In love and ruins

by Rachael Tonks

  “I’d love that,” I say sarcastically, my eyes falling to my bare legs and the skirt I’m wearing. I rise up on my tiptoes, kissing his lips softly. He parts, his eyes trailing to my legs and he lifts his brows suggestively.

  “I love when you wear a skirt. Easy access.”

  I roll my eyes, but secretly love that Nate can’t keep his hands off me. That I’m the only woman he looks at. He makes me feel wanted. Making our way downstairs, we head outside and over to his bike. I love this time of day. The house is empty, the sun shines and if you listen carefully, you can hear the birds singing. No loud engines roaring, no music playing, just me and Nate.

  And Emily. Not forgetting Emily.

  “Hey, have you seen Emily this morning?” I ask Nate.

  “No,” he replies, handing me the helmet. I slide it on, fastening the buckle under my chin. “Maybe she’s having a late one.”

  “Maybe,” I say in agreement, making a mental note to call her when I get to the office. She’s usually the first up, knocking on the door checking to see if we want breakfast.

  “I’ll check in on her before I start working on the studio.”

  “Okay,” I say, watching as he mounts the bike and I follow his lead, hanging onto him as he starts the engine and we drive out of the grounds. Burying my face into his back I stay this way until we finally make it to the office. Cutting the engine, I drop from the bike, removing my helmet and hold it out to Nate. My hand shakes so badly that I almost drop the damn thing.

  “Still not sure about this riding thing?” he asks, laughing and tilting his head.

  “It scares the shit out of me when you ride so fast, but if it means I get to hold you for ten minutes, then who am I to turn you down?”

  His eyes narrow on my shaking body before he wraps his arm around me causing me to crash against his hard torso. Lifting my chin, he kisses my lips. “Be back for you later. Call me when you’re ready.”

  I allow my eyes to flutter shut as he kisses me softly once again. He removes his arm, stepping back on the bike. I pull in the corner of my lip, biting, as I watch him setting off on his bike. My stomach flutters and I shake my head, making my way into the office. Heading straight up the stairs, I barrel through the door, a huge smile plastered to my face.

  “Good morning,” I sing, walking over to my desk.

  “Someone looks happy,” Izzy remarks, peering over her screen, a smirk dressing her lips. “How are things at the MC mansion?”

  “Great!” I say swinging on my office chair. “The place is looking good. You should come by sometime.”

  “I’d love that,” she says, stepping up and walking over to my desk. Resting her ass on the corner, she puts her hand over mine. “I’ve really missed you, T.”

  “I know, I’m sorry." I drop my head, realizing what a shitty friend I’ve been these last few weeks. “I kinda got caught up with a hot, tattooed guy. I lost my head, but don’t worry, I’m back. So where’s Brax?” I ask, my eyes searching the office.

  “Out on business,” she says with a roll of her eyes. “Kinda lonely in here on my own. And shit, talk about busy. We’ve really got to think about taking on someone to help around the place. I’m barely keeping on top of everything.” She exhales loudly before continuing. “Just gotta find someone we can trust.”

  “I have just the person,” I remark, placing my purse on my lap and pulling out my cell phone. “Emily would be perfect. Trustworthy, hardworking and reliable. She’s a quick learner and I think you’d really—”

  “Okay, okay,” she cuts me off. “Call her. See if she’s interested.”

  I let out a little squeal of excitement knowing how much this would mean to Emily. I dial her number, listening to it ringing out.

  “Well, if it isn’t the beautiful Tara.” His voice booms down the receiver and I freeze with shock, my phone sliding out of my grasp and falling to the floor.

  “Shit… shit... shit,” I whisper, over and over, before scrambling to the floor, retrieving the phone.

  “What is it?” Izzy’s eyes are hard and on me.

  “Jeffries,” I mouth to her, placing the phone back against my ear. Izzy’s eyes go wide, and I watch as she races over to her desk, pulling out her own cell phone.

  “What are you doing with Emily’s phone?” I force out the question, my lip trembling, as fear courses through every fiber of my body.

  He laughs loudly, and I can’t help but contort my face with disgust. “Just tell me, goddamnit,” I yell down the phone.

