Secrets & Lies

by Lauren Landish

  After dinner, I go out into the courtyard of the compound, watching the moon. It's very clear tonight, clear and cold, and my breath fogs upward as I try and think clearly. I'm interrupted when I hear a quiet cough behind me, and I turn to see Melissa standing in her heavy jacket, looking up with me. “I've always loved the moon. It's tranquil and peaceful.”

  “True,” I agree, looking up. “I have no idea what the Greeks and Romans were thinking, making the moon goddess the goddess of the hunt and the wild.”

  “They were probably scared of the dark,” Melissa says, stepping closer. “And the night does have many hunters.”

  “That's true,” I admit. I think about my past and sigh, shaking my head. “Like I was.”

  “That wasn't what I meant, but okay,” Melissa says. “Actually, I came out here to check on you. You've been looking a little out of it.”

  “I guess I have been,” I admit, feeling a bit ashamed. She's so beautiful in the soft light that's bleeding out from the rest of the house, I want to tell her so much about how I'm torn. I want to go back to New Orleans and confront this ghost from my past. I want to take Isis and Peter out. But I know I can't be sure. I can't be certain Peter doesn't have another assassin out there or a team of them, so the best thing I can do is stay here and gather information, keeping them safe. Isis may have New Orleans on lockdown, but they could show up and hit us here, too. “It’s not easy. Isis is good at psychological operations, and even if you know you are being subjected to them, that doesn't mean they don’t have an effect.”

  “Is there anything I can do to help?” Melissa asks, and I hear the desire in her voice. It's not for intimacy, but instead to feel needed. She's not as physically strong as the rest of us, and today I know she took a big blow to her self-confidence when she tried to chop some wood like everyone else and was unable to split even a single log. I tried to reassure her it was because she'd chosen a log that was too big, and that there's a technique to splitting logs she didn't get, but she's still rattled, and hasn't been even her normal self today.

  “Yeah,” I say honestly, knowing maybe it's not the best for my emotional detachment, but right now I need to be reminded of what, and more importantly, why I'm sitting up here at this compound. “Have you ever taken a walk in the woods at night?”

  “No,” Melissa admits, glancing around. “Is it scary?”

  “It can be,” I admit. “But I will take a flashlight, and I am armed. Don't worry, this part of the forest has more deer than it does bears or anything like that. The animals don't like us, they will stay away. And I will make sure we stay safe walking, too.”

  Melissa thinks, then nods. “Okay. Uh, I'll go tell everyone else what we're doing, if that's all right?”

  “Just fine,” I say, smiling. “I'll get the flashlight out of the truck.”

  Melissa meets me at the truck a minute later, just as I finish checking that the LED light works. I tuck it into my pocket and turn, giving her a smile. I know everyone's watching us. “Come on,” I say lightly, waving. “I think they are worried about us.”

  Melissa turns and glances, and I can't help it, I laugh when everyone scatters from the windows. She turns back, trying to smile I think, I can't see her much with the way the light falls. “Yeah, they're worried about us.”

  “Well, there’s nothing to worry about,” I say, holding out my hand. She takes it, her eyes going wide in surprise as I entwine our fingers and give her a smile. “Shall we?”

  We start off, and I keep to the dirt road at first, letting her get comfortable moving in the dim light of just the moon. As we move, she relaxes, and I'm thrilled when she moves closer, until she's so close I can feel her shoulder brush against my arm as we move. “This is nice,” she finally says, inhaling deeply. “You know, I think that's one thing I do like about here.”

  “What's that? The cold?”

  Melissa chuckles, shaking her head as she lets out her breath, the mist rising to disappear in the moonlight. “No. The smell. It's different from the farm. There we have trees too, but it's a heavy, wet smell most of the time. Here, it's sharp and clean. I don't think I've ever smelled anything quite like it before.”

