Small-Town Moms

by Tronstad, Janet

  Her heart stumbled as she realized again that in this moment, she was thinking only of Gabe’s company.

  “I’m going to go clean up,” Gabe said, his scowl telling her that he didn’t like the idea nearly as much as she did.

  Ha. How about at all, she thought, as he stomped up the steps and entered the house. She was about to get up when he poked his head out the door.

  “Don’t go anywhere. We need to talk.”

  “Oh, okay,” she said, feeling a smile spread though her. Twenty minutes later, when he reappeared, she was about as wound up as Wes after eating too much sugar.

  “I feel better.”

  He looked freshly shaven and his dark hair curled at the edges, still damp. He’d pulled on an orange T-shirt and a pair of unstarched, worn jeans. He looked more approachable than he had the entire time she’d been here.

  “I have a new shipment of cattle down in a lower pasture, and I need to drive out and observe them. Would you want to ride? I can show you some of the place.”

  This was totally unexpected. “Sure. I’d love that.” She’d meant to talk to him about Wes. She’d meant to talk to him about her sister but instead, a few minutes later, she found herself riding beside him in his truck. They were bouncing along over the pasture and through several gates into new pastures. It was beautiful, and there were ponds everywhere. And deer!

  “Look at that,” she gasped when the first group of five dashed for the cover of trees, springing over ground as they raced. “They’re so graceful. Oh, there’s more!” She laughed as another couple flew from the shadows, startled by the truck. “This is so great, Gabe. Wes is going to be a lucky boy growing up here.”

  He was relaxed as he drove with a hand draped over the steering wheel and glanced at her. “That’s the reason I chose this property when I bought it. I want to give Wes the opportunity to grow up as a country boy. And a cowboy.” He grinned.

  “Always a cowboy,” she teased.

  “Is there anything else?”

  “Of course not,” she chuckled, feeling great. “But I guess that depends on who you ask.”

  He cocked a brow. “The ones that count will believe in cowboys.”

  Olivia couldn’t look away from him. “Then I guess I count,” she said, knowing that she did believe in cowboys. Or in Gabe McKennon anyway.

  They reached the cattle, and Gabe pulled to a stop beneath the shade of a huge oak tree so he could observe the herd. His head was reeling with what Olivia had just said. Had she meant she believed in him? The idea sent a thrill racing through him—he wanted her to believe in him.

  He wanted it in the worst of ways. The realization was startling.

  “There are almost as many babies as there are adults.”

  He chuckled. “This is a group of mommas and babies. So that’s generally the case.”

  “I guess that wasn’t the smartest thing to say.”

  “City girl,” he teased, feeling more lighthearted than he had in a long time as she smiled.

  Settling into her seat, she relaxed, propping her arm on the open window as she looked about the pasture. “I could get used to this, I think. You cowboys call this work, huh?”

  She hiked a brow that made him smile. “This part is tough, I have to admit. But somebody has to do it.”

  “You’re doing a fine job, too.”

  “Why thank you. I try.”

  Their eyes held for a minute. Gabe felt restless suddenly. “Do you want to get out?”

  “Sure.” She reached for the door as if she, too, needed out of the confines of the truck.

  The thought sent a pleasing sense of right strumming through him. She’d walked a few feet from the truck and was watching the sun as it began lowering in the backdrop behind the cattle. He had to tamp down the want to walk up and put his arms around her. But the desire was almost overwhelming. What was this? He’d never felt so connected to someone in all of his life. Never.

  “He needs to know about his mother, you know.” Olivia locked her arms—he wished it was to keep her from wanting to reach for him. But that might have been wishing too much.

  “I’ve been thinking about that since yesterday.” He had this burning grudge against Dawn, and yet she was Wes’s mother. “Maybe you’re right after all.”

