Christ, this just keeps getting worse. She seduced him. I sure as hell hope it was after Jordan… Either way, this is incredibly fucked up.
I threw my arms up in frustration, barking out, “Of course he can sleep with a clear conscience…you’ve made it easy for him!”
“This is not easy for Michael. He said he feels guilty for not telling you about it himself,” she gritted out, coming to his defense.
I stalked to her, pointed in her face, and bit out, “You tell that motherfucker he better stay away from me, or he’ll get his goddamned teeth knocked out!”
Hailey gasped before asking, “What is wrong with you, Kellan?”
“What’s wrong with me? What’s wrong with me?” I repeated, pointing to myself. “You let that asshole manipulate you, put you in this position, and then just walk off on his merry way, with no consequences for his actions.”
“Ha!” she blurted out. “You’re one to talk,” she spewed.
“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” I barked.
“You know deep down Leila isn’t lying. That child is yours, and you need to own up to it. Grow up and do the right thing, here, Kellan!”
Though she was completely contradicting herself, she had a valid point. Leila had threatened to drag my ass into court, and I can’t imagine she’d think I’d just take it lying down without getting proof the kid was mine first. That should have been all the proof I needed from the get-go. But Jesus, it was one fucking time- I mean what are the odds? Of course I was skeptical. But after churning it over and over again in my mind since she’d dropped the bombshell on me, I knew I needed to do the right thing. Leila and I don’t have to be together…Thank God…but we do need to be there for that child, both of us. I know first-hand what it’s like to grow up with a deadbeat for a father, and I’m not about to let my kid experience the same shit I had to. All I have to do is be there for him, teach him how to be a decent human being before the world shits all over him and turns him against it, and everyone in his path. Nah, I won’t let him end up like my old man, and I sure as fuck won’t let him end up like me.
Now, as for this sad excuse of a sperm donor that Hailey wants to just let off the hook, he can stick his ‘friendship’ up his ass. I promised Hailey it was ride or die between us from here on out. If that means she’s a package deal, so be it, but that cocksucker will have to go through me to get to her, or her child.
Look at the two of us- a good old-fashioned blended American family. Man, the times, they are definitely changin’. Last week I was a single, (relatively) young stud, open for business. (Yeah, that’s right…I am a stud- I made a kid on the first try; I’m a bona fide fucking stallion.) And this week, I got a kid, a baby-mama, a woman that couldn’t get rid of me if she tried, and one on the way.
Jesus, I can see it now, sitting on the front porch in the rocking chair, a kid on each knee, reading ‘The Cat In The Hat’ as I yell, “Hailey, bring me my bifocals!”
******
Chapter Twenty-Six
Hailey
Kellan stood immobile for several moments, looking contemplative as he stared aimlessly over my shoulder. I had just accused him of shunning his responsibilities. This is usually the part where he releases his self-righteous wrath. He seemed to be pondering what to say next; it wasn't his usual behavior, and quite frankly, it seemed a bit eerily calm. I was beginning to wonder if I preferred his typical reaction; at least I knew what to expect. I had grown to anticipate his lack of compunction regarding matters of personal responsibility. Perhaps he was simply dismissing my argument and internally wondering if he'd taken out the trash today. Ironically, the one constant about Kellan was his mercurialness.
The seconds were ticking away like hours. Perhaps he'd gone into shock due to my brashness, and had slipped into catatonia.
Since he'd seemed to have suddenly lost the ability to form words, I decided to speak first. Gently I prodded, "Do you want to talk about it?"
His gaze slowly came to rest on mine as he sighed. "Yes. Maybe. I don't know, Hailey...I suck at this," he parroted my sentiments from earlier.
I gave him a sympathetic smile and patted the spot next to me on the bed. His shoulders slumped as he came to rest at my side, pulling his knees up to his chest and burying his head in his hands.
Sighing he said, "I don't need you to tell me what's right and wrong, Hailey." He was going to argue his point; of course he was going to deny it until proven otherwise- why would I possibly expect anything else from him. I made an attempt to interject before he forced me to 'talk to the hand'.
I clamped my mouth shut as he continued, "You're absolutely right, and I knew it the moment Leila told me about it...him," he corrected himself. "I'd been avoiding it, running from it, hiding from the truth like a coward." He looked at me with red-rimmed eyes, saying, "I'm done running, Hailey." I stared at him speechless. Its finally happened- Hell has frozen over, and I can only assume, some place, somewhere, a pig has just flown out of someone's ass.
His lips quivered as he began to sob out, "I get that I need to be accountable, and I plan to make this right between Leila and me," he avowed. "Well, I hope to," he added. "And I get that you want to stand for what's right, even at the cost of your own happiness."
I looked at him perplexed, asking, "Why would you think this would affect my happiness?"
He quirked a brow, and stated, "Have you met me?" I had no idea what he was alluding to. He went on, "Look, I realize me, myself, and I are beyond the scope of being more trouble than its worth; but then you want to pile on a mini-me, not to mention all the shit that you have going on?"
