Life As We Know It

by Harper-Adams, Connor

  About 3 months after the events of the supermarket, the group had gotten into a bit of trouble when they ran into another survivor who lived about a mile down the road of the house. They had gotten off on the wrong foot MAJORLY when the survivors revealed that they had killed the zombified remains of the old women, who was then finally identified as Ruth Barker, who had been 83 when she died. Although Jack was very calm and collected when he told the man that Ruth was already dead, and they were just defending themselves, the man was convinced that they had killed her while she was alive, in order to get her property. Charlie’s smartass comments didn’t help either. The man, named Frank Barker (who was in his early to mid 40’s. It turned out he was Ruth Barker’s son), had all but sworn a vendetta against the new group, and it was still raging on currently.

  ***

  Charlie awoke with a start. He checked his watch. 8:38 AM. He swore to God, one day he was going to throw that watch out. Ruth probably had a drawer full of watches. God knows they were still finding surprises in The house. Charlie thudded downstairs. Soon after they had discovered the fields all those months ago, it dawned on the survivors that they hadn’t even searched the house thoroughly yet. They found 5 bedrooms upstairs, as well as 3 bedroom downstairs, which was fine, as Penny and Jack were obviously sharing a bedroom. As Charlie reached the kitchen, he realised he was the first one up. He always loved being the first one up, because it meant that he could sit on the couch and look out the window in peace, watching the wind whistle through the slender grass, as well as reading. He loved to read. He could also watch DVD’s on a nifty portable DVD player that ran on batteries. He really wished he could have had a chance to meet Ruth Becker. He made himself some two-minute noodles and sat on the couch. As he walked past, he grabbed a book from the massive bookshelf that took up a sizeable space in the living room, and sat down. As he read, he noticed an odd flicker in the distance. He stood up, and moved closer to the window. He realised soon that one of the fields at the back of the property was on fire.

  ***

  “Shit.” Charlie muttered. “Not again.”

  He bolted upstairs, grabbing a fire extinguisher as he ran. He thumped on Jack’s door.

  “Jack?” He said.

  “What do you want?” Charlie heard Jack reply with a mumble.

  “Barker’s done it again. The bastards set us on fire.”

  “Shit!” Jack cursed.

  He leaped out of bed, and threw his door open. He marched downstairs before Charlie stopped him.

  “Pants, Jack.” He said.

  “Ah.” Jack said, looking down. “Right.”

  Jack ran back into his room and got dressed, before coming out again, this time fully dressed.

  “Let’s get that son of a bitch.” Jack said.

  They ran outside, and jumped into the truck that had been lying dormant in the garage. They drove quickly up to the fire. It wasn’t a large one. It never was. Usually it was just a small fire that was merely designed to piss off the The house. It worked every time. Charlie sprayed the extinguisher on the flame, and it quickly went out.

  “BARKER?” Jack roared. “WE KNOW YOU ARE FUCKING OUT THERE!”

  Frank Barker popped his ugly, potato-shaped head over the fence.

  “Hi there.” He said, smirking.

  “You idiot.” Charlie said. “You absolute idiot.”

  Frank Barker was the definition of an asshole. He was either so stubborn that he was willing to keep blaming the inhabitants of the house for the death of Ruth, or he was so unbelievably, incredibly stupid that he truly believed them to be the cause of Ruth’s death.

  “How many times to I have to tell you, Barker?” Jack snarled. “You are endangering all of us. Do one more thing like this and we WILL take action.”

  “Don’t talk to me like that, asshole.” Barker said maliciously. Charlie stomped over towards the fence and started to climb it.

  “Charlie, what are you doing?” Jack asked.

  Charlie gave no answer. He hopped the fence and turned to face Barker.

  “You talk a big game, Barker.” Charlie said. “But do have anything to prove it?”

  Barker smirked. He swung one of his ham-like fists towards Charlie’s head. Charlie ducked, and punched Barker in the stomach, hard. Barker hit the ground, wheezing. He kicked Barker in the stomach.

  “One more time. We WILL do something about it.”

  Charlie hopped the fence, and signalled for Jack to follow him back to the van. The drive back to The house was short and tense. When they reached the garage, Jack spoke.

  “What was that?” He asked.

  Charlie turned to him.

  “Listen Jack. We cannot be bullied by some middle-aged dickhead. This guy is not even on the radar compared to what we have been through. We fought James, remember that? We fought a small army, and we won! We shouldn’t be taking orders from this douchebag.”

  Charlie was right. They had been through so much ever in the last year, and goddammit, they deserved that house. If this asshole wanted to believe that they had killed his mother, then so be it. If they were so concerned about her, why the hell didn’t they take the 93 year old into their own house? If this guy wasn’t going to step down, then the survivors were going to have to step up, and force them down.

  “Fine.” Jack said. “You win. What do we do next?”

  “Just wait, Jack. Just wait.” Charlie said with a grin.

  Jack and Charlie walked back into the house. Charlie grabbed his air horn, and blasted it, which had become something of a tradition in order to wake up the rest of the survivors.

