“I know who we are.” It sounds unsure even to me. Again, he sits back and lifts his hips to get his cigarettes out of his slacks. I examine his neck, chest, anything that can give me clues. Unfortunately, all I can see are my claw marks. If he fucked someone else, I’m not seeing it.
The flick of the lighter makes me focus on him. He inhales and hands it to me. I take it, the slap in my face not unnoticed. Ever since we started smoking together, Edge always shares his cigarette with me, but he always puts it in my mouth.
“See, that’s where our problem is. Because I don’t think you do.”
I inhale and take a second to let myself think before I tell the truth. “I’m honest about us. I’m actually too honest. That’s why I don’t want kids.”
“Ah. Yes. The no kids because I’m a criminal thing.” The way he says it makes it much worse than I intended it to sound.
I stand up and start to pace. “I have no idea why you are taking offense at that.”
He stands up, towering over me and rages, “You called me a criminal. You think we’re not fit to be parents. I embarrass you.”
It’s almost like he slapped me.
My face turns red. “What are you talking about?”
His piercing stare is painful. We’re painful! It makes me want to turn away, guard myself from his honesty. He reaches for my face and instead of stepping away, I let him touch me.
I crave him. Smoke caresses us. It wraps around my arm, swirling to his hands, which hold my wet cheeks.
When did I start crying? I’ve cried so much I don’t even feel it anymore.
“Why?” He gives my head a jerk as if he’s trying to make me see things his way.
“Edge, I don’t understand.” He steps back. His hands take the cigarette from my numb fingers.
“You don’t want to understand. You can’t see that everything you hide, I see. I’ve made mistakes. But I have never been ashamed of you.”
My ears are ringing and I want to cover them. “I’m not ashamed of you,” I snap. Distance. I need to put some distance between us. His smell and mere presence are making me doubt myself.
He grabs my arm. “Don’t turn away. We’re not kids, Dolly. We’re fucking adults. We live and breathe and have good and bad in us. Whether you want to admit it or not, I embarrass you. But the real truth is that you’ve embarrassed yourself. And trying to cover it up with red lips and fucking clothes means nothing.”
“Stop it,” I hiss. He’s crazy, twisting everything. “You only want to win. It’s all a game to you.” I tear my arm away. “All you Disciples do this… You cheat, you steal, you lie, and the women who love you take it. Well, not me. I refuse.” I’m screaming and I don’t care that the look on his face tells me he’s crushed or baffled or whatever. He needs someone to give him the truth. I’m done lying for him, the club, my dad. Jesus, the list goes on.
The suite is silent save for our breathing. He cocks his head and steps forward, his body warm, his eyes sad and tired-looking.
“I never thought it was a game. And I see everything clearly. Thank you for letting me into your head.” His thumb traces my lips.
I’m stunned. This has never happened before. Did he just get it? “So, you… what?” Because what does all this mean?
“Shhh, I get all of it.” He grabs my face with both hands and brings his mouth down on mine. He tastes delicious, like bourbon and smoke, and I moan into him. He’s kissing me so slowly so… sadly. I lift my hands to his hair and wrap them in his loose curls, absently thinking I need to give him a haircut soon. He pulls back, his turquoise eyes searching my face.
I think he’s going to say something that will make us right. Because that’s what he does. Edge always fixes it, so when he says nothing and instead growls and pulls me into his arms to kiss me again, I have to steady myself.
This kiss is pure pain, and for a second, it makes me want to pull back and run
Danger.
He tightens his hold as his tongue devours mine. It’s the most sensual kiss we’ve ever had. His mouth moves up my cheeks, licking and kissing, and yet still he stays quiet.
He reaches for the bottom of my white dress and slips it off me. I shiver. It’s not cold but the difference in him… in the way he touches, looks at me makes me shiver again.
“I love you,” I whisper because no matter what, that is the truth. I will always love him… so much I can’t live without him.
He says nothing, simply turns and closes the blackout curtains, snuffing out the Vegas sun.
