by J. A. Owenby
I stared at her as I finally woke up enough and realized that her energy wasn’t from the excitement. She was nervous, and when Emma got nervous she got flighty. She would flit around the house and clean, bake, or whatever she needed to do to calm down.
“Emma, what’s going on?” I asked between bites.
“Nothing, I just wanted to make breakfast for us, is all. Is it good? Do you want some more?”
“I’m good, thank you.”
I held up my plate and grabbed the paper before she could take it away. There was something she didn’t want me to see, which meant that I needed to see it.
I shook the pages open and scanned for anything that might be of interest. I had no idea what she was freaking out over.
Then I turned the page.
How any paper could have weddings and obituaries listed on the same page was beyond me, but there I was, greeted by both. My breath shot out of me like someone had punched me in the stomach. In the upper left-hand corner was a picture announcing Walker and Brittany’s marriage. I scanned the announcement and read that they’d gotten married the weekend before Emma and I had moved.
My eyes continued down the page. On the bottom, in the opposite corner, was Susan’s obituary and funeral announcement.
“Nooo! Oh my God!” I cried out, instantly breaking into tears.
“Oh, honey, I’m so sorry.”
“When?” I asked, handing her the paper to read.
Emma opened the paper back up.
“A few days ago. I’m so sorry.”
“When’s the funeral?”
“Today,” she whispered.
“What time and where?”
“Lacey, you can’t go! Walker and Brittany will be there too. You can’t put yourself through that.”
“When and where, Emma?” I stood up from the kitchen table.
“It’s at three o’clock today at the Westside Church,” she said and folded the paper up nicely. She had the foresight to realize I would want to keep it.
I glanced at my watch. I had enough time. I grabbed the paper off the kitchen counter and ran to my bedroom. I wasn’t going to miss Susan’s funeral too.
* * *
The church was packed with cars. A lot of people loved Susan, including me. I hoped she now knew that I hadn’t left her alone, that I’d wanted to be a part of her life. She’d been the closest thing I’d had to a real mom, and I would forever love her for it. She’d given me the strength to stand up to Mama and follow my heart. I just wish it had turned out differently.
I wore a black dress and borrowed one of Emma’s mom’s hats, which had a veil that hid my face. I didn’t want to cause any problems. I just wanted to attend the funeral.
I entered the church and stood toward the back. I wanted to wait and find out where Walker and Brittany were before I chose my seat. I realized they would sit at the front of the church, but I couldn’t take a chance of being spotted before they were settled.
I scanned the group for any familiar faces and finally located Garrett. He sat on the second pew alone, looking at the floor. I wanted to grab him and hug him so much my chest ached. I needed him to know that I hadn’t left him and I hadn’t broken my promises to him or to his mom.
I stepped forward, determined that I was going to speak to him, when Walker and Brittany entered through a side door. I stopped in my tracks. Walker seemed different. I’d never seen him in a suit before, but that wasn’t it.
His jaw clenched and unclenched as he sat next to Brittany. She snuggled up to him, but he didn’t put his arm around her. He stared straight ahead and didn’t speak to anyone. I couldn’t blame him; he’d just lost his mother.
I chose a seat toward the back and hoped that I’d be able to grab Garrett after the funeral.
The service was beautiful. A picture of Susan was displayed at the front of the church and her casket was beside it. Aunt Linda spoke for a few minutes and then Walker’s father stepped up to the podium. I’d never met him before. I frowned and wondered why, after years of not spending time with his sons, he would come to Susan’s funeral. Then I realized that he was most likely here for Garrett. He was still his legal parent, regardless of their actual relationship.
He spoke fondly of Susan and their years together. I wouldn’t have expected anything less. Susan had a heart of gold, even when she was sick. She had opened her arms and life to me and had taken me in. Anyone who said differently needed their head examined.
A few other people I didn’t recognize took the podium. Music played as everyone lined up to say goodbye to Susan. Walker and Brittany stood next to the casket, which meant I wasn’t going to make it. I wasn’t going to get to see her one last time before they lowered her into the ground.
I sat quietly in my pew as people said their final words. Garrett still sat in his seat, but I still couldn’t reach him. I just wanted everyone to leave.
I wasn’t sure if God heard me or if I’d finally sat there long enough for everyone to clear out. I glanced around the church and realized I had my chance. I hurried down the aisle and prayed no one would catch me. I stopped short when I reached the coffin.
I gasped. Susan’s lifeless body lay in the coffin and she was so thin and pale. She’d lost more weight before she died.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I love you,” I whispered.
“Lacey?”
I froze. I thought I’d waited long enough to not get caught. I turned slowly, afraid to see who’d called my name. Relief flooded me as Garrett stood in front of me.
