Leap of Faith

by Arianna Hart

  He thought she was as skinny as a boy.

  Not that it mattered. It wasn’t like she wanted his interest or anything. Okay, so she wouldn’t mind it too much if he at least acknowledged that she was a female.

  Get real, Jane.

  After her disastrous marriage to Gerard, she knew better than to lie to herself. She told her patients they had to face reality if they wanted to grow. It was about time she listened to herself.

  Lex was a devastatingly sexy man. She’d known that from the first time she’d seen him. He’d scared her with his blatant masculinity so she’d responded by turning her nose up at him. She’d pretended that his lifestyle and behavior were repugnant to her because that was better than facing the fact she was afraid he’d find her sexually inadequate.

  Now that they were thrown into this chaotic situation, and in constant contact with each other, she couldn’t fool herself any longer. She knew her interest in him had more to do with his bulging muscles than his moral character, but that didn’t seem to matter.

  Her head cautioned her that even if she did manage to attract his attention as something more than a burden, as soon as this was over he’d drop her like a hot rock. After all, any attraction between them could very well be due to the circumstances. Life or death situations amplified emotions, especially ones that led to procreation of the species.

  After this mess was resolved and the adrenaline wore off, he’d go back to his playboy ways. Even if he wasn’t the player she’d accused him of being, he definitely didn’t have lasting relationships that she’d been able to see.

  So what? Her libido prodded.

  So what? The thought of casual sex scared her down to her toes. Or worse, the thought of rejection after casual sex frightened her. What if she wasn’t any good at it?

  Oh my, had all these fears been lying in wait for her all this time? Her divorce had been final over two years ago. She’d thought she’d dealt with the humiliation of Gerard’s betrayal and her feelings of inadequacy. But had she?

  Obviously not because she hadn’t had a physical relationship since the divorce.

  Maybe it was about time to change that?

  Heavens. She had to think this through before he got back and she did something impulsive like jump him. What if, hypothetically, she did sleep with him? If she went into this with her eyes open and had no expectations? Could she use it as a way to face her fears and just enjoy herself instead of trying to make a relationship out of it?

  Yesyesyesyes!

  Her lips tingled as she remembered the brief kiss he’d given her before he left. It probably hadn’t even registered to him that he’d done it. More than likely it was a habit to kiss the woman he’d slept with goodbye. But it had thrown her for a loop.

  And if that didn’t tell her she needed to have more physical relationships with men, what would? If a scant brushing of lips had her head in a tailspin, what would sex do to her?

  She didn’t know, but boy did she want to find out.

  Jane fanned her hand in front of her face, feeling awfully warm all of a sudden.

  Pulling off her sweatshirt, Jane tried to think logically about what her hormones were urging her to do. If a patient came to her and confessed fears of intimacy to her, what would Dr. Jane Farmer recommend?

  Certainly not a fling. But she would suggest to her patient that in order to get past her fears, she’d have to face them.

  And what better way to face them with someone as hot as Lex?

  Gosh, she wished her libido would be quiet. How was she supposed to think this through with her body going up in flames at the thought of touching all that bronze skin? Her breasts felt heavy and swollen. Oh boy, Lex thought she was a prude, if he could see what she was thinking he’d be shocked down to his toes.

  What could she do about all the need swimming through her system? Was she brave enough to approach Lex? Sure, their relationship wasn’t as adversarial as it had been in the past, but he still wasn’t looking at her as a potential bedmate.

  Could she change that?

  Could she seduce Lex and therefore overcome her insecurity about her sexual prowess? Was that even fair? Wasn’t that using him?

  Hello! This was Lex she was talking about. He was a walking advertisement for casual sex. But that didn’t mean it was right to use him. Of course, if she explained the situation and was perfectly honest, that wouldn’t be deceiving him now, would it?

  The thought sent conflicting bursts of fear and excitement through her.

