Perfectly Broken

by Prescott Lane

  “I hope she does.”

  “I think she does.”

  “Have you been happy, Mom?”

  “You have made my life full of happiness,” Marion said then lightly pinched his cheek. “But I’ll be happier when you and Peyton give me some grandchildren.”

  He rolled his eyes. “Give it up, Mom.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  PEYTON’S FEET HIT the pavement, still wet from the morning dew, as the first morning light snuck through the oaks of Audubon Park, creating shadows along her path. She ran in a steady rhythm, easily passing other runners despite a strong headwind, hoping the beat of her feet could steady her mind. But it wasn’t working; there was too much clutter inside. She pushed harder, faster, her legs straining with each step — though the shadows were always there, ready to pull her back.

  Her mind turned to Quinn’s engagement, thankful for the much needed change of pace. She and Quinn needed to get busy if Quinn and Bret were going to marry by the end of the year. The first order of business was the engagement party, which Quinn insisted happen as soon as possible, preferably no later than the coming weekend. Planning such a party — for an ordinary, normal person — would take several weeks at least, but not for Quinn.

  She’d already settled on a historic plantation about an hour away and managed to line up a host of vendors to cater to her every whim. Quinn was clearly in her element, moving at the speed of light, with Peyton by her side each step of the way. And there was more to do. Today they would scramble around New Orleans to decide on flowers, invitations, table linens, a menu — though dessert, of course, was taken care of. Peyton already had Julia working overtime to help prepare.

  Peyton rounded the corner and abruptly stopped in a shadow near the fountain, her feet hurting from all the planning and apartment hunting and weight on her shoulders. They hurt from running, too — from her thoughts, from Reed, from her past. Her eyes landed on the field where they danced, where he sang to her, where he fed her strawberries. She closed her eyes to forget; after all, he was gone. She’d made sure of that. Damn sure. He hadn’t even called her in days.

  She opened her eyes and for a brief moment, thought she saw him under a tree, waiting for her as he had before. She took a step towards the tree and reached out for him. But he wasn’t there. There was nothing there but shadows, once again playing tricks on her mind. Peyton put her head in her hands to brace herself, to ease her mind, then gripped her locket before turning to leave. She couldn’t afford to waste any more time and energy. She had a full day of engagement planning ahead.

  Peyton liked helping Quinn — it was a good distraction for her — but the idea of two people in love, getting married, while she was broken and apparently destined to be alone, hung heavy on her heart. It didn’t seem quite fair given all she’d been through. She wondered if she should’ve just slept with Reed that last morning they were together — they were probably just days away from making love anyway — or if she’d feel worse if she had.

  She wondered if she’d have another chance with another man, or maybe she’d just die before ever having consensual sex. Maybe I need a fuck buddy? Peyton laughed at the thought of it. It seemed to work for Reed but doubted she could ever go through with it. After all, it took her months to trust Reed and even then she hadn’t gone all the way. Another thought ran through her mind, and it was much more plausible.

  Griffin? He was single, and so was she. They had great chemistry, at least they did in their teens. And she could trust him. Peyton tilted her head contemplating the idea, trying to imagine how to initiate that conversation. Hey Griffin, can you please take my virginity? She giggled at the horror of it. She didn’t want to destroy their friendship that way. She couldn’t lose him, too. So she kept her usual routine, kept her appointments with Dr. Lorraine, wore cute clothes, enjoyed her friends. If she was ever going to share her life with someone, she knew she had to heal herself first.

  She had to get her mind and heart right, to gather strength, especially since she’d soon see Reed at the engagement party. This probably would be the first of many times she’d have to see him. After all, their best friends were getting married, so there would be weddings, births, baptisms, and birthdays to endure. Peyton drew a deep breath, telling herself to get used to it. And Reed wouldn’t be alone for long, if he even was now. At the very least, she hoped he didn’t bring someone to the party. She wasn’t ready for that.

