“Fuck this.” I’m done. Have been since she stabbed me. I mean how does one move past that?
“Let’s go,” I say to the blonde. “You can suck my cock in the bathroom.”
“Yes.” She hops off the stool. “Are you sure you don’t want to go to my place? I promise you… I’ll make you very happy.” Her smell bothers me. It’s all wrong along with her fake tits that stand pointy instead of full and luscious.
A tattooed arm comes between us. “Sorry, darlin’. I need to take him home to his wife.”
The wife part hangs in the air as Dolly’s face appears so clearly, I want to reach out and touch her. Blinking, I see a blonde because my fucking wife doesn’t want me. Calls me a criminal and thinks I’m not worthy of being a father. Barely good enough to be her husband. Back to being a dirty secret.
A rage that I’ve had for years erupts inside my head like a massive blood vessel that’s been waiting to burst.
“Axel, move. I’m gonna fuck her.” I point at what’s her name—the blonde. “And then you can tell Dolly in detail what I did. Let her fucking die inside so we both can rot in our torturous hell.”
“Jesus Christ.” Axel rolls his eyes. “Let’s go.” He reaches into his slacks, pulls out five hundred dollars, and lays it on the wooden bar. “I’m all for owning your own shit, but as your best man, I need to take you out of here.”
My head is ringing. He reaches for me and I step back and take a swing at him. Axel and I are even, but I hate the world so that must give me an advantage.
For some reason, though, I hit nothing. All I feel is air. “What the fuck?” I stare at the air trying to make my mind compute that I might be so fucked up I missed him.
“Marty.” Axel knocks on the bar. “Good seeing you, brother. I’m gonna take Edge out of here and kick his ass because that’s my job.”
Marty salutes him. As I feel myself being pulled, the blonde tries to follow.
I knock Axel’s hand off my cut. “Fuck you, Axel. You have no idea what I’m going through. None.” I spit on the pavement. Somehow, he’s gotten me outside in the alley, I think, if the smell of garbage is any indication.
“Excuse me,” he says over my shoulder to the blonde who tries to shimmy up on my back.
“I’m losing my patience, sweetheart. My buddy’s going through some shit. As his brother, it’s my job to help him.”
She cocks her head confused.
“In other words, get the fuck out of here.”
I swing around to her. She appears much older under the streetlight. Her expression looks like one of desperation; her shoulders are slumped.
I hold up my finger at Axel as I try to focus on her. “I’m sorry. I’m not going home with you. I’m not gonna fuck you. I only want my wife. You need to go home so I can kick Axel’s ass.”
I turn to look at Axel who stands like the dick he is, arms crossed, with his fucking trademark sanctimonious smirk. I can’t wait to punch him.
“Oh.” She still looks confused. “Do you?” Her eyes drift to Axel’s.
“I’m not gonna fuck you either. Go.”
She nods and starts to walk away, her heels looking old and tired along with her dress.
We both watch her leave and I turn to him. “You’re such an ass, man. I’m gonna fuck you up.” I nod at him, and he smiles. Fucking Axel loves this shit. I swear to God, he’s fucked in the head.
“Come on, brother. You know I love it. Give me what you got.”
“This is for all the women who you have been a dick to,” I announce to him.
He rolls his eyes, looks around, then punches me in the face. My head swings back as I’m slow to feel pain. Three, two, one… there it is.
“Goddamn it.” I lunge at him. My fists connect with his nose and I feel it crunch, but I don’t stop. I’m screaming, telling him my heart aches. I’m in pain. And he takes it like the fucking champion he is. Punch after punch, he lets me take it all out on him. Like he’s a fucking punching bag, I beat on him until I’m too tired to lift my hands.
Weaving backward, I hit the brick wall of Marty’s bar. Axel stands before me, his nose bleeding, the area around his eye red and swelling. Other than that he looks fine if his smile is any indication.
I hang my head and gaze at my swollen, bloody hands then back up at his face.
“I don’t think we’re gonna make it, Dolly and me.” My voice is raw. Fuck, I’m raw. My emotions and pain are so powerful I want to do the one thing I don’t do ever: cry.
