The Happy and Heinous Halloween of Classroom 13

by Honest Lee

  Yuna did. She wanted to tell the others, but she couldn’t. Unfortunately, she had dressed as a mime for Halloween. And everyone knows mimes can’t speak.

  Of course, Yuna rarely talks anyway. But she did know how to communicate in code. So she scribbled onto a piece of paper and handed it to Olivia. It said this:

  O-DAY OT-NAY EAT-WAY E-THAY ANDY-CAY! IT-WAY IS-WAY URSED-CAY! E-THAY ANDY-CAY IS-WAY ANSFORMING-TRAY EOPLE-PAY INTO-WAY EIR-THAY OSTUMES-CAY! I-WAY ET-BAY E-THAY IRTEENTHTHAY ASSROOM-CLAY ID-DAY IS-THAY. OU-YAY O-DAY OW-KNAY IT-WAY ANTS-WAY EVENGE-RAY ON-WAY ALL-WAY OF-WAY US-WAY, IGHT-RAY?

  Olivia took one look at the scrap of paper and said, “This is gibberish.” Then she threw it away.

  CHAPTER 8

  The Pirate

  Being Jayden Jason James—aka Triple J, the most popular kid in school—wasn’t easy. Everyone looked to him as a leader. If Dev ran out of lunch money, Dev knew Triple J would loan him a few bucks. If Emma needed a shoulder to cry on? Triple J had her back. Study partner, teammate, gaming buddy. He was all those things because he was dependable. He was the closest thing Classroom 13 had to a class president. He was the best. Well, usually he was…

  …but not today.

  Today, he was a pirate.

  This morning, Triple J strapped on his best hook and eye patch. He made a peg leg out of cardboard and bought a stuffed parrot from the costume store. He painted over some of his teeth and drew a fake beard around his mouth. This was no longer the face of Triple J, beloved hero of Classroom 13. No, no, no. This was now the dastardly mug of Captain Triple J, the Dread Pirate.

  When he got to class, his “Arrrghhhs” and “Yo-ho-hos” were just bad impressions. But soon after coming to Classroom 13, he’d become the real deal.

  Olivia didn’t know this when she asked him for help. “Triple J, what are we gonna do?”

  “We? Arrrghhhh ye askin’ me to join my crew, lass?” The Dread Pirate Captain Triple J scowled, poking her ribs with his hook.

  “No! I need your help to figure out how to turn everyone back to normal!”

  “You can hire me and my mates, all for just five gold doubloons, me hearty,” the pirate growled.

  “Oh no, not you, too!” Olivia said.

  “Fine. Two and a half gold shillings, but that be me final offer, ya scallywag!”

  “Jayden, I don’t have any gold!”

  “NO gold?” he asked her.

  “Yes, that’s what I’ve been trying to tell you,” she sighed. “I need your help. I don’t have time to play pirates.”

  The dread pirate was deeply offended. He didn’t play pirate. He was a pirate. So he did what any good dread pirate would do: He tied her up, stood her on Ms. Linda’s desk, and said, “Time to walk the plank!”

  “It’s not a plank—it’s the teacher’s desk,” Olivia corrected.

  “Enjoy feedin’ the fishes, landlubber!” Triple J poked his sword at her back and made her step off the desk.

  Olivia rolled her eyes as she landed on her feet and untied herself. She didn’t realize how fortunate she was. Dev had planned on dressing up like a shark, but the costume got lost in the mail. If it had arrived in time? Well… let’s just say things would have gotten messy. Whew.

  CHAPTER 9

  The Tree

  Every Halloween, Sophia dressed up as something to remind people to take better care of the planet. She thought it was important to spread a green message instead of just saying “trick-or-treat.” This year, Sophia dressed up as a tree.

  “Why are you dressed as broccoli?” Jacob asked.

  “I’m not. I’m a tree,” Sophia explained. “I wanted to remind people about deforestation.”

  “De-for-a-what?” Jacob asked her.

  “Deforestation,” Sophia corrected him. “It’s when greedy companies destroy forests for selfish gain. This leaves all the little woodland creatures homeless!”

  Thinking about those squirrels and chipmunks and raccoons having no place to live made Sophia sad. So she had some candy. As she chewed, Sophia’s feet and toes stretched out, digging roots into the classroom’s floor. Her hands and fingers rose upward, sprouting into branches. Her hair turned green and grew into leaves.

