Lieutenant Commander Stud

by Carter, Chance

  "Hey, kid," I said, tossing a stuffed platypus at him.

  Julian laughed. He and I both knew that his mother would've killed me for that one. I was teaching him bad manners, but it hardly seemed to matter in this situation.

  Aurora glanced up too, eyes shining with happiness. I loved watching her with Julian. She was so gentle and kind, and I knew she would make a wonderful mother someday, if that was what she wanted. I wasn't just picturing her as any mother, either. In my head, she was the mother of our children, though I was determined to keep that strange little fantasy to myself. I'd never fantasized about a particular woman mothering my babies before and I wasn't sure how to feel about it.

  "Aurora and I have a surprise for you," I said. "You've been so good for this trip, so we wanted to do something special for you."

  Jude's eyes lit up. Aurora smiled when she realized that I was telling him now, and sat back on her heels to watch.

  "What is it?" he asked excitedly. "Is it about dad?"

  I winced internally. Though we were in better spirits today, our happiness only went so deep. If it weren't for Aurora and Julian, I would have already hopped a flight to France and would be at my brother's bedside in a heartbeat. They were the only things keeping me sane this far away from Avery, and I could tell that Julian felt similarly about Aurora’s and my presence. I would've been fine with Jude on my own, but he wouldn't have been nearly as carefree without Aurora. I made mental note to thank her greatly later on.

  "Do you know what else they have in California other than all the movie stars?" I asked.

  He cocked his head to the side. "A horrible drought?"

  Aurora snorted. I merely sighed. Sometimes Julian was like his dad, but sometimes his mom popped through too. Her influence was always unmistakable.

  "I was thinking more along the lines of fun things," I said. "Lighten up, kid."

  He frowned, an out of place expression on his little round face. "What?"

  "Well," I said. "We've got just one store to look at in the morning, but we should be finished before it opens..."

  The anticipation bloomed on his face. He furrowed his brow as he tried to think. Since I could tell he wasn't going to get it, I decided to make it easy for him.

  "Some say it's the most magical place in the world."

  Jude somehow managed to cock an eyebrow at me, and he'd never looked more like his dad. "Hogwarts?"

  I sighed. I ran a hand over my face. I smiled.

  "Disneyland, kid. We're taking you to Disneyland tomorrow."

  Julian exploded into movement, thrusting his arms in the air and then throwing himself at me. He hugged me, squeezing as tight as he could, while blubbering excitedly against my shirt.

  "Oh my gosh! I'm so excited! Thank you, Uncle Brendon!"

  I was glad that, although I expected he would have his nasty days in the future, for now Julian was a relatively unspoiled child. It didn't matter that his parents were exceedingly wealthy. He just acted like a normal kid, and like any normal kid the thought of going to Disneyland made him breathless with delight.

  He pulled back from the hug and looked up at me with sparkling blue eyes. "Can we go get ice cream to celebrate?"

  I chucked. Cheeky bastard. So much for that nap.

  Julian wasn't the only one anxious to finish work and get over to the Magic Kingdom the next morning. Normally when I took him into Lock Knocks he acted like I had taken him to Disneyland, but today he was more sedate and clearly saving his energy for the theme park. I was tired and groggy thanks to the early start, though we wouldn't have had as much time at Disneyland if I didn't arrange this final tour so early in the morning.

  Aurora took the lead easily, letting me hang back while she chatted to the store manager and brainstormed with him about what kinds of designs would work best in a store of his size with his customer base.

  I was glad to let her charge ahead. It would have been worth it just to watch her at work, to see how she injected each word with passion and enthusiasm. She was amazing. A force of nature. And I realized, little by little, that the feelings I'd been trying not to notice were welling up at the surface. Everything I'd tried to suppress, or even just hadn't had time to acknowledge, became clear as day.

  Her radiant smile, the swing of her hips as she walked down the aisles, the way her hair curled and shined under the fluorescent lights as beautifully as if she were in a sunbeam...

