Sparks

by Talia Carmichael

  “I missed you, Bernard. I’m glad I came,” Wilbur said.

  Bernie paused in the doorway and looked back at his brother. He stood slightly hunched, his arm around his waist.

  “Missed you, Wilbur. Welcome home, brother,” Bernie said.

  “Thanks. ’Night.”

  “’Night,” Bernie replied.

  He closed the door and hurried down the hall into the living room, then rushed to the kitchen and onto the back patio. Gripping the rail, he inhaled deeply, fighting nausea.

  They took money to take care of me.

  The thought vibrated in his head.

  “No wonder they moved us to a bigger house,” Bernie whispered.

  He remembered not too long after Wilbur left, they had moved. The house was bigger, but they had given him the smallest room off the kitchen. It was a maid’s quarters. The bigger house hadn’t meant anything. Just more things to taunt him with. Swallowing thickly, he closed his eyes. A hand touched his back. Startled, he jumped, then relaxed as he recognized Tomas’s scent. Turning, he buried his face against Tomas. Tomas held him. Bernie shuddered, swallowing again.

  “Come to bed, Bernie,” Tomas said.

  “How’d you know I was out here?”

  “Your brother knocked on the bedroom door and told me he was moving in. And that you needed me.” Tomas sounded disgruntled.

  “Interfering little shit,” Bernie said wearily.

  “You’re tired. Come to bed.”

  “Not yet. I can’t… won’t… bring them into our bed. I need to tell you why I’m so leery around your parents.” Bernie swallowed.

  “You don’t have to do this tonight,” Tomas insisted.

  “I want to get this out now. I should have told you before.”

  “Whatever you think is best. But I think it can wait,” Tomas grumbled.

  Bernie was grateful for his attitude. It stabilized him. The one thing he could count on was Tomas. Shocked, Bernie drew back and stared at him. Tomas frowned.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?”

  “No reason at all.” Bernie smiled widely.

  Tomas was leery. “I’m not sure if I like that smile.”

  “It will be all good.” Bernie replied. He took a breath, then started. “I’ve noticed that you are close to your family. Your parents would do anything to protect you, wouldn’t they?”

  “Yes. Family is important.” That unshakable surety was in his tone.

  Bernie pulled away from him and looked out at the backyard. “Not how we grew up. In our house, it was all about my parents. From the time I was able to understand, I was taught my place. We all were taught our place. That we were there at the benevolence of our parents, and we better never forget it. Which we never did. Not that it mattered.”

  “You all were abused.” It wasn’t a question.

  “That seems such a pretty word for what they did to us. Dad was quick with his fist. He’d punch you so quick that the pain wouldn’t register until he left the room. Him, I could deal with. It was just vicious. It was her that I feared. She’d feed you and cuddle you, speaking so kindly. Then she’d turn on you. She liked to throw things. I used to be good at ducking what she threw. But even that, she would blame you if you moved. Blame you for making her break whatever. Vase, chairs, knives, shoes, appliances. She’d justify it to Dad, and then he’d punish you for it. A broken finger here, shattered legs, wrenched shoulder. It didn’t matter. They just wanted to inflict pain.” Bernie bit his lip.

  Tomas touched his back. He flinched. Tomas withdrew. Bernie turned and caught his arm.

  “Sorry. You just startled me.” He clutched Tomas’s hand, pulling him in to him.

  Tomas hugged him fiercely. “Didn’t you tell someone?”

  “Olivia tried to tell once. She was our protector—the main punching bag. The teacher mentioned it laughingly to them that Olivia was making up tales. She had no idea what she had done. I felt it with them squeezing my hand. I feared for Olivia, but was too little to do anything. When we got home… God, I thought they would kill Olivia for it. It’s amazing how much blood a body can lose and survive. After that, we didn’t dare breathe a word. We’d learned the lesson not to. They were good at putting on a face of being attentive parents. And we were just a set of kids.”

  “Olivia?”

  “My sister,” he said dully.

  “You have a sister too?”

  “Had a sister. When she was eight and we were four, they left with her and she never came back. They told us she was dead because she had been a bad girl. After that, I became the main punching bag for a while. I was glad for it. They left Wilbur and Dillard alone.” Bernie sighed.

