Marriage Without Love & More Than a Convenient Marriage?

by Penny Jordan

  ‘It’s already hard enough for us. He’s far too young to understand why he doesn’t have a father.…’

  ‘And young enough to forget that he ever did not,’ Kieron replied in a clipped voice.

  She fell back, clutching the deep leather settee.

  ‘What do you mean?’ But she already knew what he meant, and her eyes told him so.

  ‘Nicky is my child, Briony, you can’t deny it.’

  ‘You fathered him, don’t you mean?’ Briony lashed back. ‘But you have no other right to him.’

  ‘No? I wonder what a court of law would say about that? He needs a father,’ he said abruptly. ‘Surely even you can see that?’

  Her eyes dilated in fear, her voice choked.

  ‘You’re not going to take him away from me!’

  He was watching her through narrowed eyes. ‘It needn’t come to that.’

  What was he going to ask for? Visiting rights? She would never allow Nicky to be torn between them, and she would tell him so.

  ‘We could always marry and provide our son with both his parents.’

  Shock silenced her.

  ‘Marry you?’ she croaked when she had got her voice back. ‘After what you did to me last time. Never!’

  ‘I gave you Nicky,’ he reminded her softly.

  She moved away from him, sitting down on the settee and moving her head restlessly from side to side.

  ‘Nicky and I don’t need you.’

  ‘You may not, but Nicky does,’ he corrected. ‘He needs a father.’

  ‘Then I’ll find him one,’ Briony announced tartly, gasping in protest as his fingers fastened cruelly round her fingers. She had made a tactical error, and Kieron’s eyes betrayed it. He would never let her give his son a stepfather.

  ‘You little bitch!’ he breathed angrily. ‘You would do as well, just to spite me, wouldn’t you? Well, two can play at that game. Nicky is my son and I want him badly enough to take you as well if I have to, but if you won’t agree then I’ll find Nicky another mother. One who can be at home with him all day to make sure he doesn’t go falling out of trees,’ he taunted cruelly. ‘In custody cases the court’s prime concern is for the child. I could give him the security of two parents; not a mother who has to leave him with child-minders while she goes out to work. I’m sure you don’t need to use much imagination to know who the court would favour?’

  How could he be so cruel? A sob rose in her throat, to be instantly suppressed. She must stay calm if she was to win the fight for Nicky. She must use logic and clear-sighted arguments.

  ‘Until today you didn’t even know he existed,’ she persisted. ‘How can you say you want him?’

  ‘Didn’t you, the first moment you set eyes on him?’ he asked softly.

  Her expression betrayed her.

  ‘I’d never have given birth to him if I’d known it would come to this!’ she spat bitterly, shocked into silence as he pulled her out of her seat and shook her until her teeth rattled.

  ‘Don’t ever let me hear you say that again!’ he grated furiously. ‘If I thought for a moment you meant it you’d be out of here before you could turn round—without my child!’

  The unfairness of it all galled her. He had fathered Nicky without even knowing it, and yet here he was daring to accuse her of being an unfit mother.

  ‘Marry me, Briony,’ he said in a hard voice, ‘otherwise I’ll find someone else who will.’

  ‘Give me time,’ she said tiredly. ‘I must do what’s right for Nicky. Two quarrelling parents aren’t. Surely you can see that, Kieron? Surely you can see that marriage between us might not necessarily be the best thing for Nicky?’

  A sound from the bedroom drew her anxious eyes, but Kieron was there first, and when she went into the room he was sitting on the bed with Nicky. The little boy looked solemn and uncertain. His voice wobbled a little as he spoke her name, cuddling up against her as she took him in her arms. He pressed his face into her breasts, ignoring Kieron, and for a moment she felt triumph that he had turned from his father to her.

  ‘I meant every word I said, Briony,’ Kieron warned her quietly as she stood up with Nicky in her arms. ‘I want your answer tomorrow. You can take the day off, that way you won’t be able to accuse me of not giving you enough time to think.’

  She was too engrossed in her own thoughts on the drive home to pay much attention to Nicky and was taken by surprise when, when the car stopped and Kieron came round to open the door, he demanded imperiously, ‘Man carry me.’ It infuriated her that Kieron did not even exhibit any triumph but merely lifted the little boy into his arms with a smile, Nicky’s face split by an enormous grin as he laughed down at his father.

