Her body shook against mine and her eyelids fluttered shut for a moment. When they opened, her hazel eyes were dark with want.
“Rae . . .”
“I can’t,” she said on a breath, the two words somehow holding so much denial and so much pain.
My chest moved with my exaggerated breaths, each one causing me to brush against her breasts and testing my self-control. “Can’t what?”
When she finally answered, her voice twisted with torment. “I can’t let you fall in love with me.”
My hand lifted to curve around her neck as I stared at her, trying to decipher what it was she wasn’t telling me. To know what could make her so sure that first night that I would fall in love with her, only for this gut-wrenching claim to follow.
All the while knowing, in the long run, it wouldn’t matter.
“Trying to kiss you, Rae, not fall in love with you.”
Like my words had snapped a tether, she pushed up on her toes and crushed her mouth to mine.
The moment her lips parted, I knew I was forever ruined for anyone else.
Chapter 17
Rae
Agony, slow and brutal.
That’s what kissing Sawyer Dixon felt like.
Because this wasn’t like other kisses, and he wasn’t like other men.
I knew that, and I wanted to push him far, far away for it.
This kiss?
I needed it like I needed my next breath.
And I’d never needed anyone.
But as he pressed me more firmly against the wall and shifted the hand at my neck to my jaw, guiding my head back so he could deepen the kiss, every reason for keeping him at a distance evaporated.
His tongue danced against mine, soft and teasing, making me arch from the wall and against him, and such a contradiction from the way he attacked my mouth seconds later. All rough kisses and torturous licks and seductive bites coaxing needy whimpers from me and making me reach for him.
It wasn’t until he released me to grip my hands and pin them to the wall that I realized I was completely at his mercy.
And it nearly choked me.
I fought against his hold and for control of the kiss, my legs weakening at the rumble of approval that built in his chest and shot straight to my core.
He pressed a knee between my thighs, giving me a hint of pressure where I was already aching for him, then moved his mouth across my jaw and down my throat, leaving a scorching trail of kisses and bites.
His hold on my wrists moved down my forearms, tightening for a fraction of a second before they were gone altogether, and then his hands were tracing the curves of my body until he was gripping my hips, pulling me closer against him, his hardened length straining against his pants and pressing against my belly.
The moment he’d released me, my hands had moved. My fingers twisting into his hair to halt his descent down my chest even though my body was begging to let him continue.
But my mind was screaming at me to take control.
I pulled his head up, my chest heaving as I dragged in air when our eyes met.
His eyes were so, so dark as he watched me. Waited. Told me without a word what he wanted to do to me.
A whispered moan slipped past my lips when he flexed his hands against my hips, the action causing me to ever-so-slightly rock against his leg. My head dropped to the wall, but my eyes never left Sawyer’s when I involuntarily rocked again . . . and then again.
His hands squeezed tighter, and then his leg was moving, widening my stance with aching slowness, giving me every chance to stop him.
I needed to.
I needed to be the one controlling every movement.
But that voice screaming its demand was being drowned out by my need for his touch.
With that same slowness, he leaned forward and took my mouth with his as he stepped fully between my thighs. Every touch was soft but held so much promise. One of his hands curled around my thigh, lifting to hitch it around his narrow hip at the same moment he pressed his hardened length against me.
“Oh God, please.” The whispered words transferred from my lips to his, pausing the kiss and shifting the air around us.
Thickening it with want and desire and my horror.
I lifted my eyelids and found his stare piercing me.
“Please what?” he asked in a guttural tone.
I tried to swallow. Tried to shake my head. Tried to take back that terrible word.
“Rae . . .”
Question and lust and craving swirled in his eyes as he moved his other hand toward the band of my pants. The movement purposefully lazy, sluggish, because I still hadn’t answered him or spoken again.
But with each ragged breath, our lips brushed.
With each brush, I tried to remember why that word was so awful. Why I needed to take charge.
Then he was working the button on my pants and sliding down the zipper, his fingers teasing the top of my underwear as his body vibrated with restraint. And then I relaxed against the wall, all but offering myself to him.
“Rae.” My name was a demand and a growl, and it had chills racing across my skin.
Then everything happened with a quickness that made my head spin.
Sawyer’s hands moved to cup my neck and his mouth slammed onto mine, his body pinning mine to the wall all before my foot had ever hit the floor from where my leg had been wrapped around him.
After branding me with a harsh, punishing kiss, he jerked back enough to look at me. “You shut down and don’t tell me what, that’s just as good as saying no. Got it?”
Except, I wanted him to touch me.
I wanted him to take care of the ache between my thighs.
The only problem was I had somehow utterly lost control of everything in a way I never had, and it terrified me.
But his lips were back on mine before I could say any of those things, moving with a fierceness that had me both regretting this and him, and wanting it to continue forever.
I opened to him, my traitorous body silently begging him to claim my mouth and numb my mind again, just as there was a knock on my bedroom door.
We didn’t break apart as if we’d been caught doing something we shouldn’t.