  I stop and inhale deeply as I close my eyes, trying to see the world through Melissa's point of view, and for an instant, it feels like it's right there. I can smell what she's talking about, the chill combined with the still rich scent of the pine trees that make up a lot of the forest up here, mixed in with the faint tang of the smoke from our fire behind us. It's amazing, and I open my eyes in wonder. “You're right. It's... that's what is special about you, 'Lissa.”

  “What do you mean?” she asks as we start walking again. “You've said that I'm special a couple of times now. I still don't see how I'm special.”

  I think, trying to find the words I can use to explain how she makes me feel. “'I saw today how you struggled with the log, and how you have spent a lot of time around here feeling pretty much like you don't have a place.”

  “Everyone contributes except me. I don’t like it.”

  “No, you are special in your own way,” I argue gently. “Like what you just helped me do. 'Lissa, I have spent time in so many different forests I can’t even begin to count them all. Right up until that moment when you said something about the smell, the only things that concerned me about the compound were how defensible it is, or which trees around the property are good for firewood. That's it. But when I’m with you, you remind me of the beauty that makes the world worth being in. So don't ever doubt that you’re not special, that you don't have a place here in the family. Because you are more vital than even me. When BA gets old enough, or when Andrea and Carson have their baby, they are going to need someone to teach and show them the beautiful side of the world. Hopefully, they won't need to learn the skills that I have.”

  “You think we'll ever be safe like that?” Melissa asks, stopping and looking at me. “Lately I've been having more dreams that we'll never be safe, and they're scarier than my memories.”

  I raise her hand to my lips, kissing her knuckles without even realizing I'm doing it. “Melissa, I promise you, there will come a time when you will be safe and secure.”

  She moves closer, a shadow in the darkness, and wraps her arms around me, hugging me. I hug her back, and would stay there forever except that my cock betrays me, stirring in my pants as it realizes the woman I've been fantasizing about for the past four months is now holding me. And she isn't holding me for support, but rather because she wants to hold me. I let go and step back, taking her hand again. She looks at me, slightly confused. “What, Nathan?”

  “Nothing, 'Lissa. I would like to finish a wonderful walk with a wonderful person though, and then maybe share a cup of cocoa in the kitchen?”

  Melissa laughs nearly silently and shakes her head. “What happened to your tea fetish?”

  I laugh in reply and shake my head. “I am a tea snob, unfortunately, and we have burned through the little stash of good tea I brought with us. And I’ve seen you drinking cocoa with your sisters.”

  Melissa smiles, beautiful in the starlight, and nods. “Okay. You're right, I am pretty much a chocoholic.”

  We turn back, and when we get back inside, I make Melissa a mug of cocoa, noting we're going to have to go on a supply run tomorrow, unless we plan on drinking nothing but water in two days. “Here you go.”

  We sit quietly, and I find that despite it being too sweet and a bit cloying, sharing a mug with Melissa is nice. The fire is just the right size to give us enough light and heat to be comfortable. “I wonder if they set this up for us.”

  “Probably,” Melissa admits, sipping at her drink. “I think I was a bit too open telling them things.”

  “I know. Having Katrina threaten to kick my ass was a good hint. I'm not upset about it, I know she loves you. Besides, I’ve been thinking...”

  Melissa sets her mug down, and gives me a hopeful look. “Thinking about what?”

  “That aft
er this is done... I would like to stay part of this family, if it’s okay with everyone else,” I say, feeling unusually unsure. “I just... I would really like that. Especially since you do help me feel like the world is better.”

  “I'd like that too,” Melissa says, and we finish our cocoa. “Thank you, Nathan. I feel a lot better about being here after our walk.”

  I nod, smiling. “Actually, Melissa, I have a request. Would you mind if we did this again sometime soon? I mean, it doesn't have to be a walk every time.”

  Melissa gives me an angelic smile and raises an eyebrow. “Why, Nathan Black, are you asking me on a date?”

  It's been so long since I’ve been on something that could be called a date, but with Melissa I’m actually looking forward to it. “Yeah, I guess I am. What do you say?”