I blink at him as he comes for me like a dark god or maybe a demon. He walks toward me, taking his shirt and pants off until he stands naked next to me.
His fingers, which are usually rough and demanding, are slow as they trace and rub up and down my side. This time, I tremble as he traces my nipple and lose myself to him. This time, I don’t fight.
He leans down on his knees and kisses my stomach, his hands holding me still.
“Edge,” I groan, looking down, my eyes adjusting to the dark room as I see his head and tongue circle my belly button.
The room crackles with our moans, but he remains silent and seems to linger on the ruffle of my panties, his tongue tracing it as his hands slip them down.
I step out of them and lean over to unzip my boots, but he lifts me up and we fall together on the bed. The pillow on the edge slides to the floor as he captures my mouth again. Our tongues find our rhythm. It’s almost as if I was born for him and vice versa.
He knows what I need. His hands trail down my sides as he lifts his head. Blinking, we stare at each other, the darkness heightening our desire. He lowers his head to suck on my nipple, and by suck, I mean it’s so hard that my core starts to pulse.
“Edge… talk to me.” I whimper as he kisses his way down to my pussy and I stop caring that he’s silent. I stop caring that we’re in the dark. I stop caring… as he licks and sucks on my clit so perfectly.
“Oh my God.” I arch into his mouth while his tongue licks and sucks harder on my clit. My juices leak out of me and I toss my head to the side and arch into his fucking mouth.
He grabs my hips tighter and eats me. My body is climbing, my heart is racing, and every single nerve is alive as he does one more suck and I fall over.
Pulse after pulse of exquisite pleasure rips through me. I dig my nails into his hard shoulders.
“Jesus,” I whimper as he leaves me. Rising above me he eases into my convulsing cunt.
“Holy shit.” I reach for his face, both my hands on each side of his face as his fucking long, hard cock fills me up. He’s slow, almost as if he’s savoring every single thrust. Our breaths merge as we seek each other’s mouths and I don’t need his words to know that he loves me.
This is love. Our bodies move in sync together. He laces our fingers bringing our hands to the top of the bed.
I spread my legs wider so that his thick cock can go deeper. Back and forth, he thrusts into me until my eyes roll back in my head.
My body is gone. It’s all his, and I’ll never be the same after this. He’s making love and I whimper with every thrust, every touch, and every breath he steals and then gives back.
My legs tighten as my core clenches. He closes his eyes. The sunlight from the bottom of the curtains gives me enough light to see him.
Pain and pleasure… that is us. It plays across his beautiful face.
I reach for his mouth and bite his bottom lip. At last, I mumble I love him and hear him grunt. I’m beyond caring because I’m orbiting into the white light of pleasure.
He holds me tight, whispering words of encouragement while I tremble and pulse on his cock.
The softness is gone. His nostrils flare as if our combined scent turns him on as much as I do.
It’s never been like this. He’s never made love to me this tenderly or filled with such love. I’m reeling, trying to catch up. His thrusts become deeper and our bodies slap together as his cock gets harder, thicker. He takes my m
outh in a kiss that is almost indescribable. Latching on to his lips, I let him carry us away.
I don’t want him to stop.
Never. His body tightens and his breathing is rough, yet his eyes stay connected with mine, and then he lets go. His body jerks and I swear I hear him say he loves me. Maybe it was me because I’m soaring with him as he fills me up with his warm cum.
He rolls us over, my nails latched into his wrist as if that will keep him chained to my side.
My eyes close and exhaustion takes me under. I’m warm and safe. Edge rubs my back like a caress, lovingly.
My eyes fill with tears. “That was amazing,” I whisper, sniffing them back and burying my nose in his neck. I inhale cinnamon and smoke, my favorite smell in the world.
Sighing, I relax into him, giving in to the lack of sleep, the booze, and the heartache this whole week has brought.
“This is goodbye.”
DOLLY
Thirty-one years old
He left me.
I don’t know what time. All I know is he’s gone. The bed is cold, much like I am as I sit and stare at the door.