The kiss didn’t end abruptly.
It shifted, slowing in a way that had me quivering and leaning in to get that last taste of him. When we pulled away, his eyes were all blatant need, but his lips were twisted in a devastating smirk.
We began leaning toward each other again just as there was another knock, reminding us why the kiss had ended in the first place.
“Rae, are you in there?” Savannah called out. “It’s me, Savannah. I was wondering if I could talk to you for a second, and then I’ll be out of your hair.”
“Be right there.” My winded answer was a clear sign of what we might have been doing, and I couldn’t find it in me to care. A moan slipped free when Sawyer’s mouth trailed across my neck, toward my ear.
“She wants to ask you about dinner.”
“You already told me about it,” I reminded him as I fixed my pants.
“Because I thought she had.” He trailed his teeth over the shell of my ear, his husky laugh rumbling against my chest when I shivered in response. “Answer the door, Rae.”
“Get in the bathroom, Sawyer,” I shot back, mimicking his tone.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Not for a shower,” I hissed as I started toward the door. Once I was sure he was hidden from sight, I unlocked and opened the door, a bright smile plastered on my face despite that destructive tornado of emotions swirling through me. “Hi!”
Savannah’s expressive eyes darted toward the room, hesitation wavering on her lips. “Did you and Sawyer have fun today?”
“We did, thank you. What a fun place.”
“It truly is.” After another sweep of the room, she cleared her throat and gestured down the hall. “We have family dinner here every Sunday night, and guests are always welcome, s
o I wanted to make sure you knew the invitation was there. We would love for you to come.”
I nodded and tried to seem appropriately taken aback and thankful for her offer, not wanting to give any indication that she wasn’t the first to tell me about it. “That sounds wonderful. Thank you.”
“You can come down whenever, I’ll be in there cooking with my mother-in-law if you want to just hang around and chat. Otherwise, we’ll probably start eating around six-thirty.”
“Oh. Okay, well, I’ll—” I glanced at myself, my hands going for the clothes that still smelled like puppies and barbecue and fried food. “I’m going to get cleaned up first.”
“Of course.” Worry danced at the edge of her smile as she grabbed the handle of the door. Just before she began shutting it behind her, she called out, “Thank you for the honey, Sawyer.”
An amused “Yep” came from the bathroom just as the door clicked shut.
My shoulders sank and chest heaved with mortification, adding on to the emotional tornado.
The one that wanted to go right back to where I had been with Sawyer, to let him continue. To get lost in him for a few more minutes.
The one that was screaming obscenities for forgetting myself so easily.
The one that was barely holding it together.
The moment Sawyer’s large hands slid around my waist, I turned and stepped away from his embrace. “You should go.”
His expression and hands immediately fell. “Rae . . .”
“You need to get ready. I have to get ready. I’m a mess, I smell like all kinds of things,” I rambled. “And if you stay, neither of us will do what we have to.”
“I really don’t care.” He took a step forward but halted when I matched the step. “You’re gonna have to help me understand what happened in the last sixty seconds. If it’s because Savannah knew I was in here, I’m pretty damn sure she’s perfectly aware of what adults do.”
“The kids following her around and the beach ball attached to her hips clued me in,” I said dryly.
“Jesus, Rae, we weren’t doing anything. Even if we had been, who the hell cares?”
I waved to the door. “I think she does.”
His attention shifted that way for only a second before it was locked on me again. “Yeah, if the town is telling you about my sex life, I’m just gonna take a wild guess that my sister-in-law knows about it too. But seeing as it’s mine, it isn’t for her or anyone to have a say in.”
“It is when I’m renting out one of her rooms, Sawyer.”
He rocked back a step, taking him deeper into the room, and roughed a hand into his dark hair. “I can’t . . .” A huff punched from his chest. “I can’t keep up with you.”
I lifted my chin defiantly.
“You’re indifferent, and then you tease me in a way that drives me crazy. You pull me close only to push me away. I don’t know what to feel with you or how to continue in any situation because I don’t know what’s going through your damn mind.”
I shrugged and waved toward the door again. “I already told you. I think you should leave.”
He nodded, the movement quick and jerky as he slowly closed the distance to the door—to me. “Right . . . to get ready. And when I come back, what happens?”
“Apparently we’re eating,” I said, my voice holding the same bite as his.
“With us,” he clarified when he was nearly pressed to me.
His air mine again.
Clouding up my mind and making me ache for things I shouldn’t.
“There is no us.”
“Never said there was, Rae. But a few minutes ago, I had you up against a wall and you were arching against me and riding my thigh. Now, you’re sending me away, acting like I did something wrong. So I’d like to know what Rae I’m gonna come back to. I’d like to be able to prepare for what will happen when I do.”
“Nothing,” I finally snapped.
His jaw clenched and those mesmerizing eyes widened, part-frustration, part-disbelief. “Nothing.” His shoulders trembled and his chest rose and fell with tortured breaths as he stared at me. Silently begging me to explain the complicated ins and outs of my mind. “Why?”
