by J. A. Owenby
I slid to the floor as the sobs shook my body. I cried for Walker, I cried for Susan and Garrett, and I cried for me. Everything I’d worked so hard for had just been ripped out of my hands.
I reached into the shower and turned it on. I didn’t have the strength to stand, so I slid over the side and sat on the bottom. The water washed over me and soaked through my clothes. Every bit of dignity I’d tried to hold on to swirled down the drain with my tears.
My tears turned into a fit of laughter as I realized all the lies I’d told myself. The times I’d patted myself on the back for standing my ground against Mama. What the hell had I been thinking? That I could get away with saying no to her and still walk back in this house unscathed? No one stood up to Mama and got away with it, and neither had I.
I turned off the water and stripped off my wet clothes. I grabbed a towel and stood on the carpet while the water ran down my body. My head was clearer after the shower, but I was still out of it. I sure as hell didn’t remember a stack of clean clothes on the bathroom counter.
I dried off and dressed in my fresh clothes. I’d gained more control of my legs, and I slowly walked to the bedroom door. I reached for the knob and turned it. It was locked. I jiggled the handle again, but it didn’t budge. It was locked from the other side.
What the hell? Mama was keeping me locked in? I glanced around the room and eyed the sliding glass door, but then I realized I would never get past Rex and Ruger without them barking and alerting Mama. I didn’t have enough strength to run far, either.
My legs shook as I thought through my possible escapes, but every one of them ended with Mama catching up with me. Weak and exhausted, I crawled back into bed. I was trapped.
* * *
I woke to bright sunlight. I tossed the covers off me with a new energy. This time when I tried the door knob, it opened. I took a few tentative steps outside Mama’s bedroom and into the kitchen. I stopped when I realized Mama was in her chair.
“Make yourself something to eat, Lacey.”
“How long, Mama?” My voice was raspy and my throat sore.
“Four days,” she replied. She’d understood exactly what my question meant.
I gasped. I’d been in a drug-induced stupor for four days? Oh my God! Oh my God! I needed to call Susan, but I couldn’t with Mama around.
“Don’t even think about making a phone call or leaving this house. You can sleep in your room again, but I’ve taken your phone away.”
“Why? Why did you do this? Has Walker called me?”
“No, Walker hasn’t called and neither has anyone else. No one is looking for you so don’t get any silly ideas in your head. Go eat and then go downstairs. I have to wash your stench off my bedding. If I were you, I would use this next week to spend time with God and rid yourself of your nasty demons once and for all.”
“A week? I can’t leave for another week? Mama, you can’t do that to me. I’m your daughter, not a prisoner, and I’m not demon-possessed! You’re fucking crazy!”
She jumped out of her chair, bolted toward me, and pushed me back into her bedroom. I slammed into her bed, unable to recover before the door closed and the lock clicked behind her.
* * *
It took me three more days to earn the door being opened again. I drank water from the bathroom sink and didn’t touch any food Mama brought in. I considered attacking her when she opened the door, but she was too strong for me to overpower. I was going to have to keep my damn mouth closed and play along until an opportunity presented itself.
This time, when I walked out of her bedroom and she told me to make myself something to eat, I didn’t argue. I searched the fridge for unopened items. She couldn’t have tampered with them if they weren’t open. The calendar on the refrigerator door read November 27. I clenched my jaw to avoid the tears. It had been seven days since I was supposed to visit Walker.
I turned away, sat at the table, and stuffed myself until my stomach hurt.
I did everything she told me for the next two days. I didn’t argue and I didn’t talk unless I was asked a question. I stayed downstairs except to get food. My strength returned as I began eating regularly again.
I’d just made it to the top of the stairs one afternoon when I heard Mama and Patsy talking. I searched around, but the living room and kitchen were empty. The voices trailed down the hall from their bedroom.
“I get it, Lynn, but she’s gonna figure it out at some point.”