He walks up and grabs my face with both hands. “I would give my fucking soul to have a love like yours and Dolly’s. She needs some time, man. Give her some time.” He lets go, his words entering my brain.
I reach out to him. “Get me the fuck out of here.” He nods and wipes his bloody nose on his dress shirt. Like me, he’s still wearing his suit.
“Let’s go get some breakfast.” He grins. I nod as I look up at the sun, which is starting to make its appearance. Mother Nature’s magnificent beauty, her purples and yellows make me stare for a second.
I used to think these things were good omens.
Now, I think it’s dull like the way my heart feels.
I can’t make Dolly do what I want. I’ve been trying my whole life, but Axel’s right: I can give her time.
Axel looks down at his phone as we cross the street heading toward the Golden Nugget for steak and eggs.
“Shit.” He looks at me and even as fucked as I am, I can tell something’s happened.
“What?” My heart starts to race at an alarming rate. If it’s Dolly… if something’s happened…
“Relax. It’s Charlie. She had the baby.” He pockets the phone.
“Wait, what?”
“Let’s eat first. I’m starving and she had to have a C-section, so she’s in the recovery room.”
I should be happy. But for a second, I’m a shitty brother. I’m jealous. Jealous of the one person who deserves to have this more than anyone in the world. I look up at the sky, which is now turning light blue, and let myself grieve for everything I’m not going to have.
Then I force myself to let it go. “Let’s eat. I can’t wait to meet our latest Disciple.”
EDGE
Thirty-one years old
“Oh my God.” Eve lowers her phone as Axel and I walk in carrying some stupid balloons.
I made us stop at the gift shop, which was opening for the day when we arrived. Since we forgot to ask if it was a boy or a girl, I bought six blue and six pink.
“Christ.” Blade looks over at us and Ox starts laughing.
“Are you okay?” Eve steps over to me. Without saying a word, I hand her the balloons. “O-kay.” She spins and walks over to Charlie who looks tired but is glowing.
“Look what Edge… and Axel brought you.” Her voice sounds phony and I can tell she’s talked to Dolly.
“Edge.” Blade’s voice pulls my attention away. “I need to talk to you outside.” I glance around the cheerful room, noticing how big and airy it is for a hospital room.
The walls are a pleasant light yellow with happy watercolors of the beach. Tons of flowers are on the table intended for serving food, but I’m guessing they can move them. Good thing I thought to get balloons. Nobody else did.
“Edge.” Blade’s voice breaks into my mind’s rant.
“Yeah… sorry. Congratulations.” He frowns as I realize that I just said this to him. Axel sighs and walks over to David. Only now do I notice him wearing blue scrubs and holding the baby.
“Congratulations,” I say to him. His silver eyes dart to me and I bite the inside of my cheek because… is that pity I see in them?
“Thanks, man.”
I turn away and follow Blade who’s already out the door, and mumble about how I don’t need anyone’s pity.
“Edge.” Blade puts his hand on my shoulder, and I realize I might have been talking out loud.
“Sorry. I’m sorry.” Because I am. I should get out of here. I�
��m making an ass out of myself and this is a happy day.
“What has happened?” His voice makes my head snap up.
“I… I think maybe I should go.”
“That’s not an option. David has just had a baby and you owe him more than this. Now I don’t need to get into why my treasurer and VP look like they have been beating the shit out of each other.” A doctor and a couple of nurses pass by and he waits until they are out of earshot to continue.
“And I don’t need to know why my wife is in the corner whispering on the phone, consoling your wife. What I need is for my officers… meaning you to get your shit together and act like a fucking Disciple.”
Before I can speak, he walks back into the room. I stand in the hallway and let his words sink in. He’s right; of course he’s right. That’s what makes Prez the Prez. I clear my throat and walk over to the nurses’ stand.
“Excuse me, can I get some water?” A pretty dark-haired nurse looks up.
“Oh goodness.” She stands. “Are you okay?” She moves over to the side and grabs an ice pack.