  “Payback, bitch,” he growls, before ending the call and I drop down into the chair, clutching the phone in my hand. I zone out, wondering what he’s done to Emily. I can hear voices, but nothing is registering. My stomach churns and I get the overwhelming feeling I’m going to throw up. Dropping my phone on the desk, I place my hand to my mouth, my eyes frantically searching for something, anything, I can throw up in. Reaching under the desk, I grab the trash can, holding it under my chin and heaving. My stomach contracts as I puke inside the bucket.

  “Jesus, Tara. Are you okay?” I feel her hand on my back and her other hand grabbing my hair, holding it back.

  “I’m okay,” I sniff, lifting my head and grabbing a tissue from the desk to wipe my mouth.

  “She’ll be okay. I’ve spoken to Brax and he’s going to get a hold of Nate.”

  “This is my fault,” I mumble against the tissue.

  “Don’t…” she snaps with a tone of warning. “You’re not to blame. Don’t ever say that.”

  “But Jeffries wants me. He can’t get to me so he’s hurting Emily instead.” I suck in a shaky breath, tears starting to fall over my cheeks.

  “We don’t know that yet,” she says in a hushed voice. “You need to stop panicking.”

  “He has her phone,” I snap, jumping up from the seat, starting to pace back and forth, thinking about what I can do. Placing my fingers in my mouth, I nervously chew on the hard skin beside my nail.

  “Tara,” Izzy calls. “You have to sit down and let the guys do their thing. You making yourself sick with worry isn’t helping anyone.”

  I freeze, looking at her momentarily. She’s right.

  “I’m sorry,” I say letting my shoulders slump. “This is the second morning I’ve vomited. I think I must be coming down with something.” I rub my stomach, wondering whether it was something I’d eaten.

  Izzy’s eyes bug out. Her mouth falls open and I narrow my brows in confusion.

  “What?” I say lifting my hands.

  “When was the last time you had a period?”

  “I don’t have them; I get the birth control shot. I’ve not had a period for years.”

  “Well, maybe you’re getting sick. Or maybe you’re just working yourself into a state.”

  “I’m sure that’s all it is.”

  “Yeah, I’m sure too,” Izzy says with a smile. But now I can’t stop thinking about the possibility I could be pregnant. Surely there’s no way I can be, right?

  Grabbing my purse, I pull out my pocket-sized diary, frantically flicking through to check when my last appointment was. I stop on the date where I scribbled the time and appointment details. It was roughly a month ago, and I wrack my brain trying to remember whether I went or not.

  Shit!

  Did I really miss my last shot?

  Dropping my head into my hands, I mentally slap myself.

  “What is it?” Izzy asks. “You think you’re going to be sick again?”

  “I can’t believe I’ve been this stupid,” I mutter, letting out a huge, pent-up breath.

  “What is it?” Izzy’s eyes are on me, her hand stroking the top of my back.

  I lift my head, drawing my top lip between my teeth. “I think I missed my last contraceptive shot.” My hands begin to shake as the realization dawns on me. “What if I am pregnant?”

  “Then you and Nate will work it out,” she replies sweetly, smiling as she looks at my sad eyes.

  My heart races as
I try and force out the question that lies on the tip of my tongue. “What… what if it’s not Nate's?” I choke out, my hand covering my mouth as I feel the overwhelming urge to be sick again. Leaning, I grab a hold of the trash can, retching so bad that my stomach hurts.

  “Oh, baby,” she soothes. “You have to find out first. Then we worry about Jeffries. We should head out and get you a test. You need to know, one way or the other.”

  “Hey.” Brax bursts into the room, his eyes wide and his hand covering his nose and mouth. “Fuck, it smells awful in here.”

  “Yeah, sorry,” I chuckle, nervously wondering how much of our conversation he heard. I point down to the trash can with widened eyes. “Something I ate.” Grabbing it, I walk out of the office, heading toward the bathroom. I quickly clean out the trash can, and head back outside. My problems seem to pale in comparison to the fact that Emily is missing.

  “Any news?” I ask as I make my way back, sitting on the edge of Brax’s desk.

