Break (Billionaire New Adult Romance)

by Vanessa Waltz

  The remote clattered loudly on the wooden floor.

  “Jessica?” Luke’s voice said from the bathroom. “What was that?”

  “Jessica Knight, a graduate from San Francisco State University, signed up on an escort website for rich men to make ends meet. The beautiful blonde caught the eye of Luke Pardini, son of Giacomo Pardini and heir to Pardini Worldwide.”

  “Hey, are you there?”

  My eyes were glued to the television as horror suffocated my chest. How did they find out all this? I told no one—absolutely no one. Neither of us had. The bathroom door opened and steam poured in the bedroom. I heard Luke’s heavy footsteps and dreaded the moment that he would see the television screen.

  “Jessica, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” He looked at the screen and fell silent.

  “At TMZ, we wondered who the mysterious blonde and where she was from, check this out—”

  The screen faded into a view of a dilapidated porch of a house that I knew very well. On the porch were three people: a fat blonde woman and her husband, and squeezed between them was their son, Vincent.

  A reporter held a microphone to them. “She was a problem child, but we did the best we could. We had her for seven years, and then she left to join a group home. We never saw her again.”

  Shelly Kramer leaned in, her watery, small eyes staring into the camera. “She had a major drug problem, behavioral issues.” She shook her head. “Always acting out.”

  Vincent smiled at the camera. He had gained weight, but nothing else had changed. His white-blonde hair still hung around his head at shoulder-length; his small blue eyes glinted with malice. He had charmed and fooled so many people with his angelic face, but a close look into his eyes was like staring into the abyss. There was nothing there. Life is boring when you don’t have any emotions, and raping me allowed him to feel the slightest spark of excitement. He was addicted to it.

  I didn’t hear the rest of the program. The violence surged up my throat and I shoved Luke aside to flip open the toilet seat and I voided everything in my stomach. The face that haunted my thoughts for years was blown up on the television, unpunished—along with my foster parents. I remembered how once Shelly walked in on Vincent raping me in my bedroom. I looked at her, tears streaming down my face, as he released his damp hands from around my throat. His cock dug inside me like a knife and it was so painful, that he choked me to keep my screams silent. A scream finally left my throat, torn and ragged. Shelly backed away from the doorway, an unfathomable expression on her face. She slammed the door shut and I heard her heavy footsteps scamper away.

  All of it played in my mind like a movie. I couldn’t stop it. My lips dripped with vomit as I sobbed into the toilet. I just wanted to end it. I looked around the bathroom and saw Luke’s razor perched on the sink and I lunged for it. I wanted to destroy something, make someone feel a little bit of the horror I felt inside. I looked at my legs and felt a surge of anger. I could feel the razor blades cutting into my skin and I bit my lip, preparing to drag and slice.

  A hand closed over my wrist and forced my hand against the wall. I fought against him but he pressed down painfully and I released the blade. When I opened my eyes, I saw Luke’s face, livid with fear. All the noise in my head stopped.

  “Jessica, you’re safe.”

  My lip quivered as I looked down at the razor I held seconds ago, determined to slice my skin open. What the fuck did I just do? All it took was a short video of my attackers to shatter the delusion that I had moved on. That I was fixed. I collapsed into Luke’s arms and sobbed into his bare shoulder, filled with shame. How could I think about doing that to myself?

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry, it’s not your fault.”

  “I’m so fucked up, Luke.”

  He just held me as I cried. I shook with huge wracking sobs. I was boiling in pain and I didn’t want to do it anymore. When will I be free of them? I wanted to break away from Luke and sob in private, but he refused to let me go. I felt ashamed. It was as though my tears were indecent, that I should hide them like everything in my past. It was too ugly to talk about. No one wanted to hear about my dark shit. The pain subsided as my body gave into exhaustion, and then I finally, finally stopped crying.

  “How did they find out my name?” I said in a shaking voice. “How did they find out all of it?”

  “Someone told them your name, address, everything. Someone sold a story about you.”