  “I know my sister hurt you—no, don’t get all defensive,” she said when he stiffened at her words. “I’m not here to take her side. I’m here to get to know who she was, and as a mother, I’m disappointed in her choices. But I can’t help but wonder what made her that way. I can’t understand that she left you with the baby you’d conceived together. As a mother especially. But Wes needs to know something of his mother. Surely you can give him something. Georgetta talks a little about her, telling him that his mother loved him. But there are no stories there—nothing for him to latch on to.”

  What would she say if she knew the truth? How would she look at things if she knew her sister had married him just to leave him to raise the baby she’d conceived with another man?

  “That’s just it—there isn’t anything for him to latch on to because there isn’t anything there. I barely knew her. The truth is, I fell for her like a fool. One minute I was single, and the next I was a married man expecting a baby. I knew her name but absolutely nothing about her past. Nothing.”

  Olivia looked stunned. “But why? That doesn’t seem like you at all.”

  How could he explain it? “I fell in love, hard and fast. Dawn was everything I thought I’d ever wanted in a woman. A wife. She turned on the charm, had the beauty and caught me, hook, line and sinker…and I do mean sinker. It wasn’t long after the wedding that the illusion faded, and I realized I’d been duped.”

  “But what did she want?”

  He’d said more than he should have. But there was no way he could tell her that she wanted a daddy and a home for her baby. And yet, looking at the disbelief and concern mixed up in Olivia’s lovely face almost made him tell her to see if—if what? What about your son?

  “I guess she thought she wanted a baby. She realized quickly that she didn’t. And she didn’t want a husband.” He gave a gruff laugh. “That’s when I realized I didn’t know her at all. I’d married a pretty outer layer of a woman with a shallow core.” He didn’t know any other way to put it. And yet he’d been pretty shallow himself for not taking time to really get to know the woman inside that pretty exterior.

  “How sad.” Olivia halted, her breath sounding short. “I’d hoped to know my sister. I wonder if the way she was came from her past. You know, maybe never knowing us, her sisters. She was so young, she wouldn’t have any remembrance of me and Maegan. Or maybe she did have a shadow of a memory, and she was searching for something elusive.”

  He could only stare at Olivia. She had chosen again to look at her sister with compassion. It was aggravating. “Do you always try to excuse people’s behavior by diminishing the bad things they do? Or is it something you do only for family?”

  Her eyes darkened with—what? Disgust? At him? Or was it pity? The latter made his temper surge. “Why are you looking at me that way?”

  “You need to forgive her. I’ll admit this is not what I’d wanted to learn about my little sister. But it’s obvious there is nothing I can do for her now. But Gabe, you need to let it go. If you don’t, it will be unhealthy for you and for Wes. You need to move on. God is pretty clear that holding on to bitterness can rot a man’s soul. It’d be a pity for this bitterness you carry for my sister to rob you of future happiness. It’s not hurting anyone but you. And Wes.”

  “I can handle it. I don’t talk about her, so how’s it hurting Wes?”

  “Because he’ll eventually feel the feelings you have for his mother. Even if he has no memory of her and no stories or anything to build a character sketch of her in his mind, he will see your reactions and build it from that. He’ll know your feelings. You need to let her go.”

  He hadn’t thought of that. Was it true?

 
“Wes’s only hope of knowing anything about a mother is that you eventually remarry.”

  For a small increment of time, the idea of what life with Olivia would be like had hovered on the outer edge of his mind. He hadn’t let it cross into the light, but he knew it had been there. In his deepest heart he knew there was substance to Olivia. There was a beautiful person inside her beautiful skin.

  He shook his head, trying to shake the picture he was painting. It was dangerous. Meeting her soft gaze straight on, he inhaled sharply. “I was a fool once. That won’t happen again.”

  “That’s too bad. Marriage can be a beautiful thing when two people love each other. I was really blessed to have had the marriage I did. Justin…he was a truly loving and faithful husband.”

  He’d known even before she said so that she must have had a wonderful, strong marriage with her husband. It hit him that Justin also must have known how lucky he was to have her. Looking at her now, Gabe felt a stab of jealousy. Justin had been one lucky…no, that wasn’t true—Justin had been one blessed man. He’d known in his short life what some men never knew—true love. It sounded sappy, but Gabe envied him.