This is goodbye.
I had thought it was my tired mind playing tricks with his words. But when I woke, he was gone. His ripped clothes, phone… everything gone.
This is goodbye. It’s like a bad song that you hate, but it stays in your head for a week. I can’t escape it.
I think it might be the morning of the next day. My stomach growls and I make myself stumble into the shower, placing my precious phone on the edge of the tub so I can hear it when he calls.
Because he will call. He will come back to me.
After the way he made love to me, he will be back. I thought we had it figured out, but what was there to figure? We love each other and that’s all that matters.
“It’s not though.” I look up at myself in the mirror and for the first time in my life, I don’t judge my appearance. I’m pale and sad. How could I not be?
Turning on the shower, I look at my phone like a junkie waiting for my smack to be delivered.
Nothing except texts from Charlie and Eve with pictures of the baby.
He’s doing great. He was a little early but is gaining weight, so that’s good or so they say. Also, he pooped. Apparently that’s also good.
I lift my head, the hot water pounding onto my tired body. I wash and don’t linger.
Stepping out, I look down at my phone, my heart racing, but it’s yet another baby picture. With my wet fingers, I type the word Cute in response and have to force myself to set the phone down gently. I need it.
“If I throw it, I will only be hurting myself.” My head darts up. It’s been years since I’ve chanted anything my shrink Karen taught me.
But in this instance, it’s true. “Fuck.” I sit down on the side of the tub and breathe in and out.
I’ll only be hurting myself… myself. I see his face and so much sadness and frustration in his eyes as he holds my face.
“Why?” I whisper. That’s all he wanted to know. Why what? Why am I me? He already knows the real me. My eyes catch my reflection in the mirror. Slowly I stand and lean forward so that I’m an inch away. “Do I know myself?”
Do I even understand what he was trying so hard to tell me? I didn’t hear him though. I heard him, but I wasn’t willing to listen. He used his body to tell me what his words couldn’t.
“Oh my God.” I grab my phone and call him. I don’t care what he’s done; I need to hear his voice.
“Goddamn it, Edge. Pick up the fucking phone.” Nothing, just nothing. Perfect. He probably trashed that one. He gets a new phone every week or so.
I grab my toothbrush and push on Doug’s number. “You ready?”
“Where the hell have you been?” I snap as I brush and spit.
“Are you brushing your teeth?” He sounds shocked, which is absurd because of course I’m brushing my teeth. I rinse my mouth and grab the phone.
“I… we need to go home. I have to find Edge.”
He sighs and cold dread makes me sit down at the end of the bed as I pick up my pink G-string.
“What? What has happened?” I whisper, my eyes darting around like whatever it is will mysteriously appear.
“He came by this morning. Listen, Robert is driving us home. I’ll be ready in ten minutes. Get your shit.”
“Doug, wait—” But the line is dead. I jump up and slide the panties on then pull on my The Dicks T-shirt, not even bothering with a bra. I love this T-shirt. It’s around ten years old and used to be black, but I’ve worn it so much it’s charcoal now. It’s Axel’s band before it broke up. Well, before Axel left.
Rhys, the lead singer, Axel’s hot buddy from years ago has gone on to become a fucking rock god. But I still love their old music better.
Pulling on my tight black Joe’s skinny jeans, I grab my black ballet flats out of my purse. I never wear flats, but I’m tired and I need to hurry, so ballet flats it is. I always carry them around in my bag in case my feet need a break. Wearing five-inch heels every day hurts.
Someone pounds on the door, and I spin around making sure I’ve thrown everything into my suitcase.
“Fuck it. It’s just stuff.” I swing open the door to Doug leaning on the doorframe, his eyes instantly sinking to accommodate my five-feet-two-inch height.
He stands there looking at me and I hold the door open for him to enter.
“Be careful. I’ve had the Do Not Disturb sign on. So, no housecleaning.” I move back into the room to get my suitcase.
