“Then she’ll be gone,” Emberly said easily. “Let her be good for you while she’s here. Let her remind you that it’s okay to want someone. Let her show you that it’s okay to move on.” When she registered my hesitation, she sighed. “Just think about it.”
“What if I’m not ready?”
“Sawyer Dixon not ready for sex?” she teased, then continued in a more serious tone. “Then don’t act on it, but let yourself feel it. Let yourself be around her and talk to her like I watched you do yesterday. And then when the next girl comes into your life who makes you feel something, maybe you’ll be ready for it.”
Only one other girl had made me feel anything remotely close to what I felt when I looked at or even thought about Rae . . . and she’d left me.
I had a damn good feeling there wouldn’t be a next girl.
Chapter 13
Sawyer
Senior Year – Spring
I was shaking.
I didn’t know if it was from rage or fear or denial, or a perfect storm of the three.
I’d had my suspicions and worries, I would’ve been blind not to. But Leighton always had a perfect excuse for not wanting to eat around me anymore. For her being so damn exhausted all the time. For the way the light had completely left her emerald eyes. For pushing me and our friends away. For the way the girl I cherished with every ounce of my being seemed to be disappearing.
Stress of this year. Stress of getting into the college I had a full ride to. Going on a diet to be healthier, and using it as an excuse to skip out on meals with my family for months . . . until tonight.
And it was breaking me.
Because I’d realized about a minute into the meal that it was the first time I’d actually seen her eat since before Christmas break, and I’d been watching her like a hawk.
She’d eaten one baby carrot.
One.
And she’d cut the damn thing into the smallest bites, then chewed each bite for what seemed like an eternity before pushing the rest of her food around for a couple minutes. Only to start the process all over again.
The painfully loud silence from my normally loud family told me everything I needed to know.
They could see it too.
They were just as worried.
I clenched my jaw when my sister-in-law caught my eye and hurried to look away when the outright fear in her tear-filled eyes threatened to undo me.
Leighton cleared her throat and set her napkin on the table beside her still-full plate. “Thank y’all for having me,” she began as she pushed her chair back, “but I have so much homework I need to get back to.”
“Of course,” my mom finally said when no one else spoke. “Leighton, honey, let me gather some of the leftovers for you to take with you.”
“Oh, no, it’s really okay,” Leighton said as she stood. “Dinner was wonderful, but you need it to feed this one.” The tease came out rushed and flat as she touched my shoulder. “Thank you again.”
I didn’t stand to walk her out. I didn’t watch her leave, even though I heard her steps falter as if she’d stopped for me.
I just sat there shaking as I replayed the last hour in my head.
When the front door clicked open, Mom whispered, “Oh, Sawyer . . .”
Those two words . . .
The concern and grief in them . . .
That’s what had me shoving away from the table and storming after Leighton.
I caught her halfway to her car, already yelling, “The fuck was that?”
Her eyes were wide when she turned to face me. Lifting a hand in the direction of the house, she said, “I told everyone I have homework.”
“No. No, fuck that. A carrot, Leighton,” I ground out. “You ate a carrot.”
“If your mom is upset, I’ll—”
“You know that isn’t what this is about,” I nearly shouted. My chest was heaving, but when I spoke again, my words were strained with my worry. “Leighton, you only ate a carrot.”
A hesitant laugh fell from her lips. “I wasn’t hungry.”
“You’re never hungry,” I pressed. “You never eat around me or anyone anymore—Jesus, you’re rarely around any of us anymore.”
Her hands lifted in a frantic little move that was so not Leighton. “I ate before I came.”
“You ate . . .” A harsh breath burst from me. “You ate before you came to my house . . . for dinner.”
“It’s just easier with this diet—”
“Leighton, screw the diet,” I whispered, then took the last remaining steps toward her. “I told you I would eat healthier with you if that was what you wanted, but you brushed me off. And what you’re doing . . . you’re changing you.”
“I’m not,” she said, trying to assure me.
When she reached for me, I took a step back and raised a hand, silently begging her to stop. “You’re obsessed with every other girl and how you look compared to them. You used to dress in a way that was utterly you, and now all you do is put layer on top of layer on like you’re afraid of anyone actually seeing you. Like you’re afraid of me seeing you.”
I took another step back and released a pent-up breath. “Jesus, Leighton, you won’t even let me touch you anymore. Before you became obsessed with your weight, you were happy—we were happy. Now, nothing I do breaks through to you, and it’s scaring the shit out of me because I look at you and I know something isn’t right, but you always have an excuse, you always have a reason. And I don’t know how you even got to this place or why.”
“Because I wanna look like I belong with you,” she cried out, catching me off guard and knocking me back another step when I realized what she was saying—what she meant.
“You do,” I said firmly.
Her head moved in slow, wide shakes. “Everyone knows I don’t, Sawyer. Everyone has known.”
“Fuck everyone,” I snapped.
“I know I don’t,” she yelled back.
Pain slashed through me, because it was written all over her face that she believed it.
