Death of a Country Fried Redneck

by Lee Hollis

  “Was the fight about him breaking up with you?”

  Stacy Jo’s eyes widened. “Where on earth do you get your information?”

  “I read a lot of mystery novels,” Hayley said.

  “Well, you’re right, we did quarrel about that. But not because he broke up with me. I couldn’t have cared less about that. I was already over him. In case you didn’t get a chance to meet him, he was a real grade A scuzzball.”

  “I did have the unfortunate experience of meeting Mickey, so at least the two of us have finally found one thing we have in common.”

  “Other than us both being jailbirds?”

  “Okay, two things in common. So if you didn’t have feelings for him anymore, what was the fight about?”

  “It was the way he did it. He tweeted that I was a bad lay and he was bored with me because he had met someone else, a local here in Bar Harbor, who could really satisfy him in bed.”

  “He said that on Twitter?”

  “Classy, huh?”

  “So Mickey met someone here in town? Do you have any idea who it was?”

  “He wasn’t exactly forthcoming with a name. Just said she was a real spitfire and much more fun than I ever was.”

  “What a bastard,” Hayley spat out.

  “Trust me, darling, the way he publicly humiliated me, all those horrible jokes about me on Twitter, I would’ve loved to have shot him between the eyes and then gone out for a bourbon, like my daddy does when he goes deer hunting, but I didn’t. I left and crashed in Billy Ray’s room. Billy Ray’s a dear. He was going to back up my story about not arriving until Sunday night.”

  Hayley believed her.

  Now the big question was, who in town was Mickey Pritchett sleeping with and could this mysterious local be the one who murdered him?

  Island Food & Spirits by Hayley Powell

  The other night as I was getting my new pressure cooker out from the cupboard under the kitchen counter to make a batch of country chili, my mind wandered back to last summer when I had purchased another pressure cooker for only $2 at a yard sale. I had been so excited to try it out with my new chili recipe that I immediately called a few friends, my brother, and his partner Sergio to come over for an impromptu southwestern chili party that evening.

  I excitedly scurried around setting the table and whipping up a yummy batch of jalapeño and cheddar cheese corn muffins to go with our chili. I also made a colorful veggie tray along with a couple of dips, and I was even able to bake a nice apple crisp since we had just been apple picking the weekend before, and obviously got a little too carried away with the amount of apples we brought home!

  Finally, it was on to the chili. I should mention here that this was my first time using a pressure cooker, and for my $2, I only got the pressure cooker. I did not get any instructions to go with it. But really. How hard could it be to toss a few ingredients inside the pot, raise the pressure, and come back in a little while to take a little taste to see if it’s done? Martha Stewart assured me it was one of the easiest ways to cook. Well, she didn’t tell me in person. I’m just a rabid fan of her show. And we all know Martha is never wrong!

  Everyone arrived promptly at 6 P.M. And a good time was had by all. Mostly due to the mango margaritas I prepared to greet everyone as they walked through the door. Margaritas always go well with chili. Well, let’s be honest, margaritas go well with just about anything!

  My guests crowded into the kitchen because no matter how many times I tell anyone to go relax in the living room or outside on the deck or around my dining-room table, they will always, inevitably, stay hovering right in the kitchen, talking and laughing and watching me cook. Everyone was in great spirits, and someone—I think it was my brother, Randy—even tied a tiny green sombrero, that he got at a birthday party ages ago, onto Leroy’s head. True to form, Leroy pranced around the kitchen like he was modeling on the catwalk during Fashion Week in New York City.

  Well, it was finally time to eat. Everyone was feeling rather festive thanks to the margaritas, so I thought it was best to get some food into my guests’ stomachs. I needed to release the pressure on the cooker, but for some inexplicable reason, the lever wouldn’t work. I tugged and tugged but it still wouldn’t budge. Then, as I gave it one last yank, all of a sudden it snapped right off in my hand!

