Breaking Mr. Cane

by Shanora Williams

  “Wow. That sounds amazing. I'm glad to know the company is doing better after…well, you know.” She sipped her wine, letting him fill in the blanks.

  Cane waved a dismissive hand. “Water under the bridge.”

  Mom forced a smile. She took a small sip from her glass. “Let me check on the asparagus,” she said, then excused herself, walking to the patio again.

  “I didn’t know you were thinking about going to North Carolina.”

  “I was going to tell you after all of this blew over. I just settled on the idea yesterday.”

  “Is this because of Buck?”

  He nodded, then shrugged. “Better to be safe than sorry.”

  “He can still find the company building, can’t he?”

  “He can, but security will be better there. It’s not as open as the office here.”

  “Hmm.”

  “I’ll still have my house here,” he assured me. “Don’t worry.”

  I still wasn’t sure how I felt about that. He would be away a lot more with an office in another state, but right now wasn’t the time to get into that. Instead, I blew a breath, almost tempted to pour a glass of wine for myself.

  Mom came back into the kitchen with Dad following behind her. Dad had a tray of steaks in hand, and walked past us to take them to the dining room. Mom started grabbing the salad and pasta and even the beer that dad had bought just for tonight’s occasion.

  “Well!” Mom clasped her hands together. “Lets eat!”

  Dinner was very quiet at first. We ate, Mom mumbled to Dad here and there, mostly about a new coworker who was a margarita lover. Cane and I ate silently, listening, but mostly observing.

  I noticed that Dad's hand was clutched tightly around his fork almost like he was holding a knife. He sawed into his steak with the knife, on the verge of cutting his plate in half. Mom placed a hand on top of his as he sawed at his steak, and when he looked up and met her eyes, he released a deep, trapped breath. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

  “It's fine, honey,” she whispered.

  Silence swept over the table again. We finished dinner and were lucky Mom had so much to say about work and new clothes and new recipes, and how much fun she had making the pasta salad when Cane complemented the flavors.

  When she rose from the table and went to the kitchen I went with her to help get forks and plates for the chocolate cake. I knew not to leave Cane and Dad alone for too long. When I came back Cane was focused on the table, while Dad was giving him a death stare.

  I placed the plates and utensils on the middle of the table and Mom came in with the cake, cutting into it right away.

  God. I wanted this dinner to be over with as soon as possible. Dad hadn't talked about anything yet, which made be curious as to why he even bothered inviting Cane to dinner. Did he want him to come, just to try and intimidate him? It obviously wasn’t working.

  After the cake was cut, I sat and looked up, realizing Dad's brown eyes were boring into mine. He then looked over, putting his full attention on Cane. “So, I’m sure you’re wondering why I wanted you here.”

  Cane looked up. “I know why I’m here.”

  Dad’s eyes shifted over to me and he looked me over thoroughly before putting his eyes on Cane again. “Why did you choose my daughter?”

  “I didn't make a choice out of it, D. It just happened.”

  “Yeah, but how?”

  “I don't know. It just did. Just like you and Mindy happened. Spur of the moment that led to more.”

  Dad’s jaw ticked. “When did it start?”

  Cane gave me a sideways glance before focusing on him again. “She was eighteen.”

  I thought that would give my father some sort of relief but I was wrong. Instead, it seemed to make him angrier. “I just…I don't get it. I mean, a look at the two of you sitting there and it doesn’t make any sense. I don't understand why she wants you so badly. What is it about you that has her so attached?”

  “Perhaps you should ask her that, D.”

  Dad met my eyes. “What is it, Kandy? Tell me so I can better understand.”

  “I told you this before. On my first day of college I told you it just happened. That I wanted him.”

  “I mean—shit. Is he really that good in the sack?” Dad asked snidely.

  I frowned while Mom cleared her throat and scowled at him. “Derek,” she warned.

  His head shook. Instead of continuing the conversation, he finished his slice of cake in seconds, picked up his plate, and stormed into the kitchen. Mom watched him go, and when she could no longer see him, she looked at me and Cane and exhaled.

