by Jill Cooper
The sword fell from my hands and clanked to the floor. Bending over to pick it up, my fingers trembled as I touched the hilt. I saw images of heaven, a glorious place filled with angels and such peace. Comfort. I couldn’t understand how such a place even existed or how angels like Alabeth and Cathal became our prisoners.
Cathal.
How would I ever face him again?
“Everything all right?”
I straightened up with the blade in my hand and stared into Magenta’s face. Her hair was swept back, like a princess herself. I should’ve told her everything was fine, but my temper burned brightly as the flame outside my window. With a flick of my wrist, I tossed the blade to the ground at her feet. “That was my mother’s blade, so you tell me if I’m all right.”
Magenta squinted down at it. “So, he told you the truth. I knew it was only a matter of time. He played you like a fiddle, didn’t he?”
I held my breath. “Yet you didn’t tell me. You let me go to him knowing what he would do. Knowing what his angle was?”
“Stopping you wouldn’t have worked, would it?” Magenta smiled. “You always do what you want. Your heart burns violent and bright, at least it used to.”
“Used to?” Her words crushed me a little bit.
Magenta nodded. “Since you’ve been sneaking off to see the angel, I saw the change in you. And, don’t sell your father short. He’s noticed and he’s growing more irate by the day. Everything he always wanted for you…well, he did his best to snuff the angel out of you.”
She made no apologies for how my mother was treated or the lies I was told. I covered my mouth and sat down on the edge of my bed. “And what will I say to him? What do I say to my father?”
“Make no mistake, Amara. I’ve raised you. Taken care of you and dare I say, I love you, but if you think you’re going to take this information to Lucifer…if you expect him to apologize,” Magenta shook her head. “He won’t. This is who we are. We are demon.”
I stared at the blade on the ground. “He forced her to carry me. Then he lied about who she was.”
“And you expect what from the devil himself?” Magenta touched the top of my head, which was something once that comforted me, but instead, I felt cold. No longer did I feel the fire of hell burning brightly in me. “She was angel, he was demon. What do you expect him to do?”
“Love my mother? Love me?”
Magenta laughed and her eyes turned bitter in their relentlessness. “There’s no love here. Not real love, Amara. They're arrangements and marriages for profit. Loyalty and backstabbing, even lust. But love?” Magenta shook her head. “We’re incapable of it.”
My eyes moistened. “You always said you loved me.”
Magenta’s mouth fell open and her steps quickened toward my wardrobe. “Hurry, now. Hurry. We have to hurry if we’re to dress in time for the celebration. Many have come from all over Hell to worship you.”
I couldn’t say I was excited. I couldn’t say there was anything I wanted less than to stand in front of a legion of demons and have them profess their devotion to me and Lucifer.
****
The party was the grandest I'd ever seen. As was customary for my birthday, everyone wore elaborate costumes and masks. Some of lace and others of pewter metal. Everyone's faces were obscured. My mask was deep purple like a sunset. On the front, a rising moon above one eye, and the other had a silhouette of the setting sun.
My wings were covered in purple tips that matched my mask and it made it impossible for my wings to retract. Normally, I only splayed them in a show of power or battle, but now I thought of them all the time.
Was there anything about them that was like my mother's? What mannerisms or characteristics about me came from her?
Or had Lucifer driven everything about her out of me in the last one thousand years?
Could an angel love her baby when it was part demon? In my vison, she seemed to, but I couldn't reconcile that with what I knew of angels.
They hated demons and demons hated them. Could individuals make exceptions like my heart had made for Cathal?
Oh, Cathal. Just thinking of him brought such of pain. He kept the truth from me and my head didn’t know what to think.
I pushed it all away as I cut the first piece of cake. A towering display of frosting and delectable sweetness. Blood orange, my favorite, was tempered by the bitter dark chocolate. Like me, it was dark, but very sweet.
Demons applauded and one by one, each took a slice, as it was offered. Then the procession of demon women started.