  “Not yet.” He lets out a breath, his nostrils flaring. “Nate is out there looking for her now. But we have nothing. No leads, no possible location.”

  “Can you trace him from the call? I ask, racing over and grabbing my cell phone. “Here, take it. See if there is a way to locate her cell phone. He answered my call, so the phone is switched on.”

  He reaches for the phone, jumping out of his seat. “I’ll be in the back room if anyone should need me. I got some calls to make.”

  “I think we’re gonna head out,” Izzy is quick to reply. “You got the place to yourself for a while.” Lifting onto her tiptoes, she kisses him lightly on the cheek and he gives a little nod.

  “Be safe, girls,” he says with a lift of his brow and we both smile.

  “Let’s get out of here,” Izzy whispers, throwing her purse over her shoulder.

  Swallowing the bundle of nerves in my throat, I follow her over to the door. I need to know if I am pregnant, but I’m also terrified. Having children wasn’t something I’d even considered, and the fact that it could be a product of rape, well that scares the shit out of me.

  The crew and I have been driving around, searching for my father, for hours. We’ve checked all the places we can think of, but with no luck. Pulling up outside Brax’s office, I dismount, pulling off my helmet and gloves. I step through the door with Zane and Davo following closely behind.

  “Hey.” I tip my chin to the security guard as I make my way through the entrance and over to the door that leads upstairs. Making my way up, I feel the anger brewing deep inside the pit of my stomach. My father had answered Tara’s call and I just know she’ll be spooked.

  Opening the door, I search for her, but the only person I see is Brax. “Hey, man. Where are the girls?”

  “Out,” he says wearing a grin.

  “What the fuck do you mean, out?”

  Putting his arm around my shoulder, he pulls me closer until his mouth is close enough to my ear. “I think congratulations are in order,” he whispers, looking past me to check that the other guys don’t hear.

  I glance up at him, frowning. “What the fuck are you talking about?”

  “I overheard Tara telling Izzy she thinks she’s pregnant.” He draws back, the look of excitement on his face does nothing to stop the thud inside my chest.

  “No fucking way,” I say, scraping my hands down my face. “I had no idea,” I mumble.

  “Shit. I thought you knew. I mean, speak to her. I could’ve gotten it wrong, but I think that’s where they’ve gone now.”

  Inhaling through my nose, I blow out a slow controlled breath through my mouth. “Shit,” I chuckle nervously, knowing this could be life-changing.

  “Any news on Emily?” Zane asks, concern written all over his face. Not surprising since the two of them had become close.

  “I’ve had my men working on tracing the cell, but no luck,” Brax says, pulling out his smokes and offering them out. I grab one, placing it to my lips and dig in my pocket for a light. Flicking open the lighter, I hold out my hand, offering him the flame. Lighting his cigarette, I do the same with mine. Drawing on the cigarette, the hit of nicotine does nothing to calm my nerves. Fuck. The thought of Tara being pregnant is all my mind can focus on right now.

  “Let me call her again, from Tara’s cell. See if the motherfucker picks up.”

  “Worth a try I guess,” he says, grabbing Tara’s cell phone and handing it to me.

  I redial the number, pressing speakerphone as the call rings out.

  “Tara,” his voice booms out of the speakerphone. “I just knew you couldn’t keep away.”

  Gritting my teeth, I snarl, “It’s Nate. Where the fuck is Emily?”

  He starts laughing.

  “I’m fucking serious. If you so much as hurt one hair on her head, I’m coming after you. I’ll fuck you up so bad that no one will ever be able to identify your rotting corpse.”

  “Why do you have Tara’s cell?” he asks, his voice even as he completely avoids my threat.

  “Tara is with me. Just like she’s always been.”

  “Oh, so she didn’t tell you about the night she deep-throated my cock and rode me like a goddamn horse, huh?”

  “What the fuck are you talking about?” I growl, my heart practically beating through my chest as I clench and unclench my fist.

  Brax’s hand lands heavy on my shoulder, his eyes wide and fixed on me. “Don’t let him get to you,” he mouths. I nod, knowing that getting drawn into whatever sick game my father is playing is dangerous.

