After a couple minutes, she said, “You got here fast.”
“Yeah, well, if you weren’t in such a bad mood, you’d remember that today’s Saturday.”
Saturday mornings were spent at the family ranch helping out my brother, Hunter. Not that he needed the help, he’d been running the ranch for nine years now and did it on his own every other day of the week. Plus, he was just as stubborn as my other brothers—help wasn’t in their vocabulary.
But Mom went there every weekend to cook the same Saturday breakfast she’d been making since she and my dad first moved into that house. I refused to be one of the reasons my mom’s eyes dimmed with sadness because our family was so damn broken. So, every Saturday, I was there to help Hunter get through the morning chores on the ranch while Mom cooked, and then the three of us ate while she looked longingly at the empty chairs around the table.
All of this Emberly knew. She’d known for a good chunk of our lives.
“Right,” she said, the bite in her tone telling me she was reprimanding herself for the way she’d called me. “I’ll have to call your mom . . . apologize.”
“I was already in my truck when you called.” I stared at the broken machine part in my hand for a moment before saying, “Mom wasn’t really herself today—didn’t talk much. She left about the second our plates were cleared.”
Emberly dropped to a crouch against the wall so she could ask, “Is she okay?” A half-second later, she gasped. “Oh, Sawyer. I can’t believe I—I totally blanked, I’m sorry. Are you okay?”
“I am.” A soft huff left me as I slid out, pushing her back as I went. “But with the way my brothers are, I think each year gets harder on my mom instead of easier, and they don’t see that they’re the cause of it.”
She nodded as I spoke. She knew as well as I did that the rift in my family was slowly destroying my mom. “Is there anything she needs?”
“Today? To be alone,” I said with a grim laugh, then held up the part I was holding. “Good news, it’s the machine and not the water line. Bad news, I can’t fix this right now. You need a new valve, that’s something I’d have to order—and that’s if I can get my hands on it.”
Emberly let out a frustrated groan and dropped from her crouch to sit on the floor. “How long?”
“I don’t know, I’ll have to look,” I said apprehensively. “You might be better off calling the company. They’d probably get out here and have it fixed today . . . who knows how long I’d be waiting on the part.”
“But you always fix everything.”
My brows rose knowingly as I pulled out my phone to start searching one of the sites I got my parts from. “It’s that, or I’ll be making runs for the next however long, bringing you bags of ice when needed.”
I hated the sound of defeat and exasperation she made, but there was only so much I could do.
Shit, I didn’t even have any actual training for any of the work I did. I’d just been helping a few people around town with some odds and ends they couldn’t get to after graduating from high school, then their friends had begun calling me for help with other things, and then more calls had continued to roll in until this had become my life.
YouTube videos had been my best damn friend for so long—sometimes they still were.
“Em, they don’t even have the valve I need.” Looking up the company, I called them to schedule an appointment for her since it was all I could do. Once that was taken care of, I slid my phone into my pocket and said softly, “Someone will be here between two and four.”
She nodded, her lips tipping up in a hint of a smile before falling.
Nine years ago, I’d destroyed everything by not seeing what was right in front of me. I’d failed in the worst of ways. Ever since, I’d vowed to see the people around me. To know their quirks and their moods so I wouldn’t fail again.
So I knew Emberly, and I was positive her frustration wasn’t due to the ice machine.
I kicked her foot with mine and waited until she looked at me. “Talk.”
A harsh breath left her after a moment. “Just thinking about your mom and your family . . . and thinking about what today is and what follows in a few weeks.” Her eyes darted to me. “You can’t tell me you haven’t been with the way you kept flipping your shit on the new girl.”
I wasn’t going to deny it. There was no point in even trying. But that was the last thing I wanted to talk about then—or ever.
“But you were pissed when you called,” I said slowly, digging for an explanation. “You were pissed when I walked in.”
Emberly’s eyes rolled. “Yeah, that . . .” Her head moved in quick jerks. “I was already frustrated and then the ice machine happened, and I just kind of exploded. Forgive me?”
I studied her, not at all swayed by the puppy eyes she was throwing my way. “Depends on why you were frustrated.”
“Can’t a girl be frustrated?”
“Not you,” I said unquestionably. “Unless it was with me, I can’t remember the last time you were frustrated with anything.”
She let her hands slap against her bare thighs. “Then I’m allowed this. Can’t you just forgive me and get over it?”
I scoffed. “Nice try.”
She groaned loudly and then sucked in a deep breath before letting everything out on a rush. “Kip came back into town last night, and I was really freaking thankful because I was in desperate need of a night, you know? When he came over, he kept saying he wanted to talk, but that was the last thing I was in the mood for and, thankfully, whatever it had been hadn’t been bad because he quickly got on my level. So, we’re finally moving toward my room, and his damn phone went off for a work emergency that sent him right back out. I mean, he had my shorts barely past my hips and left. Are you seriously fucking laughing right now?”
My laughs grew louder when she slammed her foot into mine.
“It is not funny.”
