In love and ruins

by Rachael Tonks

  Brax sighs heavily down the phone. “You should’ve got my guy to bring her home. What the hell were you thinking?”

  “She ran off, but I chased her down. Pulled her into the side of the road, only the guys started to shout for me. Some shit was going on inside and I was fearful for Emily’s life.”

  “So you left her? Really, Nate?”

  “I did what I thought was right,” I reply solemnly. But I didn’t believe my own words either. Looking back, I should have done more. “Silver had the girl. He’d taken her hostage.”

  “You need to sort this bullshit out, Nate. It’s time to fucking step up and be what your club needs.”

  “I know,” I say nodding in agreement. “Listen, I’m gonna check out her mom’s. See if she is there. If I don’t find her, I’ll sweep the area. Bars, motels, hospitals. I will find her, Brax. If it’s the last thing I do.

  “Yeah, you better. I’ll make sure my guys search the area too. Let me know if you find her. Keep in touch.”

  “I will, man,” I say before ending the call and pushing my cell back into my pocket with a sense of urgency. This is on me and I have to fix it. I have to find her. Grabbing the handle, I yank open the door and walk back into my room. Emily is curled up on the bed, her arms holding her knees to her chest.

  “Hey,” I shout over to her and she turns slightly. She smiles, but it’s kind of sad. “I gotta go out, but I’m gonna get one of the men to come and stay here with you.”

  She nods but doesn’t say a word.

  “I know this has been shit for you, Emily. But it’s just how it is here. You gotta tough it out or get out. And when I mean get out, you go far, far away from here. Because my father will kill you if you ever run. They find you, you got a target on your back, baby.”

  She sits bolt upright, her confliction evident in her eyes. “I have nowhere to go, Nate. No money. Nothing. Being here with you is the closest I’ve been to making friends in a long time. I’m scared and I never for one minute thought it would be this way but leaving now just doesn’t seem like an option.”

  “So you’re staying?” I ask with a smile.

  She nods once. “Toughin’ it out, right?”

  “You sure?” I ask, worried about her sudden change of heart. I was sure she’d jump at the chance.

  “Like I said, this may be shitty right now, but what’s waiting on the other side really isn’t any better.”

  I look at the girl sitting up on my bed and feel sorry for her.

  “You want to talk about what happened with Tara?” she asks, quickly changing the subject. “Was that who you just called?”

  Pushing my hands in the pockets of my jeans, I drop back leaning against the wall. “She saw us. Got the wrong impression.”

  “I guessed as much.”

  “For her own safety I sent her away. The guys were shouting for me to help you and I was torn. I don’t regret helping you, not for a minute...” I pause, dragging my hands down my face. “But I let her go and now no one knows where she is. I fucked up big time, Emily.”

  “Shit.” She exhales a huge breath. “This is partly my fault, isn’t it?”

  “Shit, no. You didn’t ask to be dragged out by that asshole.”

  “But still…”

  “No,” I snap. “This ain’t your fault. This is me. All me. And now I have to rectify it. I need to search for her. I’m sending Davo up to stay with you…”

  “What?” she screeches, cutting me off mid-sentence.

  “Don’t panic,” I say, pushing myself away from the wall and stepping closer. I stop, just in front of her, squeezing her shoulder gently. “Davo is a good guy. I trust him completely and so should you.”

  I watch as she swallows hard. “Okay.” She presses her lips together.

  “I’ll be back as soon as I find her.”

  “And what if someone asks where you are? What should I tell them?”

  “You say I went for a ride. Needed to clear my head after the shit that went down with Silver.”

  “Right,” she says with a determined nod. “Got it, and…” she says meekly, as if speaking with caution. “What happens if you don’t find her, Nate? What then?”

  My stomach churns at the thought. “I’m gonna fucking find her, make no mistake about that.” I shake my head, scratching my stubble before pulling out a cigarette which I place to my lips. Digging in my pocket, I retrieve the lighter and flick over and over until the flame flickers. I place it to the end of my cigarette, taking a long drag as the smoke fills the air around me. I hold out the packet to Emily and she stands up from the bed and reaches, pinching one between her thumb and forefinger. A smirk twitches at her lips as she snatches the cigarette placed loosely in my lips. Pressing them end to end, she puffs until her own is alight.