  I expect her to stutter, it'd be so normal for her, but for some reason she doesn't, and instead her answer is immediate and strong. Maybe because she knows this is highly unusual for me. “I'd love to.”

  I stand up, gathering our mugs. “Okay then, well, I’m going to wash up, and then hit the sack. Goodnight, Melissa. I had a fun... date.”

  She smiles, just a hint of her normal shyness, and her eyes sparkle in the firelight. “Me too.”

  Chapter 12

  Melissa

  I'm in the chapel, marveling at how different it looks from just a month ago. Now that we're in February, I'm finally feeling better about our living situation, and I can appreciate the unique beauty of the compound.

  Mostly though, the memory of the huge granite stone in the chapel keeps tickling my mind, and I came in here today to see if the stone was just as remarkable as I remember. I'm not an exercise enthusiast or martial artist like the rest of the family, so I don't come in here that often.

  But when I woke up this morning, I had an image in my mind, the green flecks of the emerald crystals from the granite gleaming mellowly in morning sunlight. They reminded me of Nathan's eyes, and I decided to check out the rock again after breakfast.

  Which is why I'm here now, looking at the stone under the powerful beam of one of our flashlights. Katrina and the others like keeping the chapel lit only by natural light, they say it helps them with the reality of their training. I don't quite understand it, but that's why I brought the flashlight, I need to get a really good look at the stone.

  It's amazing, just as flawless as I thought, although I think the line of what looks like maybe quartz through the center runs in a jagged diagonal that wouldn't let me carve the whole stone in one piece, but that's okay. I've never done stone so big before, and I think I'd like to use smaller pieces anyway.

  “What're you seeing?” Andrea asks as she comes up next to me. “I saw the door open, and thought maybe Katrina and Nathan were in here getting ready for their throwdown.”

  “Are they doing that today?” I ask, surprised. They'd talked a little about it, but both of them know I don't have the stomach to think of either of them being hurt. Still, if they're going to fight, then I'll be here to watch, I love them both too much to avoid it. “Did they figure out rules?”

  “I’m sure they worked it out. It’s more of a spar anyway. I think they're both going to avoid actually hurting each other, and Jackson's going to act as a ref just in case,” Andrea replies, kneeling down next to me and examining the stone. She gives me a long look before speaking again. “You okay with it?”

  “Not really,” I admit, running my hands over the stone, “but I won't ask them to stop. There's no point. They've been wondering who's better for six months now. And they're healthy, I guess. At least Katrina isn't ready to kill him anymore.”

  “Those little walk dates you two have been doing have certainly helped there,” Andrea says before stopping, rubbing her stomach. “Whoa, settle down there, baby.”

  “What's wrong?” I ask, immediately concerned. “It's too soon for you to be feeling the baby kick.”

  “No, no... just a bit of indigestion. I’ll be fine, don't worry. Tell me what you're seeing in this rock here.”

  “I'm not sure,” I admit. “But with the size, it's too much for me to handle at once. I was thinking maybe breaking it up, chunks about the size of a football or a little bit bigger, and then working with that.”

  Andrea nods, then takes a look at the stone. “Do you want to smash it up now?”

  I blink, stunned. “What?”

  My sister gives me a grin in reply and nods. “Come on, we've got the tools, right? We can get the other tools so you can shape it later. So can we crack it?”

  “I think,” I say, excitement growing within me. “Do you really think the two of us could do it?”

  “Damn straight we could. Come on, if we need some grunt labor we can get Carson involved, too. Besides, the worst that can happen is we crack this thing up and you don't have any good pieces. But knowing you, I could hand you a chunk the size of my hand and you'd come up with a beautiful piece.”

  I nod and get up, excitement going through me. “Okay, let's do it.”

  “What a giant mess.”

  Andrea and I look up, sweat running down our faces and grin as Carson surveys the damage we've caused to the large block of granite. “Yeah, cool, isn't it?”

  “If you say so,” Carson says, shrugging. “Andrea, are you sure you should be exerting yourself so much?”