  I remember her constantly telling me to give it time, to let him think, and to let him breathe, but deep down in my heart and in my mind I knew that time wasn't going to heal this.

  He was at odds with it—had been for months. He was a stubborn man and I knew that. I don’t know why I was expecting him to be the bigger person.

  “Look, maybe I should go. I don't want to cause too much trouble tonight,” Cane murmured, starting to push up from his chair.

  “No.” I grabbed his wrist and he looked down at it before focusing on me. “Stay. Finish your cake.”

  He looked from me to Mom, then back down at me again. He sat and dug into his cake again.

  “Let me go talk to him,” Mom said, then left the table.

  When she was out of earshot, Cane said, “Agreeing to this was stupid.”

  “Its fine. Just…stay here. Let me talk to them.” I gave him a kiss on the cheek before standing up and walking around the table to get to the kitchen.

  Mom was pouring another glass of wine, like she needed it before going out to face him. She guzzled most of it down, her eyes bouncing over to me as she finished it off.

  “What is he doing?” I asked.

  “Patio. Sulking.”

  “I’m going to go talk to him.”

  I grabbed the handle of the door, stepping out in the cold. It was chilly outside, but the sun was beaming, providing a comforting warmth.

  Dad sat on the bench with a bottle of beer in hand, his elbows resting on top of his thighs. When he heard me come out, he looked sideways and sighed. I could still smell the meat from the grill, the asparagus too.

  I took the spot beside my father, wrapping my fingers around the edge of the bench.

  I waited for him to speak, but when two minutes passed and he didn’t utter a word, I knew he wasn't going to bother starting. He was never the one to start a conversation.

  “Why can't you just accept what we have?” I finally asked.

  “Why did you hide it from me? And did you ever stop talking to him like you said?” he demanded.

  “We stopped talking for two months, right after I went to college, actually. We started talking again when he visited campus, and this time we promised not to let anything get in the way of it.”

  He turned his head to stare at me. “So, you're telling me I'm in your way? In the way of you and a man who's almost twice your age? A man who can pretty much be your father?”

  I dropped my gaze. “Is that how you see it?”

  “How am I supposed see it? To me, you're just young and naïve and gullible and he knows that and is taking advantage of it.”

  “If he is really taking advantage of me, do you think he would be here right now?” I looked up to meet his eyes to see his reaction. He didn't falter. He was still angry, probably livid.

  He scoffed, dropping his head. “You know what? I always knew you were different. You weren’t like the other kids or like the girls your age. I used to worry because you were never good at making friends or staying at sleepovers, and you hated birthday parties.”

  I looked away.

  “Seeing you with him at that store shocked me, Kandy. All this time, I thought we were making progress, but it turned out that you had backtracked.”

  “Dad, I never backtracked. Cane and I have moved forward. This is what we want—what I want. I don’t understand w
hy you don’t get that?”

  “Because it doesn’t make any goddamn sense!” he growled, slamming his bottle down on the bench beside him. “It doesn’t make sense that this almost forty-year-old man had his hands on my teenage daughter! It’s fucked up, and it makes me feel fucking stupid for not seeing it. All that time he was around when you were younger—was he looking at your butt? Your breasts? Your legs?”

  I narrowed my eyes, sliding back from him. “That is a very dumb thing to say, Dad. When I was younger, I never saw Cane look at me that way until I came onto him. Before that, he was genuine and good friend. He never advanced, never touched me in the wrong way, never gave me signs of interest. Not until I told him that I wanted him. Like any man, I’m sure he noticed the differences and the changes in me, but that’s normal. You’ve noticed them too.”

  Dad stood, pacing the deck. “You don’t know what the hell you want, Kandy. You’re nineteen. What could you possible know?”

  “I know that I love him,” I declared, standing too. “I know that it’s not just in my head and that there is a reason I think about him so much. It’s because we are a good match, Dad. You don’t see it, but when we’re together, I feel unstoppable and like I can take on the world. I feel elated and exuberant and good about myself. But then there’s reality, and coming back home to this—to you being so damn hostile about the fact that I fell in love with someone like him!”

