Scars of Love

by Lindsey Hart

  “You go. I’ll be in the living room counting up to one hundred.”

  “Deal.” Quickly, she moved farther down the hall. She knew exactly where she was hiding. Or what room, at least. She’d never even been in Alex’s room – she’d only happened to peer in whenever the door was open.

  She felt along as she walked, waiting for the break in the wall. Behind her, she heard Alex counting. He was at twenty already.

  Stumbling into his room, she took a few steps and bumped into the bed. Damn it. Maybe since she wasn’t really familiar with the room it had been a bad choice. Oh well. Too late now.

  Putting her hands out in front of her again, she moved around the edge of the bed. Where was the best place to hide in here? Under the bed, maybe? In the closet? She knew that was somewhere on the far wall…

  She couldn’t hear Alex counting anymore. Quickly, she dropped to her knees and pulled herself under the bed. Not her best hiding spot ever but it’ll have to do. The bed was big though – a queen or king – and maybe she could hide in the very middle to avoid detection. It was definitely dark enough in here that Alex could look right under the bed and not see her.

  She made herself as small as possible and focused on breathing shallowly. The apartment was dead quiet. Outside, a car honked. Lisa shivered. Where the hell was Alex? He was being too quiet.

  She turned her head, straining to listen. How could such a tall man be so quiet? Should she get out and hide somewhere else? Maybe she had picked an awful spot.

  Suddenly, something in the room creaked, and Lisa froze. Was he in here?

  No. It must have just been a board creaking. Alex was probably at the other end of the apartment.

  “Ow,” she whispered to herself. Her right leg was starting to fall asleep. Gently, she scooted to the side a few inches, shaking her foot gently. She was interrupted by something grabbing her leg.

  “Gotcha!” Alex whispered.

  Swiftly, Lisa kicked him with her other foot, breaking his hand’s hold on her.

  “Not yet,” she responded, pulling herself as fast as she could to the other side of the bed. Quick as a flash, she was up and moving to the door. Alex was even quicker though. He grabbed her shoulders, stopping her in her tracks.

  “I said ‘gotcha’! Game’s over.”

  “Never,” she snarled, making the response as dramatic as she possibly could. She attempted to run for it, but Alex picked her up from behind, her legs kicking in the air. Stumbling, he fell backward, collapsing onto the bed.

  “You are such a cheater,” he mumbled, through laughter. “And your hair is in my mouth.”

  “Sorry,” she giggled. “I’m a sore loser.”

  Attempting to disentangle herself, she turned over, but somehow ended up still being on top of him. Not only that, but his arms were wrapped around her waist.

  Lisa froze, her heart all but stopping. Was this actually happening?

  Even as close as she was, she could barely see Alex’s face through the dark. All she could make out was the outline of his jaw and cheek. He lay motionless, her hands still on the small of her back.

  “This is dangerous,” he whispered.

  Lisa took in a sharp breath. Of all the things she had expected him to say, that wasn’t one of them.

  “Why?” she prompted.

  He hesitated, a heavier silence hanging between them. Lisa could feel each of his individual fingers burning her skin through her thin t-shirt. It was agony and ecstasy all at the same time. She wanted – needed – something to happen; for him to make a move, but at the same time she wanted nothing more than to exist in the painfully sweet moment forever.

  “We can’t play this game.”

  “Hide and seek?”

  He chuckled. “I think you know what I mean.”

  “Yeah,” she responded softly. “I do.”

  “We have Jason to raise. And if something were to happen between you and me, and then things were to go wrong…”

  She nodded slowly, although she wasn’t even sure he could see the movement in the dark room. She hadn’t really thought about what he was saying. She’d only worried about the dangers from her end. What he was saying made so much sense though, and – damn – it hurt. The painfully sweet fire that was first coming from his touch was now a burning fire in her chest and throat.

  “I want to do right by you,” he whispered.

  She swallowed what felt like a ball of flames and forced herself to speak. “What do you mean?”