  Chapter Nine

  Dear Lord, what is wrong with me? Olivia prayed. She hadn’t been able to think of anything much except Gabe ever since they’d talked in the pasture three days ago. After he’d said he wouldn’t remarry, her heart had hurt for him. She wanted him to know what it felt like to be loved. Truly loved. Her heart was heavy for Dawn, but she understood that there was nothing she could do for her sister except love her child for her. That was the easy part. It was the part about Gabe that had her not sleeping and watching the clock each day until he arrived home.

  He’d changed since their talk, too. He’d seemed less guarded, and at the dinner table he no longer sat with a wall around him. He joked and teased them. It was easy to see by the sparkle in Georgetta’s eyes that she was pleased. Olivia knew that the bitterness in Gabe’s heart had had his mother worried, too. She wanted her son married and happy, and she knew as well as Olivia did that he needed to get rid of the ill feelings he was carting around with him before he could move on.

  Olivia had begun to pray that he would do that. God was a big God, and she knew He could wipe the slate clean for Gabe if only he’d ask for forgiveness and show a little grace to the memory of Dawn. She prayed that God would use her to help him do this.

  What confused her was how deeply she felt about it.

  “We are so glad you came,” Norma Sue belted out on Sunday morning as Olivia and Trudy entered the Mule Hollow Church of Faith with Gabe and his family.

  “I’m glad to be here. Georgetta told me it was a wonderful church and that the pastor really was a man of faith.”

  “Oh, Chance Turner is that for certain. He’s a man’s kind of preacher…no beating around the bush with him. He’s a cowboy, and you know cowboys—they tell it like it is.”

  Gabe chuckled at that. “I think I know a few cowgirls who do the same thing.”

  Norma Sue stuck her fists on her very well rounded hips. “I’m glad you noticed. I would never want to be known any other way.”

  Olivia hadn’t known the ranch woman long, but it was easy to see that with Norma Sue, you got exactly what you saw.

  They moved into the church and were greeted by many people as they went to their seats. Somehow, when everyone moved into the pew to sit, she ended up sitting between Gabe and Trudy, with Wes and Georgetta sitting on the end.

  The preacher’s sermon was simple and easy to understand, and as sincere as any she’d heard. True, he was a cowboy, and she had to admit that she’d never heard a preacher ask, at the end of the service, for anyone who wasn’t a member of the church to “saddle up” with them. Or that if one hadn’t accepted the Lord as one’s Savior, Pastor Turner wished they would say their piece, talk it over with the Lord, then accept the peace He offered through salvation. She liked the way he spoke. It was real and fit the community. The walls of the church might be traditional, but it was filled with cowboy after cowboy, and so it was fitting that the preacher was one, too.

  What hit her the hardest was that his sermon was on grace. Several times during the service, Gabe glanced over at her. She wondered if he connected the sermon with his own life. Even wondering about this, she felt good sitting beside him. She’d missed worshiping with Justin, and for a long time after his death going to church had been hard. But slowly she’d grown used to sitting without him beside her. Looking at Gabe, she couldn’t deny that it felt good.

  “Are y’all staying for lunch?” Esther Mae called, hurrying over as soon as they walked out into the sunshine.

  “We certainly are,” Georgetta assured her. “I packed a cake and a roast in the car.” She turned to Gabe. “Would you two mind getting that for me? I need to talk to Esther Mae.”

  “Sure, is that okay with you?” Gabe looked at Olivia.

  “I’d love to go get that cake. My mouth has been watering for it ever since I saw it this morning.” Georgetta must have gotten up at the crack of dawn to finish the coconut cake so early. She glanced over and saw Trudy talking with a couple of boys about her age. She was smiling, and that did Olivia’s heart good.

  “So, do you play volleyball?”

  “I love it, actually. Why?”

