Lacey Luzzi: S'mored: A humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 5)

by Gina LaManna

“I don’t believe you have no idea who killed him.” Beefcake took a step closer to me. “How do you have no idea?”

  “I don’t know!”

  “But you had to be there,” he said.

  “I don’t know when or where Facelli was killed. Maybe it was far away, and someone dumped him in my car. In fact, it’s unlikely he was killed at my grandfather’s place. It’d take someone pretty stupid to murder anybody on that property. Everyone in the area knows Carlos, I’m sure you do, too…”

  After a brief hesitation, Beefcake gave a grudging nod.

  “And Carlos’s reputation precedes him. It’d be a foolish move to commit a crime on his land. Frankly, it’s also foolish of you to kidnap me – my grandfather will not be happy when he finds out.”

  I glanced up, noting the sliver of fear that seemed to have wedged its way into Beefcake’s eyes. He crossed his arms. “Suppose I believe you. Why would he be in your trunk if you didn’t kill him?”

  “As I said, I don’t know anything about the man, so I have no idea.” I glanced between the two. “Who was he to you?”

  Beefcake looked as if he didn’t want to say, but the man behind the bar nodded, and the big man spoke. “We hardly knew him. We work for...a business. Facelli was sent out for short term, uh...contract work.”

  “You’re diamond runners. Facelli was helping you to try and get back into the boss’s good graces,” I translated. “More or less. Don’t worry, I won’t tell.”

  The lean one gave a shrug that signaled I was relatively on target.

  I shook my head, unable to fit the puzzle pieces together. “But I can’t seem to connect all the dots.”

  A crash coming from upstairs interrupted my struggle. I glanced up, hoping against hope that it was someone coming for me, and not someone coming to make the situation worse.

  “Don’t move,” Beefcake grunted. He pressed the gun, cold and hard, against my head for a moment before he disappeared upstairs, leaving me alone with the lean kidnapper. Even if I could come up with a plan to get away from him, it’d be near impossible to get off the boat. My hands were cuffed and Beefcake waited upstairs with his gun. And his muscles.

  I chose to wait, listen, and see if the intruder was on my side – or theirs.

  Chapter 32

  “Lace? That you?” Meg called, descending the steps to the lower level. “I can’t see anything. It’s dark out, and I was staring straight into the disco ball for the past hour. I’m blind.”

  “Look at that. She did come to check on you.” Beefcake appeared beside Meg. “Who would’ve thought?”

  “Yes, it’s me, Meg.” I swiveled my bar stool to face the entryway.

  “How did you find me?”

  “Well, I knew something was wrong when you missed my personal rendition of your song. Nobody can sing Pour Some Sugar On Me like myself. I dedicated it to you, and you missed it. Now, I know you’d never miss a song I dedicated to you, seeing how we’re best friends and all.” Meg stood in the entryway, Beefcake close behind her, the gun even closer.

  “Of course I wouldn’t miss that for the world,” I lied. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

  “It’s okay.” Meg shook her head. “Even then though, it still didn’t click with me that something was really wrong. I thought maybe you’d eaten some bad food and got trapped in the restroom or something gnarly like that.”

  I winced. “Nope. No stomach problems here.”

  “Yeah, I figured that out when you missed our Baby Got Back duet. I know for a fact that you’d never miss the opportunity to shake your healthy Minnesota butt with me on stage.” Meg glanced around the cabin. “Anyway, nice place Carlos has here.”

  “I’m sorry I missed your songs, Meg,” I said, meaning it. “Did you find someone to cover my part of the duet while I was busy being kidnapped by these party poopers?”

  Beefcake frowned.

  “Girl, I’d never replace my best friend.” Meg snapped her fingers as if the idea were blasphemy. “Well, not really. I sorta replaced you with myself.”

  “You sang both parts to the duet?” Beefcake asked, his eyes widening. “That sounds tough.”

  “It was tough.” Meg wiped away fake sweat from her brow. “It was a nasty-ass workout up on stage. Had to unzip one of my boots to get some airflow going to my calves. Did you know sweaty-feet syndrome is a real problem in heels? I was sliding all over the place.”

  Beefcake’s mouth parted with unabashed interest in Meg’s story.

