Only when I finished and stood still did the blush creep into my cheeks and turn them crimson.
Dancing, how stupid.
Dancing didn’t feed people. It didn’t fix the injured. And it certainly didn’t make any problems go away.
Jet closed the gap between us so that we were standing so close I could feel his warm breath against my skin. A shiver ran down my spine for reasons I couldn’t even fathom.
“That was the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” he whispered.
It took me a moment to catch my breath. I wasn’t entirely convinced it was only because of the dancing. “It was horrendous. If you had seen me perform before…”
“I don’t need to. That was perfect. You have no idea how incredible you are, do you?”
It was far easier to link my hands together and watch the shadows between my fingers than look Jet in the eyes at that moment.
He brushed a loose piece of hair back from my face, tucking it behind my ear. I could hear my heart thudding in my chest, thinking he must be able to hear it too.
“Everly, I-”
My voice cut him off so his words would remain unsaid. “We should get back.”
His hand dropped from my neck where his thumb was caressing my cheek. He took a step back. I could breathe again as my heartbeat settled back to its normal rhythm.
We started walking again.
Neither of us said a word until we reached the tunnel entrance.
“They’ll probably wonder where you’ve gotten to,” I said. The last thing I wanted to do was go back to the stuffy cavern where Perry would shoot me daggers for disappearing with Jet. “Vanishing from your own party and all.”
He shrugged. “They’ll be too busy having second rounds of food.”
“It was good.”
“Yeah.”
Jet opened his mouth to speak but decided against it. I took a step, heading back into the tunnels. I was three steps in when he finally decided to talk.
“Oh, and Ever?” I stopped, turning to see what more he could possibly have to say. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about my birthday. It just kind of felt wrong with everything else going on.”
“You still should have told me. We can’t stop living just because there are people dying. If anything, it makes it more important.”
A slow smile spread across his lips, quirking them at the edges. He looked so much younger than he normally did. He actually looked his age. “You make me feel alive. Every day.”
All the words in the English language swirled through my mind and they were all caught in my throat. They failed me, unable for form complete sentences as I stood there, dumbfounded.
“Will you stay here tonight?” he asked, filling the silence when I couldn’t.
“I should go home,” I replied.
Staying was dangerous.
Jet was dangerous.
I had to keep reminding myself of that.
“I’ll walk you home when you’re ready. But… I’d really like it if you stayed.”
I was on the edge. One exhalation and I was going to fall over into an endless chasm that I would not be able to return from. Darkness. Unknown. Uncontrollable.
Blissful?
If felt like I wanted to fall.
But falling would mean so much.
I wanted to convince myself it would be easier to go home. To accept his offer to walk me and say goodbye to him once I was in my apartment. To believe I would be happier with that decision, that life would continue on as normal if I chose the solitude.
But I couldn’t.
Because it was a lie.
“I’ll stay,” I whispered.
And just like that, I was over the edge.
Falling.
Leaping.
Flying.
Chapter Six
Jet’s eyelashes twitched as he slept. I wondered whether he was lost in a nightmare or a wonderful dream. I shouldn’t have cared which it was, but I did.
And I hated myself a little for that.
His body was warm against mine. Even through the material of my jeans and long-sleeved top, I could feel the heat radiating from his skin. We didn’t need any blankets.
I was cradled in the crook of his arm, my head had slept on his chest for most of the night. It was only now I was awake, and leaning back so I could look at him, that we were apart.
Even in his sleep, Jet’s hand was still tracing a circle on my back. We had fallen asleep like that and I had awoken with the same movement.
Maybe he was dreaming of circles.
Maybe he was dreaming of me.
I shouldn’t spend my nights with Jet. During the day I could pretend his company was necessary, that I needed him for food, protection, and research help.
By night?
There was no rational reason.
Shame swept through me, running down my veins and turning my skin cold. I loved Oliver, I had no business letting Jet get so close to me. I was disrespecting him, cheating on the memory of what we shared.
But his words… you have no idea how incredible you are, do you?
They echoed in my head and wouldn’t go away no matter how hard I tried to push them. Jet thought I was incredible. Nobody had ever said that to me before.
Not that I believed him.
He was being foolish, saying things to be nice.
But the memory of those words alone were enough to cover my skin in goosebumps that would never go away.
I pushed myself up, careful not to wake Jet. If his eyelids opened and he stared at me with those deep brown eyes, spoke to me with his sleep-deepened husky voice, I might crumble.
Jet was dangerous.
Jet was dangerous.
Jet was dangerous.
I had to slide over him to stand on the floor. He stirred, exhaling under his breath while I held mine. He rolled over to the space I had just vacated and continued to sleep.
My coat was draped over the end of the bed. I picked it up and stepped outside, carefully closing the door behind me. Only then, in the isolation of the corridor, did I slip my hands through the coat and put it on.
I needed to get out of here.
Put as much distance as I could between Jet and I.
