by J. A. Owenby
Then I whispered, “It gets worse.”
“No, wait, give me a minute,” she said, sniffling.
I nodded and waited for her to regain her composure.
“Okay,” she said. “Go ahead.”
“Walker came to see me.”
“That’s good, right? Lacey, please tell me that’s good.”
“No, it wasn’t good. He said I tried to sleep with James, his best friend. “
“What? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, and how in the world would that happen if you were stuck at your mom’s house? What the hell is wrong with him all of the sudden?”
“He was also angry because I didn’t show up to visit him that weekend. I practically begged him to let me explain, but he wouldn’t listen to anything I tried to say. He’s already moved on.”
“What do you mean, moved on?”
“He was with Brittany and she was wearing a ring.”
“What? Are you serious? Oh, honey, he did not deserve you. You don’t just move on after a few weeks. Nope, it doesn’t work that way,” she said. “And how in the hell could he have believed a word James said? You would never cheat on him.”
“I have no idea, but now he’s with Brittany, and he won’t let me explain anything.”
“Cheating asshole,” she muttered.
Her words jarred me.
“He did cheat on me, didn’t he?”
“Yes, he did! I realize you’re in shock about everything, but he cheated on you. You did not cheat on him.”
“I can’t think about it right now. I have to figure things out. I can’t go home and now I can’t go to Walker’s house like I’d hoped.”
We sat in silence for a few minutes and collected our thoughts. Then Emma did what only Emma could’ve done.
“Lacey, you’re in way over your head. Take a step back, breathe, and focus on getting better. You aren’t equipped to deal with this on your own, and you need a safe place to heal. You need a break from everything and to find out who you are in all this craziness. Move out, and let’s get an apartment together.”
Tears spilled over my cheeks and I thanked God for Emma. I swiped at them as I stared into the night. I knew what Emma was saying was true. I couldn’t help Mama anymore, and I’d lost Walker. I had no family left. My heart couldn’t hold it all. I was bleeding out right where I sat, and no one suspected a thing—no one except Emma.
“Okay, let’s start searching for a place,” I smiled sheepishly.
“Daddy and I will go with you tonight. We’ll help you move, whatever you need. Mom and Daddy will want you to stay with us while we look for our own place, and you know you want to see Emee every day too,” she said, holding up her M&M keychain.
I couldn’t help but smile. She’d bought that keychain our sophomore year and had referred to it as Emee ever since.
“Okay. It would be nice to live in our own place, even if it is with your big-ass Elvis clock hanging in the living room.”
Emma laughed. “You bought it for me, so don’t start gripin’ about it. You’re gonna be okay. You’ve got support and people who love you.”
“I know. Do you think your dad will be okay going with us?”
“He’s gonna be hoppin’ mad when we tell him what happened. You realize he might call the cops on her.”
“No! No, please, he can’t. I just want to get out in one piece tonight.”
“Honey, she drugged you and held you captive for weeks. She broke the law.”
“I know, but I can’t take any more. I can’t.” I brushed away the tears as they fell.
“Okay, I’ll do what I can to talk him out of it. Maybe we shouldn’t tell him that part.”
“What are we gonna tell him then?”
“Mom and Daddy realize you’ve had a rough home life. I don’t think they’ll ask too many questions, at least for a while.”
“Well, he’ll find out more tonight if Mama gets all crazy. All I need to do is grab my clothes and a few things out the bathroom. Mama sold my furniture so I’ll need to shop for more when we get an apartment.”
“I’m sorry, she did what?” Emma gasped.
“She sold my bedroom furniture when she thought I’d stayed at Joss’s house too many days in a row.”
“Who does stuff like that?”
“I don’t know. I guess Mama does.”
“Let’s go.” She stood up and waited for me to grab my purse. “I’ll talk to Daddy, just follow my lead.”
We walked through the parking lot and I was met by a burst of warm air from the car as I eagerly crawled into the backseat.
“I’m sorry we asked you to wait, Daddy,” Emma began.
He turned in his seat and faced me. His face seemed grim, and his salt-and-pepper hair added to the grave look on his face.
“Are you okay?” he asked.
I nodded yes. “I need some help, though.”
He turned back to Emma. “What’s going on?” Jim was a lot of fun, but when he used the Dad voice, everyone listened.
“Daddy, Lacey can’t go home. Her mom hurt her and she needs a place to stay. I was hoping you would go with us to get her clothes and a few things. We’re gonna start looking for an apartment together so we won’t stay at the house long, but right now we need your help. I won’t let Lacey go back into her house alone.”
Jim sat quietly for a minute as he processed this information.
“Is your mother home, Lacey?” he asked as his forehead wrinkled.
“Yes . . . I think so, anyway. She has no idea that I’m with you and Emma right now.”
“Well, she will in a few minutes,” he said and started the car. “Let’s go get your things then. You’ll stay with us and I’ll help you girls find an apartment. We’ll start looking on Monday.”
“Thank you,” I whispered.
Even though Jim and Emma were with me, I was scared to death. I was daring to go up against Mama one more time and I didn’t know if I was going to survive. Before, I’d had Walker and Susan, but they weren’t there anymore. I’d lost the only family I had, and now I was about to lose my biological one, too.