  “What you and Jason need right now is a good home – a strong supportive environment – and I need to provide that for you. I can’t screw that up. I can’t lead you on. I can’t hurt you – ”

  “This already hurts,” she interrupted. “It hurt from the first time I saw you and realized I couldn’t have you.”

  He moved his right hand up, cupping her face. She wanted to collapse, to melt into his arms, but she forced herself to stay rigid, to keep the space between them. Slowly, tentatively, he spoke, as if testing out the validity of the words as he put breath to them.

  “I’m not even sure I know how to take care of others. This is all new to me.”

  “Alex… I – okay, I have to be honest…” She exhaled heavily, committing herself to the brutal truth of the moment. “You’ve really surprised me. You’ve been so helpful with Jason. You’ve been so helpful to me… I don’t think you have to worry about learning how to take care of others. I think you already know how to.”

  “Lisa,” he whispered, moving his hand from her cheek to the back of her neck, where all the hairs stood on end. “Thank you.”

  With her eyes now adjusted to the darkness, she could see a smile resting on his face. She smiled in return, despite the slow, painful burning she still felt inside.

  “What do you want?” he asked.

  Before she knew what she was saying, the words were out. “I want you to kiss me.”

  The half a second in which Alex took to bridge the gap between them to touch his lips to hers stretched out and took on more meaning than any other half second in Lisa’s life. The first half second after which she had learned her sister and brother-in-law were dead; the first half second after she had seen Jason’s little face for the first time; the first half second after she had seen Alex at the holiday party over four years ago… All of those were moments she would always remember, standing out permanently in her mind because of the shining brilliance or mind-numbing pain of them.

  But this half of a second she knew would always stand out above all the others because of the sheer awe of it. Not only that, but she had a feeling that once his lips touched hers she would probably explode and permanently become a part of the stars, staying up in the sky for the rest of time, readily and willingly shining down on every pair of lovers that were to come after her and Alex. All thoughts were lost as his lips crashed against hers, and she had a momentary sense that she was out of her body – yes, she was up there in the stars flying to heaven. But was this actually going on? She had spent years wanting it and telling herself she could not have it – the last month had been pure torture in some ways. Now that Alex was here, beneath her, kissing her and running his hands through her hair, it just didn’t seem real.

  She grabbed his t-shirt with both hands, a hunger she had never felt before taking over. His tongue danced with hers, the two of them intertwining in her mouth. He tasted sweet and smooth, but it wasn’t enough. She wanted to taste every inch of him. She wanted to take every part of his body in her mouth until there was no part of him left unexplored.

  Swiftly, he flipped her over and moved on top. His chest pressed against her, but he held himself back, careful not to lay his full weight down. His tongue ran across her teeth, and a shaky sigh left her body. The pain from before had turned into a new kind of fire – one that had started in her belly and was now spreading rapidly, soaking her limbs in heat. She knew she wasn’t going to be satisfied until she had Alex in every way possible that a woman can have a
man.

  Grabbing his hands, she moved them to her waist. “Touch me,” she whispered. “Anywhere. Everywhere.”

  He pulled up, looking down into her eyes. Against the dim light from the street lamp, she could now see the faintest bit of his pupils. “Are you sure?”

  She gulped but didn’t hesitate. “Yes. I’m so sure. Do anything you want…. As long as you’ll let me do anything I want to you.”

  He groaned, a low guttural sound, and moved his face to her belly. Gently lifting her shirt, he kissed across her stomach going lower with each touch of his lips. When he got to her jeans, he deftly unbuttoned and pulled them down, yanking them off in a few swift moves.

  Lisa was aware of just how wet she was down there – she could feel the warmth soaking through her panties and running down her thighs. Each second that Alex didn’t touch her there felt like an hour that she had to wait.

  Slowly, achingly, he rubbed his fingers across the top of the thin fabric, barely grazing her clit. The slight touch felt heavenly though, and Lisa moaned softly, pressing her face into her arm.

  “If you don’t want to do this, you better tell me now,” Alex said, his voice husky. “Because I’m not going to be able to control myself any longer.”

  “If you do control yourself, I’ll kill you,” Lisa laughed.