I was a bit taken aback- I wasn't used to seeing the humble side of Kellan. Humble Kellan had peeked his head from underneath the covers on a handful of occasions, but it was like a seeing a rainbow...sure, I'd seen rainbows before, but each time it happened, it felt as special as the previous time. A rarity, and not one that's guaranteed to happen again; something to be appreciated in the moment, for the chances of seeing it again are uncertain at best.
My brows rose as I stammered, "I...I mean the last few months haven't been a cake walk, and yeah- going to school and working at the same time isn't the easiest thing to do, either, but I don't start for a couple more months. I only have one semester left, so I plan to suck it up and do what I have to do to get through it and start planning my future."
He held out his hands, emphasizing, "Please tell me you're not that naive, Hailey?" My expression changed from complacent to offended in a millisecond. He took my hand in his and continued, "Look, baby, I don't want to lose you again, I don't want to lose you ever. But I just want you to be able to go in with a complete understanding that on top of what you're going to be dealing with- which," he paused giving me a pointed stare before going on, "I have no problem taking on. I just don't want you to go in with blind faith, only to lose you and..." he ushered towards me.
"And?" I prompted him to continue.
He leaned back against the headboard, stretched out his long legs, crossing one over the other, and scrubbed his hands over his face. Pulling in a deep breath, he looked ahead towards his feet, saying, "This isn't just about you and me now, Hailey. Sure, I stand to gain a lot, but to turn around a few months from now, or a year, and lose it? Jesus, Hailey, I'd have nothing to live for."
"Don't you dare ever say that!" He met my intense gaze as I lashed out, "I think you and I both know how short life really can be." He toyed nervously with his tongue ring as I scolded him. "You, of all people, know what it's like to grow up without feeling the love of your father. You owe it to your child to do everything you can to insure that won't happen to him. If Leila fights you, fight fire with fire; if she wants to take away your right to see your child, you need to love him so fiercely that no one could deny you or your child that right."
I wasn't mad at Kellan, I was mad at his lack of confidence in himself, something he's not one to portray, much less admit to. He was baring his insecurities to me, a
nd while I appreciated the sense of intimacy, I just wanted to tell him to get his fucking head in the game and do what he does best: Tell people they can either get on board, or get the fuck out of his way.
He abruptly stood from the bed, throwing his hands up in the air as he exclaimed, "Fine, ok- I can accept that; but you'll sit here and argue this point with me all night, then turn around and totally contradict yourself by giving that dickhead a lifetime hall-pass!" He blew out a frustrated breath.
I looked to him in shock, saying, "What's a hall-pass?"
He waved his hand towards me, explaining, as if it were common knowledge, "You know...a hall-pass- like a one-time exemption from commitment." I stared at him as if he was speaking Mandarin. He rolled his eyes, asking, "Let's just say you and I got," he stopped short for a moment before blurting out, "hitched." My eyebrows shot up as he went on, "But then I said for one night, with no consequences, you could...ya know...go be with whatever celebrity you wanted to- one night only," he emphasized, "Who would it be?"
This was fast becoming like having a conversation with Georgia, but he was looking to me expectantly. My curiosity began to override my sense of propriety, and I began to search my mind. One night, one time only... "You mean like in that movie with Demi Moore where she gets a million bucks after she sleeps with that old dude?"
He scrunched his face up, saying, "First of all, its Robert Redford...he's an amazing actor- how do you not know this?" I shrugged, uninterested, as he pursued his rant, "Secondly, no! You're not supposed to think of it like you're whoring yourself out...it's just a theoretical scenario."
He stared at me with rapt attention. Why he would want me to admit I'd have any sort of attraction to anyone other than him was blowing my mind. I looked to the ceiling as I flipped through the glossy pages of my own mental edition of GQ magazine. Hmm...Robert Pattinson? Meh...he's a bit pasty, and while I was practicing fan-girling over him in my teens, I thought he was my age. I'd come to find out he was quite a few years older than his character was, yet oddly enough, he didn't seem to age from movie to movie...I had begun to suspect he may, indeed, be immortal. So, no- I'd rather be safe than sorry.
Jonah Hill? I suddenly had a mental image of Georgia swinging her head to me and giving me a WTF look. I mentally shrugged. He has nice eyes and seems like he'd have me doubled over in laughter all night. I think the point is to get bent over, not doubled over, though that sounds kinda kinky, my inner flirt echoed. My face began to flush.
Kellan barked, "Just pick someone. I'm trying to make a point!"
Stammering, I blurted out, "Chr...Christian Grey." I stared at him stunned, waiting for him to reply.
"Who the fuck is Christian Grey?" he questioned with distain.
I hadn't read the books, and I still haven't seen the movie, but I'd read some things online about the Fifty Shades Of Grey phenomenon that was rocking the world...well, the females, anyway. I'd subscribed to the official FSOG page on Facebook, and would get notifications intermittently as new news came to light about the movie.