All pregnant, and all waiting for my blessing. Once a year the culling in hell took place, old demons replaced by the new blood, and four lucky demon females were called upon to breed with their mates.
I touched the woman in the long red dress last. Her stomach was high and I felt the strong kick of her son, cursed as we all were.
“May he be strong and his servitude to Lucifer.” I could barely get the words out, they sickened me so. I kept my eyes straight ahead on the other side of the room where demons danced.
She bowed her head. “I could ask for nothing more.”
Lucifer strolled on the other side of the ballroom. Even behind his red and gold mask, you couldn't mistake who he was.
Our master. Our leader. His height and long torso, much taller than any of us, made it impossible for us to mistake him, but what was he thinking behind that mask?
I wish I knew. Honest and genuine. He watched me, surely he did, but what did he want? Only he knew. It made me anxious and a little jumpy, as the music changed.
A rousing waltz. I made my way to the dance floor. A gentlemen bowed and I returned it. Before I knew it, we were hand in hand, spinning as one toward the four corners of the room.
Cheek to cheek, it made it easy for him to whisper in my ear. “Vasper sends his regards and will send Cathal any messages you wish to give me.”
So dear, sweet Vasper had spies on the outside? It seemed so unlike him, that it made me smile despite how weary I felt. “For Vasper, keep safe and for Cathal.” My voice dropped as my heart skipped. “Thank you for...the truth. I wish...things didn't have to be this way.”
I cut the dance short and the gentlemen bowed to me. Truth was, I didn't feel much like dancing or partying. I had so much to think about and Cathal had only hours left before his final battle.
What would I do with myself after he lost? After he won?
I left the ballroom, down a small corridor. It should take me to the kitchen where I could eat whatever I wanted in peace, away from prying eyes. Coconut cream custards weren't as glamorous as towering cakes and cheese filled pastries, but it was exactly what I wanted.
As I reached the kitchen door, a voice rang out. “Checking out of your own party already, Amara?”
Lucifer's voice sent me on full alert. “I was hungry.” I stopped and turned so he could catch up. Luckily he was wearing his mask still because I would've had trouble looking at his face. The anger built inside of me for the lies he’d told, not so much that he told them, but that I believed him. How stupid was I to believe the king of lies?
“Blood orange chocolate is your favorite. I made sure it was perfect for you, as I always do, darling daughter.”
“For my birthday?” My words felt flat.
“Your birthday,” Lucifer agreed. “It was this day that you blessed my heart for the first time.”
“Tell me again,” I said with rigid posture, “what mother was like.”
“Everything you are and more.” Lucifer didn't even miss a beat. “Beautiful, ruthless, a cunning warrior. She claimed my heart a millennium ago, but your presence softened her. It’s a shame you never got to meet her.”
“Because the angels killed her.” I turned from Lucifer and stared out the window. Off in the distance, I could see my flower. The charming rose named Amara, after me, except...
All the petals were gone. Only one petal was left and it was dried. Wilted. And about to fall.<
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“Angels took her from me, like one is trying to do with you.” Lucifer placed his hands on my shoulders. “Re-pledge your allegiance, Amara. Let me know your heart still belongs to me.”
“I...” My voice stuttered as I gazed across the lava. “I really don't want to return to the party yet.”
“Here then. In private. A moment between father and daughter. Take my hand and pledge your devotion.”
He offered me his hand, his ring evident on his finger, the one I was supposed to kiss, but...I thought about it too long. I licked my lips and turned back to gaze out the window.
“Well.” Lucifer's voice was controlled, but I knew him well enough to hear the anger simmering below the surface. “The flower doesn't lie, does it? The angel has turned you against me.”
“I know about Alabeth. I saw her in my dreams.”
Lucifer’s brow pinched together tight and his eyes narrowed. Even still, I could make out the anger river of red flowing through them. “A magic trick. An illusion.”
