I’d always sucked at hiding my emotions. Jordan was the best at that, Mikey was perhaps the worst. But, I wasn’t much better than him. When I was angry, I lashed out. I got into too many fights. I shut out those who tried to help me. I would brood and sulk in my thoughts, but never share them with anyone.
Maybe because I knew no one could help.
Maybe because I was too scared to admit I needed it.
“Ah,” Mom said after a long pause. “It’s a girl, isn’t it?”
I sighed, running my finger along the edge of my beer can. “That obvious, huh?”
She chuckled. “Well, I’ve seen you bent out of shape about many things over the years, Noah. But this… that misery on your face… it’s the kind only a broken heart can bring.”
When I didn’t say anything more, Mom rolled her lips together, considering her next words before she spoke again.
“You know, I always knew that when you did fall for someone, you’d fall hard. You used to watch me and your dad so closely, and I had a feeling that you’d be the one who held out for the right one. Now, don’t get me wrong,” she added with a wry smile. “I’m not naïve enough to think you’ve never dated and broken a few hearts of your own. But, I guess I just knew that you wouldn’t really give your heart away. Not until you felt like it was right.”
I shook my head. “How do you do that? Do all moms have some sort of superpower where they can just see right through their children?”
She laughed. “Oh, I wish. I think you were just a little easier for me to read,” she said on a shrug. “You’re like me, in a lot of ways. And I think we’ve had a special connection ever since you were born.” She chuckled again. “Your dad was always jealous of it. He wanted you to be a daddy’s boy, but you were always on my hip when you were sick or down about something.”
I smiled, heart aching at the mention of Dad.
“Now,” she said, patting my knee. “Tell me about her.”
I sighed. “You’ll be disappointed in me if I do.”
“Try me.”
“She’s engaged,” I said first, ripping the Band-Aid off.
Just like I thought, Mom’s face paled. “Noah Emmanuel.”
“I know, I know,” I said, pinching the bridge of my nose. “Trust me. I tried to stay away, to keep a boundary between us. But, I swear to God, Mom — she was like a magnet. The harder I tried to stay away, the more she pulled me in. And I have no idea why or how. I just know that I was powerless to resist when it came to her.”
Her eyes softened at that. “Well, if I’ve learned anything when it comes to love, it’s that it rarely follows all the rules we set in place for it.” She sighed. “It’s Ruby Grace Barnett, isn’t it?”
I didn’t answer.
I didn’t have to.
“You know, when you were younger, I used to have to wait days for you to finally open up to me about what you were upset about,” she said. “I mean, your younger brothers would break in minutes, and Jordan would take it to the grave. But you?” She smiled. “All you needed was time.”
I nodded, knowing it to be true.
“And I understand if that’s what you want now. I just hate seeing you like this, and I want to help.” Mom reached over and squeezed my forearm. “But, I can’t if you don’t tell me what happened.”
I sighed, looking up to the sky before I met her eyes. “I don’t even know where to begin. I don’t know how we ended up here, or how it all started. It just… happened.”
“When did she stop being the annoying girl who kicked the back of your pew?”
I scoffed. “When she showed up at the distillery wearing a dress that made her look more grown than me, and heels that made her legs stretch on for days, and lips painted as red as the paint on Dad’s old Camaro.”
Mom smiled. “How about you start there, then.”
So I did.
And before I knew it, the sun had set, the half moon and stars above our only light as Mom and I rocked side by side. I talked, and she listened, nodding her head and chiming in from time to time. But, for the most part, she was silent, and the night was silent — other than the faint sound of music coming from inside, where I assumed my brothers were eavesdropping and pretending to be busy.
When I’d finished, telling her about the treehouse and how Ruby Grace had left, I fell quiet.
I had nothing more to say.
Mom reached over, squeezing my hand where it rested on the arm of my rocking chair before she folded her hands in her lap again. She rocked, eyes on the stars, and a long moment passed before she finally spoke.
“There was another man before your father.”
I cocked a brow. “What do you mean?”
She sighed. “I mean, before I fell in love with your father, there was another man who had my interest. And I had his. I would say we were in love… but, it’s not the same love I had with your father. It was younger, wilder, not as steady.”
“Did Dad know?”
She smiled. “He did. He didn’t want to know much, to be honest. But I told him, just because I wanted to be honest with him.”
I nodded, wondering why she was telling me this after all these years.
“When your father and I announced our engagement, that other man came back into my life. It had been years,” she said, her eyes distant, a sad smile on her face. “And he’d been dating someone else… someone I was close with before. But, when he heard about your Dad and me, he came to me. He confessed his love, and he begged me not to get married.”
My jaw fell slack. “Wow. Did Dad know about that?”
She chuckled. “He did. I told him when it happened, but again, he didn’t want to know much. That was the special thing about your father. I was always open with him, and he was always trusting of me. I think that’s how I knew our love was real. There was no jealousy, no fear of being betrayed. We just… we just knew. We were a fact, you know?”
My heart squeezed. “Yeah. I know.”