  His deep voice rumbled through my chest. I shook my head violently. “No, I told no one about us. I swear, Luke!” Except Natalie.

  I froze in Luke’s arms. Natalie, how could you do this to me? The betrayal was like a slap to the face. How could she tell them about my foster parents? Fresh tears spilled down my cheeks and as Luke pulled away, there was sympathy on his face—but a little anger, too.

  “She would never do this to me.”

  He smiled without humor. “Just about anyone is capable of just about anything. I’ve had this happen to me countless times.” He stroked my hair. “I’m sorry about this. I know how it feels, believe me.”

  I stumbled from the bathroom in disbelief, the horror of it all pounding in my brain. I dug into my purse and opened my cellphone and saw three texts:

  You need to call me immediately

  Don’t let Luke go on TMZ

  Jessica, I swear I didn’t tell anyone

  There were five missed calls and two voice messages. I played them both on speakerphone. Luke listened beside me, fury etched all over his face. The first message expressed her confusion, the second one was much more clear. “Jessica,” she said in a trembling voice. “I found out what happened. Ben saw the photos and called TMZ. They offered him a lot of money for your name and background, and then they found your foster parents and they said all of those terrible things.” She began to sob. “I’m so sorry, Jessica. I don’t think he meant for any of this to happen—”

  I ended the voicemail. Somehow I felt emptier than I had before. My best friend’s fiancé sold me out, all because she couldn’t keep her trap shut. I looked at him desperately. “I never told Ben anything. Natalie knew about the website before I met you, so she must have told him. I told her not to.”

  Luke shook his head and shrugged. He wouldn’t even look at me. He didn’t even want to touch me. I could feel his disgust for my friend, and contempt for me. “I’m going to bed.”

  Is this it? Darkness swallowed the room as Luke turned off the light. I sat on the carpet, hugging my legs. I was too tired, but I didn’t want to join Luke in the bed, when he clearly didn’t want me anywhere around him. How can I fix this?

  * * *

  I woke up with my back aching as Luke shook me awake, his hand on my knee. It took several moments for me to remember why I felt so awful.

  His hands stroked my shoulders. “Did you stay here all night?”

  My eyes burned with fatigue. “I—didn’t think you wanted me around.”

  Luke’s face was pained. “I was angry, but not at you.” He picked me up and kissed my throat. “Let’s get out of here.”

  I nodded, my spirits rising slightly. So, we were still together, despite our secret being out in the open. My heart beat against my throat as he hugged me. I don’t deserve him.

  It was hard to tell whether his aunt and uncle had seen the report on TMZ. By now, other gossip websites would be repeating the same story. I dressed as quickly as possible, eager to leave Chicago and return home. Return to what? To my volunteer job at the soup kitchen? To my ‘best friend’? The ten grand in my account—how long would it last? My heart pounded with anxiety. I did not want to return home; I didn’t want to look at Natalie and hear her useless apologies, or deal with the fact that I was still broke and jobless. I have Luke, I reminded myself. At least I have him.

  I watched as Luke packed his bags with a bit more force than was necessary. For how long, though?

  Luke was silent all the way to the airport, and did
n’t speak a word to me during the flight. Like him, I was waiting for the axe to fall. I felt relief when the pilot announced that we were flying over Oakland and would be landing shortly. I looked down and saw the blue, freezing water of the bay. He glanced at his phone immediately after landing and stuffed it back into his jacket.

  What now? As I followed Luke out of the plane, I wondered what the hell was going to happen. Now that the jig was up, would we still spend every waking moment together? Would Luke tell me that he had enough of me and that I should go home? The thought of being away from him, even for one night, made my throat tighten. I was used to being around him, comforted by his presence, and I needed his touch to be nearby.

  I squeezed his hand as we waited in the freezing air for a cab.

  “I know you must be anxious to go home, but I don’t want to be alone.”

  He was actually asking me to stay with him. “Luke, I want to be with you.” I didn’t need to add that I had no desire to be in Natalie’s presence, not after what her fiancé did.

