Her eyes watered, and she bit her bottom lip, shaking her head and letting her gaze fall to my chest. “Noah…”
“I did something this week,” I said, heart racing a little faster now. “And I know it’s going to probably be a lot to take in, and you have time to consider everything, but…” My smile was so wide, I could barely speak through it. “I applied to AmeriCorps for you.”
Her eyes snapped back to mine. “You… you what?”
“I only did it for two positions,” I said quickly. “And only for two that I thought you would be perfect for, two that I knew you’d love. They’re both out west. One of them is working in a center focused on mental health and substance abuse victims, and the other is on a Native American reservation working with senior citizens.” My hands started shaking the more I spoke, my excitement growing. “I had to do some digging for your community service history, and I wrote a motivational statement on your behalf, but… well… yeah. I applied for you.”
She gaped at me, and my heart raced more.
“Obviously, you don’t have to go,” I said, trying to gauge her reaction. I thought maybe she was in shock, or maybe she didn’t think it was possible, that this was something she could do. I aimed to show her that it was. “And you can apply to different ones if those don’t interest you. I just… I wanted you to know that you can do whatever you want. If you want to go into the Corp, you can. If you want to go back to school, you can. Because even if your parents cut you off, AmeriCorps will help pay for your education. And I’ll go with you,” I said, but as soon as the words left my lips, I paled. “I mean, if you want me to. Or I can stay here and wait, whatever you want. But what I’m trying to say is… we’re a team, Ruby Grace.” I smiled, smoothing my thumbs over her wrists. “We’re in this together, and it’s not just about me and my dreams. It’s about you and yours, too.”
The rain picked up, the ting ting on the roof the only sound between us as Ruby Grace opened her mouth, shut it again, opened it, shut it. She searched my eyes with a look I couldn’t decipher — something between awe, love, shock, and hurt. All of those emotions existed in equal measure in those hazel eyes, and my stomach knotted tighter, my thumbs still rubbing her wrists.
“Can you say something, please?” I said on a soft laugh.
Ruby Grace rolled her lips together before closing her eyes, and she shook her head, as if the next words she was about to speak were burning her tongue but she was holding her mouth closed to try to keep them in anyway.
And when she finally spoke, I understood why.
* * *
Ruby Grace
My throat burned as I tried to sort through the thoughts in my head.
Every fiber of my heart urged me to throw myself into Noah’s arms, to wrap myself up in him and cry tears of thankfulness. Here he was, the man I’d always dreamed of, showing me the kind of love I’d wanted all my life — the kind of love my fiancé would never give me.
And I had to walk away from it.
I had to walk away from him.
Tears stung my eyes when I finally opened them. Noah stared back at me, hope lit up in his cobalt blue irises, and he waited for me to speak.
You’re amazing.
No one has ever cared for me this way.
I feel more like myself when I’m with you than I ever have before.
You’re everything I want.
I love you.
“How could you?” I said, instead, and all the color drained from Noah’s face when the words were in the air between us.
“I…” He closed his mouth, swallowing. “What?”
The tears I’d been holding at bay broke free, sliding down each cheek in parallel lines as I formulated the lie I had to tell him.
It didn’t matter that I felt the same about him that he felt for me.
It didn’t matter that I wanted him, that I wished more than anything in the entire world that I could kiss him and hold him and say, “Of course, I want to go, and of course, I want you to go with me!” I wished I could leave this town behind, leave my family obligations and expectations in the dust and just take on the world with him at my side.
But this wasn’t a movie.
This was my life.
And in my life, there was more to think about than just my own selfish wants. I had a mother depending on me, a father in trouble he couldn’t get out of on his own, a sister who was oblivious to the peril — and I wanted to keep it that way.
I came here tonight to give myself one last evening with Noah, one last time in his arms, one last kiss… and then, I knew I’d have to let him go. I knew I’d have to tell him something — anything — to get him to stay away from me.
If I told him the truth, he’d tell me it wasn’t my problem. I already knew he would. But, he couldn’t possibly understand. This was my family at stake — our name, our reputation. Generations of Barnetts were watching me from above, expecting me to do what was right to save the family name.
And I wouldn’t let them down.
I couldn’t let them down.
“I can’t believe you would do this,” I said, sniffing back tears as I stood, leaving Noah in the bean bag. He scrambled up after me. “You applied for a job without asking me, Noah. A job that requires years of commitment.”
He gaped. “But… this is what you said you wanted.”
“No,” I corrected, even though my heart screamed yes. “It’s what I used to want.”
Noah furrowed his brows, taking a step toward me. “Baby, please. Come here.”
He held his arms out wide, and my heart squeezed tight at the sound of the nickname rolling from his lips. I wanted to be his baby. I wanted to be his, period — and I cried harder at the cold reality that I never would be.
Life wasn’t fair.
This was one lesson I’d never forget.
“You’re treating me like a child,” I said against the sobs. “Like you know what’s best for me.”
