moment.

  Then Lopez said to Miles, “Come to think of it, the elevator I was on a little while ago was malfunctioning. You people really need to overhaul this place.”

  Miles lifted his chin. “And who are you?”

  Lopez pulled out his gold shield and showed it to Miles. “Detective Lopez, NYPD. I’m investigating the hijackings.”

  “Oh, yes, the guys down on the docks have been talking about that,” said Satsy.

  “You hang out on the docks?” Jeff asked in surprise. “With those . . . Jersey Shore guys?”

  I said to him, “I’ll explain later.”

  “I’m here because of the hijackings,” Lopez said to Miles, “but if Dreidel, Jeff, or anyone else had been badly hurt here today, I’d also be investigating criminal negligence and a pile of other charges I can think of off the top of my head.”

  “I like this guy,” Jeff said to me.

  “Of course, detective,” Miles said, altering his attitude with the ease of long practice. “The matter is being given highest priority. Solsticeland is a seasonal destination, not a danger zone—and we intend to keep it that way.”

  “See that you do,” Lopez said. “I don’t want to hear about any more elves, Santas, or visitors being hurt or endangered by your props and displays.”

  “Absolutely understood, detective. And I will see to it.”

  “Good.”

  “Dreidel, do you feel ready to return to work?” Miles asked me.

  “Oh, that’s probably not a good idea, Miles,” Rick said in protest, shaking his head. “Esther’s had a shock. I don’t think she should go back on the floor tonight.”

  Actually, now that I had calmed down, I pretty much felt fine; I’m seldom as sensitive as the men whom I know think I should be. But I started to agree with Rick’s comment, because I wanted to get out of the store immediately and go confer with Max about what was going on here.

  However, Lopez said, “Actually, I need to speak with Dreidel. After which, I think she should go home and get some rest.”

  “Speak with her? Has Dreidel done something that we at Fenster’s should be aware of?” Miles asked.

  Jeff said, “Yeah, you should be aware that she’s just been mauled by one of your overblown props.”

  “Dreidel’s not in any trouble. I just need to interview her.” Lopez added, “I’ll be talking to a number of employees in the next few days.”

  Miles looked offended. “I can assure you that employees in my department have nothing to do with the hijackings!”

  “Ah. Right.” Jeff nodded. “The hijackings.”

  “What’s this about hijackings, anyhow?” Rick asked. “What exactly are you talking about?”

  “You don’t know?” Jeff said. “It’s been all over the news lately.”

  “All over,” Lopez agreed wearily.

  “I don’t have much time for news,” Rick said. “I’m always here.”

  “Exactly.” I nodded.

  “Armed robbers have twice seized a Fenster truck on the road and made off with boatloads of merchandise,” said Jeff.

  “Twice?” I said. “I thought three trucks had been hit by now?”

  “I’ve only read about two.” Jeff looked at Lopez for confirmation or correction, but the detective said nothing. So he continued, “And the local media’s been putting a lot of public pressure on the Police Commissioner to crack down on organized crime this Christmas season.”

  “Oh.” I looked at Lopez, too. “And the Commissioner has been putting pressure on OCCB?”

  He nodded. Rick asked what OCCB was. Lopez replied, “The Organized Crime Control Bureau.”

  “Oh?” Rick said with interest. “So the police think this is a Mafia matter?”

  “The media certainly think so,” said Lopez. “But my job is to investigate the crime, not leap to conclusions just to boost ratings and ad revenues.”

  “Still,” Rick said, “since OCCB is here, I guess that means there’s some truth to it?”

  “It means that we’re public servants who respond to public safety concerns,” said Detective Lopez, who was obviously disinclined to speculate about the perpetrators while chatting with Fenster employees. “And one thing the media have actually got right is that the hijackings are well organized.”

  “Well, it sounds like we all have a job to do here,” said Miles. “So let’s . . . Drei
del, where are you ears?”

  “Oh.” I put my hand on my hair. “I guess my hat fell off when—”

  “There it is,” said Rick, going over to retrieve it from the spot where it had fallen during the attack.

  “Don’t get too close to that tree!” I was still anxious about it.

  He scooped my blue stocking cap off the floor and brought it over to me with a reassuring smile. “I’m okay. See?”

  “Thanks.” I accepted the hat from him and put it back on, feeling a little self-conscious as Lopez watched me don my pointy ears.