  Handing me back the cigarette, she points her fingers at me. “Go get your girl, Nate.”

  Pushing the cigarettes back in my pocket, I give her a firm nod. Inhaling deeply, I race around the room, grabbing everything I need. Grabbing my shoulder holster, I slide it on, loading up the 9mm, one in each holder. I have no idea where I’m going, or where I might end up, but I’m making sure I’m prepared. I grab my cut, sliding it over the top, before buckling my knife sheath to my waistband.

  “Jesus,” Emily says, letting out an exaggerated breath. “You look like you’re going to war.”

  “This is nothing,” I say with a shake of my head.

  “Oh, sure it is,” she chuckles. “Two guns, a knife, I mean, everyone carries that much protection, right?” She takes a quick drag of her cigarette, pursing her lips together and slowly blowing out the smoke. I can’t help but laugh a little. This is just another reminder of how she is so unaware of what happens here.

  “You’ll get used to seeing it. We all carry this much protection. Being who we are, it’s necessary, believe me.” I lift my brows and her eyes widen a little.

  “Just stay safe, Nate,” she stresses, concern in her voice.

  “You don’t need to worry about me. Here,” I say offering her the spare key for my room. “Lock the door and stay low until my return. If you need to go anywhere, take Davo with you. I don’t think Silver will try that shit again, but then no one ever quite knows what’s going through that sick head of his.”

  Stepping closer, she wraps her arms around my waist. “Thanks for everything.”

  “Sure thing,” I reply, standing stiffly as she hugs me tight.

  After a few seconds, I rest my hands on her arms, gently guiding her back. “I gotta go,” I say with a smile. “Oh.” I suddenly think of something and head over to the drawers beside my bed. Opening the bottom drawer, I rifle through, retrieving yet another prepay cell. “Use this.” I hand it to her. “My number is already in there, should you need me.”

  She takes it, holding it tightly in her hand. “Right. Thank you,” she says smiling as I head over to the door. Taking my key, I unlock the door and glance at her one last time. I feel so much responsibility for this girl. I can’t help it. Clearing the thoughts from my mind, I lock the door behind me and head downstairs. Music reverberates through the house and I head back into the main room. My eyes scan the area as I try to locate Davo. I spot him playing pool with Zane and Jarvis. Stalking over, I pat him loudly on the back.

  “Hey,” he says as he jerks upright. “You nearly fucked up my shot.”

  “All of your shots are fucked up, man,” Zane taunts, the two of them laughing.

  “Screw you,” Davo replies, flipping them the bird. “What’s up with you?” he asks, tipping his head, his eyes hard on me. I rest my arm lazily across his shoulders, leaning in. “Just spoke to Brax. I gotta split for a bit. I need you to cover for me and watch the girl.”

  “Emily?”

  “Yeah, Silver pulled some shit on her before and I don’t want a repeat. Brax tells me I can count on you.”

  Pulling back, a small smirk pulls at the corner of his mouth. “Of course you can.” He reaches, grabbing hold
of my hand and pulling me into him, the palm of his hand lands heavily on my back. “Always, man.”

  “Good. She’s in my room. The door is locked, but she’s expecting you.”

  “Got it,” he says handing his cue to Jarvis. “Looks like we gotta save the slaughter for another day, boys.”

  “We’ll be waiting,” Zane jokes.

  I watch as Davo wastes no time in walking out of the room. “I’m out of here,” I whisper to them. “You gotta cover for me if anyone asks.”

  “Sure,” Zane replies in a hushed voice, slowly closing the space between us. “The Silver thing?” he asks, and I nod in agreement.

  “Yeah, man.”

  “Got your back, bro,” Jarvis adds. “Call if you need us.”

  “Thanks, man.” I walk away from them and out of the house. I race over to the fenced yard where the bikes are parked, constantly sweeping the area. Being seen could be dangerous. I have to get out of here while they party, without arousing suspicions.