“Garrett,” I whispered. “Please don’t tell Walker and Brittany I’m here. I just wanted to see you and say goodbye to Susan. I’m sorry. I’ll go now.”
“No, wait. Don’t go yet,” he said. He stuffed his hands in his pockets as his eyes pleaded with me.
“What? Are you sure?” I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.
“Yeah, I want to talk to you.”
“Okay, but we need to go somewhere we won’t be spotted. I’m not here to cause trouble.”
He nodded and followed me out the front door of the church and to my car. I took off my hat as I unlocked the doors and we slipped into my car. I turned it on to provide some heat as we talked.
“Will anyone be looking for you, Garrett?”
“No, they’re busy in the kitchen. I don’t understand why they have food at a funeral.”
“Me either, buddy.” I paused for a moment. “I—I’m so sorry. I’m sorry for everything. I’m sorry for not being there for you, I’m sorry I broke my promise to Walker, and I’m sorry I let your mom down.”
“What happened? Why didn’t you come back?” He turned away and stared out the window. I realized he was trying not to cry in front of me, so I looked away and gave him a moment.
“I was coming back. I was packed and ready to go with you to Texas. I was supposed to drive, remember?”
“Yeah, which is why it was so weird when you didn’t show up. Mom got really upset and called Brittany to drive us down there, and James came too. She wanted to visit Walker and didn’t care who drove. She realized her time was short.”
“My mom is what happened. She stopped me from going. I can’t tell you any more, but I was on my way. I had no intention of leaving you or Walker. I was going to marry him and you were going to be my little brother. I finally had the family I’d always wanted. You have to believe me.”
“I do. I do believe you. I wanted to look for you, but then Mom got so sick right after the trip. We went down a few more times with Brittany, but it was only a matter of time. I even called you a few times, but your mom just said you weren’t home.”
“You called?”
“Yeah, Mom asked me to try one more time. She realized Brittany was getting her nasty-ass claws back into Walker. She was upset you didn’t show, but she didn’t want Brittany back in Walker’s life. He’s different when she’s around, Lacey, and I don’t mean in a good way.”
I nodded, not sure
what to say. At least it explained the difference I noted in Walker during the service, but I didn’t want to discuss it with Garrett. He had enough on his mind.
“I heard your dad talk up there,” I said.
“Yeah, he’s in town for a little while. He’s trying to patch things up with Walker and me.”
“Are you okay with that?”
“I don’t have much of a choice—I’m only thirteen. I live where the court tells me to live.”
“Wait? Are you moving?”
“Yeah, I think so. I think they said I’ll leave in a few days and move to Missouri.”
“I thought you were going to stay with Linda!” I gasped.
“I can’t, Dad said no.”
“Shit! You’re moving?”
He nodded.
“Can’t someone do something? I mean, why make you move on top of everything else?” I asked.
“He’s my dad. I don’t have a choice,” Garrett said and shrugged his shoulders.
It was tearing Garrett apart, and I couldn’t do anything to stop it. I grabbed my purse and wrote down my new phone number and mailing address.
“You better stay in touch, Garrett. I mean it,” I said as I folded the paper and placed it in his hand. “I get that this is weird, but you’re like my little brother and I love you. I miss you really bad.” I couldn’t stop the tears anymore.
“Yeah, I might like you a lot too,” he said. “I need to go before someone starts looking for me. I’m glad you came. I’m glad Walker met you, because whether he knows it yet or not, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to him. He was a good guy when you were with him. You made us all better people.”
I squeezed his hand as he opened the car door and glanced at me one last time before he closed it.
He seemed taller as he walked away from me for the last time.
I folded over in my seat and cried. I was grateful for the time Garrett and I had together, but hearing that he was leaving the state made me feel helpless and alone. I guess, in the back of my mind, I’d hoped I would somehow still get to see him, but that had changed. We’d just said our last goodbyes.
I sat in my car for another hour before I could see through the tears well enough to drive home.
* * *
Emma was sitting on the couch when I walked through the front door. I kicked my heels off in the corner and joined her on the sofa.
“I won’t ask how it was,” she said softly.
“I talked to Garrett and I said goodbye to Susan.” My voice cracked as I told her about Garrett finding me at Susan’s coffin and how we’d snuck out to my car and talked. She held my hand as I told her about the funeral and seeing Walker and Brittany together, and how my heart broke when I realized how different Walker was with her, and how Garrett had confirmed it. She listened until I no longer had anything else to say.
She hugged me and reminded me that she was there for me no matter what.
I went to my room, changed my clothes, and cried myself to sleep.