  She reached her Mini Cooper and saw a single pink rose petal on the sidewalk. She picked it up, gently rubbing it between her fingers, remembering the pink petal on his table at her shop. She glanced around, checking if Reed was close by, if perhaps he’d left it for her. But he wasn’t there, just like he wasn’t under the tree. She sunk into her car, feeling as small as it was, and feared she’d finally lost her mind — the last part of her now broken. Get it together.

  * * *

  Reed picked at his burger, wishing he’d gone to lunch alone. He knew Bret was just trying to cheer him up, rambling on about whatever random crap came into his mind, but it didn’t make up for the emptiness in his heart, in his life. Still, he tried to seem interested, resting his head on his hand, occasionally nodding along.

  “You know, I saw an ad on TV the other day about some hearing device,” Bret said. “I don’t know what kind it was. To be honest, I don’t know shit about hearing devices. But it got me thinking. Has anyone ever invented a device that would let you turn your hearing off?”

  Reed shrugged. “Noise cancelation headphones?”

  “No, that’s not what I’m talking about. Something different. I mean something real small that you could directly insert in your ear.”

  “Like an earbud?”

  “No. A device that would shut your hearing off. Like totally off.”

  “Why would you ever want to do that?”

  Bret’s face lit up. “Why? So many reasons. Maybe your woman has been bitching all day, just talking all kinds of shit at you. And you just can’t take it anymore. So you insert the device to turn your ears off.”

  “Would it be both ears or just one?

  “I guess it would need to be both. I haven’t totally thought it through yet.”

  “You should keep thinking about it,” Reed deadpanned. “Sounds promising.”

  “I think so, too. It makes perfect sense. I think there’s a real market for this kind of thing. I mean, you can shut your eyes if you don’t want to see something. You should be able to turn your ears off if you don’t want to hear something.”

  “Makes sense.”

  Bret saw Quinn enter the restaurant. “Hey, baby,” he called out, waving for her to come over, then whispered to Reed, “All this engagement party shit is driving me crazy. It’s all she talks about.”

  “Better start working on your device.”

  Quinn approached their table, and Bret wrapped his arms around her. For a second, Reed thought about hugging her, too. It would almost be like hugging Peyton. Maybe he could get a whiff of Peyton’s sweet vanilla coming off of Quinn. I’m losing it.

  Quinn gave Reed a small smile then pecked him on the cheek. “How’ve you been? Haven’t seen you in awhile.”

  “I’ve been doing fine.”

  Quinn raised an eyebrow, knowing he was lying. “Sorry to interrupt your lunch,” Quinn said and turned to Bret. “Just wanted to leave the set list for the band. See if you wanted to add anything.” She handed him a sheet of paper.

  Reed pulled out a chair for her. “Sit down. I’m sure Bret wants to review every song.” Bret kicked his friend under the table.

  Quinn took a seat and quickly began running through the list as Bret’s eyes glazed over. Then his phone rang, rescuing him. “Damn, it’s the suits. Another conference call. I’ve got to take this. It’s going to be a bit. I really wanted to look at all the songs.” Bret happily excused himself, leaving Quinn and Reed to stare at each other.

  Quinn picked up Bret’s beer and took a long drink. “OK, let�
�s get this over with. I hate awkward moments.”

  “How is she?”

  “Bad the first few weeks, but she’s been doing better the past few days.”

  Reed winced. “I bet Griffin’s making her feel so much better.”

  “What the hell is that supposed to mean?” she snapped.

  Reed sat back, slightly afraid of Quinn. “That your brother is just down the hall and wants to screw my girlfriend.”

  “I know that.” Quinn took another slug. “Peyton is totally blind.”

  “Yep, why can’t she see it?”

  “Because Griffin....” Quinn started but wasn’t sure she should continue.

  “I know he’s the one who found her. I know they’re bonded over that.”

  Quinn shook her head. “God help me, but I’m going to tell you something I shouldn’t.” She finished Bret’s beer. “We never had this conversation, understand?”

  “Got it.”

  “I tried to help her after the attack, but Griffin gave her something I couldn’t.”

  Reed grabbed his neck. “What?”