  They were walking across the parking lot and Gabe’s elbow grazed hers. “Because you are looking at some volleyball-playing maniacs back there. Norma Sue is like the general giving orders to her troops. And Esther Mae gets so excited that she’ll run you over in a heartbeat.”

  “Sounds like my kind of game. Do you play?”

  “When they drag me out there. I prefer to watch. It’s better than a Rocky movie.”

  “That I have to see. And I guess, since I didn’t bring a change of clothes, I’ll be watching myself.”

  “We’ll watch together—how’s that?”

  She nodded, watching him open the back door of the truck. She moved to take the cake, but instead of handing it to her, he just looked down at her. Her heart fluttered, and for a moment she thought he was thinking about kissing her! The idea sent a shiver down her spine, and her throat went dry as the desert. Her heart beat loudly. “So,” she croaked. “I guess we better get back.”

  He nodded. “Yeah, we better.” Looking a bit rattled himself, he finally reached for the cake and handed it to her. Their fingers touched in transition. She was amazed how such a small touch could send every nerve in her body spinning.

  Nope. No volleyball for her. She wouldn’t do anything but make a fool out of herself if she got out there. When her nerves were shot, she didn’t tend to have too much eye-to-hand coordination. She’d just be fodder for America’s Funniest Home Videos if she tried to play right now.

  They had a great time in fellowship at church. And though she was too involved in the moment to dwell on her worry, she knew God was listening to her prayers because of the message on the power of grace. She hadn’t been able to tell if it hit home with Gabe, but she prayed that it had. Surely if Jesus could pardon people—sinners that everyone on earth were—then Gabe had to find grace for Dawn. It was the only way for him to be free. It was the only way for him to love again.

  And she realized she wanted him to love again.

  She wanted it more than she could understand, and her heart ached thinking about it. The thought of leaving in a week was heavy on her heart. If she could leave knowing he was better, it would be easier.

  Yes, that was where all of her reluctance to leave was coming from. Wasn’t it?

  Gabe unhooked the cattle trailer from his truck just as the sun was setting. From this barn in the back section of his ranch, he could see the very tip of the house above the trees. If the house didn’t sit on a hill, he wouldn’t be able to see it at all. He wondered what his family had done today while he was at the cattle sale.

  It hit him that when he thought of family, he’d included Olivia and Trudy along with Wes and his mother. He went still
at the dangerous, unexpected thought. He knew he was in trouble thinking that way.

  Just the fact that the feeling had come out of nowhere hit home hard. It had been a little over two weeks since Olivia had arrived at his doorstep, but it seemed like so much longer. It was as if he’d known her for years.

  Watching the sun set, Gabe’s heart was heavy. She would be leaving soon. The thought had begun to eat at him. It made him agitated. But it was foolish on his part to feel this way. After all he’d been through with Dawn, he knew better than to let his emotions lead him. He knew better than to let his heart—he yanked up on that thought the second it kicked in. His heart wasn’t getting into this.

  His heart was going to stay locked away behind closed doors. Hadn’t he learned anything from Dawn’s betrayal?

  But you didn’t love Dawn. You only thought you did.

  This was true. He’d known that almost from the beginning, and yet he’d locked his heart away from everyone but Wes.

  Even his mother had had trouble getting through the barriers at times.

  Olivia wasn’t her sister. The thought kept knocking on the door, and he couldn’t help thinking about the Bible verse where Jesus talked about knocking at the door…all anyone had to do to accept His grace and love and forgiveness was to let Jesus in.

  “Why are you comparing Olivia to a Bible verse?” he growled as he stalked to his truck.

  The sermon on Sunday had been on grace. That God gave people grace, and if they wanted to be Christians, they had to show that same grace to those around them.

  That came to Dawn.

  He wasn’t sure if he could do it. But he knew that had to be why he was comparing Olivia and Jesus knocking on the door of his heart. They both wanted the same thing of him. They wanted him to pardon Dawn. They wanted him to forgive her and move on.

  As he headed home, he struggled. He wasn’t sure if he could do it. But he prayed God would lead him. And he knew, at least, that was a start.