  ‘Don’t even begin to think about running out on me, Briony,’ Kieron warned her as he put Nicky on his bed.

  He followed her out into the living room, watching her unrelentingly as she stared out into the garden.

  ‘This afternoon you were quite ready to think Nicky was Matt’s,’ she reminded him bitterly.

  ‘And now I know he’s mine I want to give you both the protection of my name.’

  ‘Big of you,’ Briony said savagely. ‘But we don’t need you, Kieron. And when we did, you weren’t there.’

  He went white at that. ‘I didn’t know you were pregnant, damn you! I’ve already tried to tell you.…’

  ‘And I don’t want to hear,’ she interrupted, swinging round, her eyes burning with fury. ‘Why are you doing this to us? Nicky and I were quite happy on our own.’

  ‘You might have been, but was Nicky? A child needs two parents, Briony, and if you’re honest you’ll admit that. I only want what’s best for him, just as you do. The moment I saw him and I knew that he was mine I realised I couldn’t let him go out of my life. He is flesh of my flesh…bone of my bone.…’

  ‘Conceived so that you could search the flat and find the evidence you needed to convict Myers,’ she concluded bitterly. ‘Oh get, out of here, you…you hypocrite!’

  For a long time after he had gone she sat staring ahead of her, unaware that it had grown dark, or that Nicky’s chatter had stilled, trying to come to terms with this fresh blow fate had struck her. Kieron had not been making idle threats. He would fight to get his child. And surely no court would favour the claims of a working mother over those of a father who could provide both a luxurious home and a suitable stepmother? Who did he have in mind? Gail? Hardly, the blonde girl disliked children intensely, but Kieron would never be short of women to share his life.

  The faint rap on the door startled her and at first she thought it was Kieron. When she opened the door, though, it was Gina who stood there, her eyes red from crying.

  ‘Oh, Gina, it wasn’t your fault!’ Briony exclaimed, hating herself for not going upstairs immediately upon her return. Had Gina thought she blamed her for the accident? ‘I would have been up to see you, but I had things on my mind. Kieron wants us to be married, for Nicky’s sake,’ she said abruptly, not knowing why she felt this need to confide in someone.

  Relief spread over Gina’s face.

  ‘Oh, Briony! Some good news at last! When we got back here from the hospital Paolo’s papa was on the telephone. Paolo’s elder brother has been seriously injured in a car accident and Papa Guido wants us to go home right away. With Cesare in hospital there will be no one to run the vineyard, and I was dreading telling you that we must leave.’

  As she listened to her friend’s story, Briony’s heart sank. Of course Gina and Paolo would have to go home, but who would look after Nicky? How could she go out to work if she had no one she could trust to leave him with? He was far too young for nursery school; even if such facilities had existed locally. The only other alternative—which she shrank from—was finding a baby-minder who had room to take him, but she had always wanted Nicky to grow up in familiar surroundings, which was why she had been so glad to let Gina and Paolo have the flat. She could advertise for another couple, but that would take time, and even if she fo
und someone suitable Nicky might not settle down with them as well as he had done with Gina, whom he had known since birth.

  ‘Marriage!’ Gina was saying romantically. ‘Oh, that is so good! I knew the moment I saw him that he was not the man to turn his back on his own child. You quarrelled, si? and pride would not let you tell him about the baby. Oh, Paolo will be so relieved! We were dreading having to tell you.…’

  Briony knew exactly what she meant. Somehow she could not find the words to tell Gina that she did not want to marry Kieron. She was trapped. And it seemed doubly ironic that it should be through the love she bore his child, whom he had not even known existed until today, and whom he had made it clear he intended to have beneath his roof and bearing his name, even if he had to destroy Nicky’s mother to do so.

  CHAPTER FIVE

  ‘SO the answer is yes?’

  Kieron was standing with his back to her, staring out into the garden, his hands in the pockets on the hip-hugging dark trousers he was wearing. He had arrived just as she was putting Nicky to bed and the small sitting room was cluttered with the little boy’s toys. His broken arm had kept him inside, and Briony had just been going to shower and change when Kieron’s car slid to a halt outside.