  “He was my best friend, Kandy! What the hell did you expect? For me to accept it and be all willy-nilly about it? No! Fuck that!” he barked, and I flinched as he towered over me. Dad had never spoken to me this way, but apparently something had snapped inside him too. The patio door slid open, and I heard Mom’s pleading voice begging Dad to back off. But he didn’t.

  And just as my father was stubborn, so was I. I matched his stare, though I gave him a dose of sympathy too. I had hurt him. I truly did.

  “I’m sorry if I hurt you, Dad,” I said lowly. “I’m sorry if this has broken you or ruined things and has made you look at me as this foreign object that you don’t understand. I’m sorry for that,” I whispered. “But…I love him, Dad. I really do. I know you think I’m being ridiculous and that I’m young and dumb—and maybe I am! Who knows! Like you said, I’m too young to know what I want—but if so, I will learn from it!” I laughed dryly, the rims of my eyes hot, burning with too much emotion. “Maybe I don’t know what I want! Maybe I am stupid for wanting him more than I want to breathe, but you know what…it feels right! Being with Cane feels right. I have been pushing that feeling aside to make you happy. I hid him and my love for him, all to keep a smile on your face, but…I’m tired of it, Daddy. I’m so, so tired of it.” Dad’s face softened, his huffing slowing down too. His eyebrows strung together and his lips parted. “I want to be with him. I. Want. Him. Can you at least try to accept that and stop making things so hard for everyone? Mom’s trying! Why can’t you?”

  He looked me all over, his eyes lined with tears. His bottom lip trembled, and when he shut his eyes, one tear fell. He lifted a hand and cupped the back of my neck. A warm, deep kiss was dropped onto my forehead before he pulled back and stared into my eyes. His were both sincere and stern.

  “I love you with all of my heart, Kandy. I love you more than anything in this world. I raised you. I clothed you. I bathed you. I watched you grow into this wonderful woman who deserves the world…but your world does not stop at him. You have so much more ahead of you. So much,” he insisted, and my heart slowly sank. “You haven’t even lived yet—traveled. You haven’t done much of anything to settle for him. So no, I can’t accept it. I won’t. Not when I know there’s more out there for you. Someone better than Cane. I know Cane. I know what he came from. He is not what you need, and if wanting the best for my daughter makes me the bad guy, then so be it. I’ve been the bad guy all my life. It’s nothing new.”

  Those words.

  They weren’t what I wanted to hear. Dad dropped his hands to his sides and I looked down at the tips of my toes. My vision blurred because it hit me then, what I had to do. It hit me that he was never, ever going to accept what I wanted.

  I picked my head back up and threw my arms around his neck. I kissed him on the cheek, and felt him let his guard down, his shoulders relaxing as I held him for nearly twenty seconds. When I let go, I gave him a soft smile before turning.

  Cane and Mom were standing by the door, watching.

  “Kandy,” Mom cooed, reaching for me, but I walked past both her and Cane without saying a word and went upstairs. When I made it into my bedroom, I set my gaze on the duffle bag and suitcase in the corner. I had packed it the night before, just in case things didn’t go as I’d planned.

  Choking on a sob, I grabbed the bags, tossing the duffle over my shoulder before marching back down the stairs. Cane heard me coming and looked up the stairs. When he noticed the bags, he cocked his head and frowned.

  “Kandy, what are you doing?” he asked in a loud whisper, eyes wide and serious. “Take those back upstairs.”

  I ignored him, and Mom obviously overheard his whisper because she came barreling around the corner. Her eyes stretched wide as she looked at the bags in my hands and then at me. “Kandy, honey.” She pushed past Cane, meeting up to me, gripping my shoulders. “What are you doing, sweetie? Why do you have these bags? Where are you going?”

  “I’m leaving, Mom.”

  “Leaving? Where, baby?”

  I lowered my line of sight. “I’m leaving…with Cane.” My voice broke, betraying the strength I was tying to hold onto.