  I think I love her.

  The thought came fast and out of nowhere, blindsiding me so that I accidentally squeezed Jude's hand. He made a noise of protest and I released him, giving him an apologetic look.

  "Sorry buddy."

  He shrugged and went back to looking at the row of wands on the closest display.

  I was surprised to see that the world had not changed in the wake of my revelation. I half expected to walk outside and have the sky be green or the sidewalks purple, but everything was so familiar it almost ached.

  Oh, impossible of impossibles.

  "Ready to go?" Aurora asked, pulling me from my reverie. We'd said goodbye to the Lock Knocks employees and were now standing in the hot, noxious LA air.

  I nodded. "Ready."

  Julian nodded excitedly. "Ready!"

  Aurora took my free hand, and the three of us walked toward the waiting car.

  Me, my little nephew, and the woman I loved.

  Chapter 16

  Aurora

  I shrieked and ducked out of the way as a massive bug zipped past the end of my nose, nearly smacking me hard in the cheek. I had no idea what it was, had no idea if it stung or bit, and had no interest in finding out.

  "Good eye there!" hollered the massive man at the back of the vessel in a southern twang. He winked and steered us to the right, sending the airboat leaning up to one side. I clutched my stomach and groaned. Morning sickness and the everglades did not a happy Aurora make.

  "You okay?" asked Brendon from beside me.

  Julian had asked to sit on the other side of me so he could be closest to the water. He was determined to spot every alligator in the everglades, and it was only with our stalwart guides assurance that we wouldn't get close enough for one to snap at the little boy's hand that Brendon allowed him to sit so close.

  "I'm fine," I said, smiling. "Just don't have my sea legs I guess."

  He smiled knowingly and patted my back. "I swear I didn't know he was going to be so crazy," he muttered in my ear.

  I laughed. "This is Florida, isn't it?"

  "I found me a body out here one time," Miles, our host, croaked out. He pointed to a little secluded alcove. "Right there in them reeds. Coolest damn thing I ever saw."

  "Are you sure that's appropriate?" I gestured to our small companion.

  Miles gave a deep belly laugh. "You're right. Sorry, miss. Coolest darn thing I ever saw."

  I felt too nauseous to argue with the man and Julian clearly wasn't paying attention. He was as close as he could get to hanging over the side, eyes wide with wonder. I just hoped the next wonder he witnessed wasn't me tossing my cookies into the swampy water.

  Part of the reason I felt so nauseous was undoubtedly mental. I hadn't told Brendon about being pregnant and it was killing me. I knew I should tell him, and each day that passed made the secret harder and harder to keep. Even if he didn't notice me retching up my breakfast most mornings, he would soon play witness to the amazing transformation of my belly into a giant globe.

  Then there was the almost ever-present nausea of early pregnancy. My early pregnancy, anyway. Some women didn't get morning sickness at all. Lucky bitches.

  We took another corner and I squeezed my eyes shut. Brendon must've mistaken the gesture for fear as he grabbed my hand and held it tight in his lap, leaning over to murmur soothing things in my ear.

  As he did, a tendril of fire worked its way down my spine. I always reacted like this when he was close to me. It was like I could feel the electrical impulses jumping off his skin, and even if I couldn't see
him I could always tell when he was there. I often wondered if he felt the same.

  "Look!" Julian yelled, pointing excitedly. "That one's huge!"

  I cracked open an eye and followed his chubby finger, scowling when I saw the giant alligator swimming in a nearby cluster of reeds. Huge indeed.

  "Alligators aren't counted among your interests I take it," Brendon whispered.

  I laughed. "Not really."

  "Sorry about this, then. I can't imagine it's very fun."

  I squeezed his hand and turned my head until I dove into the depths of those honey-brown eyes. My heart skipped.

  I gave him the honest truth. "I'm glad to be here. Alligators and all."