I hadn’t even started to process what had happened with Walker or anything else I’d gone through over the last several weeks. I wanted to curl up in a ball and hide.
In a matter of months, I had gone from having the best thing in my life to having nothing. All thanks to Mama. If she hadn’t drugged me and I’d shown up to meet Walker, James wouldn’t have had the opportunity to lie to him, and we’d be planning our wedding. I wouldn’t be sitting in the backseat of Jim’s car, terrified to go home.
It wasn’t home anymore. Nowhere was home. I didn’t belong anywhere.
* * *
Jim pulled into the driveway and we were greeted by the dogs. Emma reached down to pet them.
“It’s gonna be weird not coming here anymore,” she said.
“I know, but I can never come back.”
“Let’s go, girls,” Jim said and motioned us forward.
I walked up the stairs in front of them and went into the house.
“Hi, Mama,” I said as I let Emma and Jim in behind me. Jim walked around the other side of me, and his presence filled the room as he stood tall.
“Well hi, Emma. It’s so nice to see you. Lacey didn’t tell me you were coming over. Did you have car problems, Lacey? Why is Emma’s dad with you?”
“No, Mama. I came by to get my things. I’m moving out,” I said as my voice cracked with emotion.
“What? Lacey, you can’t do that. You don’t have anywhere to go.”
“She’ll stay with us for now,” Jim said. “You two go get Lacey’s stuff together.”
I grabbed a few garbage bags and Emma and I headed downstairs. My heart was heavy as I realized that this was the last time I’d be walking down these stairs. Things could’ve been so different. It didn’t have to end this way.
“I’ll grab everything from your bathroom,” Emma said.
/> I nodded as I made my way through the family room and gathered what I needed. I continued to my bedroom and began throwing my clothes into bags.
I picked up the bra and panty set I’d bought before Walker had left. I stood there and stared at it as I thought about the last time I saw him. He’d cheated on me. No matter what happened, that was the bottom line, but the thing that hurt the most was that he didn’t have anyone come look for me.
Why hadn’t he asked Aunt Linda to come over with social workers and search the house? They would’ve found me. He knew Mama was crazy. Why had he left me? I tossed my bra and panties in the bag, along with all my pain, as I thought about James and what a sneaky bastard he was. Walker had no clue who had really lied to him.
“Hey,” Emma said as she approached me. “I know you feel like you’re broken into a million pieces, but we’re going to get through this. Just hang on until we get to my house—then you can lose your shit in my room. I’ll give you some time to cry, okay?”
“Yeah, okay,” I said as I blinked the tears out of my eyes.
“What else do you need?”
I pointed at the few piles on the floor and grabbed my pillow and sleeping bag. I shook them out to make sure I wasn’t transporting dangerous cargo, rolled them up, and searched the room again.
“You haven’t been here since I’ve been sleeping on the floor,” I said. “I wouldn’t have anyone over anyway. Except Walker,” I choked on my words as I remembered the only time he’d been here.
“I can see why. If I’d seen this, I would’ve kidnapped you instead.” She frowned as the words left her mouth. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that.”
“It’s okay.” I took one last look around. “That’s it. Did you get everything out of my bathroom?”
“I did. There’s nothing left.”
“Let’s go.”
Emma walked in front of me and I turned around and said goodbye to my prison one last time as I turned off the light.
Emma and I climbed the steep stairs and reached Jim. Emma handed him some of our bags.
“You lied to me,” Mama said. “You’re not okay. You’ve given over to those demons after all!”
“Mama, that’s not true. I’m very different, but it was because of what you did. If you don’t like what’s happening right now, then you should’ve done something about it a long time ago. You should’ve gotten help, Mama. You’re sick. Our family isn’t healthy. We’re extremely fucked up. It’s not okay to hit people and tell them they’re possessed just because you don’t want them to leave you. I stayed to try and help you, but you weren’t interested. My biggest mistake? I should’ve left you a long time ago, but it’s hard when you love someone so much.”
“Don’t you walk out that door, Lacey! You won’t get to come crawling back when everything falls apart.”
“It already has, Mama. I don’t have anything else left to lose. I love you, but you won’t ever hurt me again. Do us all a favor and get some help.”
I walked out of the house and down the stairs for the last time. Her screams echoed through the house and out the door. I heard her call me a bitch as Jim helped me load my stuff into the trunk. I bit my lip to stop the tears. I was tired of crying. I just wanted to walk away.
“Goodbye, Mama,” I whispered as I slipped into the backseat and Jim backed the car out of the driveway. Mama stood on the porch, still screaming. I’m sure the neighbors were getting a helluva show tonight.
Chapter 47
Jim helped us unload the car when we got to Emma’s house. I said hi to Emma’s mom and we headed to Emma’s room. I stacked my stuff in the corner so we wouldn’t trip over it.
“I’m glad your dad was there tonight. Thank you so much . . . for everything.”
“Well, just don’t go back. Nothing she could say or do will ever make up for what she did. Not only did she hold you captive, she broke you and Walker up. He would’ve never gone back to Brittany if your mom had just stayed out of it.”