“I do hear from God. There isn’t anything to figure out,” Mama snapped.
“Yes, you do, but you also have Krissy and me spy on Lacey so you know what’s going on. I was the one who saw her and Walker at the mall. God didn’t tell you about it, I did, as well as numerous other times.”
“What’s your point, Patsy?”
I’d heard enough. I ignored my grumbling stomach and eased back down the stairs.
I closed the door to my bedroom and sunk to the floor. Mama hadn’t heard from God about Walker at all. It was Patsy. Patsy spied for her? What the hell! I thought about the times I’d gotten in trouble and couldn’t figure out how Mama had found out. She’d convinced everyone that God told her, but God didn’t speak to her at all.
As I pieced the puzzle together, I realized that there was no way I could tell Mama I’d overheard her and Patsy’s conversation. If I wanted out of this house, I was going to have to play it cool.
I stayed in my room for the rest of the night.
Chapter 44
The next day I went upstairs and sat on the couch next to Mama.
“Hi, Mama.”
“Hi, Lacey,” she said and put her book down.
“I wanted to ask you to forgive me for lying and going behind your back. The last few weeks have shown me that you’re right. I’m not sure why I thought I could have a healthy relationship with Walker when I’m so messed up. I’ve spent a lot of time praying and I feel like I didn’t love him at all. It wasn’t me. It was like I was just walking around in a daze. I didn’t have control over anything I did! You were right, I was possessed. I woke up this morning and everything was different. I’m different,” I said intently.
Mama shifted in her chair as she leaned forward and stared me right in the eyes.
“Patsy, get in here and help me!”
“Mama, I mean it, I’m not joking. All, this time we’ve been praying for my deliverance, it finally happened. Look at me! Look me right in the eyes and tell me you don’t see the difference!” I leaned toward her and stared back at her.
“I’m different,” I whispered. “You saved me, Mama, and I love you. I’m free.”
Patsy rounded the corner as I finished. Mama didn’t move as we continued to stare at each other.
“Patsy, Lacey’s saying she’s delivered and that the time here in the house did it. We broke her will and the demons left her. Look at her. Does she look different to you?”
I shifted and turned toward Patsy. I allowed her to stare at me for herself.
“She does look different, Lynn. There’s no hate in her eyes, either. I think it’s finally over. I really do!” Patsy said as she clapped her hands and shouted a loud praise to God. Mama and I joined in right behind her.
“Victory to Jesus! Victory to Jesus!” Mama yelled. “My baby has been set free!”
I grabbed hold of Mama and hugged her with everything I had inside me. She pulled me into her lap and rocked me like I was two years old again. We laughed and cried together while Patsy grabbed us all tissues.
Patsy cooked an excellent dinner and we discussed God’s grace and goodness while we ate. I wanted to cherish the moment. It was almost like a truth had finally settled inside me. I viewed everything differently, I didn’t feel the same, and Mama and Patsy recognized it too.
As the sun set and we cleaned the kitchen together, Mama leaned back in her chair and smiled.
* * *
I spent the majority of time with Mama after that, and instead of migrating to my bedroom I st
ayed in the living room. I only left if she took a nap. I read a book on the couch while she read a book in her recliner. I cooked our meals and cleaned the kitchen. I washed all our laundry and cleaned the bathrooms. Mama didn’t have to ask for anything. I sang softly and smiled often.
I welcomed her and every word she spoke with open arms. When she asked how I was doing, I told her. I didn’t shut her out or make excuses for my previous years of behavior. I was humble and ready to create a new life for myself. I doted on everything Mama said.
I cooked her favorite chicken casserole for dinner and lit a prayer candle while we ate. Patsy talked about her day while Mama and I listened. Not only was I feeling better, but Mama had remained in a good mood. She smiled and laughed as Patsy told the story of her pet snake peeing on the young man in her class who was a troublemaker. Dinnertime had evolved into a time of sharing, listening, and laughing.