Mom smiled my way. “Anyway, the reason I’m telling you this is that… there was a part of me — a very, very small part — that still had feelings for that man. I did. And I knew it was wrong, but when he came to me, I was faced with all those old emotions that we’d had together. And if I weren’t stronger, if the love between your father and me wasn’t as it was, I might have fallen. I might have given into him and done something I would have regretted.” She paused. “But, as it was, I told him I was happy with your father and that he should leave me alone. Not just for now, but forever.”
I swallowed. “Which is exactly what Ruby Grace said to me.”
Mom sighed, gently nodding. “Yes. And I know it hurts to hear, Son. I know it does. And maybe she really is your first love. But, our first love doesn’t usually tend to be our last. We learn from it, grow from it, and move forward. And I think that’s what you have to do here.”
My chest twisted, head shaking involuntarily. I didn’t want that. It was the absolute last thing I felt like I could do — walk away from her — even if it was the right thing to do.
“I know you don’t want to hear that,” Mom said. “But, the way I see it, whether she cares about you or not, she obviously cares about Anthony more. She’s still engaged to him, regardless of what happened between them. That tells me she wants to work on it with him. She wants to see this through. And if you love her — if you truly love her — you will respect that wish, and you will leave her be.”
“If you love them, let them fly, huh?”
Mom’s smile was soft, apologizing. “Something like that.”
She reached over to grab my hand again, squeezing it once before she stood and clapped her hands together. “Now, I have peach cobbler inside, and you’re not allowed to leave until you eat at least one piece.”
“Mom…”
“Ah!” she said, holding up one finger as she turned her back to me. “No excuses, Noah Emmanuel. Inside. Now.”
I smirked, shaking my head as I stood. An
d before Mom could open the screen door, I called out to her.
She turned, and in that moment, I swore I saw Dad standing next to her — maybe as a memory from long ago.
“Thank you,” I said, holding my arms open.
She smiled, eyes glossing over as she stepped into my embrace. She rocked me like she had all my life, and I kissed her forehead, releasing her on a sigh.
“Always, baby boy,” she said, reaching up to pinch my cheek. “Always. Now, come on. Pie awaits.”
Jordan watched me a little too carefully as we ate pie at the dinner table, Logan filling Mom in on the latest from the distillery. I gave him what I could in terms of a reassuring smile, and he just nodded in understanding.
I’m here, he was saying.
I know, I said back.
As much as my stomach protested, I choked down Mom’s pie — along with the advice she’d given me. It was the absolute last thing I wanted to hear, and part of me hoped she’d say something else.
Fight for her!
Object at the wedding!
Steal the bride!
But that wasn’t who my mother was. She was sound, peaceful, logical, and patient. She was the most nurturing and intelligent woman I knew — and what she’d told me to do was the right thing.
I had to let Ruby Grace go.
Now, I only had to figure out how.
* * *
Ruby Grace
I wondered if I should just stay there at the bottom of the pool.
It was quiet down there — peaceful. The sun’s rays only barely reached me, and the water was thick and blue, my hair floating around me like a red tide. My chest was burning, thirsty for air, but I starved it a little longer.
I could just stay there.
I could stay there until I ran out of air, and then I’d never have to get married. I’d never have to rise to the surface and face the life I had cornered myself into.
I’d never have to look into Noah Becker’s devastated blue eyes again.
It had been the absolute worst week of my entire life.
At home, everything went on as it would have. Mom made last-minute wedding adjustments, Dad worked all day and told me each night how excited he was for me, and Anthony held me like he loved me, kissed me like he cared — and remained completely oblivious to what I knew about his true feelings.
And I hadn’t seen Noah.
In so many ways, he felt like a ghost to me now. I wondered sometimes if he was even real at all, if I’d imagined the events of the entire summer. But the bruises were there on my heart, the scars on my lips where his had burned mine — I felt him everywhere, like he was a permanent part of me, though I’d never see or speak to him again.
I closed my eyes, my heart all but convinced to succumb to drowning. But, my feet kicked without permission, forcing me toward the top of the pool as my lungs set a fire inside my rib cage. When I broke the surface of the water and inhaled, my body rejoiced while my heart cried out against the injustice.
I opened my eyes.
“Trying to break your third-grade record?” Annie asked, swinging her feet in the water and rubbing sunscreen on her exposed belly.
“Looked more like a poor suicide attempt to me,” Betty chimed in, floating her arms up overhead before leaning to one side. It was part of the warm-up in Noah’s water aerobics routine he’d been teaching there, and my heart squeezed at the memory, urging me to go back down for another try.
“Ding-ding-ding,” I said, pointing at Betty. “We have a winner.”
Annie frowned, exchanging a glance with Betty before she let out a sigh. “Okay, you’re not even allowed to joke about that.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, swimming to the edge where she sat. I laid my head on my arms, letting the sun warm my back. “I must be so miserable to be around right now.”
“You’re not,” she assured me. “But, I do hate this for you. It’s four days before your wedding. You should be glowing, and happy, and have literal heart eyes popping out of your head like a cartoon.”
I nodded. “I know.”
“She also shouldn’t be marrying that no-good, two-timing prissy son of a dirty politician.”