  Tomas stroked his back. “That’s enough.”

  “No. I need to get it all out.” Bernie shook his head.

  Tomas’s voice was hoarse. “I don’t know if I can bear it, but go ahead.”

  “They left them alone for a while. After a bit, it just became a routine. Get dressed, punch, brush teeth, slap, eat breakfast, lamp thrown. I guess I had stopped reacting enough for them. They turned on Wilbur and Dillard. It was sickening, watching them get abused. For some reason, they seemed to take special joy in tormenting Wilbur. He took it for years. But something happened when we turned fifteen. I still remember when Wilbur came to me, so desperate to leave. He wouldn’t tell me why. Dillard knew. I could see he did, but neither of them would tell me why. We helped him escape. God, they went crazy. Locked us away in the basement for three months, giving us barely any food or water. They gave us just enough to make sure we didn’t die.”

  “How could they do that and no one know?” Tomas cried.

  “It was summer. No one was looking for us. They just said we were away for the summer. When I went back to school, I was so thin. But no one really paid it any mind. I was always a gangly kid, anyway. Dillard stuck it out almost a year, and then he was gone. He said nothing, and I feared they had taken him like they had Olivia. But when they didn’t seem to know where he was, I felt hope that he had escaped.” Bernie smiled bitterly.

  “Why didn’t you leave too? God, Bernie.” Tomas sounded shaken.

  “I didn’t dare. They would have gone after them. Found them. They told me to stay or they would. I had to protect my brothers. I did such a bad job of it. I could at least do this. I wanted to do that for them. Let them be free.” Bernie’s voice lowered. “I was glad Wilbur and Dillard had gone. It was easier to take a beating than see them do it. God, I wanted them gone. What kind of man am I that I was glad to see them go? What kind of man am I that I couldn’t protect them in the first place?” he cried.

  Tomas gripped him. “A good one. One who gave himself up for his brothers.”

  Bernie wrenched away. “You don’t understand. It wasn’t some self-sacrifice. It was survival. Mine. With them gone, maybe I could sleep without worrying they would come in and take them. With them gone, all I had to worry about was myself. God, I didn’t even care where they were… if they were running into something worse.”

  Tomas grabbed his hands. “You were a child, Bernie. There was nothing you could do.”

  “I was never a child in that house. I was always the oldest brother. Supposed to be the protector.” He laughed bitterly, then asked, “But how do you protect your brothers from their own parents?”

  “Exactly. You did what you had to. I’m just glad you got out,” Tomas said.

  “Coming to Mapson to school was a blessing. They didn’t ever expect I would leave. Thank God I was smart. I hid and applied for scholarships. When I got one, I told them. It was my last defiance. Telling them ‘fuck you’. But I wasn’t fast enough. Dad and she were like animals. I blacked out. Woke up on the side of the road. Had to drag myself out of a ditch. By some miracle, they had decided to drive cross-country and dropped me in a ditch in Mapson. A Good Samaritan stopped and took me to the hospital. I told the cops I was jumped and didn’t know by whom. They called my folks, and they came to be by my bedsid
e. I knew it was because they couldn’t believe I was alive. I made sure to make it clear they should never contact me again, or I would kill them. They even stated I should come home because my brothers needed me, but they had already been gone for years.” Bernie paused.

  Tomas squeezed his hand. Taking a shuddering breath, Bernie spoke again.

  “Of course, they didn’t believe me, at least not until I cut Dad with the scalpel I had swiped. Then they believed me. And left. Haven’t seen them again. I just wanted to forget about them. I convinced the admissions board at Mapson University that I could do the classwork from my hospital bed and then home as I convalesced. I made arrangements to rent this little dinky room so I had someplace to go after the hospital. That became my temporary new home. Once I was able to, I went to actual classes. Being in college made me realize how free I was. God, that freedom was so addictive.”

  “You are free, Bernie. They can’t hurt you,” Tomas assured him.

  “You don’t understand. I still let them hurt me. Talking with Wilbur made me realize that I’ve been clinging to college, since it’s the first place I ever felt free.” Bernie shook him off.