  The past few days with Brendon and Julian were like a little slice of life I always wanted but never thought I'd get. Even with Nolan I think part of my brain always knew we would never have the vital ingredient that changed an ordinary relationship into something vibrant and unyielding, something that burned so hot it made the rest of the world feel cold. I had Brendon, and I had the delightful little monkey with the alligator obsession. And I had the baby in my belly.

  The realization hit me hard and fast, crushing the air from my lungs. I coughed, and Brendon patted my back as I awkwardly tried to resume breathing at a normal pace.

  This fantasy was perfect. The child, the pregnancy, the Brendon, but it was only perfect for one reason, because Brendon was a part of it. Any other combination wouldn't work for me. It couldn't just be any charming, handsome, doting man at my side. It had to be him.

  Because I loved him.

  "You okay?" Brendon's hand rubbed comforting circles on my back and I nodded.

  "Just swallowed the wrong way." I offered up a baleful smile.

  He grinned. "What am I going to do with you?"

  God, I wish I knew.

  I told Brendon I needed some me time when we got back to New York, but the truth was I wanted to be alone about as much as I wanted to do a naked cha-cha across the Brooklyn Bridge. The only thing I wanted to be less than alone was with Brendon, since the reason my head was spinning beyond control was due to my burgeoning belly and the revelation I had yesterday afternoon in that god forsaken boat.

  I needed space. More importantly, I needed someone to talk to. I called up Amy as soon as I got back into my apartment, but I got her voicemail instead.

  "You've reached Tatiana Ivanov. Lucky devil. I'm currently on a yacht in the middle of the Med and I can't get to the phone right now. Leave a message and when I drift back into the real world I'll do my best to return your call."

  I groaned and left her a quick message, asking her to call me when she had service next. I hung up the phone feeling deflated, since I had nobody else in New York that I could talk to. Hell, I had nobody anywhere I could talk to. What was I supposed to do? Ring up my mom and tell her how I'd fallen in love with the man who accidentally impregnated me, who also happened to be my boss? She'd have a conniption.

  The sounds of the city outside my window were the only comfort I found in my dreaded, empty apartment. I'd never felt so lonely as I did then. I desperately wanted to talk to Brendon, but I couldn't. Not now. Not when I just realized he was the only person in the world uniquely equipped to shatter me into a million pieces. All it would take is a look. If I told him I loved him, or that I was pregnant, or any combination of the two, and saw anger or frustration or sadness or whatever it was he would feel on his face, I'd be through. I needed to gather some strength before I faced him like that.

  Strength... Where could I go in this city to find strength?

  I grinned. Maybe there was one person I could talk to.

  I knocked on the door, shifting nervously from foot to foot. Calypso flung it wide open a moment later, pulling me into her arms so quickly that it felt like being absorbed into a perfumed cloud of silk.

  "I'm so happy to see you," she said, giving me a squeeze. "Things have been so drab around here without you, you know."

  I doubted that very much but smiled anyway. Calypso had a way of making every person in her life feel loved and wanted, and that was a feeling I wasn't going to throw away too quickly.

  "It's good to see you too." I patted her back and pulled out of the hug, even though she seemed like she could've stayed there for another few hours. "Thanks for letting me up on such short notice. I know you're probably busy."

  Calypso waved me off with a laugh and pulled me inside, letting the door fall closed behind us. She set me on the couch and bustled over to the kitchen to grab us a couple drinks, and I winced as she placed the beer on the table in front of me.

  "What?" she asked, expression wrinkled. "New York changed you so much you're not a beer girl anymore?"

  I laughed. "As if. It's more that the, uh, pregnancy has made me not a beer girl anymore."

  She clapped a hand over her mouth. "No!"

  I nodded. "Yes."

  "Who?" Her eyes widened, and when she moved the hand away I saw she was sporting a smile bigger than Texas. It melted the shards of ice that had begun crystallizing in my veins at what I'd perceived was dismay.