  It annoyed me that there were paparazzi still clicking away at us outside SFO. I couldn’t wait to see the headlines: Luke Pardini seen at SFO with blonde escort, who does he think he’s kidding?

  I bounced on my toes to give him a kiss. He drew my body into his and bit down on my lip as I swept my tongue across his mouth. My heart was pounding when he pulled away with a heated look on his face.

  “I can’t wait to get home,” he whispered in my ear as the cab pulled up.

  Twenty-minutes later, we stumbled up the steps of his Victorian home in Pacific Heights. It was one of the richest areas in San Francisco, where the homes had actual driveways, a luxury in the city. I barely had time to marvel at the beauty of his home before Luke grabbed my hand and pulled me upstairs. We ran up the steps and he pulled me to the side, his arms wrapping themselves fiercely around my waist. His mouth parted and I leaned forward to taste those lips that I fantasized about all day. His fingers dug into the waistband of my jeans and I slid my hands under his sweater. I dragged my thumb across his hard nipple and squeezed his back muscles as he slid around my backside. I could already feel his hardness grinding against my leg and my core heated, almost like I could feel him thrusting inside me already.

  We were halfway to the bedroom and his mouth was tracing a downward path from my neck. Then the phone rang, jarring us out of our dance towards the bed. My face hot, I looked up at Luke who seemed to be debating whether to answer it or not. He let out an angry sigh and kissed my head.

  “It might be work, just hold on.”

  Damn it.

  He picked the phone off the dresser and winced when he looked at the screen. I felt cold all over as I realized what the expression on his face meant. Crap.

  “What?” he barked into the phone.

  Stiffness began working itself through my limbs like poison. It started in my hands, which went cold when Luke left my embrace. Something was fighting to swim to the surface of my mind, something that made my heart sink.

  He spat angry words into the phone, his face becoming red. “It’s not like that.” He glanced at me furtively.

  Then I knew what was going to happen. I turned around, feeling oddly numb as I walked out of his bedroom and picked up my purse in the living room. I waited in the foyer with my suitcase and fiddled with a piece of paper in my pocket.

  He’s done with me. That’s it.

  I heard his slow footsteps creaking the wooden floorboards. He stopped at the base of the staircase, guilt written all over his face. He flipped his phone in his hands, looking at me, unable to say what I already knew.

  “My dad’s going to donate all of his money to charity unless I end things with you.”

  I nodded. A quiet storm was building up in my chest and my voice was already shaking with the first throes. “So that’s it, then. You’re going to do what he says.”

  He shrugged miserably. “What choice do I have?”

  “You have a choice,” I fired back. “And you’ve chosen to let daddy run your life.”

  He flinched at the condescending tone. “Jessica, come on. Be fair. We’ve known each other for a couple months. It was really great, but I’m not going to give up my entire legacy for someone I barely know. It’s about five billion dollars, Jessica. Imagine what you could do with that kind of money.”

  No, I can’t imagine what that would be like. I can’t even imagine a hundred thousand dollars in my bank account. The hardness in his voice was like a knife in my chest. “Do you really think he’ll keep his word? He’s a maniac. Today, you have to break up with me, but tomorrow it will be something else.”

  “I can’t take that chance.”

  I straightened myself, hating the calmness on his face. He was determined to write me off like I meant nothing. He’s not broke. He had a job that, no doubt, paid an impressive salary and a house in the city that was probably worth around ten million dollars, but he still was so fucking greedy. It made me sick.

  “What he wanted from you was to be treated like a person, not a bank. He’s going to lose respect for you if you do this, and you’ll never get your precious money.” The sight of Luke’s unyielding face made me erupt. “You know what? He’s right. You’re nothing but a selfish, greedy WASP. All you care about is money. You’ll be miserable forever, just like your father.”

  It was the most hateful thing I ever said, but I felt satisfied when I saw Luke’s stony face falter a little bit.

  “I’m sorry,” he said in a tight voice. “But it’s over. I’ll pay you the rest of the money.”