  Pulling on my helmet, I slide my leg over the bike, unlocking the front wheel and starting the engine. The roar of the engine vibrates through my body, a feeling that will never tire. Twisting the grip and applying the throttle, I set off slowly, trying not to rev too loudly. As soon as I’m out of the grounds and on the main road. I drive the bike like it’s an extension of my own body. I lean, the bike leans. When I twist the throttle, it’s like the hand of God rests on me. I feel at peace yet charged with energy.

  I wind down the streets to the house I know belongs to Tara’s mom. She brought me here once to meet her mom after Carter died. To say it didn’t go well was an understatement.

  I pull up just outside, checking for signs of life. The whole house is dark, but I know it’s late. Cutting the engine, I slide my leg over the bike, wincing a little at the pain from the burns. In all the chaos, I’d forgotten to take my meds. Walking down the path. I stop at the front door, pausing momentarily. I hope and pray that she’s here. Clenching my fist, I raise it, rapping it against the door. I step back, checking to see if there is any movement. A light appears upstairs, and I hold my hands together in front of me, waiting for someone to answer the door.

  “Who is it?” I hear a voice call through the door.

  “I’m looking for Tara,” I reply, hoping it’s enough for them to answer the door.

  The rattle of a chain can be heard, then the door opens slowly. The face of a woman appears in the small gap and as I step closer, I recognize that it’s her mom. Only, she seems to have aged since I last saw her.

  “Mrs. Mellano, I’m looking for your daughter.”

  She scoffs loudly. “What on earth makes you think she'll be here? Haven’t heard from her in months.”

  “Maybe it’s the fact that you treat her like shit,” I spit back.

  The chain rattles some more, and the door is suddenly swung open. Her mother steps out and before I know it has a shotgun pressed against my chest.

  “Don’t you fucking dare come here and lecture me.” Her face is distorted, the disgust clear to see.

  “Whoa,” I say, holding up my hands in surrender. “I’m just here to find Tara. I care about her.”

  “Well, that makes two of us. Only, her part in the death of my nephew isn’t something I can forget quickly.”

  “We did what we had to that day. Carter had crossed too many lines. He did some terrible things, Mrs. Mellano.”

  “Are you kidding me right now?” she asks, her eyes narrowing. “I see the cut you wear. You’re a Savage, right?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Then you have no place telling me how bad my nephew was.”

  “I’m not here to talk about the MC or about Carter. I’m here because I’m trying to find Tara. Please, if you have heard from her, or if she’s here, I have to know.”

  Pressing the gun harder against my chest, she lets out an audible tut. “I already told you she ain’t here.”

  “Well, I’m sorry to have bothered you, Mrs. Mellano,” I say with a respectful nod, slowly stepping back.

  “Don’t come here again,” she spits out. “The likes of you don’t fit well around here.”

  Without any response, I turn, heading back to my bike. As I slide my leg over and grab my helmet, I can’t help but glance one last look back at the disheveled woman.

  Starting the bike, I set off ready to check every bar and place I can think of to find her.

  She has to be somewhere.

  Tara

  My head is pounding like a goddamn jackhammer. My eyes sting as I try to open them, but it’s no use.

  What the hell?

  Where am I?

  I reach up, barely able to control any of my body’s movements. My hand rests on the side of my pounding head, and I can’t seem to shift the haze. Prizing one eye open, I try to work out where the hell I am. My mind is all over the place. I’m trying to remember what happened last night, but no matter how hard I wrack my brain, I can’t think. With one eye open, the bright light shining through the window makes me wince.

  “Shit.” I croak out my grumble. It feels like my body is broken. I can’t move. Squeezing my eyes shut, I force them open once more. I blink rapidly, trying to ease the stinging sensation. I focus on the ceiling, squinting as I do. This isn’t Brax’s spare room.

  What the hell…?

  A source of heat is lying beside me and I twist my neck to take a look. I’m lying on my back with a naked body beside me. How? I glance down slowly, noticing that I’m also naked.

  Gulp.

  Fear spirals through me uncontrollably.

