by Jill Cooper
“If I don’t kill him in the arena tomorrow afternoon.”
Lucifer’s nose crinkled and his nose crinkled. “The likes of you? Never.”
“Let’s see how it plays out tomorrow.” I took a step backward and the guards were at my side within a moment. To protect me, or to defend Lucifer, I couldn’t be sure. I knew the gladiator games were important but more important than the devil himself? Probably not, but even Lucifer could see the damage caused if he interfered.
“Sleep if you can.” Lucifer poured himself a drink. I watched him sip it as I was forced from the sitting room. Something about his tone was more menacing than usual.
It was going to be a long night.
****
Vasper and I slept in shifts so that Markus couldn’t make a move on us—at least not without the guards noticing. I was shaken awake and wiped the sleep from my eyes. With a yawn, I sat up with a stretch. “Get some sleep, Vasper.”
My demon friend was looking tired, but he beckoned me. Curious, I met him in the corner of the room. “I heard Markus talking with the guards. They’re not on our side, Cathal.”
That much I could’ve guessed.
“They’re tipping the arrows for tomorrow’s match in poison. And your drink…don’t eat or drink anything until after the match. Markus is determined to win, no matter how he has to do it.”
I nodded. “Thank you, Vasper. I don’t know…” I sighed and thought about what had to happen tomorrow.
Vasper gripped my shoulder. “I feel the same. If I could withdraw and let you have Amara’s hand…well, I would.”
“You’ve been a good friend. Considering who we are, that must be some sort of miracle.”
“We don’t believe in miracles in hell,” Vasper said. “But I kind of wish we did. I’ve read about that and they sound, well, miraculous.”
But I only smiled. “It’s a good thing I do.” Because tomorrow, I was going to need one.
19: Amara
In my dreams, I saw a beautiful angel. Her hair was like copper ringlets and they shined as if on fire. Her robes were elegant and a soft lavender color. Beautiful, but in distress, she screamed with her head tilted toward what should’ve been the sky.
But she was trapped in a small room. I recognized it as one in the palace. Lying on a bed her back arched and I realized she was pregnant—very pregnant. Her belly was full and pushed the fabric of her robe tight. Sweat on her face mingled with tears and beside her, stood Lucifer.
He stared down at her with pity and hatred as she fought against the pain. He stroked her cheek and placed a dagger against her flowing tears. It left a pinprick of blood in its wake and the tears collected like a puddle along its tip.
Crystalizing into an eternal shard.
“It hurts! It hurts!” she screamed with her arms pinned to her side. Her legs kicked back and forth.
Another demon knelt on the bed and felt at the angel’s pregnant form. It made the angel roar in torment. I recognized that demon as Magenta, but her appearance was softer. Younger. “The baby is ready to be born.”
Lucifer’s smile was smug. “Now you will die, Alabeth. We aren’t going to need you anymore.”
“No!” The angel howled in pain. “You promised!”
Amara! Amara! Amara!
I screamed and sat up in bed. My temperature rising and my heart beat like a drum inside my chest. Not remembering where I was at first because my hair obstructed my vision. I pushed it away and over on the vanity something glowed. Curious, I drew back my covers and rushed to my feet. On the vanity, laying against the golden slab, Cathal’s sword glowed blue.
Never in all my years had I seen a sword turn that color before. Fearful, I watched it pulse as if it were communicating. As if it was desperate to be heard.
My hand was steady as it approached, but I hesitated. “Hello?”
There was no reply. I was a fool to expect one, wasn’t I? With a quick swoop, I picked it up and cradled it in my other hand.
“Amara!”
With a gasp, pain took me. It was everywhere and I almost fell to my knees. My mind flashed with images of the angel again. Her face was pure and kind, but twisted with pain as Lucifer tortured her. He refused to aid her in the birth of her child. Instead, she was surrounded by demons, dozens of them, and they watched unmoving as she screamed.