  Sophia had become a real tree, right in the center of Classroom 13.

  I’m a tree! she thought. I’m so happy to be giving all my friends fresh, clean air and plenty of shade. This is wonderf—

  A tap-tap-tap-tap interrupted Sophia’s thoughts. There was a loud squeak-squeak-squeak coming from inside of her stomach.

  She quickly realized what had happened. A family of woodpeckers and squirrels was living inside her. She thought, This is even more wonderful! Now I am a home to animals!

  But as the squirrels ran across her branches, they tore off her acorns with their teensy little claws. OW! she wanted to scream. That hurts!

  The tap-tap-tap-tap of the woodpeckers didn’t feel good, either. It was like someone knocking on her head with a sharp beak. Nonstop.

  It’s okay, she thought. I have become a beautiful, wonderful tree, a home to animals, and what’s a little pain if not—YOWZA!! STOP THAT!

  Now a family of caterpillars was eating her leaves. It felt like someone eating her fingernails. Unfortunately, no matter how much it hurt, she couldn’t say a word. Trees don’t speak. At least not in any language that people or animals understand.

  “Excuse me,” said Little Linda Riding Hood, “by any chance are you a talking magical tree that can point me toward Grandmama’s cottage?”

  Sophia couldn’t move or say a thing.

  Little Linda Riding Hood frowned. “Oh, well. Though you do have a nice trunk. If I find the woodsman, perhaps I can have him chop you down and make you into a nice bench for sitting.”

  Sophia gulped. She’d always loved trees, but she’d always assumed they had wonderful lives. Now she knew exactly how trees felt—and it was terrible. There was nothing she could do except let the animals eat her.

  CHAPTER 10

  The Ghost

  Video games were Dev’s life. He devoted every minute that he could to them. He often forgot important things like brushing his teeth, eating three meals a day, bathing, and, yes, sometimes even flushing the toilet. Gross, right? This is why he forgot to buy a Halloween costume.

  You might ask yourself how a kid forgets about the best holiday ever. What could be more important than watching scary movies, or dressing up like a monster, or getting loads of candy for free?

  Apparently, Dev’s favorite video game franchise’s newest release, Teddy Bear Bashers 3: Zom-Bears, that’s how. It was about an army of brain-hungry teddy bear zombies, and Dev couldn’t stop playing.

  Luckily, his mom didn’t forget, though. She ordered him a shark costume online. Unluckily (for Dev), it got lost in the mail. (Lucky for Olivia, though.)

  Dev shrugged. He didn’t care that much about Halloween. Until he remembered all the candy and fun he’d miss out on. He shouted, “I need a costume!”

  Dev had to get creative. He grabbed a pair of scissors, stole his sister’s white sheets, and cut two holes out of them. He threw on the sheet. “That was easy,” he said. “Now I’m a ghost.”

  But he wasn’t in class long before he realized he couldn’t pick up anything. In fact, he could see right through his own body. “What is happening?!”

  Mason accidentally walked through Dev.

  Ghost Dev yelled, “Mason! Don’t do that! It feels weird.”

  “Whoa, what happened to you?”

  “I… I think I’ve turned into my costume!” Dev shrieked.

  “I think being a cloud is cool,” Mason said.

  Dev shook his head. “I’m not a cloud; I’m a ghost.”

  Mason screamed and ran away.

  Dev rolled his ghost eyes—then realized he could see through the top of his ghost head. He tried to get his classmates to help, but they were all too busy dealing with their own troubles. He tried to get Ms. Linda to help, but she was still loo
king for the way to her grandmama’s house.

  Things in Classroom 13 usually sorted themselves out. He just needed to wait. So Dev decided he’d pass the time by playing some video games. He floated to his desk and reached for his portable gaming device. His hand passed through his backpack like air.

  “No, this can’t be happening!” Dev cried. “What kind of a life is a life without video games?”

  “The afterlife?” Olivia asked.

  “AAAAHHHHHH!!!!” Ghost Dev screamed. “My life is over!”

  “Well, yeah,” Olivia said. “You’re a ghost.”