  Could she really do it? Was she strong enough to lay her pride out on the line like that? Nervousness made her knees weak just thinking about sex with Lex. She couldn’t even stand up to a startled doe without almost wetting her pants. What made her think she’d be able to seduce Lex without chickening out?

  “Oh good, you dyed your hair.”

  “For heaven’s sake! Could you announce your arrival before you sneak up on me? You frightened me half to death.” Her heart was indeed racing, but it had more to do with her thoughts than his sudden appearance at their camp.

  “Sorry, I thought you saw me come in.”

  “No, I was…lost in thought. Did you find out everything you needed to?”

  He snorted and shook his head as he dug out another box of hair coloring. “Not even close. I found the target but I don’t have the right equipment to get in.”

  “What type of equipment do you need?”

  “Another X-chromosome.”

  “Huh?” Jane couldn’t seem to stop looking at his hands as he tossed the box back and forth. How would those fingers feel on her? In her?

  “Just about every person going into the ministry was a female. If I can’t take out one of the guards, I’m not going to be able to get inside. And if I can’t get inside, I’ll never be able to find out what was so important about those numbers Sarah sent me.”

  He ripped open the box with more force than necessary and took out the bottle of colorant. After snapping off the top, he raised it over his head as if to dump it in one shot.

  “Wait! What are you doing?”

  “Dying my hair blond. What does it look like?”

  “You have black hair. If you try to color your whole head it’ll come out orange.”

  “What do you suggest? I need to change my appearance too.”

  “Hold on. Let me think.” Her mind spun furiously. He couldn’t ruin that beautiful jet-black hair by turning it orange. “Won’t you stick out more if you’re walking around with hair the color of Bobo the Clown?”

  “I know the problems. I’m not hearing any solutions though.”

  “Did that box come with a cap?” She had an idea that just might work.

  “You mean this thing?” He held up a plastic baggy.

  “That’ll work. Do you have one of those Swiss pocket knives with a million attachments?”

  Lex dug around in his pocket and tossed her the bulky gadget. There, it had tweezers, just what she needed.

  “Perfect. Now sit down here on this log while I give you a highlight.”

  “Excuse me? Didn’t you just say I couldn’t dye my hair?”

  “This is a highlight, it’s different. I’m going to pull little sections of hair through the cap and dye only those sections. You’ll look like Ricky Martin.”

  “I don’t know about that. I want to blend in, not stand out.”

  Like a guy who looked like him could ever blend in with the crowd? “Don’t be a baby. You want to disguise yourself, here you go.” She pushed him down and tied the cap over his head before he could protest any more.

  A chill breeze rattled the branches and brushed across the strip of exposed skin between her shirt and her pants. Jane thought about putting the sweatshirt back on, but it was so baggy it would get in her way and end up covered in bleach. She tugged her shirt lower to cover her tummy.

  Lex let out a groan and she peered at him questioningly.

  “If you want me to sit still, don’t yank your shirt d
own like that.”

  Jane glanced down and saw the scooped neck of her shirt had dropped low enough to expose the edges of her raspberry colored bra and a great deal of cleavage. Her face flamed from the embarrassment and the heat in Lex’s eyes.

  His face was inches from her chest. Her semi-exposed chest. The urge to press his head between her breasts made her hands shake.

  “You’re hair looks good curly. You should wear it like that more often.” His voice snapped her back to the task at hand.

  “Thanks. I think. I don’t have a mirror so I can’t tell if you’re just trying to make me feel better or not.”

  “Honey, trust me you’ll never have to wonder how I feel. What you see is what you get.”

  She let that slide and focused instead on picking little bits of hair through the bag. She’d never actually done this before, but she’d seen it done a hundred times.

  “So tell me more about this ministry place. Is it like a nunnery where only women are allowed?”

  His breath blew across her chest and her nipples hardened. Thank God her bra was padded or her nipples would stand out through her T-shirt, right next to Lex’s lips. His full, sexy lips. Her knees turned to water as a warm glow radiated up from between her legs.