“Kind of is,” I argued in a teasing tone. “You’re so sexually frustrated that you about bit my head off.” I barked out another laugh when she leaned over to punch me. Once she’d settled against the wall, I gave her a placating look. “I don’t know why you even wait for Kip to come back into town. I thought you didn’t like him that much.”
“Right, so, about that.” She gave me a wide-eyed look, and I knew I still hadn’t heard the worst. “I like that he isn’t always here. I like that I don’t have to worry about seeing him all the time, that we just hook up whenever he’s back—and it’s good when he is. And, I mean, I do like him . . .”
“But?” I prompted when she didn’t go on.
“But,” she continued, “apparently that is why he wanted to talk last night. He called once he was on the road, saying he wanted to know how I was handling our distance because his co-worker’s wife had just left him over it.” Emberly pointed at me when confusion crossed my face. “Exactly. Right? Then he said, if I had any doubts about his commitment, he would give me a ring and marry me the next time he was back.”
A sharp laugh burst from my chest until I registered Emberly’s expression. “Wait, you’re serious?”
“Apparently,” she said through gritted teeth. “I was so thrown off because I wasn’t aware we were even in a relationship that I just kind of laughed and said I was fine with keeping things casual.”
“Ouch.”
“Nope,” she said. “He thought I was joking. Said, ‘Casual. Funny. Call you later, babe,’ and that was the end of it.”
My chest was moving with my silent laugh despite her warning glare. “Can I be your best man?”
“I’m gonna hit you.”
I lifted my hands in surrender before letting them fall. “Get over it and find someone else to fuck, Em. Just tell Kip whatever y’all were doing is over. Not like he’s here enough for it to matter.”
She made a face like she’d already considered it. “But he’s really good at what he does.”
“Then I guess you’re getting married.”
Her head moved in fast denying jerks. “Yeah. No, I don’t like him that much. I just like the way he makes me scream.”
I pretended to gag. “That was information I didn’t need.”
She lifted one of her eyebrows. “Do you want me to recall details you’ve told me?”
“Fair enough,” I murmured, then suggested, “What about Brady?”
Her expression went blank. “Brady . . . like, my employee, Brady?” When I just stared at her expectantly, she asked, “What about him?”
“He clearly wants you,” I said slowly, surprise filling me at her obvious shock. “How have you never noticed the way he looks at you?”
“How have you?” she shot back, then slashed a hand through the air. “Nope. No, we’re gonna stop this before it begins, because that won’t be happening.”
“What? Why? He’s a good guy.”
“Yeah, but he works for me.”
“Makes it easier on both of y’all, because you rarely leave this building,” I said, and then gave her a pointed look. “He also wouldn’t be planning a wedding to you, and he isn’t an asshole like Kip.”
“Still no, and Kip isn’t an asshole.”
“Em—”
“Speaking of assholes . . .” she said loudly, her mouth twisting into a smile as she turned the conversation around on me. “Even with you acting like a complete dick toward her, I have absolutely seen the way you look at the new girl and the way you notice everything about her.”
“I don’t,” I said in a tone that bordered on warning and made Emberly’s smile widen.
She made a humming noise in the back of her throat. “So, you didn’t see her sitting at the table closest to the doors when you walked in?”
Rae hadn’t been near the doors, and from the slight tick in Emberly’s brow, she knew that and was waiting for me to slip up and correct her.
I ground my jaw to keep from responding, but my silence only served as amusement for her.
“Already told you what I thought about her,” I said, trying to make the words as dismissive as possible. “She isn’t my type.”
“Yeah, I heard you that first night,” Emberly said slowly. “But I’ve seen you around her, I’ve heard about your other encounters, and I’m looking at you right now, Sawyer.”
“Em, she isn’t—”
“Bullshit.” She gave me a look challenging me to keep denying it. “I’ve had a front-row seat to most of your life. I know exactly the kind of girls you’ve been taking to bed, but I also know you.” When I only continued to stare at her, she lowered her voice and said, “Savannah came in after you left yesterday. Told me about you running up to the girl’s room the day before that and shoving Beau away so you could talk to her.”
“Her name’s Rae.”
Emberly’s mouth shaped into a victorious smile. “I know.”
My eyes narrowed into a weak excuse for a glare before I said, “Em, I can’t—” I let out a ragged breath. “God, for so many reasons, I can’t even entertain the idea of her.”
“Of course you can.” When my head began to shake, she demanded, “Why?”
“To start, I don’t want to,” I said roughly. “I don’t want to think about her when I haven’t spared more than a thought for every other girl. And another, she’ll leave eventually.”
“Like that has ever stopped you.” But her words were soft and slow as if she were realizing more and more how deep Rae had already gotten under my skin.
“This thing with her . . . it’s . . . different. I—damn it.” Nearly a minute passed before I confessed, “After Leighton, I swore I would never be with another girl who reminded me of her . . . and I haven’t. When it came to the color of her eyes and hair, that was easy because they were just so Leighton. But her body? I’ve avoided anyone who looked like her because of the way she wrecked me. Fuck, Em, I worshipped her.”
“I know you did,” she said softly. “But you avoiding curvy women because of her decisions has turned you into an asshole who views women a certain way, and it’s disgusting.”
“You think I view them that way.”
