Always I'Ll Remember

by Bradshaw, Rita

  She looked into his blue, blue eyes, the eyes of her love, and said, ‘Not if you don’t want me to.’

  ‘What I want—’ He stopped, shutting his eyes for a moment before shaking his head, saying, ‘I’ll tell you what I want but not here. Can we go somewhere? Who is that waiting for you in the car?’

  ‘You saw me?’ said Abby, surprised.

  ‘I didn’t know it was you then.’ His eyes were roaming over her face, drinking in each feature as though he had to memorise them.

  ‘It’s my aunt’s youngest boy and Clara.’ With this came a return to reality.

  He must have seen something in her face because now he said, ‘What is it? What’s wrong?’

  ‘James, I have to get the train back home soon. I only came up for the day for Aunt Audrey’s funeral.’ This was happening too quickly; she felt light-headed, dizzy.

  ‘Send Clara home,’ he said urgently. ‘Tell them you’ll go back tomorrow.’

  ‘I can’t. There’s my boys. They’ll be waiting for me.’

  He didn’t make it hard for her. ‘Your boys, of course, how silly of me. I wasn’t thinking . . . I’m not used to children. ’ His left hand moved up to stroke the silky skin of her face. ‘Can we just go somewhere for a coffee then? You can tell Clara to meet you at the train station, can’t you?’

  Could she? Of course she could. If they were going to have any chance at all they needed to talk now, to put things right so there were no more misunderstandings between them. She had to make it clear how important the boys were in her life, that she had responsibilities, ties. She was no longer the carefree girl he remembered, any more than he was the fresh young soldier who had left her so confidently all those years ago. But he was still her James. The other part of her. Whatever happened, she was sure about that.

  ‘I’ll go down and tell Clara, shall I,’ she said softly, ‘while you explain to your secretary?’

  ‘No way.’ He let go of her just long enough to tuck her arm through his. ‘I’m not yet convinced you’re not going to vanish in a puff of smoke or that all this isn’t a dream.’

  She knew exactly how he felt because she felt the same.

  Chapter Twenty-eight

  From the moment that Abby arrived back in Yorkshire, still with a slightly dazed look in her eyes, things at the smallholding began to change. Some changes were barely perceptible. Only Clara really noticed that Abby was always singing as she went about her work these days, and that her sister was subtly but very definitely delegating more tasks to the others. Abby was encouraging both Winnie and Rowena to cultivate a working knowledge of the way the company books were drawn up, despite the two women’s protests that such matters weren’t their forte, and she was no longer the one who always dealt with awkward customers or complicated orders.

  Other changes were far more apparent. Every other weekend James would arrive at the smallholding late on Friday night and leave first thing Monday morning. On the weekends he didn’t come down to Yorkshire, Abby and the boys went to stay in a small hotel in Holmeside, close to where James’s flat was situated in a converted house in St George’s Square, overlooking Mowbray Park. After some initial shyness, both boys took to James. When a warm spring and short-sleeved shirts laid bare the savage scars on James’s left arm, John in particular was deeply affected, asking searching questions about the war. Abby noticed a deepening in John’s affection for James from this point on and this was a great relief. Henry had never really known his father but John had been very much Daddy’s boy, and she had been worried he would not accept another man into their small family unit. That her fears were totally unfounded was the icing on the cake.

  Clara often accompanied her to Sunderland on the weekends she visited James, but although her sister stayed at the same hotel, Abby saw little of her. Clara and Lucy had struck up a strong friendship and the two young women frequently met up to have lunch out together, usually followed by shopping or a visit to the cinema. Clara was a regular visitor to both Leonard and Bruce’s family homes too, where she was made a great fuss of, and she called in to see Ivor and Jed regularly.

  Abby felt great misgivings about the renewed contact with their family but in the circumstances she felt she could do nothing to stop Clara seeing everyone. Her sister was a grown woman who, having in a sense ‘found’ her relatives once more, was determined not to let the contact cease again, whatever Abby said.

  Abby’s one comfort lay in the knowledge that Clara had no wish to see their mother. Her sister never set foot in Wilbert’s home, always meeting her brother and Lucy away from the house and its eldest occupant, and for this Abby was grateful. She felt a profound sense of unease whenever her mother came to mind, and it had increased rather than diminished over the last months. Ivor had said her mother was only interested in hurting her, and Abby believed this, but Clara was very dear to her as Nora well knew and therefore she felt her sister was vulnerable.

  ‘Darling, I know she’s a dreadful woman, but what can she do now?’ James asked when Abby shared her fears for Clara with him. ‘Wilbert himself has told you he’s warned your mother to toe the line or else she’ll find herself without a roof over her head. She’s a nasty piece of work, I’ll give you that, but she is not stupid and she won’t risk losing her home for the sake of an act of spite against Clara. She’s done her worst and she can’t hurt either of you now. She has lost and she knows it. We’re together,’ he took her in his arms, kissing her long and hard to prove it, ‘and nothing will ever separate us again. That’s all that matters.’