  “Nothing like that. Have you heard of The Great Hope Ministry?”

  “Isn’t that the mission from that guy on TV? He’s always asking for money.”

  “That’s the one. About five miles from here is his headquarters. There’s a shuttle bus that drops people off every half hour. I thought I could mingle with them and go in for a look around but almost every one of them is either ancient or female.”

  “That makes sense. Most men are at work during the day so the women and retirees are the only ones around to attend prayer services.” Like her Aunt Betty.

  “No kidding. I know why it’s like that, but it doesn’t help me to get in there. I’m going to have to go back at night and try to slip in without anyone noticing.”

  Jane’s heart dropped to her toes. “Isn’t that dangerous? I mean, what if they catch you? You can’t very well say you snuck in to listen to the service. They must know who you are too.”

  “It’s not the best idea I’ve ever had.”

  She took an unsteady breath before blurting out, “What if I go instead?”

  “The thought crossed my mind. But are you sure you know what you’re in for? Ouch! Be careful with those tweezers.”

  “Sorry.” Her mind ran a thousand miles a second. What had made her volunteer for something like that? She jabbed him a few more times before slipping on the gloves and applying the dye. “Sit near the fire so that can dry properly.” Jane peeled off the plastic gloves and washed her hands with a baby wipe.

  He sat quietly by the fire while she gathered the garbage, her thoughts twisting this way and that. Aunt Betty’s face flashed in her mind, urging her to help any way she could.

  “I want to help. You’re right that I don’t know what I’m in for, but I’m smart. I think I can figure things out quickly enough.”

  Lex stared at her without saying anything for a minute. His eyes lasered into hers and she felt like he was assessing her. “You don’t have to do this,” he said at last. “I don’t want to force you into anything over your head.”

  “I’ve been over my head since you popped up in the backseat of my car.”

  “True, but you haven’t been in the thick of things. The ministry has guards and razor wire. I don’t think they want interlopers.”

  “Do you want my help or not? If I go in and get the floor plan it would help you to know where to go when you broke in. Wouldn’t that save you time?”

  Why was she arguing about this with him? He was right, she wasn’t trained for this type of stuff. Why was she insisting on going?

  Because she hadn’t been able to help Aunt Betty in time. Maybe she could save someone else’s aunt from losing her life’s savings.

  He tapped his chin speculatively. “You wouldn’t try to do any Nancy Drew crap? You’d just go in and attend the prayer service then leave?”

  “Of course.” Her stomach clenched with nervous excitement.

  “Let me think about it.”

  That was better than no. She was sure she could work him around to her way of thinking.

  And if she could be brave enough to go on a secret mission, maybe she could scare up enough courage to talk him into something else.

  Chapter Nine

  “I still don’t like it. I can’t even slip a wire on you in case you need to be extricated in a hurry. I’d feel better if I went with you.”

  “Which would defeat the purpose of me going in the first place.”

  Lex had been drilling her on how to behave and what to look for until she was ready to stab herself with a stick just to relieve the tedium.

  “I know. Damn, I hate this.” He paced in front of the fire like a caged tiger.

  “Do you think I should get some better clothes first? All I have are these jeans and a few cotton shirts. I’m not exactly dressed for church.”

  “You’re fine. The women your age all wore jeans. It’s not like going to Sunday Mass. The older women were dressed up, but they do that to go to the supermarket. From what I observed, it seemed like most of the younger women were housewives swinging in while the kids were in school or something. You’ll fit in perfectly in your Wal-Mart wardrobe.”

  “Great.” She felt about as attractive as a dishrag.

  How unfair was that? Lex wore the same cheap clothes she did yet he looked hot. Very hot.

  Jane licked her lips and tried not to stare at him as he paced back and forth in front of her. He was made for firelight. It gilded the harsh planes of his face and turned him into a Greek god. Even in his frustration he radiated sensuality.