Lucifer took his sword and cut one of her wings, wrenching it from her body. In his wake, he left behind a jagged piece of bone. Such an act of hatred and defiance, I gasped and dropped the sword to the ground. Backing away, I left it there. What did this sword want from me? Why did it show me these visions of hatred?
I wanted no part in it.
No part in it at all.
Instead, I dressed in simple clothes and tall boots. It was time for me to see Cathal. Whatever we were to each other, I had to see him. Was he my love? Was I a stupid fool? My heart was anxious to see him; I knew that much.
He had something to tell me and I wanted to hear whatever it was.
When I opened my bedroom door, I was surprised no one lingered outside. There were no guards and no sign of Magenta. It was early in the morning, true, but it felt wrong. Like a trap, still, I had no choice but to go.
I snuck out of the palace with relative ease and it left me unnerved. By the time I was under the golden bridge, my stomach was a bundle of nerves. When I saw Cathal sneaking behind the arena’s outer wall, all those nerves washed away and I rushed to him.
“Amara.” Cathal smiled as he removed the hood of my cloak.
I wasted no time in kissing him. He was my forbidden fruit and my heart desired him as much as my body did. I loved how I felt when I was with him. How the kindness of his skin was cool against the burning fire of mine. He kept me calm, tepid. How I would ever be able to go on without him…I didn’t want to think about that. All I wanted to think about was when we were together. Like now.
Cathal slipped his hand against my hair while he caressed my jaw. The kiss said hello, but so much more than that. His lips massaged mine sending me into a state of bliss.
I needed him.
Guiding his hand down my body, Cathal let out a shaking breath. His hand was on my thigh and I kept it there, rocking myself against him.
Cathal pulled away and shook his head. “Not like this, Amara. We need to…I need to tell you something. Before we go any further. You have to know.”
I nodded, but couldn’t deny I was disappointed. I was so overcome with physical desire, I let it guide me. My brain, my reason, had to be intact or I’d never get through the day.
He sighed and I could see he was at war with himself. I put my hands on his chest. “Whatever it is, Cathal. You can tell me.”
“I was sent to kill you.” He swallowed hard and wouldn’t look me in the eye, but I know all that. I tried to kill him, captured him instead. He had to know I wouldn’t hold that against him, didn’t he?
“Not because you’re a demon. But because of the danger you represent. So when you had me here, I had to come up with a plan to sacrifice myself if it meant both of our deaths.” Cathal shook his head. “Instead, that night you came to me, remember?”
“I remember.” How could I forget?
“And instead I saw a glimmer. Hope. A shining white light inside of the darkness of your heart. The darkness that Lucifer spent centuries building in you. He used to beat you, didn’t he?”
“Yes.” I licked my lips and my heart pounded. I didn’t know what Cathal was getting at. How could I have a shining white light? I was the darkest of demons. The spawn straight of Lucifer’s loin. It didn’t get much darker than that.
“He tortured you? Would whip you if you didn’t listen? If you showed weakness?”
My brow furrowed. “Yes, yes to all of it. Why are you asking me these things?” Thinking on them for even a second, returned the pain I felt all those days. To think of my father as that hateful demon, broke me to an extent. I tried so hard to forget how he could be.
Cathal kissed my forehead and it felt final—as if he thought I’d never let him kiss me again. “Long ago, before you existed, Lucifer captured an angel. A mighty warrior. She was beautiful, kind, and she was going to stand up against Lucifer, but the tables were turned on her and she ended up his prisoner.”
“Alabeth?” The woman the sword was telling me about?
Cathal started with surprise. “How did you….”
“The sword,” I whispered. “Your sword. It’s been showing me…her.” Suddenly I shivered from cold and I rubbed my arms.
“That’s her sword. Your mother’s sword, Amara.”
“My mother?” What did she have to do with this? Had Alabeth slaughtered my mother? Is that why Lucifer took her prisoner?