“That’s not what I—”
“Stop trying to save me when I didn’t ask to be saved.”
His mouth popped shut at that, and he blinked several times, digesting my words as he watched me like I was someone else entirely.
In that moment, I was.
“Don’t do this,” he finally whispered, shaking his head. “Please. Don’t do this.”
“I’m not doing anything,” I said, crying harder. “You did this.” I shook my head, swiping the tears from my face as I made my way toward the treehouse door. “This was all a mistake. I stepped out on my fiancé after one stupid misunderstanding without even talking to him. And I’m sorry I did that, I’m sorry I went to you, but this?” I gestured to the air between us. “This thing that you’re trying to make happen between us? It’s just a fantasy. It’s not the real world.”
“Stop it!” Noah said, crossing the treehouse and stepping in my pathway to the door. “Stop pushing me away because I’m the first person in your life to actually give a damn about you.”
I covered my mouth with my hands, closing my eyes and willing myself to calm down, to stop crying — but I couldn’t.
“Look at me,” he said, framing my arms, but I kept my eyes shut. “This isn’t a fantasy and you know it. This? What we have? It’s real. It’s that bullshit man who only wants you to play a part that’s not real. It’s your parents who want you to be a prop in their life instead of an actual daughter that’s not real.”
I couldn’t respond, not with my heart ripping itself to shreds inside my rib cage with every word he spoke. All I wanted was to wrap my arms around him, bury my face in his neck and tell him everything. I wanted to hear him say I didn’t owe them a thing, that this wasn’t my mess, and more than anything, I wanted to believe that myself.
But as much as I wanted those things, I wanted to be there for my family more.
I loved them, no matter what had transpired between us, and I couldn’t let them go down in flames. Not when I knew I held the fire extinguisher in my h
ands.
“Look at you,” he said, squeezing my arms as another sob ripped through me. “You feel it, too. You don’t want to leave right now. You don’t want to fight with me.”
I shook my head, pressing my hands into my face more to soak up the tears as they fell.
“What are you not telling me, Ruby Grace?”
Another wave of sobs tore through me, and when I could finally force a breath, I let my hands fall, creaking my eyes open to look up at him through my damp lashes.
I still couldn’t speak.
“What is it?” he whispered, hands framing my face as he searched my eyes.
I shook my head. “You don’t understand,” I whispered.
“So help me,” he begged.
My face twisted, more tears breaking loose as I shook my head over and over again. “But, that’s just it,” I said, pulling free from his grasp. “You don’t understand. And you never could.”
“Ruby—”
“I have to go,” I said, sniffing back the last of my tears with a new resolve. I skirted around him, flinging the door open and climbing down the ladder on the tree without another glance in his direction.
Noah called out to me the entire way down, calling my name and telling me to wait — begging me to wait. I swore my chest would explode any moment if I didn’t put distance between us, and the cool rain splattering against my hot skin was the only welcome relief I found in the meantime.
“Wait,” he said again when we reached the bottom. His hand caught the inside of my elbow and he spun me around, his eyes wild now, frantically searching mine. “Please. Don’t do this. Don’t leave, don’t walk away from this, from…” He swallowed. “Don’t walk away from me.”
I let out an audible sob at that, ripping away from his grasp.
“You can’t walk all the way back,” he said when I turned. “It’s raining. It’s at least a mile.”
“I’m fine,” I said through my tears, through the rain, through the rolling thunder. I took out my phone, using the flashlight app on it to light my way.
“Damn it, Ruby Grace!”
Noah ran to catch up to me, blocking my path as the rain pelted down on us. His hair stuck to his forehead, his eyes transitioning to my favorite steel color as a crack of lightning sprawled across the sky.
“I love you.”
The words knocked the breath from my chest, and I shook my head, trying to move around him.
“You love me, too,” he said. “And you don’t have to say it for me to know it. But what you do have to do is stay. Right now. You have to be brave, and you have to stay.”
“I can’t,” I whimpered.
“Why not?” He stepped into me, hands reaching forward, and this time, I didn’t rip away when his hands found my arms. “Just tell me why. Tell me the real reason why, and I swear, I’ll leave you alone.” His hands trailed up, framing my face. “If that’s what you want.”
Noah swallowed at that, like the words tasted as bad as they sounded. He lowered his forehead to mine, and both of us inhaled a breath that sounded like a roar of thunder.
“I promise I will,” he said again, this time softer. “But I don’t want to. I want you to stay. Please, Ruby Grace. Stay.”
His lips found mine, hard and pleading, and I melted into him, my hands tugging at his wet shirt as another crack of lightning split the sky. I took that kiss selfishly, eagerly, opening my mouth and letting him slide his tongue inside as I moaned and leaned into him even more.
I wanted him to brand me.
I wanted to brand him.
For as long as I lived, I knew I’d never forget that last kiss with Noah Becker.
But when the lightning was gone, the thunder rolling behind it, I broke free, panting, and I didn’t meet his eyes when I said the last words I’d ever say to him.