Mama finished her dinner and put her fork down. She glanced at me and smiled.
“What? Do I have food on my face?” I asked and giggled.
“No, silly goose. It’s finally done. It’s over, I can tell. I’ve observed you all week and you’re free, Lacey. You can call work tomorrow and tell them your pneumonia is gone and you can return.”
“I still have a job?” I squeaked.
“Yes, I just told them you were sick. Which was true, but they didn’t need to find out the extent of your illness. I guess we just had to break you down enough to get those filthy demons out of you.”
“Thank you, Mama. Thank you for saving my job, but more than that, thank you for not giving up on me. I love you.” I scooted my chair back, walked around the kitchen table, and hugged her.
A few days later I returned to my job.
Chapter 45
I pulled into the mall parking lot and pulled my coat tighter as I walked to the back entrance. The weather had turned colder during my time with Mama.
Nausea rolled through my stomach at the thought of walking into work. As far as everyone knew, I’d had pneumonia and that was the story I was sticking with.
I went into the store and waved at the ladies at the customer service counter. They all welcomed me back.
It didn’t take long for word to travel as I clocked in and reported for work in the children’s department. Several people waved and promised they’d be over to visit on their break. I approached the edge of the children’s clothes. Becky waited at the corner of the aisle between the petite and children’s department. A warm smile filled her face. I walked straight to her and gave her a big, long hug.
“Hey, kid! It’s good to see you,” she said as she patted my shoulder.
“It’s good to be back.”
“Well, I prayed for you when we found out you were sick.”
“Thank you, the prayers worked,” I smiled. “I better get to the register. I’ll catch up with you later.”
I glanced around at my empty department and made a beeline for the phone. I entered Walker’s home number on the keypad. I held my breath as the phone began to ring, but with each ring going unanswered, my hope disappeared. I would call back in a little while.
My next call was to Emma.
“Where have you been? I called you, and Joss and I stopped by twice! Your mom said you were sick and that you’d call soon. I was so worried. Are you all better?”
“What? You did?” My voice hitched as the tears filled my eyes. Mama had said no one called me.
“Emma, I’m okay, but I need your help. Can you meet me tonight after work?”
“Yes, of course. Something bad happened, didn’t it? Oh God, Lacey, I’m so sorry. I should’ve come over and demanded to see you.”
“It’s okay, Emma, I just need help tonight. Can your dad come with you?”
Silence filled the phone for a minute as Emma realized what I’d asked.
“Yes, I’ll make sure of it.”
Emma and I agreed on a time for them to meet me and I hung up the phone.
I wondered what else Mama had lied to me about over the last eighteen years. Desperation rose inside me. I needed to get in touch with Susan.
I dialed her phone number again, but there was still no answer. Had she tried to call me? Had Walker? Had he been worried, or did he think I’d just not shown up? Gotten cold feet and backed out? We were engaged; he must’ve realized something was wrong. They had to have known something was wrong.
I kept myself busy for a few hours folding clothes and moving sizes around. We reorganized the department every few months, and I’d come back to work just in time for it. I glanced at my watch and realized that my dinner break was in five minutes.
The phone rang and I hurried to the register to answer.
“Children’s department, this is Lacey.”
“I’m in town for a visit.”
“Walker? Oh my God. I’m so glad you called!”
“Are you?”
“Of course, why wouldn’t I be?” I asked, confused.
“I’m at the mall, do you have a break coming up?” he asked.
“Yeah, in just a few minutes.”
“Okay, I want to see you for a minute. Meet me by the arcade.”
I agreed and hung up the phone, thanking God I was here at work when Walker called. I could tell he was mad, and I didn’t blame him, but when I explained what Mama had done, we would be okay. I would see Susan and Garrett again too.
I hurried to the lunch room, clocked out, and grabbed my purse from my locker. I was finally about to wrap my arms around Walker again. Mama hadn’t won after all. Maybe God was looking out for me.