  “You know, that night I got Silver to take Emily as a distraction. Yeah, well, that was the night that little old Tara and I got to know each other real well.”

  My eyes dart to Brax whose brows are drawn together and his fingers scrape back and forth over his forehead. It all makes sense.

  She didn’t get mugged that night. She was with my father.

  Fuck.

  “You better pray to God that I never find you. Because when I do, I’m going to rip you limb from limb.”

  “I look forward to it.” He continues to laugh before adding, “Oh, and I’ll be sure to return Emily to you,” then he ends the call; the dial tone echoes around the office space.

  “Fuck,” I roar, feeling like my whole word just got turned on its axis. “I need some answers, and above all else I need to find and kill that motherfucker!”

  “I know, I know,” Brax responds calmly.

  “How the fuck can you be so cool about all this? Did you hear what that sick fuck said about Tara?” I slam my fist down against the table. Hard.

  I watch as he swallows heavily. “I heard it man. I mean, I wish I hadn’t, but I fucking heard him.”

  “Why the fuck didn’t she tell me? Huh?” I’m so wired that I pace back and forth, my stomach in fucking knots and my heart hammering ferociously.

  “Tell you what?” I hear her gentle voice asking. Spinning on the spot, I turn to see a pale-faced Tara staring back at me.

  “What’s going on, Brax?” she asks, looking between us, panic written all over her face. Reaching for her, I take her by the arm.

  “We need to talk,” I tell her, my voice low and full of rage. I pull harder than necessary, but I can’t help it. I’m fueled by anger and confusion. I don’t mean to take it out on her but I’m so fucking angry right now, that I don’t know how to come across any other way.

  Snapping her arm from my hold, she freezes on the spot, crossing her arms over her chest, her eyes hard on me. “I ain’t going anywhere until someone tells me what the hell is going on here.”

  “You don’t want to do this here,” Brax tries to warn her softly, but she’s pissed and has her guard up.

  “No,” she snaps, anger in her tone. “Just spit out whatever it is, because right now, you’re making me feel like I’ve done something wrong.”

  I swallow the lump that has grown in my throat, knowing I have no choice. Dropping my smoke on the floor, I extinguish it with my boot. Legs sl
ightly apart and hands clenched together in front of me, I look her dead in the eye.

  “Why didn’t you tell me about what my father did to you that night you came to see me at the clubhouse?”

  I take no delight in watching her face fall and tears swell in her eyes.

  “How… how… do you know about that?” She narrows her watery eyes on me, her lip quivering as she desperately tries to control her emotion.

  Izzy steps closer to Tara, wrapping a comforting arm around her shoulder. “Not like this, Nate.” She whispers her plea.

  “Her choice,” I retort, as the hatred for my father bubbles to an uncontrollable level. He hurt the one thing that means something to me. Fuck, the only thing. And the worst thing about this whole fucked-up situation is that she didn’t trust me enough to tell me it happened. “So, it happened?” I ask, needing the confirmation to come from her.

  “Can we go home?” she asks, her voice wavering.

  I nod, putting aside all of my hate and confusion, because goddamnit, seeing her like this is cutting me into pieces. I pull in a breath that seems to burn before forcing it out of my lungs, all the while my heart still races like a horse galloping.

  “Let’s go,” I answer coldly, not because I’m an asshole, but because I’m struggling to deal with the torrent of emotions I’m feeling right now.

  “What do you want us to do, boss?” Zane asks as I storm through the door.

  “Keep searching. Work with Brax to find Emily. That’s the club’s priority right now.”

  Racing down the stairs two at a time, I make my way outside, inhaling deeply as soon as the fresh air hits me. I feel like I’m choking. Slowly, all of the air is being sucked from my lungs.

  “Nate,” she cries, stopping just behind me and placing her hand flat against my back. I close my eyes, allowing my head to fall forward. My shoulders rise and fall as I breathe deeply, wanting nothing more than to take her in my arms and tell her everything will be okay. Only I can’t bring myself to do it, because guilt is eating away at me, like maggots eating away on rotten flesh. The image of my father putting his hands on her flashes through my mind and it causes me to wince, dragging in a breath through my gritted teeth.