  Turning, he gripped the rail. Tomas pressed against his back, putting his arms around his waist.

  “I don’t know what you mean, Bernie. I know you have another two years of grad study, and then school is done. That’s not clinging. That’s getting your education.”

  Bernie sighed. “I could be done already. Should have been done a long time ago.”

  “What do you mean?”

  Bernie turned in his arms. He glanced up at Tomas’s warm brown eyes. He hunched, lowering his eyes.

  “I’ve hidden from the school and everyone else that I have an eidetic memory. The schoolwork comes easily to me. I’m bored with it. I’ve read all the books in the university library and remember them all.”

  “You what?” Tomas asked.

  “I have a photographic memory, Tomas. And although I’ve never been tested, I suspect that I probably have a high IQ.”

  “Why’d you hide what you can do?” Tomas asked calmly.

  “Because I’m a freak.”

  “Yeah, you are,” Tomas replied without hesitation.

  Bernie raised his eyes in shock.

  “You’re my freak. And I’m keeping you, no matter if you are a supersmart geek. Geeks are sexy.” Tomas smiled playfully.

  “I’m not sexy,” Bernie said in exasperation.

  “Yeah, you are. But that’s a discussion for another time. Back to what you said. If you’re bored with school, then finish it and do what you want to do. There’s nothing stopping you from that. I’ll help you wherever you need it.” Tomas shrugged.

  “I don’t know what I want to do,” Bernie admitted.

  “What is your deepest dream? If you could do anything, what is the one thing that you would do above all else?”

  “Help people so they don’t have to go through what I did,” Bernie said.

  “Then find a way to do that. You can do anything you want. I believe in you.” Tomas squeezed Bernie’s waist.

  “Thank you for your faith, for believing in me.” Bernie leaned against his body.

  “No problem, kid.”

  “I’m onto you. You call me kid when I compliment you, or you’re trying to get a rise out of me,” Bernie said.

  “I have no idea what you mean, kid. Time for bed.” Tomas picked him up.

  “I can walk.”

  “And I can carry you. Let me carry you to our bed, honey,” Tomas said.

  Bernie put his head against Tomas’s shoulder, and Tomas carried him into the house. He placed him gently on the bed, then slid in next to him and pulled the quilt over them. Tomas tucked him against his body. Bernie drew in the scent of him.

  “We’re going to find Dillard. I hope he’s okay.” Bernie’s heart clenched.

  “I’ll help. I’ll talk with Miguel in the morning.”

  “Wilbur said he’d take care of it,” Bernie said.

  “Don’t know about him just showing up like that.” Tomas grunted.

  “He said someone sent him a letter that brought him here,” Bernie admitted.

  “Who, and what’d it say?”

  “He doesn’t know. And it showed that my parents are not just sadistic, they’re greedy,” Bernie said bitterly.

  “What do you mean?”

  Bernie shrugged.

  “Have you ever talked to someone about what happened to you?” Tomas asked hesitantly.

  “I told you I hadn’t. I just told you.” Bernie frowned.

  “Not when you were a child. I mean a psychologist. You need to talk all this out with someone,” Tomas said gently.

  “I can’t.” Bernie pulled away.

  “You don’t have to decide tonight. But you need to deal with what happened to you. Think about talking with someone.” Tomas held him gently.

  “I’ll think about it,” Bernie replied stiffly.

  “Don’t be pissed. I’m just….” Tomas trailed off.

  Bernie sighed and hugged him. He knew Tomas was concerned. And he was right, but Bernie wasn’t ready to deal with it now. Tomas kissed the top of his head.

  “Sleep.”

  “I don’t know if I can,” Bernie said.

  He was drained, but his mind was filled with everything that had happened. Bernie listened to Tomas’s heartbeat as Tomas continued to stroke along his back. Slowly, Bernie relaxed.