“So, what, you think you have to lose weight in order to?” That earlier grief and agony swirled through me, making it impossible to breathe until it felt like my lungs would give out. “That’s what the bullshit diet is for? And, what, are you refusing to eat in front of me because you think it’s gonna turn me off? Embarrass me?” I scoffed. “Leighton, right now, all I wanna do is feed you.”
When she just stood there, trembling in her ridiculous amount of clothes, I took another step toward the house and rubbed at my aching chest. “Why can’t you see how much you mean to me? Why can’t you see how much I’ve always wanted you? I would choose you over any girl, every day of my life. If you would stop focusing on everyone else, you would see that. If you would focus on us, you would know that all I’ve ever wanted was you, any way I could have you.”
I left her there, crying in my driveway, and avoided the questioning and concerned looks of my family as I stalked to my room, fighting back emotions the entire way.
Once I was on my bed, I let them all consume me.
The grief and worry and fear.
The pain and guilt.
The overwhelming heartache.
Chapter 14
Rae
The firm knock the next morning had me coming to a standstill, just feet from my bedroom door, staring at the offending object like it had the power to determine my fate.
Open the door and die now . . .
Stare at it and die in a few minutes when the murderer inevitably breaks in . . .
“Issues,” I mumbled as I forced away the elaborate scenes that were quick to form in every situation. “So many issues.”
I blew out a sharp breath and reached for the handle at the same moment the person on the other side said my name.
Low. Rough. Inquiring.
The sound sent chills skating across my skin like a teasing caress.
Damn him.
I swung open the door to Sawyer in all
his frustratingly-sexy glory, gripping the top of the doorframe and displaying his long muscles and the way his jeans rested low on his hips.
When that slow smirk tugged at his mouth, I considered slamming the door in his face.
“Morning,” he said, the word filled with veiled excitement, and such a stark contradiction to how he’d been the day before.
“Sawyer,” I said in reply, then leaned against the door, folding my arms under my chest. “I was about to go downstairs and eat, before you ask or drag me there.”
Something haunting flashed through his eyes but was gone just as quickly. He cleared his throat and fortified that smirk. “I had something better in mind.”
I feigned surprise. “Than me eating?”
“Oh, I plan on feeding you.”
Confusion swept through me as I tried decoding his words while all the possible sexual connotations of that statement flooded my mind. “Um . . .”
His expression shifted into something more serious, meaningful. “Think it’s time you got that small-town feel . . . don’t you?”
I went still against the door. For long moments, I just stared at him as I thought through excuses; none of which, I could voice.
I don’t need to get that feel.
I’m not actually writing a series that has anything to do with small towns or the country in general.
I just want to continue working and wait out this time until I’m able to do what I came here for.
“This only happens one weekend a month, so you either come with me today, or you miss it.” Taking my silence as acceptance, he pushed away from the doorframe, his eyes drifting over me as he did. When they met mine again, they were dark with want. “Dress to be outside . . . I’ll be downstairs.”
I stepped into the hallway and asked his retreating figure, “What are we doing?”
“You’ll see, city girl.”
I considered following him downstairs and going straight to the kitchen instead, but my curiosity got the better of me, and before I knew it, I was changing and hurrying toward the bathroom to put my hair in a messy bun and swiping on some makeup.
When I reached the main floor of the house, I regretted not taking my time, because Sawyer and his brother, Beau, were standing in the foyer, having a hushed, intense fight I was sure I wasn’t meant to see.
As he had every time I’d seen him, Beau looked like a loosely-bound animal ready to attack. Jaw clenched tight and dark brows pulled low over midnight blue eyes. His thickly-muscled arms were loose at his sides, but his hands kept flexing as if he were trying not to let them curl into fists.
All while Sawyer portrayed the picture of ease with his relaxed stance and his arms crossed casually over his chest, even though his expression hinted at his anger.
The two couldn’t have looked more alike or different.
“Get over your shit and see what you’re doing to her,” Sawyer hissed at the same moment I tried to make a silent retreat up the stairs, and landed on a step that was anything but silent.
Sawyer’s head snapped to the side, his stare finding me and softening immediately.
“I’m sorry,” I said softly, frozen in place even though my head was screaming at me to keep moving.
Sawyer gave me a look like he couldn’t understand what I would be apologizing for. “You ready?” When I looked to Beau in question and response, Sawyer just started backward, toward the front door, ignoring the situation. “Let’s get out of here.”
I watched the brothers for a few seconds before descending uncomfortably.
Beau had stayed in place, glare set on the floor, throughout it all.
He didn’t move, look up, or speak to me when I passed by him, so I didn’t say anything either.
To be honest, I preferred not to speak to him. He had that whole sexy, alpha-male thing down to an art, but he edged on this side of terrifying. How he ended up with Savannah, I still had yet to figure out . . . and I wrote those kinds of couples.
Must have been the dimples.
Damn those Dixon boys.
But she was too sweet, too gentle, too soft for the man who always looked like a bomb ready to explode.
Then again, maybe there was more happening that I wasn’t seeing, if Sawyer’s last words to him were any indication.