  She had been awake nearly all night, and close on twenty-four hours of arguing backwards and forwards with herself had left its effect. Her eyes looked huge in her small face, and she pushed the heavy mass of her copper hair back from her shoulders with a defeated gesture, unaware that Kieron had seen her reflection in the glass. He turned round, his eyes a deep, unfathomable navy blue, and Briony had to suppress the urge to snatch up Nicky and run as far and as fast as she could.

  It was for Nicky’s sake that she had been compelled to decide in favour of Kieron’s proposal. It wasn’t merely that he was better equipped than she to give Nicky material things; it was the fact that if she refused she would be deliberately depriving her child of his father—something for which Nicky might find it hard to forgive her later. Since his birth his well-being had been her prime concern, and little though she wanted the marriage it was impossible to deny its benefits for Nicky, even if it only meant that she would be able to spend more time with him.

  If Gina and Paolo had not been leaving she might have found the courage to defy Kieron, but without them she knew she could not provide Nicky with the stable, loving background he needed. Constantly haunting her was the fear that Kieron would make good his threat to remove Nicky from her by legal means, and it showed in her haunted, shadowed eyes.

  ‘I’m only agreeing for Nicky’s sake,’ she told Kieron bitterly.

  ‘Of course.’ The sardonic inflection troubled her. He seemed to dominate the small room, his motionless, watching stance sending shivers of fear trembling over her. She had been dreading his arrival all day, knowing that once she had committed herself there would be no escape. A heavy lethargy seemed to be pressing down on her.

  ‘How soon.…’ she began to ask, but although her lips formed the words, no sound could get past her tightly closed throat. She tried to speak again, panic clawing at her as Kieron swung round. His eyes narrowed, and she shrank back in fear as he walked over to where she was sitting. His face seemed to be dissolving above her. She heard words, but they had no meaning, reaching her through a wall of rushing water which grew louder and louder, and she felt herself falling into a bottomless black well.

  ‘She’s been overtaxing herself for years,’ Briony heard a masculine voice proclaim above her with professional certainty. ‘Looking after a lively two-year-old isn’t a picnic at the best of times, and by the looks of it, she’s been driving herself too hard. Still, from what you tell me, things should be a little easier for her from now on.’

  ‘Yes, we’re getting married as soon as it can be arranged.’

  ‘Umm. Well, I can’t see any reason to delay that. Probably just the opposite. The sooner all the excitement’s over and she can start to relax, the better.’

  Briony moved restlessly, not liking being discussed as though she were an inanimate object. Kieron was standing beside her bed and registered the small movement, touching the doctor’s arm.

  ‘Well, young lady,’ he exclaimed jovially, ‘how do you feel now?’

  ‘Weak,’ Briony admitted. She was in her own bed, bright sunshine pouring in through the window, highlighting the overnight growth of stubble along Kieron’s jaw.

  ‘Nicky!’ She struggled to sit up.

  ‘Nicky’s fine,’ Kieron assured her curtly. ‘I phoned an agency who specialise in emergencies like this. Mrs Johnson has taken Nicky out for a walk.’

  The doctor was closing his case.

  ‘What happened?’ Briony asked him uncertainly. She felt curiously lightheaded, her body weightless almost.

  ‘At a guess I’d say too many shocks on top of overwork and nervous strain. Your little boy had an accident, didn’t he, and the shock you suffered then was probably the final straw for your nervous system. You wouldn’t let it have the rest it needed, so it took matters into its own hands, and you blacked out. It isn’t entirely uncommon, but it isn’t to be recommended either, so from now on take things more easily. Don’t bottle everything up inside; the pressure has to get out somehow, you know.’

  He picked up his bag, and Kieron went with him when he left the room.

  Several hours of her life had vanished without trace, Briony thought, shivering. She could remember a horrible sense of consciousness slipping away and then nothing.

  Her bedroom door opened and Kieron walked in.

  ‘Do you feel well enough to talk?’