“It was no illusion, father. I saw what you forced her to endure.”
“She was an angel,” Lucifer gritted his teeth.
“She was my mother!”
Lucifer's eyebrows rose. “Well, you disappoint me, daughter.”
“Do I? Or maybe you knew how I'd react all along. That's why you lied, had Magenta lie, everyone in hell older than I knew, didn't they? Yet no one said a word.”
“No one but you would speak out against the king of darkness. I've let it go. I’ve let it slide because of who you are, but if you push me too far, Amara, you won't live past the gladiator games.”
His words didn't shock me. After everything, how could they?
“The rebellion was cute, it showed our subjects what a strong woman you are, and gave them entertainment, but it ends. Tomorrow, we begin preparing for your wedding to Markus.”
I gawked at him in horror. He thought I would be so easily controlled? “And if he loses?”
“He won't. I’ve made sure of it. Vasper and Cathal, won't be making it out alive. If you thought they ever had a chance, you're a fool.”
I shook my head. “I won't go along with this. I won't!”
Lucifer grabbed my arm and pulled me in close. “You will or what happened to your mother, will happen to you.”
There were such anger and disdain in his eyes. He never loved me or even came close to it. I was never anything but an object to him, a possession. “Was I ever anything to you, Father? Other than a reminder of your conquest?”
“A lovely reminder as you are, it was more complicated than that. The fact you exist at all is a crime against heaven, that alone endeared you to me.” Lucifer removed his mask and peered into my eyes. “Now, we'll return to the party. You'll stand and dismiss the crowd for the arena.”
I turned away. I didn't know if I could do that.
“We all play a part, Amara, now it's your turn. Let's see how the games finish. You made a bargain with me...”
“I didn't realize the results were fixed.”
Lucifer laughed. “Gullible as an angel, but the beauty of a demon. Ruthless as you can be compassionate, here I thought I drove that from you, long ago.” He sighed like something in me needed fixing.
But did it? Were compassion and kindness really so bad? What was wrong with feelings that weren't hatred. Manipulation couldn't be all there was to life.
Could there be?
“Amara,” Lucifer's tone warned.
“I'm coming.” I licked my lips. “I'll be right there, Father.”
“Good.” Lucifer started away without me and I turned and peered at the flower. It was dying, but I didn't know why. Did it have something to do with me?
“Why is the flower dying, father? What does it mean?”
Lucifer’s movements stilted, but he continued on as if he didn’t hear me. He did, I was sure of it. If he didn’t want me to know the truth that was all the more reason I had to find out.
Time to find out for myself.
****
I dressed one final time in a simple black gown with a black lace headdress that covered my eyes. From my vanity drawer, I grabbed Cathal's golden lasso and the sword he carried, the one my mother wielded before she was captured by Lucifer and dragged into hell.
I strapped them to my leg beneath my dress and hurried toward the bedroom door as Magenta entered.
“You're ready early.” She spied on me with distrust.
“I want to get this over with.” I paused. “Do you know why the flower in the garden is dying? My flower?”
“It was grown with your mother's tears. Lucifer stole them on your mother's death bed after you were born.”
That didn't explain anything, did it? “But—”
“Listen!” Magenta shouted. “The flower has been kept alive by your mother's tears for one thousand years. The answer is simple. The flower is dying because your mother's tears no long flow.”
I blinked and tried to grasp the meaning of that.
“You've changed, Amara.” Magenta looked on me with pity. “Cathal awoke something in you...pure, kind. Not demon.”
Not demon.
But angel.
I blinked my eyes as I realized what it meant. Funny thing was, Lucifer knew too and silently must have realized the grip he was losing on me. He saw the flower, maybe he kept it quiet, but inside it had to be killing him.
Which meant soon Lucifer would unleash his fury on Cathal. If I rejected my father, I’d be next, but what was my other option? To be chained for Lucifer for an eternity? Wasn’t a thousand years enough? Wasn’t it time to choose my own path?