Annie laughed at Betty’s remark, and I tried to smile, but it felt like trying to run fast under water — impossible.
“Seriously,” she said when I didn’t respond. “What exactly is your plan here? You’re just going to marry this man and then… what? Divorce him after your father’s debt is paid?”
I shook my head.
“Annul the marriage?”
I shook my head again.
Betty was adjusting her swim cap, and she let it snap against her forehead, lowering her goggles and blinking several times as she watched me. “Wait… you’re not actually planning on staying with him… are you? As in, marrying him, having his babies, being the dutiful politician’s wife he wants you to be?”
When I didn’t answer, Annie cringed and Betty fumed, shaking her head and holding up one old, wagging finger. “Oh, hell no.”
“What would you have me do?” I asked.
“Call off the wedding like you were planning to,” she said, as if it were that easy. “And run to that boy who really loves you.”
“Betty…” Annie tried to warn, but I was already pulled into the argument.
“My hands are tied,” I said, standing to face her. “My father’s reputation, his job, our house, our entire life depends on me marrying this man. I can’t just feed my father to the wolves.”
“So, you’ll feed yourself to one, instead?”
I opened my mouth to respond, but no words came. So, I just shut it again, eyes falling down to where my fingers skated over the water.
Betty sighed, making her way to the ladder at the edge of the pool before she slowly climbed out, Annie holding one hand behind her just in case. “Come,” she said, not even looking back at me. “Walk with an old woman, would you?”
Water was still dripping off each of us as we walked in our towels, first around the tennis court and then back to the garden, where a path wound through each little corner of it like a snake. It was shaded, a nice reprieve from the sun, and it wasn’t until we were within those garden walls that Betty finally spoke.
“I want to start by saying that no matter what you choose to do, I will love you through it,” she started, tugging off her swim cap and pushing her goggles up on her head. “Because you are like a daughter to me, Ruby Grace. Like the daughter we never had.”
Her eyes shined at that, and I knew she was thinking about Leroy.
I reached over, threading my arm through hers.
“And maybe that’s why I feel compelled to say this to you. I know you already have a mother, but, the way I see it, you can never have too many moms in your life. And, if I’m being honest, I don’t agree with the guidance your true mother is giving you right now.”
I swallowed.
“I know it’s complicated. I know it feels like your hands are tied, like there’s no choice for you in this matter — but I want to be the one to tell you that there is. You’re young, Ruby Grace. Right now, it feels like you have to do what is expected of you, that there is a standard you must meet, that in order to be happy, you have to follow this list of rules and guidelines and you have to marry a certain kind of man and live in a certain kind of house and raise certain kinds of kids.” She sort of laughed, sort of scoffed. “But, honey? That’s all bullshit.”
I smirked.
“Can we sit?” she asked, a little out of breath as she pointed to a bench near the bed of Indian blanket sunflowers.
When we were both seated, she took a few breaths, dabbing at the sheen of sweat on her forehead with her towel before she sat back.
“There comes a time in your life when you look around you and you realize that you don’t want to play the game anymore,” she said. “You realize you don’t want the fake friends, or the toxic relationships, or the people telling you how you should live your life when
they can’t even run their own. Some find it in their thirties. Some in their forties. Some, like the old woman beside you, not until most of their life has passed.”
I frowned, reaching over to hold her hand. “You’ve had an amazing life,” I argued. “A man who loved you, a town that cherishes you.”
“That’s just it, though,” she said. “Leroy wanted to stay in this town, whereas I wanted to flee from it. I wanted to travel, to see the world, to talk to strangers from other cultures and learn more than just what’s here in Tennessee. But I never did.” She held up a finger. “Now, I don’t want you thinking I wasn’t happy, because I was. I loved Leroy. I still love that man — even though he broke our pact to let me die first, the bastard.”
I chuckled, eyes glossing over.
“But, aside from his love, I never fulfilled myself. And that’s one area where Leroy couldn’t help me. He would have supported me, if I would have stood up for myself and said out loud what I wanted. But, I never did. Instead, I found my adventure by watching movies and living through other people — through celebrities. I waited until Leroy was gone from my life, until my legs were too old and tired, my lungs not capable of feeding me enough oxygen, my heart not steady enough to pump enough blood into my brain. It took me too long to speak up for myself, and I regret it. Truly, I do. I could have seen the world, could have experienced so much more with the man I loved, if I only would have stood up and spoke.”
I sighed. “And that’s what you want me to do.”
“No,” she said, shaking her head. “I want you to do what you want to do — regardless of if I agree with it or not. Like I said, you’re my daughter in my eyes, and I will support you through anything.” She paused, running her bony, silky finger over my wrist. “But, let’s just say I’m speaking to you on behalf of future Ruby Grace. I’m speaking as Ruby Grace at seventy-four, in a nursing home of her own.”
My heart kicked up a notch as I tried to imagine it — an older version of me, looking back on my life, on what I’d built, what I’d leave behind.
What hurt the most was that I couldn’t even picture it.
Fall in Love Book Bundle: Small Town Romance Box Set Page 301