“If that’s supposed to help me feel better, it’s not.”
“I’m sorry. He’s still a cheating jerk, though. But I’m going to give you some space like I promised. You can hang out here by yourself or join us for a movie. It’s up to you. No pressure—you do what you need to do.”
I nodded and she closed the door behind her. I sat on the floor with my bags of clothes and buried my head in my hands. I would never be the same after losing Walker. I would never kiss him again or have a water fight when we washed the dishes. I hadn’t been able to say goodbye to Susan or Garrett, either. As fast as I’d gained a family that I loved more than my own, I’d lost them. How would I ever get over that?
My mind replayed the breakup and Brittany’s smirk. I’d agreed to marry him, but he had tossed it away within a few weeks and proposed to her. They deserved each other.
Either I’d meant nothing to him, or Walker had broken inside just like me. Maybe leaving his mom was too much for him to take. I wasn’t sure, and now I would never have the chance to ask him.
He should’ve sent someone over to my house, called the police, or something, but he didn’t. He’d left me trapped and held against my will. He’d left me in every way possible, but I still loved him.
I cried over losing Walker and I cried over losing his family. I cried that Mama had locked me up and hated me so much that she would hurt me the way she did. I cried because no one came for me and I cried because I stayed as long as I did.
I cried until I couldn’t cry any more.
* * *
Time passed and I buried myself in work and school to make up for the weeks I’d missed thanks to Mama. I’d lost my editorial column at school, but I didn’t have it in me to write anymore anyway. I went through the days with a smile plastered on my face, but I was empty and broken.
Jim had helped Emma and me find a good apartment close to campus. We were scheduled to move this weekend. I couldn’t wait to have my own room again. I loved Emma, but I needed some space to crawl into bed and cry all day if I needed too. She’d tried to give me space to grieve, but being in a house full of people made it difficult.
I drove out to Walker’s house a few times. His car sat in the driveway, unmoved. I never stopped by or called Susan and Garrett again. I was afraid someone might spot me, but it didn’t keep me from going there anyway. I hadn’t figured out how to hurt any less than a few weeks ago. I didn’t think it was possible to heal this betrayal after I’d given Walker every part of me. I went back and forth from loving him to hating him for going back to Brittany.
In the end, though, it didn’t matter. He’d moved on without me.
Saturday arrived and once again I packed my things in a car. Emma and I’d gathered some furniture for our new place and stored it in the garage. I owned a bed and dresser again; they were both snow white. Maybe I was attempting a fresh start. I didn’t really care; I was just trying to get through the days.
I swore under my breath as we moved the furniture up two flights of stairs and into our new apartment. We’d agreed that we would feel safer on the top floor. I regretted our decision by the third trip.
Jim and a few of his friends helped us move the heavy stuff. After we’d set a few things up, we ordered pizza and fed everyone. We sat at the table and kitchen counter of our new apartment, exhausted but relieved it was over.
Emma stared at me as I ate my pizza.
“What?” I asked.
“I was just curious what you were thinking.”
“That I don’t ever want to move again,” I said, laughing.
“I won’t disagree with you there,” she said and raised her Diet Coke.
We finished eating and Jim hugged us goodbye, making us promise that we’d call him if we needed anything. Emma closed the door behind everyone and locked it.
“Well, here’s to our first night in our new apartment. I’m excited.”
“Me too. And thank you for everything,” I said. “You’re pretty awesome.�
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“I don’t feel awesome. I let you down. I wasn’t there when you needed me the most.”
“Let it go—neither was Walker, and we were engaged. It’s over. You’ve been here helping me get my shit together.”
“Is it working? Am I helping at all?”
“Yeah, you are.”
I stood and stretched. My muscles screamed as I tossed the paper plates into our new trash can.
“I’m gonna hit the shower and crash out,” I said.
“Wait, I have something else for the apartment,” Emma said as she raced out of the kitchen and into her bedroom.
“Okay, come into the living room,” she yelled.
I walked into our living room and Emma smiled from ear to ear. She held a framed collage of pictures that included our times at high school and more recent ones too.
“I love it,” I said, smiling. “It’s perfect.”
I hugged Emma and then went to my new bedroom and closed the door behind me. Emma and I agreed that I’d take the larger bedroom with the bathroom and pay a little more rent than she did. She thought I’d more than earned my space and privacy. She recognized I needed time to heal.
I turned on the shower and filled up the tiny bathroom with steam. I hurt everywhere, and I looked forward to my shower and a new bed.
Half an hour later, I crawled into my own bed, turned the lamp off, and fell asleep.
Chapter 48
I woke to Emma singing Elvis and making breakfast.
“Good morning!”
“Morning,” I said and grabbed a cup of coffee. “You’re seriously chipper for so early in the morning.”
“I know, I can’t help it,” she said and smiled as she flipped a piece of French toast over.
“Your French toast kicks ass,” I said as I sipped my steaming-hot coffee.
I settled in at the table and grabbed the Sunday newspaper. Emma flew out of the kitchen and placed my plate right on top of the paper.
“Hey, what—I was going to read that.”
“Oh, sorry,” she said as she turned back to the stove.