Chapter 49
Months came and went and before I realized it: spring was here. The trees bloomed with bright pink-and-white blossoms and the South had come back to life, but I hadn’t. They say not to make any new decisions when you’re emotional, but I’d lost too much too fast and I needed something back.
I’d skipped my last class of the day and was driving toward my old house. Emma would be pissed if she found out, but I missed Mama. It sounded crazy, but she was my Mama, and you don’t just walk away from a parent and remain whole. Maybe we could try again.
I reached the top of the hill above Mama’s house and pulled over. Being there made me remember what she’d done, the decisions she’d made to break up Walker and me, the lies, the abuse.
What was I doing? Was I hurting so much that I was willing to return to the abusive relationship that had almost destroyed me?
I turned my radio off and listened to the rustling of the leaves. I thought Mama was in the window, but I couldn’t tell for sure. I leaned my head back and sighed. I’d made a mistake. I was better off without her, no matter how much it hurt. It hurt worse being in her life than it did being out of it.
I started my car again and drove down the hill, but instead of turning right to go to Mama’s, I turned left and drove away, glancing up to see the house grow smaller and smaller in my rearview mirror.
I arrived at the apartment before Emma. It was her late day of classes, which gave me some time alone. I went into my bedroom and closed the door just in case she came home early. I reached under my bed and pulled out a Victoria’s Secret box. I opened the lid and rifled through the contents. The box held Susan’s obituary, Walker’s marriage announcement, and pictures of Walker and me together. The picture of him on his knee proposing was on the top. The shock had just registered on my face right before the photo was taken. I remembered every detail of that night. It was painted on my heart in vivid colors.
I took in each memory as I stared at the pictures. I held them to my chest as I dug a little further into the box. I reached for a sealed envelope and pulled it out. I replaced everything else except the letter.
I’d received it earlier that week, but I hadn’t opened it. I was afraid of what the letter might say. I was scared I would have another heartbreak in my life, and I couldn’t deal with any more bad news. I opened the envelope carefully and pulled it out. The University of Oregon logo was at the top of the page. I paused and held my breath as I unfolded the rest of the letter.
Dear Lacey Beaumont:
We are happy to extend you a full scholarship to the University of Oregon. We welcome you to Oregon and our university as you study communications.
I didn’t read the rest. I’d done it. I’d reapplied in January and had been accepted with a full scholarship beginning in the fall and this time, I was going. Mama had said no the first time, but I wasn’t asking anyone’s permission anymore. I’d applied and had been accepted, and I had more than enough in my savings account to make the trip and survive until I found work on campus.
It was time to start over. It was time to follow my heart to where I’d always wanted to go: Oregon.
I pushed the box under my bed and laid the letter on my nightstand. I would tell Emma when she got home. We’d still have the summer together, and she’d have plenty of time to find another roommate. I wished that she’d go with me, but it was my path to follow. Emma’s path was here in Arkansas, becoming a nurse and being close to her family. I didn’t have anything or anyone tying me down.
No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t heal while the memories and pain still suffocated me. Everywhere I looked, something reminded me of Walker or the weeks of hell spent with Mama. Emma was doing her best and Joss remained supportive too, but it wasn’t enough. I couldn’t keep treading water. I needed to leave—it was my turn to find out who I was and live my life.
I picked up the letter again, and hope rose inside me. I was going to Oregon.
About the Author
J.A. Owenby lives in the beautiful Pacific Northwest with her husband and two cats.
She's a published author of six short stories, and she is currently working on her second full-length novel. She also runs her own business as a professional resume writer and interview coach—she helps people find jobs they love.
J.A. is an avid reader of thrillers, romance, new adult, and young adult novels. She loves music, movies, and good wine. And call her crazy, but she loves the rainy Pacific Northwest; she gets her best story ideas while listening to the rain pattering against the windows in front of the fireplace.
You can follow the progress of her upcoming novel on Facebook at Author J.A. Owenby and on Twitter @jaowenby.
Book Playlist
Parson James: “Stole the Show”
Halsey: “Hold Me Down,” “Drive,” “Haunting”
Ruelle: “Take It All,” “Oh My My”
X Ambassadors: “Renegades,” “Unsteady”
Ec
hosmith: “Cool Kids”
Banks: “Beggin’ for Thread”
Nick Jonas: “I Want You,” “Nothing Would Be Better,” “Push”
Adam Lambert: “Underground”
Ella Henderson: “Yours,” “Ghost”
Jessie Ware: “Say You Love Me”
Jason Derulo: “Trade Hearts”
Mumford & Sons: “Believe”
Florence + The Machine: “Long & Lost”
Use Spotify? Check out the full playlist here.