  I gasp, my hand covering my mouth as I look at the body sprawled out beside me. My stomach rolls and I’m sure I’m about to vomit.

  Jeffries.

  Shit.

  How… how the hell is this possible?

  I have to get out of here.

  NOW.

  My body trembles all the while my mind is racing. I feel a cold sweat break out over my skin, my heart pounding in my ever-tightening chest. I have to get this traitorous body of mine to move. Biting down on my dry lips, I will my legs to move. I place my hand on there as I desperately try to get it to fall off the side of the bed. I’m trying to breathe but I feel like I’m suffocating. Slowly, I inhale through my nose, trying to compose myself. I have to get out of here and fast, but right now my mind and body won’t cooperate.

  Deep breaths.

  One.

  Two.

  Three.

  Trying once again, I manage to get my legs to slide from the bed. I can do this. I have to do this. Bringing my arms up slowly, I wince at the ache I feel in all of my muscles. Placing my palms flat beside me, I push precariously until I’m sitting upright. Glancing beside me, I check he’s still sleeping. The last thing I need is to wake this monster.

  Swinging both of my legs over the edge of the bed, I blink rapidly; water builds in my eyes as they continue to sting. I swipe my hand over my eyes, trying to clear the mist. When I do, I almost choke on the sob that rises. My legs are covered in bruises. I quickly rake my eyes over the rest of my body finding much of the same. Bruises all over my skin, bite marks near my breasts.

  That’s when it hits me.

  That’s when I realize what must’ve happened here last night. I fight back the sob trying to force its way out, my hand clenched over my mouth.

  He raped and beat me.

  No, I tell myself, shaking my head. It can’t be. It can’t be true. How the hell could this have happened?

  I take a look over my shoulder at Jeffries before glancing around the room. I need a weapon, something that I can use to hurt this sick fucker.

  Stepping as lightly as I can from the bed, a sharp pain almost cripples me. The pain between my legs is like no pain I’ve ever felt before. Cold tears begin to fall over my warm face and I have to use every bit of strength I can summon not to collapse to the floor.

  Shuffling my feet against the wooden floor, I quietly make my way around t
he huge bed and notice my clothes on the floor. I carefully lower myself, grabbing the few items I see. My eyes sweep the area, locating his cut and clothes on a chair in the corner.

  I swallow hard, wanting to make this bastard pay for what he’s done. Pulling my top over my head, I drop on all fours, making my way to his clothes. His gun and knife must be here. I check over my shoulder, Jeffries remains lying on the bed, dead to the world. I struggle with the pain in my body but push through it until I reach the chair. Dropping his clothes to the floor, I see his gun in its holster. I rush to grab it, only to be thrust backward, yelping at the unexpectedness of falling back.

  “What the fuck do you think you are doing?” he roars, and I clasp my hands over his as he pulls on my hair with a viselike grip.

  “Get off of me!” I scream, thrashing wildly in an attempt to escape his hold. “What did you do to me?”

  His face appears at the side of mine, my semi-naked body now pressing against his. “You wanted me, Tara. I just gave you what you wanted,” he drawls, his foul breath against my goose pimple-covered skin. His weathered, tattoo-covered arm, tightens around my neck.

  “No,” I cry out, tears now in full flow. “How… how… could you do this?” I sob. Shuffling back, he drags me along with him, thrusting me down on the bed. My head spins and I can barely control myself. But I scream. So damn loud that my throat hurts.

  “Shut the fuck up,” he demands, placing his hand over my mouth. He reaches into the small bedside table, pulling out a gun. Removing the hand on my mouth, he places the gun inside my mouth.

  I gag, the sloppy sound causing Jeffries to raise his eyebrow. “Baby, I know just how good you can deep throat.” He tilts his head to the side, an evil grin etched across his menacing face. “You did real good,” he says, shimmying his hand down and across my breast. I shudder in disgust, wishing there was a way to stop him.

  “You belong here with me. I want you by my side and believe me when I say I get what I want.” He juts the gun a little further and I gag some more.

  “Oh, baby. Do you have any idea what that sound does to me?”