  Abby smiled, reaching up and stroking back the errant lock of hair which always fell over his brow. For once they were alone in James’s flat, Clara and Lucy having taken the children to an afternoon matinee at the Ritz. The boys hadn’t been to a cinema before and this one, fitted out as it was with lavish chandeliers and deep-pile carpets, was sure to fill even Henry with awe. ‘I love you,’ she said softly. ‘I can hardly believe three whole months have gone by since that day in your office. I have nightmares sometimes, wondering if we would ever have found each other again if Aunty Audrey hadn’t died.’

  Tony Bennett’s latest hit, ‘Stranger in Paradise’, was playing on the wireless, and James said, ‘Stranger in paradise sums it up, doesn’t it? That’s just how I feel. But I want more, Abby. I know we’ve done this before but,’ he slid off the sofa onto his knees and took her hand in his, ‘will you marry me, darling? I’ve been patient, I’ve waited like you asked but I’m fairly sure I’ve won the boys over as well as their mother.’

  ‘You know you have.’ She flung her arms round his neck, overbalancing him so they both rolled onto the carpet, limbs entwined. And like that, with their faces almost touching, she said, ‘I’d love to marry you, James, and thank you very much for asking me - again.’

  ‘My pleasure.’ He grinned at her, his expression changing as his eyes fell on her lips . . .

  Some time later when they were sitting on the sofa again, a celebratory glass of wine in their hands, James said, ‘It won’t be a long engagement, you know that, don’t you? In fact,’ he drew a piece of paper out of his pocket, ‘this special licence says it can be next week if you like.’

  ‘Next week?’ Her eyes were wide. ‘But there are a hundred and one things to sort out. Where we’re going to live, the boys’ schooling, your business, my business—’

  ‘It was simpler last time.’ Again he was grinning.

  She fell against him and as he removed the glass of wine from her hand and placed it with his on the side table, she thought for a moment that such happiness could only come to few people. And then his lips were on hers and she ceased to think.

  They were dishevelled and flushed some minutes later when James pulled away and sat up abruptly.

  ‘What is it, what’s wrong?’ she asked. He shook his head and rose to his feet.

  He looked down at her as she shakily fastened the buttons on her blouse. ‘Don’t look like that, you know I want to,’ he said
very quietly. ‘But I want it to be different with you. The others,’ he pulled a face, ‘well, let’s just say I didn’t have to wait with any of them. With you I’ve waited eighteen years and I want us to be able to look back and know we’ve done it all properly. I . . . I want our wedding night to be special.’

  ‘Oh James.’ She didn’t know quite what to say. Part of her was still slightly offended that he hadn’t taken what she’d made clear she was offering, but the expression on his face melted her. She knew he’d had lots of women - he hadn’t wanted any secrets between them, any more than she had - but Abby believed him when he said none of them had touched his heart. ‘It will be special,’ she said, standing up and moving into his arms. ‘Very special.’

  ‘Will you . . .’ He stopped.

  ‘Yes? Go on.’

  He took a deep breath. ‘Can I buy you an engagement ring?’

  She knew what he was asking. She still had Ike’s engagement ring and her wedding ring on her finger. ‘There’s no need,’ she said softly. She reached down and picked up her handbag. She opened it and slid the zip on the little pocket which held her mirror. She took out the tiny box inside and handed it to him without speaking. Then she removed Ike’s rings and slipped them on the third finger of her right hand. Ike would have understood this, and James had to understand that her first husband had been a precious part of her life and she wasn’t about to deny that by disposing of his rings entirely. ‘This has been in my roof at home for years until that day in March,’ she said quietly. ‘Since then I’ve had it in my handbag just ... in case.’

  ‘You kept it?’ He had opened the box and was staring down at the ring he’d bought her so many years ago, and the look on his face moved her so deeply she could only nod. As he slid the ring onto her finger, Abby decided the special licence would be used the following week. All that mattered was that they were man and wife as soon as possible. Everything else could be sorted out later.

  They were busy preparing dinner in James’s immaculate kitchen when the boys returned, and had been larking on like a pair of sixteen year olds. Abby’s eyes were bright and her cheeks were flushed when she flung open the front door of the flat, and as Henry leaped into her arms, John began to tell James all about the cartoons and pirate film they had seen, without pausing for breath. So it was a moment or two before Abby realised Clara was not with Lucy.

  ‘We bumped into Jed when we came out of the cinema,’ Lucy said by way of explanation, ‘and he offered to buy Clara dinner out. She didn’t think you’d mind.’ Lucy didn’t add that she was sure the ‘bumping into’ had been carefully orchestrated by the two in question.

  A dart of anxiety took the smile from Abby’s face but she managed to say, ‘No, no, of course not.’

  A few minutes later Lucy left.

  Jed and Clara? As Abby shut the front door, she leaned against it for a moment, hearing the boys’ chatter as they regaled James with the wonder of the cinema. But no, she was imagining things surely. Her sister had never said anything to indicate she thought of Jed in a romantic way, but then she had said very little altogether the last few weeks. Clara couldn’t understand why Abby hadn’t embraced the renewed contact with their family as enthusiastically as she had, and for the first time in their lives their relationship had been somewhat strained.