  “You have to understand how bad it was.”

  “She told me the whole story. I know how bad it was.”

  “No, you don’t. You weren’t there. You have no idea. Her entire face was black and blue, cuts everywhere. Her body was so beat up. I barely recognized her.”

  “I don’t think we should be talking about this. Peyton wouldn’t like it.”

  Quinn ignored him. “But her beat-up body wasn’t the worst part. The worst was the weeks and weeks that followed. She hardly ever slept — like never. And when she did, she’d wake up screaming, terrified, clawing, fighting. It was like she was a wild animal. She’d get stuck in the nightmares. One time she gave me a black eye when I was trying to wake her up.”

  “Jesus.”

  “The doctors gave her pills to relax her. She was in therapy. Not a damn bit of it worked. Do you know what worked?” Reed shook his head. “Griffin.”

  “I don’t think I want to hear anymore.”

  “You need to understand why they’re so close and why Peyton can’t see my brother wants her. If you want her back, you can’t get sucked into Griffin’s crap.”

  “You don’t like your brother very much.”

  “I love my brother. But he could’ve made a move on Peyton years ago. It’s only now that you’re in the picture that he’s stepped up. Only now, when Peyton is almost healed, he’s interested. He was great to her after and still is, but he didn’t want to put in the hard work. He’s like that. Things always come easy to him — and Peyton’s not easy.”

  “This I know.” Reed chuckled then his face tensed. “So tell me about her and Griffin.”

  Quinn took a deep breath. “Griffin and I took turns staying with her during the day, but I had the nights to myself. After the black eye, I knew I needed help. Plus, I still had classes I needed to study for, so Griffin started staying at our apartment at night. He slept on our sofa at first, but it really didn’t help. Then he started sleeping on the floor or in a chair next to Peyton’s bed, so he could be close when she woke up.”

  “Quinn, I really don’t ....”

  “One night she woke up — it was a bad one. She grabbed a metal nail file off her nightstand and tried to....” Quinn stopped, holding back tears. “She was just in so much pain, so much emotional pain. She just wanted it to stop. Griffin was there, thank God. He grabbed her and held her in his arms until she dropped the file to the ground. Peyton cried and cried, as Griffin just held her. After a few minutes, she fell asleep in his arms. His arms were like a straight jacket or something. So that became the routine: Griffin slept with her, his arms wrapped around her, for months.”

  Reed wanted to throw up, but a part of him wanted to thank Griffin. Why is he always saving my girl?

  “I promise you nothing ever happened between them. Griffin can be a complete ass, but he never crossed the line. Never. He wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t take advantage of her like that.”

  “You’re sure?”

  “Positive,” she said. “I’d have killed him.”

  Reed smiled. “I believe you.”

  “Once Peyton started sleeping, she got better slowly. And Griffin slowly fell in love with her. Maybe he already was before, but with her needing him so much, the physical closeness just made it stronger. Peyton had no idea then. And she still doesn’t, of course. Griffin wants there to be more between them, but Peyton just can’t see it.”

  “You said they did that for months? Why’d they stop?”

  “One night Peyton fell asleep on the sofa watching House Hunters. She slept the whole night while Griffin just watched her from a chair.”

  House Hunters!

  “He stayed over on the sofa for a week or so after that, just making sure. But Peyton didn’t need him anymore. She would still have bad dreams occasionally, but she could settle herself. He helped strengthen her.”

  “She’s incredibly strong.”

  Quinn smiled. “You know, I really didn’t think you were right for Peyton, but you stuck it out, broke down her walls. You’ve been good for her.”

  “She’s been good for me.”

  “Who knows what will happen with you and her down the road, but don’t try to get in between Peyton and Griffin. They have a bond that neither one of us can understand.” She stood up to leave.

  “Thanks for the talk.”

  She narrowed her eyes. “We never had this conversation.”

  “What conversation?” Bret asked, returning to the table and putting his phone away.

  “Nothing.” Quinn kissed him on the cheek. “Go over the list and text me.” She gave Reed a small pat on the shoulder before leaving.