  She’d never felt such a constant sexual ache before. Every time he came within a foot of her, every nerve ending stood at attention. It was like they were electrically charged and every time their hands so much as brushed, lightning struck.

  “What do you know about self-defense besides kickboxing?”

  “I’ve taken some self-defense courses. I work a lot of nights and wanted to be able to defend myself if I got mugged.” He didn’t need to know she was working pro bono at the battered women’s shelter at night instead of at her practice.

  “Show me whatcha got.”

  “What do you mean? Right here?” She glanced doubtfully at the pebble and acorn-strewn ground. If he tossed her on her butt it wouldn’t feel very good.

  “I’m not asking you to do a gymnastics routine, I just want to see if you can break out of basic holds. You don’t have to beat anyone up, just get free so you can run away.”

  “Oh, okay.” She crossed the clearing away from the fire and searched her mind. How did one demonstrate self-defense techniques? “I’m not sure what you want me to do,” she finally admitted.

  “If I grab you around the throat, how would you get out of it?” He stood behind her and wrapped his arm around her neck. She could feel the solid length of him pressed against her from calf to shoulders and blood rushed through her like a tidal wave.

  “Come on, princess, what would you do?”

  Relying on muscle memory more than intellect, Jane turned her head to relieve the slight pressure against her larynx. Once her air supply was no longer compromised, she jabbed her elbow into Lex’s gut, stomped on his little toe and spun out of his grasp.

  “Ouch! You didn’t have to really crush my foot you know.”

  “Sorry, I wasn’t thinking I was just reacting.”

  He shook his foot and rubbed his stomach where she’d elbowed him. “No, that’s good. If you stop to think you’ll end up in trouble. You did the right thing. Although, I’m glad you’re wearing those flip flops and not something with any weight to it or I’d have been in big trouble.”

  Her face flamed, but she didn’t have time to wallow in embarrassment because he came at her again, this time gra
bbing her wrist.

  “Now what?”

  Jane aimed a kick to his groin, which he neatly sidestepped.

  “Don’t go for the jewels, men expect that and naturally guard the boys. Aim for the knee or ankle. If you take out their knee then they can’t chase after you.”

  She mumbled something she hoped sounded like assent. The smell of the fire was thick in the cool air. Lex’s musky scent was even stronger. It drifted through her brain, clouding it with a fog of lust. Every time he touched her she thought her heart would pop out of her chest. She was so worked up she was surprised her hair wasn’t standing on end.

  Considering her lack of styling products, it very well could be.

  “Okay, last one. What would you do if I grabbed both your arms like this?” He clutched her arms and stepped in so close she couldn’t use her legs to kick him or step on his toes. The more she struggled, the tighter he held her.

  What did her instructor say? When all else fails, fall. Jane let her body go limp, pulling Lex off balance and dropping them both to the hard ground. Lex twisted and landed on his side instead of squashing her beneath his body.

  “Are you all right?” He leaned over her and ran his hands over her body, checking for injuries.

  “I’m fine. Just a little winded from the fall. Sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize, I told you to defend yourself. You did better than I expected. For a shrink, anyway.”

  “Thanks. That’s quite a compliment, for an ex-Fed, anyway.” He hadn’t stopped touching her, but now his touch was more of a caress than an exam.

  “Smart ass.” His mouth drew closer to hers until it was a whisper away.

  “It’s not my ass that’s smart.” Why was she talking when his sexy lips were so close?

  Jane’s tongue flicked out to moisten her lips and she brushed his in the process. A bolt of heat speared her to the very core as he let out a groan and closed the scant distance between their mouths. This was no hesitant, exploratory kiss, oh no. This was an explosion of light and heat that rolled over Jane like a nuclear blast.

  Lex didn’t tease her or try to ease his way in. He stormed her walls and swept her along in his wake. His tongue captured hers, daring her to follow. Jane’s toes curled from the amount of sheer pleasure surging through her body.