  Miles said, “You know, I think Rick is right, Dreidel. You do look a little worse for wear. I suggest you go home and get some rest after Detective Lopez finishes interviewing you.”

  “Okay.” Well, that had been easy, at least.

  “Meanwhile, Santas, time to get back to work.” Miles gave a little clap of his hands. “Chop-chop! And I will go check on Solstice Castle to make sure Prince Midnight’s next marriage proposal will occur on schedule. We’ve got to keep the ship running smoothly after a mishap like this!” And off he went.

  Rick said to Jeff, “You look like you need a cold compress on that lip and a hot shower for the rest of you. Why don’t you go home, and I’ll finish out the night with Drag Queen Santa.”

  Jeff nodded in agreement with this suggestion and went to go clock out. “So long, everyone. See you tomorrow.”

  “Drag Queen . . .” Lopez was looking at Satsy with dawning recognition. “Oh, that’s where we’ve met. You’re one of Esther’s friends from the Pony Expressive, right?”

  Several other performers from the club knew both me and Max, who had helped them recover a friend who’d gone mystically missing. That was how we’d all met, actually. It was how I’d met Lopez, too. That had been a strange and annoying case for him, and I could see that he was ambivalent about encountering someone again who was involved in those odd events.

  Satsy, however, was pleased to be remembered. He patted Lopez’s hand and said, “I understand completely why you didn’t recognize me, detective. This costume upset you.”

  “It just startled me,” Lopez said uncomfortably.

  “Oh?” Rick looked puzzled for a moment, then understanding dawned. “Oh. I see. Hmm. You know, detective, a Santa phobia is nothing to be embarrassed about.”

  Lopez scowled. “It’s not a phobia. I just—”

  “It’s far more common than you might realize.”

  That made Lopez pause in his denial. “Really?”

  “Well, very common among young children,” Rick amended. “Unusual in a grown man—very unusual, in fact—but not entirely unknown.”

  “It’s not a phobia,” Lopez repeated. “And I think your boss made a good suggestion about getting back to work.”

  Eager to help ease psychological suffering, Rick said, “I don’t have a license to practice, of course. I’m still just a grad student. But if you’d like to talk about your problem with someone, detective, I’m a good listener.”

  “It’s not a problem,” Lopez insisted.

  “Or, if you prefer, I could refer you to a good psychiatrist,” said Rick. “There’s been some pioneering work in the past decade or so in the field of—”

  “I’m going to interview Dreidel now. Go back to work, Santa. Little kids are probably waiting on line even as we speak, eager to meet you.” Lopez turned to me. “Where can we talk without being interrupted?”

  “Hang on, detective,” said Satsy. “I need a few minutes with Esther. It’s important.”

  Lopez nodded in acceptance of this. Rick departed to work another shift on Santa’s throne. I led Satsy about twenty feet away, seeking privacy from the sharp ears of the NYPD, as well as the Fenster’s maintenance and security people who were milling around the Enchanted Forest now.

  “That wasn’t just a massive electrical meltdown, was it?” Satsy said to me. “Something happened, didn’t it? Something evil.”

  “Yes,” I confirmed. I quickly explained my experience. I was disappointed to discover that, like the others, Satsy hadn’t witnessed any of the phenomena that I was describing. “Not the smell? Or the fangs? Nothing?”

  “We were coming from over there.” Satsy pointed toward the North Pole, and I realized that from their angle, he and Jeff wouldn’t have seen the tree’s face. “And Jeff was in front of me, so all I really saw were some branches waving around and people fighting and ducking and screaming . . . Then splat! Jeff hit me like a giant bowling ball, and we both flew into that old display of penguins and baby reindeer playing in a snow bank . . . I think I blacked out for a few seconds. Anyhow, by the time we could inhale without coughing up fake snow and managed to stagger to our feet, the whole thing was over and Jingle was shouting that you were all right. So I staunched the bleeding on Jeff’s lip before we did anything else.”

  “Hmm.” I thought it over. “Well, maybe it’s just as well that no one saw—or, at least, no one really recognized and processed—what I saw. It might be hard for Max to look into this if there were too much other scrutiny being applied to it now. As it is, what with the NYPD prowling around in search of hijackers, and maintenance looking for electrical problems—”

  “Oh, I don’t think we need to worry much about Fenster’s maintenance,” Satsy said darkly. “They’ll probably just make sure the tree won’t burn down the store, and not bother doing much else. They’re not going to repair it with only three days left in the season.”