“Because I don’t want you,” I cried out.
Instead of any reaction I might have expected from him, he lifted a brow, his deep voice rumbling when he asked, “You sure about that?” When I just floundered with how to respond, he glanced pointedly to the small space between us.
Where I had his shirt clenched tightly in both fists.
Trying to pull him closer.
“I think you don’t want to want me and, sweetheart, I understand that feeling all too well. Doesn’t change what’s happening or this feeling like I’ll lose my damn mind if I don’t taste you again. But if you—”
“Then do it.”
The silence that surrounded us felt charged. Each uneven breath we offered to the room only fueled the heady tension. One move, and we’d explode.
I curled my hand deeper into his shirt, pulling him slightly closer, and that tension snapped.
We moved, coming together in a rough clash of demanding kisses and searching hands. He pulled me closer as he moved us back, trying to form his body to mine while the other hand left a path of fire down my throat to my chest.
“Drive me crazy,” he rasped against my lips.
My surprised gasp trailed off to a breathless laugh when we slammed into the door, and then that laugh was gone as his mouth took and took and took from me until I had nothing left to give.
At that moment, I knew I would let Sawyer Dixon take everything from me, only to find more.
And it shook me.
Stripped me.
Horrified me.
I let my fingers trail over the defined ridges of his stomach as I tried to shake away the heavy feeling, as I tried to remember who I was.
A girl who was strong and sure of herself and her sexuality. A girl who was always in control of every situation. A girl who refused to give control to any man.
I reversed our positions so his back was against the adjacent wall, fumbling through undoing his pants as I tried to regain the power I so desperately needed.
I never fumbled.
But I’d never been this close to breaking.
“Rae,” he growled against my lips, then dropped his forehead to mine when I pushed the denim past his hips and reached for the band of his boxer briefs.
His chest heaved and pitched against mine, and then his eyes rolled back and he pushed against my hand when I wrapped my fingers around his thick length, a guttural growl crawling up his throat when I slowly pumped him.
“Shit.” The word was a hiss, a plea, a prayer.
The moment his fingers moved for my pants again, I pressed one last hard kiss to his lips and maneuvered from his hands to kneel in front of him.
Before my knees could hit the floor, he gripped my shoulders to stop me. “If the first anything is gonna be one-way, then it’s gonna be me devouring you.”
I added my other hand to where his cock was standing proud between us, using them both to slowly work him as my knees finally met the floor. “That isn’t how this is going to go.”
He looked like he wanted to argue, but his eyes had gone all dark with need, and the only thing that left his mouth was short, ragged breaths.
Removing one hand, I trailed the tips of my fingers across his thigh to grip his narrow hip, then leaned forward to taste him.
The way his entire body shook in response to the tease had a smile pulling at my lips as I continued. Soft teases to the head and the underside of his thick length. Taking him in my mouth and giving him hints of what was to come before backing away, never truly giving him what he wanted. All while I pumped him with my hand, alternating in speed.
His eyes were fire as he watched me.
His harsh breaths and low groans only fueled my need to make this last.
His hands had moved at some point to grip at my hair, but he
never tried to guide me.
When I finally took him in until he hit the back of my throat, his head dropped against the wall and a carnal growl sounded deep from within him. “Fuck.”
One of his hands shifted to my jaw, slightly lifting my head so I was looking at him as I pulled back, sucking him and swirling my tongue around his cock as I did.
Only to do it again.
And again.
Giving him everything he wanted and needed, with only hints of the earlier teases.
Reveling in the sounds he was making, how his body trembled, and the way his fingers clenched tighter around me.
I let the edges of my teeth faintly trace across his smooth skin, enough for him to feel the change . . . enough to remind us both who was in control here, and laughed around his length when one of his hands released me and shot to the adjacent wall to help him stay standing.
“Rae.” My name was a plea and a warning when I wrapped my lips around him again. His hold on my jaw tightened. “Rae, fuck, you gotta stop.”
I responded by taking him all the way in, moaning around the feel of him inside me. All hard steel and soft flesh. Then drew back, and did it again.
His hips pushed forward, begging for more, and I gladly gave.
“Rae,” he grated.
When I swirled my tongue around him on the way back, sucking harder, then prepared to take him again, he growled out a curse and slid his hand from my jaw to my hair, gripping tight as his hips moved faster, harder, until he found his release inside me.
I swallowed greedily, my eyes burning with frustrated tears as my body continued to betray me. As I was assaulted with flashes of me completely at his mercy as he touched me, pushed me to the edge, and fucked me because I wanted it.
But I couldn’t.
I refused to.
Once he was spent, I sat back on my heels, my stare on the floor as I blinked away the tears before pushing to my feet.
Sawyer reached for me, but I held up a hand and stepped away. When he finally noticed my expression, his fell, a crease forming between his brows that shouted his dread of what I was about to say.
My voice lacked all emotion when I said, “I am always in control.”
Fall in Love Book Bundle: Small Town Romance Box Set Page 148