“Sneaking out?”
The two words stopped me, freezing my body while my mind screamed at me to run.
Perry stepped around me, her face twisted in a sardonic smile as she leaned against the dirty wall of the tunnel. “Get what you wanted from Jet last night?”
“I don’t know what you mean,” I replied.
She let out a laugh. “He’s only using you. For whatever reason, Jet finds you his interesting new toy. He’s going to lose interest in you just as quickly. And when he does…”
“I’m not a toy and he’s not playing with me.”
“That’s what all the girls think.”
Doubt was starting to creep in. Even though there was nothing going on between Jet and I, Perry’s words were sinking in. They were making me feel as dirty as the walls.
How many girls had he called incredible?
She latched onto my silence like it was a life vest on the Titanic. “You didn’t know about all the other girls, did you? Figures. He likes to keep them all separate. The truth is, I’ve seen more girls pass through Jet’s room in the last year than hot meals.”
“There’s nothing going on between us,” I mumbled.
“Right. Tell yourself whatever you need to.”
“I’m serious. We’re not together.”
“So you share a bed with other guys too, then?” She paused, just long enough to see the guilt spread over my face like an ugly rash. “That’s what I thought. Don’t fool yourself, Ever. You’re nothing special.”
Satisfied she had done all the damage she could, Perry continued on along the corridor. Her laughter echoed off the walls with every step she took.
My feet started moving again.
I got the hell out of there.
<
br /> The fresh air of the lingering winter breeze greeted me aboveground and I could finally breathe again. It was easy to get lost in the tunnels and forget the rest of the world existed. With no spirits able to go down below, it was an oasis.
But it wasn’t real.
Seven spirits were waiting for me. They hurried over like their lives depended on speaking with me. I cringed, waiting to hear their latest drama.
“You said you were going to let us cross over.”
“You’re supposed to be finding out how.”
“It’s been too long. We’ve been waiting forever.”
“What would that other boy think? The black-haired one?”
“He crossed over.”
“Figures she’d find a way for him to rest in eternal peace.”
“But not us.”
“Give her a chance.”
I buried my hands in my coat pockets and started walking. I had considered going back to my apartment to change my clothes and take a bath in the cold river. Now, all I wanted to do was get lost in the city.
The spirits followed me, not even giving up when I didn’t engage them in conversation. I had to hear everything from their disappointment in me to suggestions about what I should be doing to kill the demon.
They had no clue.
My feet took me to the shelter before I realized that was where I was going. Kids, too thin to still be breathing, were mingling around. Older teenagers were trying to look after the youngest – the lucky ones, anyway.
Jet’s discussion about birthdays last night had triggered a wave of nostalgia that was hard to shake. All I wanted to do was be engulfed in a tight hug with my family. I would never be able to do that with my parents, but my sister…
Her photograph was still tucked into my jean’s pocket, too precious to be left anywhere. I pulled it out and carefully unfolded the creases.
Faith’s cute little round face was smiling up at me. If I closed my eyes, I could remember all the times when she had looked at me with her big blue eyes and said ‘I love you, Evie. Sisters forever’. She had heard the words in a cartoon and repeated them to me well before she completely understood what they meant.
I would have done anything to hear her say it again.
I would have done anything to see her again.
There was only one way I was going to find her and that was by looking. It had been a long time since I did a round of the shelter with the photograph. I started on the kids closest and moved from one to another.
Barely anyone really looked at the photo. Their hungry and weary bodies had bigger problems than my missing sister. Still, I asked every single of them if they had seen her.
“I might have done,” one little girl replied. Her hair was in two messy braids and she had a smear of dirt under one eye.
“Where did you see her?” My hopes were threatening to soar away on the breeze.
The girl shrugged and I wanted to shake her. I wanted to shake every single detail from her little body until I could use them to find my sister.
My hands linked together so they wouldn’t.
“Please, anything you remember might help me.” I was two seconds away from falling to my knees and begging her for help.
“Maybe it wasn’t her,” she said, shaking her little braids. “I don’t know. Everyone looks alike.”
“Where was she? Even if it wasn’t her, I still need to know.”
She shrugged again. “Out by the playground. She was sitting on the swings.”
“That’s good. When was it?”
“A couple of weeks ago.”
It was enough information to put my hopes on hold. A girl that could have been my sister, a few weeks ago, swinging in the playground. The girl was right, it could have been anyone.
Or it could have been Faith.
I finished asking around with no more leads. The playground was on the same block as the shelter, they belonged to the same school. I headed there and found it empty. Nobody played anymore, it was a waste of time even if they did have the energy.
I sat on the swing and tried to imagine my sister doing the same thing. Could she have walked on these rubber mats a few weeks ago? Could she have been thinking about me at the time? Like I was now?
If she had been so close to the shelter, why hadn’t she found me yet?
Maybe she wasn’t looking for me.