  “Anyway, I sang a double solo. Also known as a solo duet. No offense Lace, but I really think I rocked it.” Meg glanced down. “I hope you don’t mind I took over.”

  “I’m proud of you.” I tipped my chin upward. “And it’s incredible you came looking for me.”

  “Well, that part was sort of an accident. See, I needed to use the restroom. And the restroom at Laurelei’s was closed down on account of some crazy chick locked herself in there, so I came back here. I saw your car out front and some footprints leading away from it.” Meg shook her head mournfully. “And I noticed they were coming right down to this here beauty of a boat.”

  I smiled. “I knew you’d come for me.”

  “Oh, I was coming for you.” Meg sounded angry. “I was ‘bout ready to ream you out, Lacey. I thought you’d abandoned me and my beautiful dedications to you for some private time with your man.” Meg’s cheeks turned pink. “I was about to lay into you if you’d missed our duet in order to come here and shake your healthy butt with Anthony.”

  “I didn’t have plans to do anything of the sort.”

  “That’s real good news,” Meg said. “In fact, I’m relieved to see you were kidnapped after all. At least that’s a legitimate excuse for missing my award-winning performances.”

  “That’s so...oddly sweet.” I forced a smile.

  Whether or not the gesture was sweet, I still wasn’t happy to see she’d been kidnapped with me. She didn’t deserve to be a part of this mess; she didn’t know about anything going on at the Luzzi cabin. She should be back where she belonged, safely tearing up the stage at Laurelei’s.

  “You shouldn’t have come here and got wrapped up in this mess. It’s my fault you’re captured.” I turned to the lean kidnapper. “Please, if you guys will just let her go, I’ll do whatever I can to get you the information you need.”

  “I’m a bit confused at what’s happening here.” Meg took turns looking between the guards. “Anyone feel like explaining?”

  “I don’t have time for this.” The skinny one rolled his eyes and walked out from behind the bar, scanning the lounge area up and down, searching for something.

  Eventually, he gestured for me to join him. Awkwardly squirming out of my stool, I walked with my hands still clasped behind my back, realizing what he was going to do far too late. Before I could take a step in the other direction, the kidnapper reached out and yanked me towards him.

  I stumbled, bumping my knee against the ground. I refused to cry out, instead biting my lip as he roughly lifted me up until I could stand on my own two feet.

  Beefcake, meanwhile, realized what his partner was up to and tossed the handcuff keys across the room. Meg reached for them a second too late, and I was too busy getting my face pressed against the wall to attempt much of an escape. Seconds later, my hands were un-cuffed and re-cuffed before I knew it. My arm, now firmly attached to the guard rail along the yacht’s hallway, was stuck. I leaned against my handcuffs, testing the strength of the rail, disheartened when it didn’t so much as budge.

  “It’s sturdy,” my kidnapper guard said unnecessarily. “And it’s time for your friend to join you.”

  The lean guard tossed the keys back to Beefcake, and I wondered how many sets of handcuffs they normally carried between them. We were already up to two, which was two more pairs than I had.

  “Where you taking me?” Meg growled as they led her to the other side of the hallway. “Can’t you at least chain me next to my friend?”


  “I’m afraid not.” The skinny guy shook his head. “The railing will hold against each of your body weights separately, but I’m not going to risk putting y’all together.”

  “Are you calling Lacey fat?” Meg asked, her question punctuated by the cold clink of metal on metal. “Are you saying she’s the straw that’d break the camel’s back? The camel equals the railing, in case you don’t understand my proverbs. Anyway, you’re R-U-D-E!”

  “Er...” Beefcake took a few test yanks against the rail. Satisfied Meg’s bindings would hold, he backed away.

  “I’m going to take your grunts as a yes. I can’t believe you’re calling my best friend fat!” Meg’s eyes narrowed. Uh oh. Meg didn’t like people addressing body weight – mine, hers, or anyone else’s. In fact, she’d been fired for “telling someone off” about that once upon a time. With her fist.

  “No, no, neither of you are overweight.” Beefcake’s face glowed red, the tips of his ears coloring to match his face. “I just meant—”

  “I know what you meant,” Meg growled. “Just wait ’til I get out of these. Just you wait. And to think I ever thought you were cute…”

  Beefcake looked surprised. “You thought, you thought I was…” He trailed off as his friend watched, jaw hanging open in disbelief.