“Don’t follow me.”
With that, I was gone.
Chapter 17
Noah
Two weeks.
Those words were on repeat in my head Sunday evening as I sat with all my brothers on Mom’s front porch, holding a full beer in my hand, knowing I couldn’t stomach even one sip of it. I hadn’t touched anything Mom had made us for dinner, either.
Two weeks.
I counted the days, the hours, the minutes and seconds that fit inside that time period.
It was only fourteen days. Three-hundred-and-thirty-six hours. Twenty-thousand-one-hundred-and-sixty minutes. One-point-two-million seconds.
And then, she would be Ruby Grace Caldwell.
My fist tightened around the can, a bit of the beer spilling over the side as I fumed at that fact. I knew I shouldn’t have gone to church, shouldn’t have put myself in her vicinity where I could stare at her and sit in my misery like a masochist.
But I had to see her.
After she left that night, I followed her even though she told me not to. I had to make sure she made it back to her car okay. But, I stayed back, gave her space, and once she was in her car, I did as she asked me to.
I left her alone.
I thought she’d call, or text, or send a fucking smoke signal. Anything. Something to tell me that she’d just had a moment, but she was okay now.
But it never came.
And earlier, at church, our pastor announced that the wedding was just two weeks away.
Which meant it was still happening.
Which meant I didn’t mean shit to Ruby Grace.
I sighed, releasing my grip on the can a bit as my eyes wandered over Mom’s garden. I felt so many things in equal measure — betrayal, longing, confusion, anger, heartbreak. But more than anything, I felt foolish.
I was the biggest fool.
I’d chased a woman who had another man’s ring on her finger, a woman out of my league by any standard, a woman younger than me, a woman who, in reality, was still just a girl in so many ways. I’d wanted to save her, to be her partner in everything, to fill the emptiness in my life with her and be the one to do the same in her life.
I’d ignored all the warning signs.
And now, I was paying the price.
“You okay over there?” Mikey asked from where he was strumming on his guitar at the opposite corner of the porch. He kept his eyes on the strings, plucking away. “You sound like a dragon with all that huffing.”
“Fuck off, Mikey.”
His head popped up at that, brows tugging together. “Hey…”
“Oh, don’t mind him, Mikey,” Logan said. “He’s got his panties in a wad over Ruby Grace and clearly he just wants to sulk around us, but not actually get our advice.”
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” I spat.
“I know I don’t. None of us do. And we won’t until you tell us.”
“Leave him alone,” Jordan said from his rocking chair, sipping on the old fashioned he’d made. It was like his word was final, Mikey giving me one last look before he started strumming again, and Logan sighing before he drained his beer and stood, walking inside to be with Mom.
Jordan didn’t look at me, but I silently thanked him, anyway.
I had so many questions running through my mind, so many things I wanted to talk about and work through. But at the end of the day, I knew it was pointless.
It didn’t matter why she’d run from me, or why she was still marrying Anthony.
All that mattered was that she did. And she was.
End of story.
I felt her hands on my shoulders before I even realized she’d joined us on the porch. Mom gave my traps a gentle squeeze, holding me in place while she spoke to my brothers. “Can you guys give us a minute?”
Mikey stopped playing abruptly, hopping up before trotting down the stairs to his car. “I’m going to Bailey’s. I’ll be back in a bit.”
Jordan stood next. “I’ll go see what Logan is up to.” He paused, finally looking at me. “For what it’s worth, I’m here. If you need anything.”
Just saying that was hard for Jordan
. I knew, because he hadn’t approved of my plan to try to get Ruby Grace in the first place. But as he passed, he put a hand on my shoulder next to Mom’s, squeezing once and leaning in to kiss her cheek before he left us alone.
That was a brother’s love. It was resilient, and always there — even when we didn’t deserve it.
When it was just me and Mom, she rounded my chair, sitting in the empty one next to me. For a long while, she was silent, just rocking next to me with her eyes on the yard.
It was crazy sometimes, looking at Mom. She’d aged in the years since Dad had passed, and I wondered what he would look like now. Would his hair be gray? Would the wrinkles around his eyes and lips be deeper? Would he still be stout as ever, or would he be thin, with a beer belly and a balding head?
Mom was still the same woman I remembered from being a toddler, even though her hair was shorter, a little grayer, her eyes a little more worn. She was still the same superhero I’d always seen when I looked at her.
“So,” she said after a long moment, still rocking gently. “You better have a reason for not touching your brussel sprouts tonight. Those have been your favorite since you were a teenager. And your brothers hate them, so you know I made them just for you.”
I tried to smile. “And you know I love you for it. I’ll take some home, reheat them for lunch tomorrow.”
“I’ll pack them up for you. But that doesn’t get you off the hook for telling me why you can’t even drink your beer right now.”
I glanced at the offending can, like it’d given away my secret even though I knew I was doing that well enough on my own.
Fall in Love Book Bundle: Small Town Romance Box Set Page 300