“You ready for this?” Sawyer asked as I approached where he was holding the passenger door of his truck open for me.
“I don’t know what this is, so I can’t answer that.” I grabbed the handle of the door, ready to climb in, but looked back at him. “I also know how to open my own door.”
He sucked in a breath through his teeth and gave me a devastating smile. “You’ve been in the city for too long.” Once I was settled in the seat, he said, “As for this . . . it doesn’t matter what we’re doing, it matters that you’re gonna experience something new.”
“Forgive me for being hesitant at something new with you,” I shot back, the words pure tease.
A wolfish look crept across his face, stealing my next breath. Instead of responding to what I’d said, he gestured with his chin to the inside of the truck. “The cup closest to the center console is yours.”
When I turned to look at what he was talking about, he shut my door. By the time he was climbing into the driver’s seat, I was still staring at the cups.
A soft laugh sounded in his throat as he started the truck. “It’s just coffee, Rae.”
Except it wasn’t.
I was always getting a different espresso drink, I didn’t have a favorite. And the drink closest to me wasn’t one of the ones I’d ordered at Brewed yet, which meant either he or Emberly or one of the other workers had noticed. Because, otherwise, the cup in front of me would have been just coffee . . . or something I’d previously ordered.
“What made you get this?” I asked as I lifted the warm cup and brought it to my lips.
His eyes followed the action before he was able to tear his attention away, clearing his throat as he did. “It was my backup plan if I couldn’t get you out of the house. Wasn’t sure if I’d be able to get you to agree to anything if I didn’t come with your next fix.”
“You say that like I drink a lot of coffee.”
He lifted a brow then began driving. “You saying you don’t?”
I made a face that clearly said I couldn’t argue, then finally took a sip and had to suppress a moan when the warm liquid hit my tongue. “But it’s such a delicious addiction.”
Sawyer’s gaze darted to me a few times before focusing ahead. After a while, he spoke. “Em said you don’t seem to have a set drink, so I told the person working to make something that sounded good. Hope that’s okay.”
“It’s great.” And it was. Then again, everything I’d gotten at Brewed had been. “So . . . Emberly. Tell me about her.”
His face pinched before smoothing out. “Uh . . . all right. What do you wanna know?”
Everything and nothing. “I don’t know,” I finally said. “You just mention her a lot, or when I see you, it’s because you’re going to see her.”
“I—fuck, I wouldn’t even know where to begin with her,” he said with a shrug. “I could probably answer any question you had about her, though she might kill me. But you could just ask her yourself . . . she’ll be meeting up with us today. She just needed to take care of some things first.”
“She will?” I couldn’t tell if that was more excitement or worry in my voice. From the way Sawyer kept looking at me, he clearly heard the latter.
“Yeah, a few of my friends will be there. We’ll meet up, break apart, meet up again . . . you’ll see why when we get there. But they’re all good people, you’ll like them.”
“And you aren’t going to tell me what we’re doing?”
He grabbed his own coffee and lifted one of his shoulders in relaxed indifference. “It’s something you have to experience without being told about.”
“It isn’t something I need to experience at all, and I really don’t want
to encroach on Emberly’s time—”
“I don’t know why we’re talking about Emberly,” he said gruffly, a laugh that bordered on frustrated leaving him as he did.
“Because you two seem really close.”
“Yeah, she’s my best friend—wait, close, close?” He shot me a surprised and disgusted look, then suddenly turned down a side road and slammed on the brakes. “Yeah, we’re gonna back the fuck up and put a stop to that thought process.”
“So intense,” I murmured, placing my drink in the cup holder from where I’d been carefully holding it in front of me in an attempt to not let any spill from our abrupt stop.
“And you’re so damn wrong,” he ground out, turning in his seat so he was facing me. “What in the fuck would make you think there’s something going on between Em and me?”
“What wouldn’t make me think that?” I asked softly, trying to bring the tension down. “Nearly every time I’ve been at Brewed, you’ve already been there, or you’ve shown up, to talk to her.”
“The other day, I came for you,” he argued and gave me a look like he was ready to continue disproving me.
“You didn’t really.”
He rested one arm over the steering wheel and leaned closer. “Wanna bet?”
A stuttered breath tumbled from my lips, and it took a moment to shake the knowledge from my mind, to remember what we were talking about in the first place. “The way the two of you are, I don’t know, it’s comfortable. You touch a lot, you’re physically close. You talk about her, she talks about you. It isn’t hard to see why someone would think it.”
“It is because you’re the only one who does,” he reasoned. “We’ve been best friends since preschool.”
“Those are some of the greatest love stories,” I countered.
I would know.
His chest heaved and he pressed a fist to his mouth. After a few unsteady breaths, he looked at me, head shaking. “She’s more of a sister to me than Savannah is, and Savannah has always been my family. Ask anyone in town, they’ll say Emberly and I were separated at birth. The thought of something with her physically disgusts me.”
Fall in Love Book Bundle: Small Town Romance Box Set Page 144