“I know you do,” she shot back. “All the messed-up shit you’ve been saying lately is a little hard to refute.”
I nodded, gritting my teeth as I did, because she was right. I’d done it in an attempt to get my head straight. And even when Emberly had taken my words the wrong way, assuming I’d meant something far worse, I hadn’t tried all that hard to correct her.
“Em, you know me better than that.”
“I thought I did. I thought I knew you better than anyone. But the things you’ve said, Sawyer . . .”
Damn if that didn’t hurt worse because I knew I deserved it.
I forced away her valid assumptions and said, “You think I view women that way because I’ve been trying to push away this pain for nine years while forcing a certain type. You think I view women that way because I’ve been trying everything to make myself believe that girl out there”—I pointed behind her, toward the café—“isn’t exactly my type even though she’s constantly on my mind. Even though I’ve thought about what she would feel like in my hands about a hundred times already.”
Emberly blinked quickly as she tried to take in what I’d just told her, trashing nine years of what she’d believed. “But that—still, Sawyer . . . you’re letting what Leighton did control how you live. You can’t do that to yourself.”
My head moved in soft shakes, but I swallowed back the words I’d kept from her for nine years. “You don’t know what Leighton did to me.”
She jerked back as if my words had been physical. “I do. I had to watch it happen. Don’t forget, she wrecked all of us, but I’ve watched you continue to destroy who you are since. And now you’re telling me you’ve forced yourself to avoid women who look like her in any way? That you won’t give whatever this is with Rae a chance because of Leighton? You have to move past it.”
“She blamed me,” I said on a rush, the three words holding so much grief and weight from being held back for so long. At Emberly’s stunned silence, I continued. “I was Leighton’s reason for doing it.”
“Sawyer, no. You can’t—”
“She told me, Em.” I rubbed at the agony spearing through my chest and struggled to catch a deep enough breath. “I felt like I’d failed her in so many ways, and the pain of knowing I had been what drove her to that? The knowledge that I had pushed her into that—even unknowingly? It wrecked and terrified me.”
“And, what, you think you’ll drive someone else to do what she did?” The mixture of emotions in her eyes and her voice said so damn much.
They betrayed her pain for me and shock at what I’d revealed. They screamed her disapproval at the path my ruined heart and fucked-up mind had put me on. They whispered she was still here, on my side, even with the truths I’d kept from her.
“No . . . no, I know I won’t. But I was so damn messed up after Leighton that, for a while, I did. The first couple of years, that fear drove my actions and thoughts. I never wanted to get in a situation where that could be a possibility. Once I made my peace with what happened and knew it wasn’t actually my fault, then, like I said, it turned into simply avoiding anyone who reminded me of her—hair, eyes, body . . . anything.”
She nodded, lifting her chin in a vain attempt at staying strong even though her jaw trembled.
“And, yeah, Rae has a body type I’ve avoided, but I don’t see Leighton when I look at her. I don’t feel that pain. I only see Rae. And I keep telling myself to look away, that I can’t want her or find her attractive. But she’s . . .” I tossed out a hand before letting it fall.
Alluring.
Intriguing.
Everything.
“Wait. What?” Emberly’s head shook as if she’d just realized what I said. “Then why is letting yourself be attracted to Rae such a bad thing?”
“Em, this thing with her, it’s different. I told you that.” I waited, watching for her
delayed nod before explaining, “I want nothing to do with her because she was able to get under my skin and in my head that first day. I don’t want to entertain thoughts of her because I want her in a way . . .” I swallowed past the knot of guilt in my throat. “In a way I can’t even remember wanting Leighton. And I want to hate her for it.”
Emberly’s eyes were bright with unshed tears and her smile shook with emotion as she listened to me.
“Don’t look at me like that,” I said softly.
“Sawyer, you’re allowed this,” she responded in the same hushed tone. “You deserve this. Don’t you get that?” She placed a hand on her chest when a mixture of a laugh and a cry abruptly escaped her. “This is all any of us want for you, don’t push it away because of Leighton.”
I studied her for a few moments before saying, “She was supposed to be my forever.”
“I know.” A few tears slipped free, and she hurried to brush them away. “I know, but things change, and you can’t live your life based on the past. She was my best friend . . . I know she would hate that this is how you decided to honor her.”
I flinched, taking the full impact of her words.
Damn if it didn’t hurt.
If Leighton could see me, God, she’d be so damn disappointed. The boy she’d known had been on a path to the NFL and ready to get down on one knee.
Now? Fuck . . .
Emberly crawled over to me and wrapped her arms around my waist, resting her head on my shoulder. “I meant you pushing away someone who could be good for you because of her,” she whispered, having guessed where my thoughts had gone.
“You don’t know she would be good for me,” I countered.
“I’ve watched you go through women without a care as to who they were for years now, Sawyer. For someone to make you feel anything at all is monumental. For her to make you feel so deeply,” she lifted a shoulder, “how could she not be good for you?”
I stopped thoughts of Rae before they could begin, and repeated one of my earlier arguments. “She’ll be gone eventually.”
Fall in Love Book Bundle: Small Town Romance Box Set Page 143