  “COME ON EVERYONE!” He yelled. “IT’S ALMOST 9!”

  Almost 15 minutes later, every one was up and sitting on the couch.

  “Right.” Charlie started off. “It happened again. The Barkers set one of our paddocks on fire.” A gasp went through the survivors.

  “Don’t worry. Everything is fine; we stopped the fire, even caught up with Barker himself. I had, um, a couple of words with him.” He said sheepishly.

  “The point is, I am sick of him, and you should be too. We worked too hard for this, and we suffered major losses. We are going to all go up there tomorrow afternoon, and we are going to give them one last chance to coincide peacefully. If they decide to continue to be arrogant dicks, then we are going to force them out.”

  “We are going to kick them out of their own home?” Megan said.

  “I am trying not to think of it that way, but essentially, yes Megan, that is exactly what we are doing. Any other questions?”

  “I’ve got one.” Santa said. “We aren’t going to kill them, are we?”

  “What?” Jack said. “God no. We just want them gone. Hopefully it won’t even come to that.”

  Audrey spoke. “I think this is a great idea, personally. I am sick to death of that bastard ogling me every time we have gone to talk to him.”

  “Is killing him still off the table?” Santa muttered.

  “Why aren’t we going today?” Rory asked.

  “We have a lot of stuff to do today. That long grass is ammunition to him if he does it again. We have to mow that. We are also going to have to send a small group on a supply run, because we are running out of food. Also, our DVD’s are shit, and I want new ones. Is that all?”

  No one spoke.

  “Cool!” Charlie said. “Let’s get to work.”

  Every one groaned.

  “Fine. At 2:00, let’s get to work.”

  ***

  At 2:00, Penny, Megan and Jessica, armed with 1 lawnmower each, got to work on cutting down the grass so it would make less of a threat if Barker tried to set the land on fire again. While they were doing that, Jack, Santa, Charlie and Audrey were getting ready to leave for a supply run. The other two, which were Walter and Rory, had been assigned to lookout duty while Jack and Charlie were away.

  As Charlie got dressed, he thought more about what might happen the next day. A major part of him actually hop
ed that Barker would try something stupid, because it meant that they had a reason to rid themselves of this bastard once and for all. He stopped thinking about that and turned his attention to lovingly cleaning his sword.

  Jack was actually looking forward to this supply run. While he hated to admit it, he was sort of losing his ability to shoot, and he was eager to try and better himself today.

  Audrey, however, was still as good a fighter as any, and as she also cleaned her sword, she thought about how badly she wanted Barker gone. It had gotten to the point where she actually did not even care how he left; she just hoped he was gone.

  Santa sat on his bed, thinking about Barker. He was the cause of a lot of misery and annoyance to every single person in The house, including Santa himself, but that didn’t mean that he wanted the man to leave his home. As the survivors knew more than most, being on the road was tough. But Jack and Charlie’s decision was final, and if they decided that he was a real, viable threat, they would want him gone. Hell, if Santa thought that Barker was going to endanger any one of his children, he would beat the shit out of Barker himself.

  ***

  Jack strode out of his room, and banged on Charlie’s, Audrey’s and Santa’s doors respectively.

  “Are you guys ready yet?” He asked.

  When they all replied to the affirmative, Jack brought the armoured van, which Charlie had started calling ‘The Badass Bus’, around to the front of The house.

  Soon after settling in to The house, Jack’s original group, besides Charlie, had decided they needed to make some serious adjustments to the armoured van. They started, much to Charlie’s annoyance, by completely stripping out the inside of the bus-sized van. Then, they bolted the seats, including some new seats to fit the new group, so they were seated up against the wall, except for the drivers seat and the front passengers seat. Charlie had been very adamant that his seat was not to move an inch. Much to everyone else’s hilarity, Jack specifically moved his chair one inch back. Then, they had put back the weapons cabinets, and after a while, even Charlie had to admit the new and improved ‘Badass Bus’ was pretty damned cool.

  Charlie jumped in his seat in the front passenger seat, Jack took the drivers seat, and Santa and Audrey took two seats in the back.

  “Okay. All ready?” Jack asked his passengers.

  “Rock and Roll.” Charlie said in return.

  Audrey looked over at him.

  “You are such a dork.” She said, laughing.

  “I will take that as a yes, then.” Jack said, keying the ignition and flooring it. As they drove, Santa once again took in the raw beauty of the forestry around them. It was such a peaceful and secluded area; one that Santa enjoyed viewing every single time he passed it.

  Luckily, Audrey and Santa had chosen to sit up the back of the van, giving Jack and Charlie the chance to talk privately.

  “So.” Jack said. “Are you okay?”

  Charlie raised his eyebrows for a split second.

  “What do you mean?” He said.

  “You are losing it.” Jack replied.

  Charlie opened his mouth, looking furious, but Jack cut him off before he could reply.