“Lucifer wanted a queen, but he couldn’t turn Alabeth, no matter how he tortured her. Not until…” Cathal couldn’t look at me anymore and I had to wonder why. “He paraded her around, made her his slave. And he forced himself on her, over and over again, until she became pregnant. He had his trophy and he flaunted her in heaven’s face. Alabeth, to protect the child, willingly married Lucifer and did his bidding. It was rumored she became his wife.”
Cathal’s face fell into darkness. It twisted as if the words hurt him physically to say. “It’s rumored that his lure was hypnotic, Alabeth fell in love with him by the end. But she was tricked. Once the baby was born, Lucifer killed Alabeth, he had no reason to keep her any longer. He had what he wanted. A child. A blood heir.”
The way Cathal stared, I knew what he’s trying to say, but…I couldn’t fathom it. I couldn’t be part angel. There was no way. None.
My skin ran like ice for the first time in my existence.
I pulled away until my back hit the wall of the arena. “I’m…no.” I shook my head and inside, intense emotion built up. I was about to explode.
“This can’t be right. This can’t be truth.” I shook my head and my skin smoldered with heat. Anger.
Cathal’s words couldn’t be real.
“You’re equal part light and dark. Lucifer’s been trying to drive the goodness from you since you were born, but he can’t. I’m proof he can’t. My love for you is proof he can’t.” Cathal touched my arm and I shrugged him off.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at him. “Why would you lie to me like this? Is it so you can feel better about yourself? Know it’s okay to love me because I’m not a real demon?”
I’m not a real demon. I’m not a…the terror built in my chest and I didn’t know what to do with it. I wanted to lash out with it.
“Amara, I love you because of the goodness in you, no matter where it comes from. You’re tender, kind, you’ve helped me even when you risked death to do so. Wherever that comes from, it comes from you. The goodness is you. Not in the label of who you are.”
I’m an angel.
An angel. The enemy.
I covered my mouth in horror. “All this time you knew? All this time…” I closed my eyes and saw the vision from my sleep. Alabeth…the tormented angel, was my mother? And all the demons who tortured her knew? Magenta, the woman who raised me as her own, knew?
She was there and let it happen.
What they say is true, there are no real friends in hell. Only opportunity.
“You should’ve told me sooner.” My nostrils flared as I finally made eye contact with him. The anger must’ve been too much because he looked away.
“I couldn’t have. You weren’t ready to hear the truth. You—.”
“So you manipulated me into the games. I put everything on the line for you. Did you ever love me or was that a lie too?”
“Question everything, anything but that, Amara. My feelings for you are real. I didn’t mean to fall in love with you, but I did, don’t you see? I’d give anything now to save you. Even if it means my own life.”
“And if I chose to kill you now, what would you say?” My voice challenged him.
Cathal wasn’t fazed. He just shook his head. “You won’t.”
How could he speak with such certainty when I was so uncertain? Was I angel? Or was I demon? The demon Amara would’ve struck him down by now, but I didn’t have the stomach. I didn’t have the will, instead I wanted to bed him and know the true pleasure that should’ve sickened my kind.
Maybe I should’ve been put out of my misery.
“The sword, I brought it because it was your mother’s. Go to it. Hold it. It’ll show you things, Amara. Alabeth gave her life for you.”
I shook my head. I didn’t want to hear it. “I can’t trust whatever you have to say.”
How could my mother love me? I was the end of her, I was created by what she hated the most.
But I needed to know. I needed to see for myself and if everything Cathal said was true, Lucifer would answer to me for the lies he’d told. I left Cathal; turned my back and left. He called out to me, but I never looked back, not once.
Not even when my heart screamed out to do so.
20: Cathal
I lost her.
Everything I’d said, came from my heart. I tried to be honest without hurting Amara, but she crumbled. I watched it in her face and in how she held her body. When she moved away from me, I’d known I’d lost.
For now.
Could she get over it? Maybe, but within the next several hours? I had to believe in her and her strength, but I might be asking too much—even from her.
I headed back into the arena and into the quarters in the back. My heart was heavy, but I had to shake it. There was a battle to get through and this one was going to be worse. I had to defeat Markus and the one friend I’d made while prisoner in hell. If I lost, at least I’d told Amara the truth.