  CHAPTER 11

  The Princess and the Prince

  Once upon a time… Sorry, that’s not how this story goes. Let me start again… Ahem…

  “Are you my servant?” Preeya asked Mark. She was wearing a beautiful gown and a tiara on her head. She wasn’t just dressed as a princess, she was a princess.

  “Excuuuuse me?” Mark said. He was wearing a velvet cape and a crown on his head. He wasn’t just dressed as a prince, he was a prince. “Do I look like a servant? I’m a prince!”

  “You are?!” Preeya said. “Let’s get married, then!”

  “Ew. I don’t think so,” Mark scoffed.

  “What do you mean, ‘Ew’? I’m a beautiful princess, the most fair in all the lands.”

  “Hardly. And I think you mean fairest,” Mark corrected her. He looked around the classroom. “Excuse me, strange children. Are any of you my servants? Has anyone seen my knights’ guard? Or my castle? I have a royal ball to attend.”

  “As do I,” Preeya said. “I have lots of royal balls to attend.”

  “Not as many as I do,” Mark said.

  “Even more!” Preeya huffed. “All the balls are mine!”

  “No, I love balls! The royal balls all belong to me!” Mark said.

  “Okay, both of you, calm down,” Olivia said. “The classroom is already crazy enough without you two being royal pains in my butt. If you don’t want to help, then hush.”

  “Don’t tell me what to do!” Preeya snapped.

  “Are you my servant?” Mark said. “I’ve been standing here for almost five minutes. Standing is hard. My feet are very sore. Will you rub my feet?”

  “I will not rub your feet,” Olivia said. “And I am not your servant!”

  “No need to be rude,” Mark said. “I was only asking.”

  “Your servants are very rude,” Preeya said.

  “They’re not my servants,” Mark said. “They must be yours.”

  “I think not,” Preeya said. “I would never have such unattractive peasants work for me. So they must be yours.”

  “I don’t think so,” Mark said. “You can have them. I’ll take the balls.”

  “You are the rudest prince I’ve ever met,” Preeya said. “I’ve decided not to marry you.”

  “You can’t reject me! I already rejected you!” Mark yelled.

  “Rejected me?” Preeya said. “I’ll have my father—the king—take off your head!”

  “He wouldn’t dare!” Mark said. “My mother—the queen—would make war with your country!”

  “I would rather destroy my country than let you talk to me like that!” Preeya yelled.

  “They’ve gone crazy,” Olivia said.

  Mason was sitting on his desk with a tub of popcorn. He was eating it slowly with a big smile on his face. “Are you kidding? This is better than reality TV!”

  “Who are you, strange man?” Mark asked Mason. “Are you my butler?”

  “Your butt-what?” Mason asked.

  “My butler. The man who dresses me and calls for my tea and tucks me in at night and reads me stories before bed and—”

  “That sounds like a dad. I’m not your dad,” Mason said.

  “Aww, then you must be my butler,” Preeya said. “Fantastic. Would you fetch me a crumpet and my dog and perhaps a parasol? I think I would like a walk outside, and then—”

  “Whoa, lady,” Mason said. “I’m not your butt-thing, either. In fact, no one here works for either one of you.”

  “Ridiculous!” Mark shouted.

  “Incredulous!” Preeya agreed.

  “We should have your head removed!” Mark demanded.

  Mason shrugged. “Do what you like.”

  “We should do it,” Preeya said. “Let’s cut off his head.”

  “Yes, let’s,” Mark agreed. “But how? Usually my servants know how to do such things. I don’t know how to do such things. Do you?”

  “Of course not,” Preeya said. “I’m a princess. I don’t do the head chopping. That’s what servants are for.”

  “I suppose we could do it ourselves,” Mark said. “I have certainly seen several beheadings. But where does one start?”

  “I believe we need an ax,” Preeya said.

  “And then what?”

  “I suppose one would have to lift the ax.”

  “Sounds like a dreadful amount of work,” Mark said. “And a lot of it. Who has the kind of strength for something like that? Pick up an ax? What do I look like—a servant?”

  “Can you imagine—a prince and a princess—doing actual work?” Preeya asked.

  Preeya and Mark began to laugh. They laughed and they laughed and they laughed. All tuckered out, the prince and princess fell asleep.

  And they lived happily ever after.