  “Good to hear,” he chuckled, pushing her underwear to the side.

  His face lowered between her legs, and she felt his hot breath against her folds. Sweet, wet licks teased her clit, and she moaned again. Pleasure surged through every inch of her, like nothing she had ever felt – not with any man; not with herself. This was something new entirely. If he continued like this she was certain to explode in a matter of seconds.

  “Oh my God,” she sighed. “You’re driving me crazy. I can’t take it.”

  “I’m gonna make you take it,” he teased, before resuming his sucking and licking.

  “Seriously, I can’t take it,” she moaned. “Come here.”

  Sliding out from under him, she rose up to her knees. “Take your pants off.”

  “I wasn’t done.”

  “Take your pants off.”

  “That was rude.”

  Lisa giggled. “Let’s see if you say that in two minutes.”

  Standing, Alex undid his belt and let his pants drop to the floor.

  “Shirt too. And underwear,” Lisa commanded.

  “Well, well. You’re suddenly very bossy.”

  “I think you like it,” Lisa responded, pulling her own shirt off.

  “I love it.”

  The rest of Alex’s clothes flew to the floor, and he moved towards Lisa again. The gentle touch from earlier now gone, he pushed aside one of her bra cups, exposing her nipple to the air. His mouth puckered around it, hungrily sucking.

  Lisa reached behind her, unhooking her bra. As it fell to the bed, Alex reached up and grabbed her other breast, massaging and pulling it. Lisa wanted so badly for him to never stop, but she wanted something else even more, and she was starting to feel like she was going to go crazy if she didn’t get it – and get it now.

  Her own actions turning rougher, Lisa pushed him down flat. Unquestioningly, he went. His dick was hard and straight, and she could feel it against her leg, a little bit of pre-cum leaking out of it. She grasped it, reveling in the smoothness. It was just as soft as she had expected it to be and just as thick as she had hoped. She slid her hand up and down, imagining the fullness of him inside of her. Just the idea made her quake.

  Slowly, she lowered her mouth to him, gently licking and teasing the very tip of his head. He moaned low, and she took his whole member in her mouth, bobbing her head up and down. He was sweet and salty, and with each stroke she made he moaned louder.

  “Are you ready for me?” she asked, raising her head and brushing her hair back.

  He grabbed her hair, tugging gently. “Yes.”

  “Then come.”

  Moving back, she rested languidly against the pillows, waiting for Alex to make the next move. Somewhere in the darkness, he reached over and rummaged in a bedside stand. A crinkling and a rip signified a condom being put on, and a moment later he was against Lisa again, kissing her and running his hands against the length of her body.

  She slid down further, resting completely under his hips. Their kisses became more intense; feverish. Alex slid his hand between her legs, spreading them wide. He pushed against her warm spot, teasing but not entering. Slowly, he slid the slightest bit in. Lisa moaned, stretching herself wide to welcome him. With another push, he entered deep, groaning as he grabbed her hair and bit her lip.

  Lisa shuddered and looped her arms around his back. Alex made another slow motion, gently thrusting in and up. She gasped as he hit the sweetest spot deep within her.

  Steadily, he found a rhythm, and Lisa succumbed, letting every muscle relax and her every sense filled up by his presence. His motions became faster, and the heat building in Lisa increased and rose, encompassing her whole being. It swirled around her, lifting her up in a wave of ecstasy.

  “Alex,” she whispered into his hair, as the pressure accumulated, and she exploded in sweet release.

  Alex moaned in response, thrusting one last time. He stilled against her, pressing their sweaty bodies close. Lisa closed her eyes, spots swimming in the darkness in front of her, and sighed. All was right with the world. All was perfect. And she hoped nothing ever, ever changed.

  Bang, bang, came the loud knocking. Lisa dragged an arm across Alex’s chest, rubbing her heavy eyes. She couldn’t even remember falling asleep. Her last memory was of lying pressed up against Alex, their bodies still naked, kissing slowly. Was it morning already?