  She sucked in a sharp breath, like she’d already known the answer, but had hoped it would be something else. “Honey, please think about this,” she pleaded, grabbing my face and trying to put my eyes on hers. But I didn’t. Couldn’t. If I looked at my mom, I would have caved, and that was the last thing I wanted to do, so instead I lightly brushed her off and walked around her, handing Cane my suitcase and then the duffle bag.

  “Kandy,” he mumbled, and I looked up, wiping my face. “Don’t let it happen like this…”

  “I don’t think I have much of a choice, Cane. He’s never going to accept it, and I know what I want. I’ve thought about this all morning. My mind has been made up.”

  He made a noise, like he wanted to say something to make me reconsider, but held back, because even he knew there was no other way around it. My dad was stubborn and could be very selfish when he wanted to be. He’d been around Cane for so long that I knew he was never going to accept the fact that his ex-best friend was the man who had his daughter. He expected Cane to look over me, protect me, and treat me like his daughter. Well, two of those had happened, but treating me like his daughter wasn’t one of them. He treated me like his other half when it finally came to it, and I’d accepted that because I felt like I was his other half. We belonged together, our hearts like magnets, always holding on, hard to pull apart.

  Cane finally gave me a simple nod and walked around me to get to the door. He didn’t walk out though. He stood there, probably hoping I would change my mind.

  Mom grabbed my hands. “Kandy, please think about this! Please! Derek!” she yelled. Dad finally stepped around the corner. His shoulders were slumped, and he looked over Mom and I, at Cane, who had my bags.

  “What are you doing?” he growled, taking a step forward.

  Cane’s eyes softened.

  “I’m leaving,” I answered, and Dad’s eyes flickered down to mine.

  “Leaving to go where? Frankie’s?”

  “No. Leaving to be with Cane…for good.”

  Dad’s eyebrows drew together. “Why the hell would you do something so stupid?”

  “Jesus Christ, Derek! Shut up and let her be! Let her have him—she isn’t asking you for anything but to accept what she wants! How hard is that to do!” Mom screamed, tears streaming down her cheeks.

  Hearing the raw emotion in her voice was doing me in. Seeing Dad’s walls crumble, his pride slowly but surely
chipping way but not nearly enough, was killing me.

  I thought he would say something—make amends and tell me he would at least try to accept it. Instead, he turned his head and stared down at the floor. My heart shattered right to pieces and as if Mom felt the same wave of hurt, she gasped and wailed, “Oh, God!”

  I looked over my shoulder. Cane was already walking out of the door. Mom turned away from me, dropping her face into her hands. I reached for her, pulling her hands down and staring up into her eyes. It took every single fiber of courage and strength in me to say what I had to say.

  “Mom, I love you and Dad. This changes nothing about that, I promise. I will still visit. Still call. Still see you…but, I can’t stay here. I can’t live like this. I don’t want my life to be a lie anymore. I just want to be happy.” A tear slid over my lips, the saltiness of it landing on the tip of my tongue. “I’m happy with him,” I pleaded. “He makes me so happy.”

  She bobbed her head, but her face was stained, her mascara running. She reeled me in and hugged me tight. So tight that I felt the power of her love, her acceptance, her booming heart. As she hugged me, I looked over her shoulder at Dad. He was watching us now, but still not saying anything. His eyes glistened, but the tears refused to fall.

  I let go of her and walked to him.

  “Kandy,” he said, but even his voice broke. “We can talk. There’s no need for you to leave like this. You’re breaking your mother’s heart and mine.”

  “Dad,” I whispered. “You have broken my heart every day since you found out about Cane. If I stay here, there will be nothing left of me.”

  As if I’d shot him in the heart, his eyes stretched wide. A stray tear rolled down his right cheek. I reached up to wipe it away. “I’m going with him,” I murmured. “I choose him.”

  Pulling my hand down, I wrapped my arms around his thick torso and hugged him. He held the back of my head, hugging me just as tight. My damp face was buried in his gray shirt. I could hear his heartbeat, and remembered those moments when I was a little girl and would rest my head on his chest, just to hear the soothing thud of his heartbeat. It was still the same boom, only much more rapid now. I was going to miss this a lot. So much.