  Bret raised an eyebrow. “Everything OK?”

  “Yeah, but I need you to do me a favor,” Reed said. “I need you to add a song to the list.”

  * * *

  Reed woke up in a sweat, breathing heavily, as if from a bad dream. But it hadn’t been bad at all. He’d been dancing with Peyton in Audubon Park, feeling her soft skin, tasting her lips, smelling the vanilla. He cursed the dream was over then looked outside, the moon shining brightly through his bedroom window. He thought about calling her and reached for his phone. He saw it was the middle of the night, so any call would have to wait.

  Then he decided he wasn’t going to call her at all. He’d be seeing her tonight at the engagement party — for the first time in 36 days. He flipped through the photos of her on his phone, landing on the one he loved the most, her resting her head on his chest, a small smile on her pink lips. He’d give anything to go back to that moment, to have her in his arms again. It seemed as if Griffin had held her more than he ever did. He threw the covers over his head, trying to get back to sleep and desperate to return to his dream.

  But thoughts of tonight, thoughts of Peyton, kept him awake. Over several weeks, he’d tried to let her go but just couldn’t. Despite all the boxing, all the exercise, trying to bury himself in work, he wasn’t strong enough. He’d fallen in love – the first time ever – and now couldn’t recover. She’d been his soft spot, and he’d hit concrete without her, shattering his heart. He had no idea if she was as tortured, conflicted, unsettled as he was, or whether she’d just moved on without a second thought. He hoped she felt like he did. But she sure found a roommate pretty damn quick! His talk with Quinn helped put some things in perspective, but he still didn’t trust Griffin living in Peyton’s house, just a few doors down from her bedroom.

  His mind flashed to the possibility that she was bringing some guy tonight. Griffin? And he wasn’t going to ask Bret if he knew whether she was. That would be pathetic and weak. He needed to be calm and strong, though not too strong. He couldn’t just wail on some new guy tonight, not even Griffin — no matter what he saw, even if her lips, God forbid, touched Griffin’s or some other man’s.

  He gripped his pillow tightly then threw the covers off his head, the moonlight hit
ting him again, shining down an unmistakable truth, one he already knew all too well. He needed Peyton. He needed her to love him.

  CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE

  THE PARTY PLANNERS scurried about while the jazz band got ready in a large white tent outside Nottoway Plantation. But Peyton wasn’t ready at all. Though her hair and makeup were done, she was still in her bathrobe. She chewed her thumb nail and twirled her locket, staring at a skimpy slate blue dress Quinn insisted she wear, hanging on the closet door in the old historic bedroom. Peyton thought to look around the plantation for something else, anything else, to wear. An old Southern belle dress might be hanging around somewhere, perhaps left over from the 1800’s. And even if torn and frayed, it would at least cover her up – certainly more than the blue dress.

  Quinn barged in the bedroom, in a white strapless dress that made her golden skin and hair shine. “You’re not dressed yet? I’ve got 150 people coming, but you are most important. Get moving, sister!” Peyton gave her a frown then frowned at the blue dress. “It’s just a dress.” Quinn ripped it from the hanger. “You’ll look hot in it!” She pulled at Peyton’s bathrobe, but Peyton clutched it in her hands. “Look, I want my best friend and maid of honor to look hot at my party. Wear it for me, please?” Quinn batted her eyelashes.

  Peyton rolled her eyes. “I hate you.”

  Quinn flashed a wink and a smile. “See you outside in five minutes.” Then she turned to leave.

  “Is Reed coming?” Peyton asked.

  Quinn turned around. “Of course he is. He’s Bret’s best friend.”

  “Is he coming alone?”

  “I think so, but I can’t say for sure. I know Bret’s said he’s been a mess.”

  Peyton looked back at the dress, wrinkling her nose as if it were some awful vegetable she didn’t want to eat.

  “I’m sure he’ll like the dress,” Quinn said and walked out of the room, shutting the door behind her.

  Peyton smiled and slipped off her bathrobe.

  * * *