“What the fuck?” Doug’s voice carries as he looks around at the broken Cristal bottle and dried sticky champagne staining the wall and floor. His brown eyes find mine and he looks at me like I’m an alien.
“Two Days. Two days I leave you. Let you enjoy your time with your husband and you don’t even last twelve hours?”
His words sting, but he’s not wrong. We didn’t make it a full twenty-four hours before Edge took my heart out of my chest, stabbed holes in it, and tried to insert it back.
“I—”
He lifts a finger and takes my suitcase. “Wait for the ride home. I have a few things to say. You need to hear them for your sake.”
My heart skips a beat. Doug is serious. I’ve never seen him more serious. Whatever he’s going to tell me makes my skin itch. I swear I can’t handle anything bad right now.
He checks out for me while I walk outside, fishing in my purse for my sunglasses. It’s hotter today than when we got here two days ago.
Two days seems like a lifetime ago. Doug was on my side happily drinking with me as he made me a princess for my wedding.
“Dolly?” Robert yells from across the street. He smiles and stops, allowing a car to pass before he jogs over to me.
“Hey.” It’s all I can utter since he’s smiling and I’m not.
“Hey, um, you ready?”
I nod.
“Okay, I’ll get the car.” He hesitates like he wants to say something but thinks better of it.
I look out at the crowds of Vegas. Morning and night, it never sleeps. The waterfall springs to life causing the massive crowd of people to go crazy over the dancing water.
I dig into my bag and pull out my red lipstick. Edge’s words float around me.
“And trying to cover it up with red lips and fucking clothes means nothing.” I drop the lipstick and dig around for some pale pink lip gloss instead.
“Okay. That’s done.” Doug smirks as he catches up to me. “If it makes you feel better, Edge is going to be out some cash.” He snickers and I want to hug him for a moment. He’s back on team Dolly. He looks down at me, his eyes taking in my appearance, and I almost cross my arms to protect myself from his judgment.
“Huh, interesting.” His eyes soften as Robert pulls the limo up right next to us.
He steps out and my mouth must drop open. Not because they are both kissing. I’ve seen Doug stick his tongue down numerous throats. It’s the fact
that he holds him as if he wants to devour him that makes me stare until my eyes water.
“I’m going to get in.” I clear my voice as I slide in and see Doug’s hands go in between Robert’s legs to rub what is obviously an erection—and it’s eye level with me.
Closing my eyes, I reach for my phone and start to text Charlie and Eve back.
The door shuts and Doug slides in next to me smelling like Robert. Glancing up, I adjust my sunglasses so he can’t see my eyes. Doug knows me too well.
“Hey babe? Before we get on the road, Dolly needs a Starbucks stop.”
I look over at him. He still has that serious look on his face, which I’m beginning to hate. Robert goes through a drive-through and the uncomfortable silence between Doug and me is almost unbearable.
I’m sipping my coffee, biting my bottom lip because I’m going to cry again, and I’m almost too tired to do that.
The breakfast sandwich helped. Coffee helped too, but Doug is waiting for something and I can’t stand it any longer.
Sighing, I say, “I’m assuming you’re disappointed?” I uncross my legs and recross them.
He looks over at me, leans over to Robert, and says, “I need to talk to my girl,” and pushes the button so the partition zooms up.
“Why?” He sits back.
I pull my sunglasses on top of my head. “Why what?” I snip at him. Doug and I have never had one fight in our relationship. Never. We’re always united.
“I have to stop you. You’re fucking crazy, Dolly.” He leans forward and moves his hands up under his chin as if he’s praying.
“What?” I mutter. “You don’t even know what happened.”
“I do. Because I know you.” There’s compassion in his brown eyes and I hate it. Looking away, I watch the landscape whirl by.
“Talk to me then. Tell me how this is happening. Because I’ve got to be honest, Edge is looking way saner than you, and we all know I’m not an Edge fan.”
I close my eyes as the tears start to fall and his warm hands take mine.
Repent (The Disciples Book 3) Page 25