I hold up my hands. “No… thank you. I do need some water.” She forces the ice pack into my hands, walks back to the fridge, and hands me a bottle of water.
“Here you go. And if you need a doctor to look at that…” She points at my jaw, which at this moment is starting to throb. I must be starting to sober up. For the first time since Axel and I fought, my whole body aches.
“Advil? Do you have any?” I rub the back of my neck and look down the hall, noticing Ryder is coming toward me.
“Um… I can’t give any medications without a doctor.” She bites her lip, reminding me of Dolly when she bites her lip. Only Dolly has spectacular red puffy lips and this girl’s are thin and small.
I shake my head to snap the fuck out of this. “Thank you,” I say, handing her the ice pack.
“Please, put it on your jaw and hands.” She sits back down as I glance over at Ryder who looks like he wants to put a bullet in my head and dump me in the desert.
“This way, Edge.” His deep voice seems to make the walls shake.
Wordlessly, I follow him back to the room, stopping at the door where his big body blocks me.
“I don’t have to step in here, do I? Looks like Axel already beat me to it.”
“I’m fucked up. But you have nothing to worry about.” He hesitates and sighs, looking up at the ceiling.
“I’m sorry, Edge, but Dolly is on her way over. Again, is this gonna be a problem?”
Hearing her name makes my heart hurt, but I snarl, “No” and move past him to see David and Charlie, my mind already trying to block her out.
The room is nothing but a celebration. Blade has an arm around Eve who is laughing with Axel. I’ve got to look better than he does, yet no one is taking him out to the hallway for a talk. I toss the ice pack in the trash can and turn to a worried-looking David and a disappointed-looking Charlie.
When I clear my voice, it’s as if the room stops to watch me. I go over to the bed and address Charlie first.
“You look beautiful. I’m so happy for both of you.”
Charlie reaches for my swollen knuckles and looks at me as if she’s trying to read my mind or something.
“Rough night.” My voice sounds flat.
“Oh, Edge.” Her eyes fill with tears and if I didn’t feel like shit earlier, making Charlie cry sinks me to a new low.
She loves Dolly, wants her to be happy, and me showing up looking like this, well, it’s not like Dolly and I are ever subtle.
My eyes shift to David who still looks like he feels bad for me. That’s worse than anything.
I’d rather them hate me than pity me.
“I should go.” I look up at all my brothers staring at me. Axel looks away and I know she’s behind me. The room instantly feels like it has an electrical charge to it. And my cock, which has been dead all night, hardens as her vanilla candy scent permeates me.
I walk over to the baby who is in the plastic crib thingy by Charlie’s bed. “David.” I look at him. “He’s beautiful.” I nod at the red-faced baby.
“He’s a champ already, coming almost three weeks early. Look at him. He’s gonna take on the world.” David reaches in and scoops him up. The love for this child simply seeps out of him.
I turn and stare at her. She stands holding Charlie’s hand much like I did a few moments before. Dressed in a short flower girl-type white dress and some brown lace-up boots, she’s wearing her hair down. It’s slightly wet and curling at the ends. Her lips look like she had collagen injected. It’s clear she’s been crying. Good. I’m happy. I hope she’s at least as miserable as I am because she can’t be more. As she parts her lips, it looks as though her red lipstick is all the makeup she’s wearing. She keeps her sunglasses on.
“What happened?” She comes around the bed and straight over to me. Her body heat invades my own and I pull away before she can touch me.
“Why don’t you hold the baby, Dolly.” The room grows quiet again as I cross my arms.
Eve steps over and hugs her, saying, “Maybe later. He’s sleeping, right David?”
David looks at me and I turn my back because I don’t wanna see that my Dolly can’t even do this small thing like hold a baby. How did I not see this before?
My mind goes to Eve and Blade’s babies’ births. We were always there, yet I never remember her holding any of them. Christ, I don’t know if she even pays them any attention now.
They call her Auntie Dolly, but besides buying them things, she barely looks at them.