  I realized he was right. Slack safety measures seemed to be standard operating procedure around here. Moreover, with Preston Fenster determined to shut down Solsticeland for good after this season ended, and with the rest of the family seemingly less organized than a random street riot, I suspected the homicidal tree might never get properly examined or repaired.

  Satsy said, “So you are going to talk to Dr. Zadok about this situation? Good. That’s such a relief!”

  “Yes, I’ll go over to his place after Detective Lopez is done interviewing me.”

  “Oh, the detective is looking very hot, isn’t he?” Satsy said, enthusiastically distracted. “I think navy blue is really his color, don’t you? It brings out those blue, blue eyes with those thick black lashes . . . He doesn’t even use mascara, does he?”

  I snorted involuntarily at the mental image this gave me. “No, I don’t think so.”

  “But the poor man! A phobia can be so traumatizing.”

  “He says it’s not a phobia.” But I was skeptical that anything less serious than that could make a brave man as jumpy as Lopez was around Father Christmas.

  “He’s in denial,” Satsy said. “That’s understandable. People can be very judgmental, you know.”

  Looking at my three hundred pound, purple-lashed friend who usually dressed as a woman when he was working, I assumed he was speaking from experience. “I know, Satsy. And although Lopez didn’t show it, I’m sure he appreciated that you were sensitive to his problem.”

  “Maybe you should encourage him to talk to Rick, even though he was resistant to that idea,” Satsy suggested. “Rick is a good listener, and his training gives him insight into people’s little foibles. It might be a non-threatening way for Detective Lopez to start confronting his fear of Santa Claus.”

  “We’ll see,” I said vaguely. “Meanwhile, do you want—”

  “And, girlfriend, there are obviously still sparks between you and the detective!” Satsy gave a little shiver of delight. “I mean, zing, zing, zing!”

  “Satsy—”

  “I really think you should go for it, Esther! Just grab that man by the—”

  “Focus, Satsy,” I instructed. “The subject on the table right now is the Evil at Fenster’s, not my shipwreck of a love life. Do you want to come with me to Max’s to tell him about what happened to you this morning? I could wait for your shift to end.”

  “Oh, I can’t,” he said. “You’ll tell him for me, won’t you? I have to go straight to the club to get ready for m
y first show as soon as I get off work here.”

  “That’s a long day, Satsy.”

  “The show must go on.” He added, “But I do think this is my final year here. It’s not as much fun this year. And now it’s dangerous, too!”

  “Actually, I think it could be everyone’s last year of doing this.” I told him about the Fenster family quarrel over Solsticeland. “I wouldn’t want to bet on how it’ll be settled. Freddie Junior has got the deciding vote, for all practical purposes, but Preston’s probably got more determination than the rest of the family put together. I think that may be the quality he inherited from his mother, more so than the other Fensters, even if he’s not nearly as shrewd as she was, and probably not as ruthless.”

  “Oh, I met that woman, sugar, and I don’t think there’s a person in this whole city as ruthless as she was.” Satsy shuddered a little. “But she did keep Fenster’s running smoothly. If she were still alive, you can bet we wouldn’t be short-staffed and having equipment problems, or having hijackings and the police prowling around here.”

  I suspected they also wouldn’t be sharing weed down on the docks if Constance were still alive; but I didn’t spoil Satsy’s nostalgia by mentioning this.

  “And you know what else? Evil wouldn’t have dared move in here while Mrs. Fenster was still alive and in charge,” my friend said. “It would have been too scared of her! Whatever is here now, Esther, I really think it waited for her to die first.”

  In which case, I supposed I was sorry, after all, that the Iron Matriarch was dead.

  8

  After Satsy returned to the break room, prepared to swap out with Super Santa at a moment’s notice, I told Lopez, who was talking with a uniformed cop, that I was ready for our interview.

  He nodded at me, but he was looking over my shoulder; something behind me had caught his attention. “Hang on a second, Esther. It’s that guy with the accordion. Finally! What the hell took him so long?”

  “Don’t say ‘hell’ on the floor, detective,” I admonished.