I couldn’t wait to touch him, to hug and kiss him. I missed him so much and I needed to make things right. I needed to explain everything to him.
I hurried out of the store and into the mall. I rounded the corner and as I approached the arcade, I identified his back. He’d filled out from boot camp. He stood lean and strong, his muscles rippling beneath his shirt. The air force had been good to him and I planned on being good to him, too.
“Walker,” I said, a bit out of breath from walking fast, but I was too excited to walk at a normal pace.
Walker turned to face me and my smile dropped away. I hadn’t paid any attention to who was with him. Walker Farren, my fiancé, was with Brittany, his ex-girlfriend.
I stepped backward. “What’s going on?”
“What did you think? That I was going to welcome you with open arms? That everything would be okay when you didn’t show up that weekend? You left Mom and Garrett stuck with no one to drive. Aunt Linda had an emergency out of town and Mom can’t drive anymore—you know that. You promised you’d take care of them, but the minute I left, you took off. Thank God Brittany and James brought Mom down. But what was really crazy was when James pulled me aside and told me you kissed him. You have no idea how fucking pissed I was. I could never trust someone who cheated on me, especially with my friend. What the hell, Lacey?”
“What? No! I never—”
“I’m not interested in any more lies. Even after all of that, Mom still tried to call, but you wouldn’t even speak to her. She’s dying, and you couldn’t even find time to talk to her and apologize for the shit you pulled.”
I shook my head as Brittany squeezed his arm.
“No, that’s not true, you don’t understand!”
“I do understand, Lacey. You’re not who I thought you were. It’s over.”
My mouth hung open as Brittany kissed his cheek and flashed her hand with a diamond ring on her ring finger. He thought I’d left him when he needed me the most, but worse than that, he thought I’d come on to his best friend.
Walker and Brittany turned and began to walk away.
“Walker, wait! You don’t understand, please let me explain and then if you feel the same way fine, but just listen to me, please. Don’t do this!”
He didn’t respond. Brittany peered over her shoulder and blew me a kiss. I wanted to wipe that smug grin off her face, but my heart had just bee
n shattered with a sledgehammer and I stood rooted in my place.
They left me standing in a mall full of people, and a piece of me died in that moment. It was over. He hadn’t let me explain anything. Brittany had waited for an opportunity, and the minute Mama gave it to her, she’d stepped right back into Walker’s life.
I turned around and went back to work.
Chapter 46
I wasn’t really sure what I did the rest of the night. I walked around in more of a fog than when Mama had drugged me. I couldn’t get Walker’s angry expression out of my mind.
After everything we’d been through together, he actually thought I’d ditched him and his family. Worse than that, he thought I’d cheated on him. Little did Walker know that James had tried to kiss me, and how pissed he got when I turned him down.
The announcement that the store was closing came across the intercom system, and I made sure that no customers were left in my department. I counted the money in the register and turned it in as I clocked out.
I welcomed the cold air as I walked outside.
“Lacey!” Emma grabbed me and hugged me. Her father stood behind her.
“Thank you for coming,” I said and hugged her back.
“I’m glad I’m not too late. What happened?”
“Let’s sit down for a minute. I need to speak to you before we talk to your dad,” I said in a hushed tone.
“Okay,” Emma said. “Daddy, can you wait in the car for us? We’ll be just a few minutes.”
He nodded and walked to the car. He was a great dad and a good man. I wasn’t sure how I would ever repay him for what I was about to ask.
I took a deep breath as the cold air blew through my coat. “Mama drugged me and kept me locked in the house for ten days, Emma.”
Emma covered her mouth as I talked. Tears filled her eyes and she sat there speechless, only able to shake her head.
“I had no idea things had gotten that bad. I’m so sorry.” She sniffled and dabbed her eyes.
“I didn’t either. I thought I was doing well standing up to her, but she was just waiting for me. She’s cold and calculating. How the hell do you lock your own kid in the house? How do you drug your own daughter?”