There seemed to be a controversy over the casting of the film, which I couldn't quite wrap my brain around...all the men they seemed to be considering were nice looking, and they were actors, so I just assumed as long as they could act the part, they would be the one to get the part. Apparently, it wasn't just about the acting, but the fans wanted the Christian on screen to be the epitome of the mental vision they had of the Christian in the books.
I sort of lost interest when there began to be people arguing over the opinion of who better suited the role. Seriously arguing. I felt sorry for the actors; it must have been humiliating to be publicly criticized before they'd even had the opportunity to be a part of the film.
Nevertheless, when I'd seen the preview of the movie, my insides went all warm and my head became a bit foggy as I listened to the slow, hypnotic remix of "Crazy In Love" by Beyoncé. I must say, the actor they did eventually cast piqued my interest in a strange way. He seemed dark, commanding...dangerous. I liked the feeling he...I mean it elicited in me.
"Hello," Kellan waved his hand in the air to get my attention.
"He's a man," I squeaked out. Kellan gave me a 'no-shit-Sherlock' look and I forged ahead. "He's a character from a book," I explained.
"You get to have sex with any dude you want, for one night, and you pick a character from a book?" he asked slightly bemused. I shrugged, feeling a bit put on the spot and embarrassed. "What's the book called," he questioned.
I blinked rapidly as I wondered why he even cared. "It's called Fifty Shades Of Grey," I mumbled.
He stared blankly for a moment before saying, "Ah. I get it...because his name's Grey, right?" I shrugged again. I had only heard of the books, I hadn't read them, so I didn't know the significance of the title. "Well, what's it about," Kellan prodded.
I shrugged again, saying, "I have no idea. I didn't read it. I just heard a lot of buzz about it. Some people said it was like reading porn, others said it was a love story."
A smirk crept up Kellan's face as he asked, "Porn, huh? A book about porn?" I simply shrugged again. "We might have to check that one out," he suggested...suggestively.
I was tired of talking about something I knew little about. I flapped my hand towards him, saying, "Whatever. Who's yours?"
"My what?" he questioned.
"Your...pass thingy...your free night of debauchery with no consequences," I huffed out.
Kellan's eyes became heated and he stalked towards me, saying absentmindedly, "You mean hall-pass." I gulped as my eyes widened, he was looking at me as if I were his prey. Crawling onto the bed, he pressed forward, forcing me to lie back as he loomed over me.
He stilled and raised his brows expectantly. Right...the hall-pass thingy. He was waiting for me to reply, but I was the one who had asked the question he'd yet to answer. "Yeah," I breathed out.
He continued to peer at me intently as he said simply, "You."
******
Kellan
As Hailey's breath hitched, I felt a surge through my veins. God, how I wanted to devour this woman. I lowered my lips to meet hers, swiping my tongue past her lips as I deepened the kiss. Gentle- I'd need to learn to be gentle with her for the next few months. Had I known earlier, I would have held back. Shit, I don't even know if...I mean are we even able to...allowed to make love? It will be torture to endure not being able to have her wrapped around me, as we bring each other pleasure. This wasn't exactly an area of expertise for me. I either needed to ask Hailey, or get the go ahead from a professional before this went any further.
I slowly ended the kiss, but continued to peer down at her with such adoration a lump began to form in my throat. This was a lot of information to absorb in one day. But her body was beckoning me, and my mind was warring with itself. Bring it down a notch. I usually wasn't one to pass on taking what I wanted, but I needed to be convinced I had the green light to proceed.
I drew in a hesitant breath and asked softly, "Is this...ok?"
Hailey gave me a confused look before a smile spread across her lips. "Mmm," she moaned. "Do you even have to ask?"
"Yeah, I do," I stated. "I mean, I've never done this before- is this safe?"
The smile slid from her lips and panic filled her eyes. Fuck. I wish I would have known this before we'd let things go too far earlier. If I've done something irrevocable, I won't be able to forgive myself.
I immediately pushed myself away from her and flopped onto my back as I ran my hand through my hair. My heart was pumping furiously.
Hailey turned to face me and propped herself up on her elbow, "Shouldn't I be asking you that question?"
"How would I know?" I answered. "I've never done this before." I paused, adding, "Well, I mean except for earlier, but I had no idea about it then." My voice was rising along with my frustration.
I turned to face her and her puzzlement was evident. Knitting her brows together, she asked, "What do you mean you've never done this before? You
acted like you were some sort of expert at it. How the hell am I supposed to learn about this shit if you don't even know about it?" Seems like I wasn't the only one who was frustrated here.
I sat upright and balked, "Why the hell would you think I'd be an 'expert' about this?"
I quickly rose to my feet as she sat up on the bed. As I studied her, wearing a simple lace bra and panties, I took in how beautiful she really was. Though her body didn't seem to be showing any signs, yet, the 'glow' I've heard people talk about was radiating from her.
She slid to the edge of bed, looking into my eyes deeply as I said, "I think it's best if we get a doctor's opinion before we do this. If we can do this," I ushered towards her.
Fire and Ice: Rekindled (The Fire and Ice Series Book 2) Page 16