  CHAPTER 12

  The (Sick) Vampire

  When Santiago woke up this morning, he couldn’t stop sneezing. He had a fever and a runny nose. His mom said, “You have a cold. Stay home, and I’ll make you your favorite: chicken noodle soup.”

  “No!” he said. “It’s Halloween. I don’t want to miss the fun.” So he ignored his mom and went to school. He didn’t realize until lunchtime that he’d forgotten his lunch money.

  Silly Santiago. He was always sick. Which is why he usually looked pale. But today, he was more pale than usual. You might even say he looked downright dead. That’s because he was. Well, close… he was undead. Santiago was a vampire.

  At lunchtime, Santiago moaned, “I’m so hungry.”

  “Ah thought vampires drank blood?” Chloe the Cowboy asked.

  “They do,” Santiago said. “But, c’mon, gross! I want regular food. I want tacos or spaghetti or—what’s that in your lunch box? Fried chicken? Yum!”

  “Ah’m not sharing muh fried chicken with no fanger, and that there’s final!” the cowboy snapped, her spurs jangling as she walked away.

  “Can I have a bite?” he asked his classmates.

  “No! Get away, Count Sick-ula!” they shouted, grabbing their necks to protect them.

  “No, no, no,” Santiago tried to explain. “I meant a bite of your lunch, not a bite of your neck. I swear!”

  But it was no use. No one believed him. They heard the word “bite” and they ran screaming. (People tend to do that when they’re around vampires.)

  Santiago felt a sneeze coming on.… AAaaaachOOOOOO!!!!

  Except Santiago wasn’t a boy anymore. He was a little fuzzy vampire bat. He was flapping his wings. Until… AAaaaachOOOOOO!!!!

  He turned back into a boy. He fell out of the air and crashed onto the lunch table. “Ow!” he said.

  “Get away! I don’t want your vampire or your cold germs!” the students shouted, shooing him back.

  AAaaaachOOOOOOO!!!! Santiago sneezed again. He turned back into a bat. The kids were throwing pencils and pens at him. He flew up toward the ceiling.

  AAaaaachOOOOOO!!!! Santiago sneezed again. This time, he fell from the ceiling all the way to the floor. “DOUBLE OW!” he shouted. Luckily, vampires healed fast. Except apparently from colds.

  Emma pulled several cloves of garlic out of her backpack and threw them at Santiago. He was going to eat them, but they weren’t cooked. But the smell reminded him of his mom’s chicken noodle soup. She was right. He should have stayed home.

  CHAPTER 14

  The Robot

  “Ladies and gentlemen, I now pr
esent—L.I.L.Y. Bot!” Lily announced as she walked into Classroom 13. She’d spent weeks making her costume. Using boxes and foil and LED lights and magnets, she’d made herself a robot costume. Using an app on her smartphone, Lily could change her voice. She had different lights and flashlights in the arms. She even had roller skates on so it looked like she was hovering above the floor. She’d thought of everything.

  “Best. Costume. Ever!” Fatima said. Everyone agreed.

  Of course, like the other students, Lily ate some of the candy when she got to class. She placed the candy in her mouth slot and said, “Beep-boop. L.I.L.Y. Bot declares confectionary sustenance is electronically pleasant.” This was just fancy robot-speak for “This candy is delicious.”

  But as soon as the cherry-flavored gumdrops touched her tongue, Lily began to transform into a real robot. Her brain changed into microchips and her skin turned into solid steel. Instead of thinking in human language, she began to think in 1’s and 0’s.

  “0101010111010101010100101010011,” she said to Olivia.

  “Oh no, not you, too,” Olivia said.

  “Translating from binary code into language: English,” the robot said. “L.I.L.Y. Bot has become real. She is no longer a human child but a powerful robot. This unit feels—magnificent!”

  “Good for you,” Olivia sighed. Things were getting worse by the chapter minute.

  “Cool! A robot!” Mason said.

  “Not cool,” Olivia said. “We need to stop what’s happening to our classmates!”

  “Maybe Mr.—uh, I mean—Miss Robot can help,” Mason said. “L.I.L.Y. Bot, you’re super smart now. Can you help us?”

  “Negative. This unit has always wanted to go to outer space. Now that I am no longer a fragile fleshy thing, I can. L.I.L.Y. Bot will begin computations to launch through planetary atmosphere and travel to the moon.” Then she started writing out long mathematical equations on the chalkboard.