  “I don’t want your fucking money!” I screamed at his face. “I wanted you.” I got one look of his face, wretched with grief, before I grabbed my suitcase. I ripped it across the floor as I crashed through the door. My suitcase bounced on the steps and I sped up the hill in a blind rage, determined not to look back.

  I waited at the MUNI bus stop and half-expected Luke to storm up the hill, to demand an apology, to beg for my forgiveness. I waited fifteen minutes, but nothing happened. He didn’t come.

  Chapter 10

  I arrived at my apartment and slammed the door shut. It was satisfying to feel the walls shake, even if I felt a little childish for such a display of temper. I was angrier than I ever was in my life, but for the first time I didn’t blame myself.

  “You’re back!”

  Natalie stood up from the couch in shock, but quickly sank back down at the look on my face. I was not a violent person, but in that moment I really wanted to hit her.

  “Jess, I’m so sorry. Ben swore he wouldn’t tell anyone.” Her arms trembled as she approached me and her face shined with tears. “Please believe me.”

  “Yeah, well.” I softened a bit when I saw how upset she was over it, but I still thought she should have kept silent. “You told him when I asked you not to tell anyone. I made you promise.”

  She gave a frustrated sigh and brushed her hair back with her right hand. “I know, I’m so sorry.”

  When I looked at her hands, I saw that she wasn’t wearing her engagement ring. Distracted, I momentarily forgot my anger. “What happened?”

  Natalie’s eyes slowly watered and then before I knew it, she had launched herself in my arms. She sobbed into my shoulder and I reached around to pat her back.

  “I don’t know if I’m ready to marry him. I don’t know whether he’s the one. I was so sure before we got engaged, but then he got his new position at the law firm. We barely see each other now. I was so lonely when you were gone and he started this whole mess with your foster parents.”

  I was so angry about my situation that I didn’t even consider how she must have suffered. I clutched her shoulder and felt shaken. She reminded me how much I needed my best friend, and how much I missed her while I was abroad.

  “I don’t want you to break up with him because of me.”

  She shook her head. “I don’t know what I want anymore.”

  A small amount of guilt began to
worm its way inside my heart. I do not want this. If Natalie and Ben weren’t meant together, that was one thing—but I didn’t want her to break up over this. What if she regrets it years down the line and resents me for it?

  I gently disengaged myself from her arms and sat down at the kitchen table. As I sat down, a wave of exhaustion slammed into me. I didn’t realize how tired I was from all the traveling.

  Natalie sat down across from me, her hands balled on the table. “What are you going to do about your foster parents?”

  A sick feeling turned my stomach at the mention of them. “What do you mean?”

  “Well, they basically slandered you on television.”

  I let out a hollow laugh. “I’ve no money to sue them. Besides, what they said was true. I did have a drug problem and I did act out.”

  All of it seemed so long ago, and yet when I saw their faces I had such a visceral reaction.

  “Only because they abused you.”

  I heard the anger in her voice, but I felt strangely detached from the trauma. “Vincent, their son, raped me when I was ten. They knew about it, but they did nothing to stop it. I finally was able to leave at seventeen.”

  I never told her that. I told Luke about it, a man I knew for no more than a couple months, but not my best friend. I could still hear his detached voice when he told me we were done. We shared each other’s dark secrets. I slept with him. He told me things that made me glow, but in the end nothing was more important than his money. I tried to swallow down the lump rising up my throat.

  She bit her lip. When she spoke, it was in a quiet voice. “I didn’t know that it started so young, but I always knew something was wrong. Why didn’t you tell anyone?”

  Her eyes gleamed with a bit of hurt.

  I shook my head. “You don’t understand. He manipulated me. He told me I wanted it—that if I loved him I would have sex with him, that it was what good girls did. When that stopped working, he threatened to kill me, or himself. So, I did whatever he said. Then he had me under complete control and there was no need for threats. Sometimes, I could feel my body responding to him and it absolutely sickened me, because I hated him so much. I felt ruined and worthless.”