David walks over with his son. “Dolly meet Zachery Jason McCormick.” My eyes dart to Blade who stands with his arms crossed, watching.
“He’s so gorgeous.” Dolly’s voice cracks “I’m sorry. I should go.”
“Funny, that’s what your husband said. Why don’t you two go together?” Axel snorts.
Dolly swings toward him. She stops, though, and whispers, “Jesus.”
“I’ll come back later, okay?” She hugs Charlie who looks like she would love to nod off.
David must notice it too. “Okay guys,” he says. “It’s been a crazy week, but we’re tired. So, get out.” He leans down to kiss Charlie and everyone starts to hug and leave. I’m holding back for Dolly to leave before I go.
“Edge?” I look over at her. “Can we talk? I think we need to talk.” I look around the room. David, Charlie, Eve, and Blade are left. What am I going to say? No? Even though it’s a terrible idea seeing that I’m still under the influence of drugs and booze, I don’t have much of a choice.
“Come on.” I nod at everyone. They’re not even trying to pretend they’re not watching me… us.
I grab her by the arm and escort her out the door. As soon as we leave the room, I release her. I can’t touch her. Everything about her makes me hurt. Eve’s voice carries down the hall saying she’s worried about us.
If I wasn’t so tired, I’d laugh. Pushing the elevator button, I wait in silence. The nurse who gave me the ice pack walks past and smiles at me.
“Perfect.” Dolly looks at the ceiling then out the window. She’s still wearing her sunglasses, but she wipes her nose and enters the elevator, hitting the lobby button.
I take her elbow and she tries to jerk away. “You wanted to talk. We’re gonna talk. Give me your phone.”
She’s either in the same condition I’m in or she doesn’t care. Either way, she hands me her phone. I type in her code and order an Uber wishing I had my bike. Although since I’ve been up for twenty-four hours partying, it’s a good thing I don’t.
“A car is coming in a minute.” I hand her back the phone and she nods, not looking at me. She looks like she’s dropped ten pounds in a day.
“Have you had anything to eat?” I demand.
Usually she bites back. This time, she responds calmly, “I had an egg and gouda sandwich and a coffee.”
The car rolls up and I open the door to let her in first. We sit a
s far apart as we can. The driver asks if this is the first time we’ve been to Vegas.
We both ignore him and he turns up his classical music. I stare out the window.
This has never happened. In the past, I never felt this from her. Maybe she feels the same. We stop, and before I can open the door, she’s out and speed walking to the elevator.
Something has happened. Something she doesn’t want me to see. I know her better than she knows herself. I follow, and after she enters the elevator, right as it closes, I step in.
I want to rip her fucking black sunglasses off her head. Instead I’ll hold off and see what awaits us.
DOLLY
Thirty-one years old
I don’t know why I’m trying to hide that I trashed our room and sliced up his clothes. He’s going to find out, and considering the condition he’s in, I don’t think he’ll even care.
I slow down and let him open the room door. The smell of stale champagne instantly hits us as I march in and sit on the couch as if nothing is wrong. Maybe if I close my eyes, he can’t see it or me.
I peek to watch him stand over the broken bottle of Cristal.
“You might as well open your eyes. I thought you wanted to talk.” He sits down in the chair so that we face each other.
“Talk. Tell me all the lies you tell yourself so that you can get up and make it through the day. But first, take off the glasses. I told you years ago it’s all in the eyes.” He leans back.
I take off my glasses and set them on the glass table.
“I said things last night… Things that I didn’t mean.” My voice cracks and I have to bite my bottom lip to stop the tears.
He’s silent as he watches me. Then he leans in close and I can smell booze and smoke. Is that perfume on him?
“So, you are fine with me being a criminal and you want kids, a house, and all that being married implies?”
“Um… I don’t understand. You’ve never mentioned kids.” I start to pick off my nail polish.
“Look at me.”
I jump and stop picking.
“The problem isn’t only kids, Dolly. It’s that you can’t accept who and what we are.” His words are like a small bite that you think is harmless but starts to itch until you want to scream.
Repent (The Disciples Book 3) Page 24