  “I don’t mean you are going crazy. I mean you are losing your humanity. You beat the absolute shit out of Barker today, man. He is like, double your age. Sure, he had it coming, and sure, every single one of us has wanted to beat the shit out of him, but we have managed to hold it back. What happened?”

  Charlie looked towards his lap as he spoke.

  “It just feels… It just feels like we are the last people on Earth. How many people do you think are left? 500 Million? Maybe 1 Billion? All the densely populated areas would have been wiped out in a matter of days. Asia would have fallen first, then India. All of those places with hundreds of millions of people wouldn’t have stood a chance. I still can’t believe that the US still has inhabitants. My point is, we don’t know how many people are left, or how long we have left, so why the hell are we taking orders from assholes like Barker? This whole feud started because he thinks we killed his mother. His mother was dead LONG before we came to The house. The man is an absolute idiot. I know it is wrong to say this, but there is one thing that this world has taught me: Kill or be killed. Of course that applies to the zombies, but sooner or later, the humans are going to turn on each other as well. I want Barker gone, I don’t care how, I just want him gone.”

  Jack stared at him.

  “Wow.” He said. “Talk about a mood killer.”

  “Shut up.” Charlie said, smiling slightly.

  Jack glanced over to Charlie. “We can’t kill him, you know. That just makes us as bad as James. We are not murderers. We kill to survive, not because we don’t like someone.”

  Charlie knew that Jack was right, which was freaking annoying. They spent the remainder of the ride in relative silence, except for a few small conversations between Charlie and Audrey. They soon reached their destination, which was a large-ish group of shops outside of town. Charlie counted 13 zombies outside of the van. Jack, Charlie, Audrey and Santa hopped out of the van and walked over to the shops. Almost completely in synchronisation, Charlie and Audrey pulled out their swords and turned two zombies into minced meat. Jack kicked another one in the stomach, and then shot it in the head. Santa pulled out his knife and pierced a zombie’s brain with it. As Charlie demolished another 3 zombies with his sword, he saw two more zombies shambling towards him. He waited until they were within biting distance, before swinging his sword around, swiftly decapitating them. Audrey finished off another two, leaving Jack and Santa to finish the last 2 zombies off. When Santa pulled his knife from a zombie’s skull, they walked into a vacant DVD rental shop, because as Charlie had said, all their DVD’s were shit.

  ***

  After spending almost 90 minutes picking out suitable DVD’s, Charlie and the others finally left the store and walked into a small supermarket. Before they bothered trying to find food, they scoured the supermarket scrupulously. When they decided they were the only ones in the store, they got to work. Charlie, as always, went straight to the noodle isle, and picked out as many noodles as he could carry. Jack preferred honey, so he picked a bunch of jars of that as well. Santa picked up a bunch of oats, so he could make his self-proclaimed ‘world famous’ oatmeal. Charlie had tried it once. Later, when he was scrubbing his tongue to rid himself of the taste, he wondered how anyone could make oatmeal taste bad. It was practically the easiest food to make. Audrey picked up a bag of white rice, a food that she particularly liked.

  After that, the four survivors decided that they should head home. After loading a troll into the van, they headed back home. When they reached The house, the first thing they did was walk around the back of the house. They were greeted with the sight of lovely, short grass. Every single field had been mowed meticulously. Charlie, Jack, Audrey and Santa walked inside, and Charlie looked at the clock. It was 7:30 PM, and everyone was already asleep. Jack, Charlie, Santa and Audrey decided to go to bed as well, as they had a big day ahead of them tomorrow.

  ***

  Yet again, Charlie’s watch woke him up at 8:38 AM. Like a child on Christmas, Charlie ran around the house waking everyone up. At around 9:00 AM, everyone trudged over to the field that Barker had lit alight and waited for him. Sure enough, after only twenty minutes, Barker appeared, holding a box of matches and a can of gasoline. When he saw the 9 survivors glaring at him, he looked terrified.

  “What did I tell you, Barker?” Jack snarled. He stalked over to Barker and looked him dead in the eye. He took a deep breath, and composed himself before continuing.

  “Well then, uh, Frank. What is it going to be? Are you going to be able to keep to yourself, which means NEVER setting foot back here again, or are we going to have to take action?”

  Frank Barker looked at Jack for about 30 seconds before spitting in his face.

  Chapter 11: Eviction

  “YOU SON OF A BITCH!” Charlie roared, sprinting toward
s Barker.

  Rory caught Charlie before he could strangle Barker.

  “CHARLIE. STOP!” He yelled, throwing Charlie to the ground.

  Rory hadn’t thought, however, about how Jack might be reacting to this. He looked over towards Jack, who was wiping the spit from his cheek.

  He stood before Barker, who seemed to realise what he had done was pretty damned stupid.

  “Barker.” He said. “You are done. We gave you so many chances, and you blew them all. You are an absolute dick. What are you, three years old? You spat on me. Regardless, your chances are up. We want you gone. We don’t care where you go, but if you are not gone by tonight, then we will force you out.”