Pick a future with the man I loved—even if he was an angel.
My breath slowed. I knew what I wanted to do, what I needed to do. So why not just wake up and do it? Cathal—I wanted to be with him. Even more, than that I needed to be.
“Time to get to the arena. Quick.” I hurried through the bedroom door and Magenta's fast feed hurried after me.
Magenta gathered her dress in her hands so she could sprint after me. “Amara! Wait, please! You’re not thinking clearly!”
But I could barely look back as I ran down the narrow hall for the exit of the palace. “I have a game to stop! Hurry!”
22: Cathal
The arena was empty. I was awed by how expansive the space seemed when the stadium seats were vacant. How dangerous a place it was when we fought, but it was nothing more than a vast pit.
Heading back into the gladiator’s quarters, nerves clustered in my gut. Soon, it would be time for the last battle. My allegiance with Vasper was over and we’d battle for Amara’s hand. If she would even accept me anymore was debatable. I’d told her the truth about her parentage and the truth about Lucifer. If she was surprised, it was hard to tell.
He was, after all, the king of lies.
So far everything outside was quiet. I watched from the open window as demons paraded into their seats. The atmosphere was rowdy with lots of screaming, chanting, and clapping. The crowd was ready for blood—my blood.
They’d accept nothing less. I thought of Amara and her beautiful face—her tenacious spirit. So much of what she was, in part, came from Lucifer, but the angel in her—I loved all of her. No matter where it’d come from. I wished I’d been able to make her see that before now. I had to win—I just didn’t know if I could.
And that decimated my heart.
“It seems you’re not without your fans,” Vasper said, as he strolled up.
I chuckled, mostly out of nerves. The box balcony where Lucifer and Amara usually sat was vacant. The guards kept watch, keeping it safe for their king’s arrival. I had to wonder what was going on behind closed doors between Lucifer and Amara. What had I unleashed between them? It was for the greater good but I wondered how much more suffering she would go through.
It was right. It had to be done.
But still, it broke me.
Markus was in another room of gladiator qua
rters, leaving us by ourselves as he readied himself for battle. I helped tie Vasper’s body armor once he had secured it on his person. Then, he returned the favor by tying mine tight against my back.
“Good luck,” Vasper said. “Truth be told, I’m not sure if ever had a friend as great as you.”
I gripped his arm in solidarity. I, too, held warm feelings of friendship toward the demon, unlikely as they were. We’d made a good pair. Could I really bring myself to kill him in the coming battle? It seemed soon I’d find out, as the horn of battle wailed.
We took our positions by the closed doors in front of us. He was on my left and on my right, Markus took his spot. It had been a long few days, and part of me was anxious for things to end. No matter how they ended, soon I would be with my friends and family in heaven again.
Even if I entered as a failure, I had tried.
That call home was always strong. To see the golden streets, beautiful arches, and to hear the angelic song of harps, warmed my heart in ways nothing else could. A deep longing was always present and being in hell had only made it worse.
Markus scorned but he didn’t say anything. I kept my eyes front and center. When the doors opened, my eyes went to the balcony above. What I saw stilled my heart. Lucifer’s stood alone flanked on either side by his armed guards.
Where was Amara?
My heart pounded. The guard behind me pushed with the spear, forcing out into the arena. “Move it, angel.” His voice was angry and filled with judgment. To him, I was the lowest form of scum, while he was all that to me and more.
For the first time, the arena was vacant of fire, lava, and any sort of obstacle course. This, of course, perplexed me. We walked into the center with caution. Flames danced in Lucifer’s eyes as he regarded me. Real or imagined? To me, it was real and that was all that mattered.
Did he know what I had done? Had Amara told him she now knew the truth?
If so, her absence made my heart grow cold. She could be in trouble, real trouble, and it seemed that soon I was going to face my very own. I’d be unable to help my love and it left me cold.