  When I licked my lip and raised my eyebrows as I tried to think of how best to describe everything that had happened between Brendon and I since she and I last spoke, Calypso somehow caught exactly what I was going to say. She leapt over to my couch and immediately pulled me into her arms.

  "Are you okay?" she asked, suddenly serious. "This happens from time to time with my girls and I still haven't figured out the right words to say yet, I'm afraid. But I'm here for you. Whatever you need."

  "I'm fine, Calypso," I said, pushing her off me. "Really. The baby is a blessing. And Brendon, well, I'm not sure what to think about him just yet."

  Calypso coaxed the whole story out of me, from my first re-meeting with Brendon in Lock Knocks to yesterday's cruise around the everglades. I told her all about my feelings for him, and how I worried he wouldn't return them.

  She immediately dismissed my concerns. "It's all fine, my love." She waved a hand airily. "This is clearly a mechanization of fate. You couldn't have avoided this any more than you could have avoided winding up on my doorstep with those big green eyes full of hope. There's only one thing for it."

  "What's that?"

  She gazed at me intently. "You have to tell him, darling."

  I gulped and looked away. "About the baby? Or about the...love thing?"

  "Both," she said with a light chuckle.

  She didn't seem to think it was as daunting a task as I did. She swept off the couch and strode over to the window. I took that as my cue to follow her.

  "Life is so short, chérie. It's barely begun before it's even over, and during the few short years we get in between the cradle and the grave we must jam in every last bit of living we can. Whether you believe that fate orchestrated your situation or not, you at least believe in living while you're alive, no?"

  I stared out at the city below, wishing I could feel the breeze on my face. Even though her apartment was incredibly airy, right now I couldn't have felt more stifled.

  "I guess so. But what if—"

  "No what ifs." Calypso tapped the end of my nose remonstratively. "No what ifs. No buts. Just life. I'm thrilled to hear things worked out with you and Brendon, and I believe they will continue to do so."

  I offered up a weak smile and continued staring out at the sprawling urban playground of concrete spires and steel beams. I wanted to trust Calypso's judgement, but she lived up here in the clouds. I lived down there with the dirt and the grime. Could it be so easy as Brendon loving me back and wanting our child? Or would taking her advice mean the end to my life as I knew it even though I'd only just begun to build it?

  Chapter 17

  Brendon

  Julian was practically shaking with nervous energy, and I was more grateful than ever that I hadn't ceded to his demand of an ice cream cone on the way. I didn't want to see what he would be like pent up with a sugar high on top of everything else.
<
br />   "Are we there yet?"

  I sighed and looked back at him, smiling. "Not yet, kid. You'll know when we're there. It's your own house, after all."

  He scrunched up his nose. "All the houses look the same."

  "Trust me. You'll know it when you see it."

  Just as I'd expected, the second we pulled up next to his parent's elegant townhouse he whipped his head up and started bouncing in his seat.

  "We're here! We're here!"

  I put the car in park and killed the engine, grabbing the little backpack of his things from the front seat. Julian tried to let himself out of the back seat but was foiled by the child lock. I knew that every second it took to walk around and let him out was going to feel like an eternity for him. I was pretty excited too, and had gathered up Julian and his stuff the moment I heard the news.

  Avery was home.

  He'd gotten in early the previous evening, though Morgana gave him the night to settle before she told me and Julian. I guess she wanted some time alone in her home with the husband that she thought she might never see there again, and I couldn't blame her. I'd do the exact same thing if it were Aurora.

  Julian bounded up the front steps and jumped into the waiting arms of his mother, who had noticed me pulling up and was waiting for us at the top of the stoop.

  "I missed you so much!" she cooed into his hair. "I hope you were good for Uncle Brendon."

  "He was excellent. The paragon of a well-behaved little boy." I grinned and walked up, a warmth filling my heart at the touching scene. There was nothing like seeing a loving mother and her equally loving child. If I were Avery, I could spend all day just watching the two of them. He probably did, big softie that he was.