  Before I could say anything, the top exploded right off the cooker and shot straight up in the air and smashed against the ceiling with the loudest crash! Not realizing what was happening, everyone was startled into silence for a moment.

  But, then, without missing a beat, Sergio, our esteemed police chief, jumped into cop mode and was yelling for everyone to get down on the ground, with such authority that we all dropped to our knees and watched horrified as he automatically reached for his gun. Thankfully, he was in civilian clothes and not wearing his holster or carrying his gun. Otherwise, I might not be around to write about this unfortunate episode.

  That’s just about when it began raining chili on all of us while we were bunched together on the floor. Leroy was blissfully unaware of the splattering chili since his little green sombrero provided a perfect cover. He was just running and jumping all over us, completely thrilled to have so many people down at his level to play with him.

  I learned a very valuable lesson that day, about buying used appliances. Know how to use them or otherwise just buy a new one that comes with very clear instructions! Luckily, I had enough people to help me clean up the mess. We even got to slather some of it onto our corn muffins, thanks to the small amount salvaged from the rim of Leroy’s sombrero. I’m not sure that Martha would agree, but as far as I’m concerned, my southwestern chili party wound up being a smashing success, and one that none of us would soon forget!

  Take my word for it, you will never go wrong serving frozen mango margaritas at your next southwestern chili party! They were an absolute hit at mine!

  Frozen Mango Margaritas

  Serves 2 to 3 (or 1 if you’ve had a really stressful day)

  1 tablespoon kosher salt

  1 lime, cut into four wedges

  ¼ cup gold tequila, or to taste

  ½ cup fresh lime juice

  1 small mango, diced

  Crushed ice

  Sprinkle kosher salt on to a plate. Rub the rim of each margarita glass with one of the lime wedges and dip the rim into the salt.

  Mix all the ingredients (except the salt and limes) in a blender until smooth.

  Pour the mixture into a margarita glass. Bottoms up!

  Pressure Cooker Country Chili

  Note: if possible, buy a new pressure cooker or check yours for damage.

  3 pounds stew meat

  2 tablespoons olive oil, divided

  1 yellow onion, chopped

  1 small green bell pepper, finely chopped

  1 jalapeño pepper, seeded and finely chopped

  2 cloves garlic, minced

  2 14.5-ounce cans dark red kidney beans, drained and rinsed

  2 14.5-ounce cans diced tomatoes, undrained

  3 tablespoons tomato paste

  1 tablespoon dark brown sugar

  ¼ teaspoon crushed red pepper flakes

  2 tablespoons chili powder

  2 teaspoons cumin

  Kosher salt to taste

  2 cups water

  Place the meat in a mixing bowl and toss with 1 tablespoon of the olive oil.

  Following your pressure cooker instruction book, heat your 6-quart pressure cooker to high heat according to its directions (a lesson I learned the hard way!). Then heat the stew meat in batches to brown all sides. Then remove to a bowl.

  Add remaining tablespoon of olive oil to the pressure cooker and adjust temperature to medium high heat and add onion, green pepper, and jalepeño pepper. Cook and stir until onion is translucent. Add garlic and cook about 30 more seconds. Return the meat to the pressure cooker; mix in kidney beans, diced tomatoes, tomato paste, brown sugar, red pepper flakes, chili powder, cumin, salt, and
water.

  Lock on the lid, bring the cooker up to pressure, reduce heat to maintain pressure, and cook 8 minutes. Remove cooker from heat and let pressure reduce on its own for 5 to 10 minutes.

  When the pressure is fully released, remove lid, stir up your chili, and serve!

  Delicioso!

  Chapter 19

  One big advantage of having your brother’s significant other as the town’s chief of police? There’s not a big incentive to build a case against a family member. And since no real physical harm was done to anyone, and since neither Hayley nor Stacy Jo was interested in pressing any charges, Sergio was inclined to drop the whole matter.

  On one condition.

  That the two women refrain from any further public outbursts.

  Both agreed, and were finally released from jail.