She’d get out from under Lucifer’s thumb. Now it was a matter of when, not if. I hoped I’d be around to see it.
Back in the quarters, Markus stepped out from behind his bunk. “You have somewhere to be, angel?”
“No place. Just getting some fresh air.”
Markus huffed. “You’re a bad liar, Cathal, but you have balls. If it wasn’t for these guards,” he nodded his head toward the corner.
“And miss the big celebration today? I doubt it, friend.”
His eyes narrowed. “If you think sneaking around to meet Amara’s gone unnoticed by Lucifer, you’d be wrong. You better hope she has a damn good explanation. He isn’t going to roll over and take it.”
Lucifer knew? Maybe I was a fool for believing we had pulled one over on him.
“You better pray I win in the arena tonight. If I don’t, there’ll be no mercy for Amara. You might think I’m a monster, but I’m nothing compared to him.”
Markus retreated back to his bunk and I felt cold. I couldn’t shake his words.
Oh, Amara, be careful.
21: Amara
I was back in my room and as luck would have it, I was alone.
Thankfully. There was so much I had to think about—process. I didn’t know which end was up and which way was down. Hell was my home, but a place I’d always strived to get away from. Was the reason because of who my mother was?
Who I was?
Cathal lied. He lied and everything I felt for him…I couldn’t even put it into words. I always knew we didn’t stand a chance, but the reason why, well, I got that all wrong, didn’t I?
On my vanity, his sword sat. My mother’s. Alabeth, an angel that Lucifer tortured. He tortured her with me, forced her to mate with him. I took root in her and I couldn’t imagine the pain I caused her. To be pregnant with something you despised?
All of it was too much, but I picked up the sword anyway. I cradled it in my hand like a newborn baby. Instead of cries, it glinted as I turned it toward the window. “If you have something to show me, now is the time. If you truly once belonged to Alabeth…”
My voice trailed off as a scream ripped from the steel blade. I saw the open sky and an angel fell from it. When the scene changed, Alabeth, my mother, called out in pain as she lay on the
bed.
Weak and tired, her forehead was soaked in sweat. “Please.” Her voice barely a whisper as she extended a trembling hand. “I want to hold our baby. Give her to me.”
The demon at the foot of the bed turned; it was Magenta. She cradled a baby swaddled tightly in a red satin blanket.
“Please!” Alabeth’s eyes widened as Magenta rushed me from the room. It caused the angel such distress—my mother. She laid her head back as a shadow covered her face and I feared who it was. Even his shadow moved in a specific way only Lucifer could.
Alabeth struggled to swallow and her eyes followed him with terror. Who else beside me could understand the true horror Lucifer could unleash but my mother? What he must’ve done to her…
Lucifer smiled down at her. “You’ve given me the greatest gift I could’ve asked for.” He raised a blade beneath his chin. My blood ran cold because of that look in his eye, I knew exactly what he meant to do.
He was going to kill her. He was going to slaughter my mother on the very bed she gave birth on.
Alabeth fought back tears. She was so weak, my heart was crushed for her. “I did everything you asked. Laid with you as your wife. Attend your parties. I only want to know our daughter.”
She did love me. Even though what I was, what my existence forced upon her, she held great love for me. I didn’t understand how. I didn’t even know if I could love myself.
“If I thought you could really accept me, I wouldn’t have to do this. I can’t have you corrupt our little Amara against me. And you would protect her from me, that’s not even a question, beautiful Alabeth.”
Alabeth’s nose flared and she gripped the mattress. Her head moved out of the way as Lucifer bent down to kiss her. “She’s half angel. Her heart is pure. You can’t take it from her no matter how hard you try. I love her. And one day, she will know it.”
“We’ll see.” Lucifer lifted the sword overhead.
I froze and whipped my head around as blood sprayed from Alabeth’s body and I tried not to listen to the slaughter. I tried...