  She nodded, her mouth dry. It had occurred to her that her blackout might have been an attempt to escape from Kieron and their marriage, and she glanced uncertainly at him. She was wearing a short cotton nightdress, and had no memory of putting it on herself.

  ‘Did you…did you undress me?’

  He eyed her with wry comprehension. ‘Don’t panic. I didn’t attempt to slake my animalistic desires on your defenceless body, if that’s what’s worrying you.’ His eyes slid over her prone form, glinting faintly as they returned to her flushed face. ‘I’ve made all the arrangements for the wedding,’ he told her calmly. ‘Mrs Johnson will look after Nicky for the day. I’ve arranged for her to pack his clothes and yours. I don’t want a repeat performance of last night—it wouldn’t exactly look good if my bride fainted away at my feet.’ He ran a hand along his jaw. ‘I don’t suppose you have such a thing as a razor, do you? I went upstairs to see if I could borrow one from Paolo, but I couldn’t get any answer.’

  ‘They’ve had to go back to Italy. Paolo’s brother is seriously ill.’

  ‘We’ll need to look for a house,’ Kieron commented coolly, ‘but that will have to wait until you’re feeling better. You and Nicky can move into my apartment for the time being. I don’t intend to spend any more nights on your settee. I like to sleep—and make love—in slightly more comfortable surroundings these days.’

  Briony’s lips compressed into a bitter line. ‘There won’t be any “making love” between us, Kieron, and moving into your apartment is out of the question. Nicky needs a garden to play in. You can’t coop up a boisterous child in a flat.’

  ‘No “making love"? Shouldn’t you wait until you’re asked?’ Kieron drawled softly. ‘If the apartment’s out, what did you have in mind? There isn’t room for the three of us here.’ He glanced disparagingly round her small bedroom, his glance encompassing the narrow single bed. ‘Or were you hoping to relegate me to the other flat?’

  It was exactly what Briony had had in mind. Her hands shook as she gripped them together beneath the bedclothes. His earlier sardonic comment about her ‘waiting to be asked’ had touched a raw nerve, and she was in no condition to argue with him.

  ‘Your using the upstairs flat would be a sensible solution,’ she pointed out, trying to appear logical. ‘Nicky isn’t properly used to you yet.…’

  ‘No! We’re getting married to provide N
icky with a proper family, not a father who lives in a separate flat with visiting rights doled out sparingly by you. If you don’t want to live in the flat then we’ll find a house.’

  ‘Then couldn’t we put off the wedding until we do?’

  Her mouth had gone dry, her eyes sliding away from Kieron’s as she prayed that he would agree, but he did not.

  ‘No way,’ he told her softly. ‘In three days’ time we’re getting married, even if I have to carry you to the altar. It’s all arranged. I’ve even got the licence.’ He pushed back the cuff of his jacket. ‘I’ve got to go to the office. Mrs Johnson will be back soon and she’s got strict instructions not to let you set a foot out of bed.’

  * * *

  Mrs Johnson proved to be a motherly, very capable woman in her late thirties who carried out Kieron’s instructions to the letter. Nicky was allowed into his mother’s room at lunch-time to share her lunch tray as a special treat, and he chattered blithely to Briony while she picked at her chicken salad.

  ‘I’m going to have a daddy soon,’ he told her importantly, ‘and we’re going to go and live with him in a new house.’

  Kieron hadn’t wasted much time in informing his son of the changes to come, Briony reflected bitterly. Couldn’t he have left that to her? Or didn’t he trust her to do it without prejudicing Nicky against him? Resentment washed over her. She wanted only what was best for her child, and she could never do anything which might affect him adversely.

  Nicky had been so used to having her all to himself, she wasn’t sure how he would react to a third member of their small family. It wasn’t unknown for small boys to resent a male intruder into their mother’s life, but of course their circumstances were not such that Nicky would have to witness any unaccustomed intimacy between herself and Kieron. For the first time she was curious about Kieron’s feelings about their marriage. Marriage to her precluded him from having the things a man normally looked for in marriage. Did he think Nicky would compensate for what he was missing, or was it that he was cynically thinking that in view of their shared animosity he could continue to live the life of a bachelor where women were concerned? She was shocked by the intensity of her anger. What did it matter to her what Kieron did with his life?