  Abby sought to throw her apprehension off for the rest of the evening. After dinner, she and James sat the boys down and explained very carefully that they were going to get married and all live together in one house. Not the smallholding, Abby said, and not this flat either, but a new house with a big garden for them to play in. They had decided it had to be a fresh start on neutral ground, but this was more for James’s benefit than anything else. Abby knew he still found it hard that she had loved Ike, and to ask him to live in the same house she and Ike had shared would not be fair.

  The boys stared at them both solemnly. Little Henry didn’t really understand what was being said but as always he took his cue from John and realised something momentous was afoot. ‘So you’ll be our other daddy?’ John asked after a moment or two when he had digested the news in his usual thoughtful way.

  ‘If that’s all right with you,’ James replied quietly.

  John nodded. ‘I’d like that,’ he stated firmly. ‘You’ll be able to come and see my teacher with Mam and come to the Christmas concert and things like that, won’t you, and help me with my cricket practice. Mam’s not very good at cricket,’ he added with an apologetic glance at Abby.

  ‘It’s my favourite game.’ James ruffled John’s fair hair.

  ‘Where will the new house be?’ John asked next. ‘Near our home or near here?’

  ‘Well, your mam and I haven’t really decided on that yet,’ James said evenly, ‘but I think near your home would be best, don’t you? Then you can still see all your friends at school and Aunty Winnie and everyone, and your mam can work at the nursery when she wants to.’

  ‘James, you don’t have to do that,’ said Abby quickly.

  He smiled. ‘Drag you away from Winnie and Rowena and Gladys? I wouldn’t dare. It’d be more than my life was worth. Selling up here and setting up somewhere else won’t be the end of the world. I might even work from home for a while and see how that goes. To be truthful, money isn’t a consideration. I invested my inheritance from Mother and Dad and if I never did another stroke of work we would still be all right.’

  Abby stared at him wide-eyed. ‘I’m marrying a rich man?’

  He grinned. ‘A comfortable man, but then it works both ways. I’m marrying a woman of means.’

  John had been listening intently to this. Now he made them aware of little flapping ears when he said, ‘If we’re rich, can I have a bicycle at the new house, Mam?’

  ‘An’ me, an’ me.’ Henry wasn’t going to be left out.

  ‘Time to go, I think.’ Abby was laughing as she fetched the boys’ coats, but in James’s car the feeling of apprehension returned more strongly. She needed to see Clara.

  At the hotel they said goodbye to James in the reception area as usual. As the lift took Abby up to her family room on the first floor, she prayed Clara would be back. After hurrying the boys through their bath and into their pyjamas, she left them drawing pictures in bed with some new crayons and colouring books she’d brought with her, and popped next door. She knocked on the door of Clara’s room but there was no reply.

  Once the boys were asleep she checked every half hour, but at half past eleven decided she would have to speak to Clara in the morning and went to bed.

  In the morning it was Clara who knocked on Abby’s door to go down to breakfast, and Abby immediately noticed that her sister was particularly bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. ‘Come in a minute,’ Abby said. ‘The boys haven’t finished dressing yet and I’ve got some news for you.’

  ‘Nice news?’

  By way of reply Abby held out her hand, and the next moment she was engulfed in a bear hug. ‘Oh, I’m so glad, Abby! I knew he’d ask you. And Henry and John? Have you told them?’

  Abby nodded. ‘Henry doesn’t really understand what’s going on but John thinks it’s great so it’s all right by Henry.’

  ‘Oh, I could see James had won John over from the first week. Well, it looks like this is a day for celebrating because I’ve got some news too.’ Clara paused for just a second. ‘Jed asked me to marry him last night and I accepted.’

  For a moment Abby was unable to think. She heard the words but they weren’t real.

  The expression on Clara’s face altered and her voice was stiff when she said, ‘Don’t be too over the moon for me, will you?’

  ‘Clara—’

  ‘I know you don’t like him but it’s not fair, Abby. Just because you can’t stand Uncle Ivor you don’t want anything to do with the rest of them, but don’t forget Jed and Bruce and Leonard are Aunty Audrey’s sons too.’

  ‘But . . . but you can’t marry him. He’s family.’

  ‘He’s my cousin.’ Cl
ara’s voice had turned hard. ‘Cousins marry all the time. We love each other. We knew the second we met again that we loved each other, if you want to know.’ Her voice softened as she said, ‘Be pleased for me, Abby. I’ve wanted to tell you so many times but the way you are about all that side of the family I knew we’d have a row. But Jed and I, what we have is special, like you and James.’

  ‘It’s not like me and James.’ Abby’s voice had risen.

  ‘You’re the only one with the right to fall in love then?’

  She was doing this all wrong. Oh, what could she say? Abby bent her head, her teeth nipping at her lower lip. ‘It’s not that I dislike Jed,’ she said as she looked at Clara again. ‘Far from it. And I like Bruce and Leonard too.’

  ‘But not Uncle Ivor.’