  No, the room was still shrouded in darkness, and Alex lay next to her, deep asleep.

  The banging noise came again, even louder this time.

  “Alex,” she whispered, shaking him gently. “I think someone’s at the door.”

  Alex stirred, rolling on his side. “What?”

  “Alex!” came a high-pitched voice – a woman’s.

  Every muscle in Lisa froze. At first, she had thought it was the police – that maybe there had been another accident. Or maybe it was a neighbor who needed help. But this woman didn’t sound desperate. She sounded… giddy.

  “Let me in, baby,” she yelled again. Her voice was muffled and far-away, but the tone was clearly distinguishable. Yes, she was giddy.

  “Oh, God,” Alex said, rolling out of bed and switching on the bedside lamp.

  “Who is that?” Lisa asked, attempting to keep her voice even.

  Alex picked his pants off the floor and pulled them on.

  “I’ll get rid of her,” he responded, quickly walking out of the room.

  “You didn’t answer,” Lisa whispered, more to herself than to him, since he was already gone.

  She didn’t really need an answer though, and she didn’t want to know the woman’s name. All she needed was a good slap in the face because she had been a fool. She’d been a ridiculous fool to even think that Alex might have changed. What was that story about the scorpion and the frog? That’s right. The scorpion can’t change his nature, no matter what. Just like the playboy.

  Lisa pushed herself out of bed, her hands shaking at her sides. She grabbed her shirt and pants and tugged them on. From the front, voices drifted down the hall – one high pitched and whiny, and the other low and steady.

  Lisa slid to the end of the hall, not willing to step into the living room. In the front doorway stood a young woman close to Lisa’s own age. She was clearly intoxicated, but her state hadn’t messed up her smooth brown hair or heavy eye makeup. She was beautiful and well put together, and just looking at her made Lisa rage. Alex had slept with this girl. And who knew how many times? Or what it had meant?

  Had they had a relationship? Or had he just used her for sex, just like he had Lisa earlier tonight?

  “There’s a baby here,” Alex was saying. “You need to keep your voice down.
”

  The girl’s heavily penciled eyebrows shot up. “Seriously? Wow, Alex, I knew we weren’t serious, but man…”

  “He’s my nephew.” Alex folded his arms. “And you need to go, Cara. I’m sorry.”

  Cara opened her mouth to speak, and then caught sight of Lisa. Her mouth twisted into a sour pucker. “Okay, I see. You’ve got yourself a little family now. You don’t need me.”

  Tears appeared in her eyes, and Lisa felt sorry for her. She wished that the girl had never shown up here, but still, Lisa knew how she felt.

  “It’s not like that,” Alex said.

  Not like that? Lisa’s hands balled into fists. Sure, she already knew that it ‘wasn’t like that’, but did he have to tell this girl that as well?

  Whimpering permeated the silence, and Alex turned his head, seeing Lisa for the first time. “Lisa,” he started, but by then Jason had burst into full-blown wailing.

  Lisa spun on her heels, flying into the baby’s room. Shutting the door behind her, she locked it and wiped away her tears.

  “Good timing, Jason,” she whispered, bending over the crib to scoop him up. She bounced the baby, resting him against her breast.

  “Looks like it really is just you and me, buddy.”

  A knock on the door woke her up. Lisa started, rising up from the rocking chair. She had spent the rest of the night sleeping in it next to the crib, and her neck was stiff.

  “Lisa,” came Alex’s voice through the door. “Please let me in. It wasn’t what you think.”

  Hah. Right. As if those words weren’t completely overused.

  Lisa bent over the crib. Jason’s mobile toy was still on, and he was awake, staring at the spinning zoo animals overhead and kicking his legs. Memories of the last twelve hours – the beautiful and the ugly – flooded over her and she pressed her palm to her mouth, trying to stop a sob from coming out.

  She lifted Jason up and walked over to the door, unlocking and opening it. Alex stood in the door frame, his arm resting against it. He looked as if he hadn’t slept at all.

  “I’m only coming out because Jason needs to be fed,” she clipped, brushing past him and heading to the kitchen.