  “Never mind.” Beefcake took a step back, surveying Meg and me, both of us probably looking tied up and grumpy.

  “What’s the point of this?” I broke up the flirtations. “Why are we locked up on my grandfather’s boat?”

  “We’re going to check on some of your information,” Skinny Guy said. “If it checks out, we might be able to strike a deal with you.”

  “I promise I’m not lying. I don’t know anything about Facelli!” I said, my voice bordering on desperation. “Trust me. I’ll help however I can.”

  “You don’t gotta worry about me,” Meg said. “I don’t know nothin’ about nothin’.”

  “That’s not true,” I said. “Everybody knows somethin’ about somethin’.”

  “Real deep,” Beefcake said with a nod. “Amen.”

  “Look, we’re aware she knows nothing,” Skinny Guy nodded towards Meg. “It’s just unfortunate she interfered.”

  “Hey now,” Meg said. “You’re a real rude one. Didn’t your momma teach you any manners? Shame on you!”

  Beefcake looked uncomfortable, as if he tended to agree with Meg.

  “Let’s go, Luke,” Skinny Guy snapped. “Don’t you ladies move, or we’ll be back. And you won’t appreciate it.”

  “Nice to meet you, Luke and…” Meg raised her eyebrows. “You gonna keep being rude, or you gonna tell us your name?”

  “His name is Marvin,” Luke-the-Beefcake said. “Luke and Marvin.” Marvin did an eye roll that made me dizzy just watching.

  “Idiot,” Marvin mumbled under his breath.

  “You said his name first, Marv,” Meg pointed out. “So take a chill pill. Anyway, we’re locked up here. Not going anywhere, thanks to you. Say, on a similar note, what should we do if we get hungry? I don’t see any snack bowls around here. Bar nuts and the like. Oh, and the restroom? Remember my little issue? I haven’t used the bathroom yet.”

  “Then we’ll hurry back,” Marvin said. “I don’t think Carlos would appreciate a mess on his yacht.”

  “Which is why, when I let Meg punch you, we’ll make sure to get you off the carpet first,” I said as the two men turned to leave.

  I took no small satisfaction in watching Marvin freeze, if only for a split second, before he disappeared from the yacht.

  Chapter 33

  “How you doing, chickadee?” Meg looked across the hallway. After the men had left, we’d sat in our respective silences for a few moments before Meg caught my eye.

  “I’m...I’m okay.”

  “That’s a huge, fat lie.” Meg moved closer, as much as was possible within her bindings. “What’s on your mind?”

  “Besides being kidnapped?”

  “These guys are rookies. One way or another, we’ll get away from them.”

  “Do you have a plan?” My voice lilted with hope.

  “Not yet, but I’m waiting for the lightning strike. You know, I’m pretty much electric.”

  I nodded. “Well, I’ll be honest. I’ve screwed up.”

  “It’s not your fault you missed my song,” Meg said. “Don’t worry. I’m not lying when I say I knocked that duet out of the park, all by my lonesome.”

  I smiled, though it was slightly watery. “I’m sure you did. But it’s not only that, it’s...it’s this whole stupid weekend.”

  “What about it? I didn’t think it was so stupid.”

  “I feel as if I’ve been a terrible friend to you.” I hung my head. My fingers were starting to tingle from being locked at such an odd angle behind my back, and I tried to ignore it. “It was supposed to be you and me, girls’ weekend, and it’s ruined. Anthony was here, three strange men stayed with us, and now we’re trapped by two other random dudes. For crying out loud, I had a guy permanently sleeping in my trunk! I just can’t seem to get away from unwanted company!”

  “Lace, don’t worry. Everything is an adventure with you. I’d have been disappointed if we walked away from this weekend without a good story to tell.” Meg grinned. “Plus, without the diamond tip from Carlos, we would have never discovered the karaoke bar! And let me tell you, that was my forty minutes of fame. After we get off this boat, I might just go back for some more.”