Oliver told me not to look for her, that it was a pointless search trying to find my sister. His words had upset me at the time, I was so angry he thought that way.
But I didn’t know Oliver was a ghost then.
Did he know something I didn’t? Had Faith been one of the new spirits he helped?
The thought punched me in the gut worse than any physical blow could. Thinking back, knowing what I did now, it made perfect sense. Oliver didn’t want me to look for Faith because he knew I wouldn’t find her.
Not alive, anyway.
Was he really trying to spare me the agony of seeing my sister’s spirit?
It only helped me fall deeper into confusion. I couldn’t face the reality of having lost my sister, too. Not after my parents, after Oliver, after every adult I’d ever known.
I had to believe she was alive.
Otherwise…
There was no other option. Unless I saw Faith’s spirit for myself, I had to maintain hope. Giving up was letting my parents down and I wasn’t ready to do that yet.
I would find her.
Dead or alive.
Thinking of Oliver reminded me I had a job to do. There was no point sitting around an empty playground. I headed for the library and found a sunny spot in amongst the stacks.
It was time for some translating.
The librarian was nowhere in sight, off scaring kids away if I had to guess. Her absence afforded me a quiet space to get to work. The ancient book was practically gibberish to me but there were some recurring words that stuck out. I started with them.
I wrote the few words out and then looked them up in the Romanian book. They were mainly connecting words, like ‘and’, ‘the’, and ‘or’. It wasn’t helping.
The last word I looked up was ‘demon’, that was more promising. Now I just needed to work out the thousands of other words in the ancient book and I might be able to get somewhere.
The sun was already on its way down toward the horizon when I heard noises. The librarian rushed to the front door, lingering there and waiting for it to open after hearing the handle rattle.
She was better than a guard dog.
The heavy oak door opened and Jet stepped in. The librarian eyed him suspiciously, watching his every move while he walked. She didn’t stop him though, holding back her weird vibes.
She must be in a good mood today.
My gaze went back to the book before Jet could see me watching him. After sneaking out of his room, and then my encounter with Perry, I wasn’t sure where I stood. I wasn’t even sure where I wanted to stand.
Maybe I shouldn’t stand anywhere and just run instead.
That would have been safer.
His footsteps echoed in the open space, slowly getting louder as he grew nearer. I couldn’t focus on the words, they all swam before me on the pages of the book. All I could concentrate on were the thud thud thuds of my heart and the tap tap taps of his feet. They didn’t move in rhythm, creating a song only I could hear.
Jet placed something on the table and pulled up a chair. He sat down in silence and picked up one of the ancient books I left on the table. The pages ruffled as he turned them.
I continued my painful task, pretending to ignore him. Every inch of my body was aware of his movements, even though I couldn’t see him.
Jet was dangerous.
Jet was dangerous.
My traitorous eyes travelled upwards, torn away from my book by curiosity that would be the death of me. The item he had placed on the table in front of me was food – a small bag of leftovers from his party.
“You shou
ld eat something,” he said, making me jump in the silence. “You probably skipped breakfast.”
Everybody skipped breakfast these days.
My hand snaked over the table to grab the food. My stomach growled in anticipation. There was no use starving because of pride. “Thank you.”
“What have you found?”
I had to swallow my mouthful before I could reply. “The librarian thinks I might have more luck with the older books. Unfortunately, they are written in Romanian.”
Jet made a point of sighing as he closed the book. “Oh, thank God. I thought I’d forgotten how to read.” He shot me a devastatingly gorgeous smile. “Are you translating the text?”
“Trying to.”
“You don’t speak Romanian?”
I let out a short laugh. “No. Funny enough, I’ve never actually had a need to speak or read Romanian before.”
“You’ve never lived then.”
“So you speak it?”
“I’ve never lived either.” He laughed. At least he was in a good mood. If he was feeling happy, perhaps he wouldn’t bring up my escape act this morning. Maybe he wouldn’t think it was unusual or odd to disappear before he woke up.
He picked up the book again. “I know someone who might be able to help with this.”
That got my attention.
“You know someone who speaks Romanian?”
“She might.”
Another she, of course.
I wondered if she was one of the girls Perry was talking about.
“Would she help me?” I asked, trying to push aside anything that wasn’t vital right at that moment.
“If I can find her, then I think so,” Jet replied.
“When can we go?” I could feel hope peeking over the mountain, wondering if it was safe to rise yet. I pushed it back down, told it not to get too excited yet – there were many doubts in Jet’s statement.
“We can go now if you’re that keen.”
I was that keen.
The only problem was I needed to take the book with me. And the librarian was watching us with the interests of a mother bear guarding her cubs.
I’d already asked her once if I could take the book home. She’d said no. There was no reason why she would change her mind today.
I had to steal the book.
Leaning closer, waving at Jet to do the same thing, I whispered in the quietest voice I could. “I need you to do something for me.”
We Are Always Forever Page 6