  Stacy Jo immediately called Billy Ray using the police station’s phone since her cell phone was dead after being dunked in the chilly Atlantic Ocean. He raced over to retrieve her. On her way out, Stacy Jo gave Hayley a cursory nod, making the point that despite their bonding behind bars, there was no way the two would ever be friends.

  Hayley understood, and couldn’t have agreed more. She just wanted to get back to the office before Sal fired her for taking a four-hour lunch.

  Hayley popped her head into Sergio’s office before leaving the station. Sergio sat behind his desk, sorting through paperwork. He looked dashing in his blue uniform. Tall, handsome, that perpetual South American tan. She knew exactly what her brother saw in him. “So I just wanted to thank you once again for forgetting about this little incident, Sergio.”

  Sergio shook his head and smiled. “If you don’t stop getting arrested, someday they’re going to have to put a gold plaque in the jail that says, ‘Welcome to the Hayley Powell Memorial Cell.’”

  “Last time. I promise,” Hayley said, knowing full well it was probably a lie.

  “Before you go, I thought you would want to know, I just came from a meeting with your friend Sabrina. . . .”

  “Not my friend. But that’s irrelevant. Go on,” Hayley said.

  “Well, Curtis King’s gun was not the one used to kill Mickey Pritchett. King owns a Smith and Wesson thirty-eight, but Sabrina said the murder weapon couldn’t have been a thirty-eight because of the circumcision of the entry wound.”

  Hayley had to think for a moment.

  Circumcision.

  Sergio sometimes mixed up his words in English because his first language was Portuguese.

  “Circumference!” Hayley shouted, excited to figure it out like she was a contestant on Jeopardy. “The circumference of the entry wound. The size of the bullet hole!”

  “Yes, that’s what I said. Circumcision.” Sergio sighed, slightly annoyed. “And she was proven correct when she removed the bullet. It was from a forty-five.”

  At that moment, Randy rushed in, panic on his face. “I just heard you were arrested again!”

  Hayley hugged him and said, “Everything’s fine. It was just a little misunderstanding between me and Wade Springer’s ex-wife. It’s all over now.”

  “Stacy Jo Stanton is in town? I love her! Did you know she has her own clothing line? Or she did, anyway, until they busted some sweatshops her company was operating in Malaysia or somewhere like that. Do you think I could meet her?”

  “We’ll see. We’re not exactly besties. She just tried drowning me in the harbor,” Hayley said. “But the good news is you don’t have to go on another date with Curtis King because he’s in the clear.”

  Hayley bit her tongue.

  Literally.

  She tasted blood.

  The second the words tumbled out of her mouth, she knew she had royally screwed up.

  “Date?” Sergio asked in a deep intimidating tone.

  “Not a date! Just dinner,” Randy tried to explain, whipping his head around to stare daggers at his sister.

  “Dinner?” Sergio asked in a deeper and even more intimidating tone.

  “It was just a favor for Hayley. To buy her time to search Curtis’s belongings for clues!”

  Sergio swiveled his chair around to face Hayley, raising an eyebrow.

  “So if you’re going to be mad at anyone, be mad at her,” Randy said weakly, turning to Hayley. “Sorry, it’s just that I feel strongly that saving my relationship is more important right at this moment.”

  “So you’re throwing me under the bus?” Hayley said.

  “Someone tried to throw you under a bus?” Sergio said, jumping to his feet.

  “It’s just an expression, Sergio. I’m going to leave you two to work things out. Just remember. Randy loves you. I love you. We’re a family. And families forgive and forget.” Hayley checked her watch. “Sal’s going to kill me! I have to get back to the office.”

  Hayley dashed out the door, feeling incredibly guilty for leaving her brother to explain everything to Sergio. But she didn’t have time to hear another lecture from Sergio on why she should keep her nose out of his investigations. She already got enough grief from Bruce, who believed she was encroaching on his crime beat at the paper.

  And maybe she was.