  WHEN Bernie went boneless, Tomas withdrew slowly. Bernie made a sniffling noise. Tomas stopped. When he resettled, Tomas slid off the bed and went to the chair, collapsing onto it. Gripping his hair, Tomas closed his eyes that burned with unshed tears. The horror of what Bernie had revealed still echoed in his mind. He swallowed, stifling the urge to vomit. The thought that someone could do that to another person, let alone their own child, was reprehensible.

  Opening his eyes, he studied Bernie. With all he’d been through, it was amazing he still had that sense of innocence. Bernie hadn’t even been bitter. He had told him in such a mechanical and cold way. Detached from it. It was as if he’d slipped into a shell to protect himself. Bernie might not want it, but Tomas would make sure he got help to deal with the abuse he’d suffered.

  A sound made him stand. Going out the bedroom door, he went to the living room. Standing in the doorway, he observed Bur, who was standing looking out the window. In the low lighting, Tomas could make out some sort of tattoo that covered the expanse of his bare back.

  “You know, when I left, I used to hate. Hate him for making me feel so guilty for leaving him there.” Bur shrugged into his T-shirt.

  “Is that why you’re back? For revenge? I won’t let you hurt him.” Tomas strode into the room.

  Bur turned to him. “If anyone hurts him, I’ll bloody well skin them, then mount them on my wall.” He gestured with the lollipop he had then put it back in his mouth and studied Tomas. The cool analysis was unnerving.

  “Then why are you here?”

  “Redemption and revenge.” Bur made a motion with his hands. “Being Bernie’s brother again. Hoping he’ll forgive me for being so weak and leaving him. Revenge for what they did to Bernie when we left. They need to pay. To almost kill him… those bastards.”

  “How’d you know about that?” Tomas demanded.

  “I heard. They couldn’t just leave well enough alone and take what they were given.” Bur sounded anguished.

  “What are you talking about?” Tomas asked.

  Bur’s face went shuttered. “Nothing.”

  “You and your brother like to say that a lot. You both need to get psychological help,” Tomas said in frustration.

  “I’ve been there and done that. I’m fine.” Bur laughed.

  “But not together with Bernie. You need to go jointly.”

  Bur sobered. “I’ll do it for him.”

  “Good. Then maybe you can help me convince him to go.”

  “I’ll try.” Bur cocked his head
to the side. “You don’t seem to like me, yet you’re talking to me about this. Why?”

  “I don’t know you. But I’d do anything for Bernie. And if you fuck with him, I will kill you,” Tomas said calmly.

  “Fair enough,” Bur said.

  Bur turned back to the window. Tomas joined him.

  “Why aren’t you with Bernie?”

  Tomas shrugged. “Couldn’t sleep.”

  “Me either.” Bur rubbed his hand through his hair.

  “How about watching the SyFy movie?” Bernie asked.

  Tomas looked at him, startled. He hadn’t heard Bernie come down the hall. “You should be asleep.”

  “I was, but I missed you. Let’s watch that SyFy movie.” Bernie sat on the couch.

  “SyFy?” Bur asked.

  “Yeah, and what of it?” Tomas replied in a tone daring him to say anything about his choice of movie.

  “Nothing. I enjoy it too. Which movie is it?”

  He told him.

  “Haven’t seen that one.”

  “Tomas likes to make commentary about it,” Bernie said.

  “Is it snarky?” Bur asked.

  “Is there any other way to watch SyFy?” Tomas asked.

  “Nope.” Bur chuckled.

  Tomas went over and sat next to Bernie. Bernie leaned his head on his shoulder. Bur sat in the chair.

  “Come sit here, Wilbur,” Bernie said, patting the space next to him.

  “Bur,” he corrected as he moved to sit next to Bernie.

  Tomas turned on the TV and started the movie. He and Bur kept up a running commentary that had Bernie laughing.

  Chapter Seven

  TOMAS opened the bedroom door to the low knock. Spotting Bur, he went out, pulling the door closed.

  “What’s up?”

  “Wanted to let Bernie know I’m heading to the hotel to get my stuff. I’ll be back in a few hours,” Bur said.

  “He’s asleep. Be back by one so we can head to the poker game.”

  “What game?” Bur asked.

  “We have a weekly game. And you’re coming.”

  “That’s not a question,” Bur replied, his tone snotty.