  “I'm making sure she doesn't overdo it, Carson,” I reply, wiping my forehead. “Besides, we just need to crack this thing, not break it up totally.”

  “And you think you can do it?” he asks, watching as I lift the sledge up and let it drop onto the cold chisel. That's the key to my work, just letting the weight of the hammer do the work for me. It's slower than trying to muscle it down, but it works.

  “I think so,” I say as I drop the hammer again, where it smacks the top of the chisel, driving it another small bit. “The line of quartz is our first key. From the little bit I remember about rocks, that sort of flaw is a weak point, and probably why it wasn't used before for other work. It's too inconsistent for structural loads.”

  “It's been a long time since you did stone carving,” Carson reminds me. “And that was marble.”

  “That's okay, we're just exploring to see if there's potential here,” Andrea replies, giving a smile. “If that's okay?”

  Carson huffs, but nods. “Of course it is. Just... mind if I watch? I don't need either of the two most special women in my life getting hurt fucking around with a big rock.”

  “Hmm, he thinks we're special,” Andrea wisecracks as she steps back and lets me swing the hammer again. My shoulders ache from lifting it over and over, but I seem to be able to get more progress with this than I did with splitting wood. The chisel bites deep this time, and there's a cracking sound deep within the stone. “Sugoi, oneechan!”

  “Thanks,” I reply, smiling as I set down the big sledge. “I think that's enough for today though, don't you?”

  “Are you sure?” Andrea asks, her enthusiasm driving her. “I mean, we can get a chunk off if we go at it hard and...”

  “And I think 'Lissa has a point, my love,” Carson says, his voice gentle but firm as he puts his hands on Andrea's shoulders. “Exercise is good for you, but you don't need to throw out your back trying to break off a chunk of rock before 'Lissa even knows what she wants to do with it, okay?”

  “Yes sir,” Andrea says immediately, her mood not so much dimming as shifting.

  “It's not that I don't appreciate your helping 'Lissa, Andrea,” Carson says softly, taking her in his arms and kissing her sweaty forehead. “I just don't want you to hurt yourself. We can take our time with it. I know 'Lissa, when she's burning with inspiration, she'll have us all out here taking turns smacking this rock until it breaks. Isn't that right, 'Lissa?”

  “He's right,” I admit. “I've had a lot fun cracking this rock with you though. Come on, let's clean up for this sparring session tonight.”

  “Okay guys, remember this is just for fun. Respect each
other and respect my commands. You ready?” Jackson asks, slightly nervous as he looks from side to side. We've actually lit the chapel up tonight, Carson and Andrea sitting together with BA between them and munching on some popcorn for entertainment while I sit on the other side, chewing my fingernails nervously. I don't want either of them to get hurt, and my stomach is in knots, but I can't look away as Katrina bows to Nathan, who nods his head respectfully in return. “Then fight!”

  I thought the fight would start out like a kung fu movie, with dramatic moves and lots of spinning and dodging. Instead, Katrina and Nathan both come out, their hands up a little bit but just circling constantly. Nathan's got some height on her, but I don't think either is worried about the extra three inches or so.

  Katrina flicks out a left punch, and Nathan casually slaps it away while throwing a little kick toward Katrina's knee that she knocks away easily. Suddenly they're both in motion, a blurring mix of bodies that I can only see because Nathan is wearing all white while Katrina is in her typical black. Nathan has Katrina and goes to throw her, but she twists somehow in the air, landing on her back but not with the concussive impact I expect. Instead she throws Nathan, who rolls easily, and both of them are back on their feet, back to circling.

  “Impressive,” Carson comments, chewing some popcorn. “Nice job, guys!”

  “Shut up, Carson,” I half-growl, earning a surprised glance from everyone as I stare at the two people in the middle of the mat. Even Katrina and Nathan glance over quickly before resuming their fight, this time tumbling together to the mat. Nathan flips somehow, keeping Katrina with him, and his elbow is digging into the back of her neck, his hand cocked to deliver what looks like a fatal blow.