  Maybe she should just stop this madness and focus on her work and family. Gemma was dating a boy that gave Hayley a knot in her stomach. She was sure it was because of his age. It was only a two-and-a-half-year difference, but he seemed so much older than Gemma and that made her nervous. She was afraid Reid might pressure Gemma into doing something she wasn’t emotionally ready to do, and she wanted to be there for her.

  Hayley decided she would sit Gemma down for a talk when she got home tonight to see where her head was at and if she was in need of some motherly support.

  Of course, Gemma would say no.

  But, as a mother, she had to at least try.

  Hayley stopped. She wasn’t walking back to the office. She was absentmindedly heading straight toward the Harborside Hotel.

  She knew why.

  A little voice inside was screaming at her to go to Mickey Pritchett’s hotel room and see if she could find something the police missed.

  This was crazy.

  Sergio had discovered she hadn’t really heard a rumor about Curtis King owning a gun, but that she had ransacked the tour bus where he was staying and found the gun herself.

  And given her recent arrest, she knew she was walking on eggshells around Sergio.

  Or, as he would put it, walking on egg beaters.

  Hayley knew Sergio’s officers had already done a thorough search of the room. But, let’s face it, who did the search?

  Donnie and Earl?

  Sergio was a great cop, but his support staff left a lot to be desired.

  Hayley knew she was convincing herself, and before she realized it, she was standing outside the Harborside.

  How would she even get inside the room?

  The reception desk would never just hand over a key.

  Lisa O’Donnell.

  Lisa and Hayley had grown up on the same street together. They had sat next to each other in homeroom through all of middle school because their last names were close in the alphabet. Lisa had gotten pregnant by her boyfriend during junior year in high school and had the baby by senior homecoming. To her credit, she had stayed in school and graduated and then married her boyfriend, and, beating the odds, they were still married to this day with four more kids.

  Only Mona beat her in the “Most Likely to Have Tons of Kids” competition.

  Now that all her kids were in school, Lisa was bored during the day and the family needed extra cash, so she got a job cleaning houses. That led to her being hired at the Harborside to run housekeeping, and as far as Hayley knew, she was still working there.

  Whipping out her cell, Hayley called Lisa. Her number was stored in Hayley’s contacts because they often worked on the same parents’ committees at their kids’ schools.

  Lisa picked up on the second ring. “Hi, this is Lisa.”

  “Lisa, it’s me, Hayley!�
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  “Omigod, how are you? I haven’t seen you in ages.”

  “I’ve been great. I’ve been thinking about you a lot. We really need to catch up. Are you still working at the Harborside?”

  “Yes, I’m there now. We should grab a drink sometime.”

  “Great! Let’s do it now! I’m standing outside the hotel.”

  “You are . . . ?”

  Hayley spotted Lisa looking out a window, confused.

  Hayley smiled and waved at her.

  “I’m actually working until five, but I have a break coming up,” Lisa said.

  Hayley knew Lisa would help her. She was just that kind of girl. She also knew Lisa was a huge Wade Springer fan, too, and would probably be willing to do just about anything for a ticket to his concert. Since Hayley was now officially an employee of Wade’s and didn’t need the tickets Liddy had secured for her, she could offer one to Lisa.

  Lisa met her in the lobby and was ecstatic. She jumped up and down like one of those Willie Wonka kids who won the golden ticket. And she was extremely grateful. Not only did she give Hayley the key to Mickey Pritchett’s room but she also outfitted Hayley with a maid’s uniform and a pushcart stocked with towels, soaps, and shampoo so as not to arouse suspicion.

  Hayley stopped at the second-floor room, adjusted her white apron over her drab gray fitted dress, and knocked on the door.

  No answer.

  Lisa had told her the next guests had not arrived to check in yet. Hayley just wanted to make sure she wasn’t going to walk in and surprise anyone. There was no police tape because Mickey’s body had been found in the tour bus.

  Hayley looked up and down the hall before inserting the key and entering the room.