  I liked her optimism, I really did. But I couldn’t shake the feeling I’d let her down somehow. “Nothing has gone right. How can you still be so positive?”

  “Lacey, nothing ever goes right for you.” Meg reached out her leg and gave me a little sympathy kick. “Why is it bothering you now more than usual? Where’s the Lacey I love, the one who just shrugs off the weird stuff and moves on?”

  I shook my head, amazed as always at my best friend’s ability to pull through and cheer me up. “I don’t want to talk about it. The problem is, well, he shouldn’t even be here, anyway.”

  “Anthony?”

  I nodded.

  “Lover’s quarrel?”

  “Sort of.” I steeled myself and stared at the ground for a long minute. Meg thankfully remained silent and let me gather my wits. When I plunged into the story, I did my best to remain dry-eyed and even-toned. I think I almost succeeded.

  “I know I reacted badly about it, that whole sneaking-through-the-window thing,” I confessed. “I meant to go talk to him about it. I don’t want to become one of those couples that argues because of a silly miscommunication. And now Anthony is probably thinking I’m so upset I ran away from him, when that’s not true.”

  “Girl, Anthony is thinking he messed up by not catching up to you sooner.” Meg’s foot nudged me again across the narrow hallway. “Hey you, listen to me. I’ve seen the way that man looks at you. He doesn’t have a side thing going on, if you know what I mean. If he said it’s work, it’s work.”

  “Really?”

  “Yup.”

  “But the way I reacted...what if he thinks I can’t trust him?”

  “Do you trust him?”

  “One hundred percent,” I said, without a shadow of doubt. “Which is why I’m kicking myself.”

  “Chickie, give yourself a break. You got kidnapped.”

  “But—”

  “Seriously, that’s a pretty darn good excuse. And if Anthony is half a man, he’ll listen to everything you have to say when you get off this boat. And he’ll have an explanation that’ll set all your fears to rest. I promise you.”

  I smiled at her. “How do you always know exactly what to say?”

  “You know girlfriend, just now, after that whole story, I debated telling you that Anthony was an asshole and you should break up with him.” A twinkle danced in Meg’s eye as she remembered the moment. Then her expression sobered as she took a breath and continued, “But I know that’s not true. Something tells me that you and Anth
ony have a good thing going, and I don’t want to be the one to ruin it. Believe me, I’ve tried to ruin you guys.”

  I looked up in surprise.

  “And I’ve failed. Multiple times. And that’s how I know you guys will work out.”

  My eyes again pooled with tears, this time due to a surge of emotion for my priceless, unshakeable relationship with Meg – an overwhelming burst of gratitude for my chaotic, sparkling, deeply loyal friend.

  “Stop your crying,” Meg said. “I hate when you do that.”

  I laughed, a real, true laugh. “You have tried to break us up, haven’t you?”

  “I’ve done my darndest, but Lord help me, I’ve failed.” Meg grinned. “You crazy kids are in love, even if you won’t admit it.”

  “It’s not love. We haven’t even...”

  “You haven’t s’mored yet?” Meg opened her mouth. “Dang, what have you guys been doing in there?”

  “What, you mean between the time you burst in and demolished our bed and the time you dragged me out by my ear to go shopping?” I winked. “We’ve been talking.”

  “Boring,” Meg said, her expression sheepish. “But I don’t feel too bad. I also tested Dan’s willpower. I asked him out, and he turned me down. Didn’t even take the bait.”

  “Meg! Would you actually have gone out with him?”

  She shrugged. “I hadn’t decided. But good for him, turning me down like that. It’s a hard thing to do for those fellas, saying no to this.” She gestured towards her mismatched boots, her poofed hair, and her all around glamorous vibe. “He’s got a will of steel.”

  “I’ll say so,” I said. “Thanks for cheering me up, by the way. I’ll make it up to you. I won’t let my relationship with Anthony get in the way of our girl time.”

  “Good, or else I’d have to kidnap you.” Meg glanced at her handcuffs. “Er, re-kidnap you. But only in a good way. Oh yeah, speaking of kidnapping, do you want to tell me what’s happening here? I’m a bit confused.”

  I filled Meg in as much as I could, since I didn’t know everything. When I finished, we were still scratching our heads. Figuratively speaking, that is.