Cry For You

by Candy J. Starr

I didn't want to go anywhere with Devon. It'd just create more problems. I didn't want to leave the venue either. I had a slight hope in my heart that Tex would still come after me.

  The silence in the hallway was only broken by the faint hum of conversation from the band room and the scrape of equipment being moved out. I tried to think a way of telling Devon nicely that I wanted to be by myself.

  I figured calling a cab to meet me at the band door would be the safest way to leave. I sure didn’t want to wait outside on my own. Not the way this night had been going.

  Before I could say anything to Devon, Tex came out of the band room door.

  "What the hell is going on?" he said.

  "Don't start again." I had no idea what was going through his mind. He could ignore me but the moment I spoke to Devon he flew after me. I’d wanted Tex to come after me but not like this. Not like I was a bone he was protecting from another dog.

  "Get away from Ruby," he bellowed. "You aren't going to mess with her like you did with Julie."

  "There's nothing going on and I can look after myself." If I’d had something in my hand, I’d have hurled it at him.

  "You have no idea what this guy is like. You shouldn't even be talking to him without me around."

  "Yet you can carry on with some other woman and forget all about me?" I glared at him, daring him to deny it, to have some valid excuse for his shit behaviour.

  "We're going home, Ruby. I've called a cab."

  I paused to consider it. Mum and Dad's place was empty at the moment so I could crash there. I didn't know if I wanted to be around Tex while he was like this. We'd say things that we didn't mean and end up hurting each other.

  Chapter 12

  Ruby

  I simmered in the taxi on the way home, not looking at Tex, not talking to him. I didn't understand why he'd turn this whole thing around to blame me. And the Devon thing, he had no right to act jealous about that. I'd not done anything to encourage Devon, who'd just been acting nice anyway.

  About halfway home, he reached out for my hand but I brushed him away. He couldn't make this up to me that easily. He'd been a real shit and then compounded it with extra shittiness. I stared out the window, not even sure why I'd agreed to go home with him¸ except that I felt that walking away now would solve nothing. I wanted to get this all out in the open and tell him how I felt, except I was never good with talking about my feelings. Maybe I should I write it all out and give it to him. Then I could put everything down in a logical way instead of getting all het up and messy.

  The taxi driver kept chatting away about some sporting event that had been on that day. Which team had won and who'd won the game for them. I had no idea what he was talking about, not even which sport. He didn't need any answers, not even a nod of the head, so I was grateful to him for breaking up the horrific silence playing out in the backseat.

  The taxi finally reached home and I jumped out while Tex paid the driver. I was almost tempted to run inside and lock him out. He could spend the night outside. I wouldn't even care. He came inside after me though, slamming the porch door.

  I turned around waiting for him to say something but he pushed me up against the wall, pressing his body hard against mine. He twisted his hands in my hair as he kissed me, rough and furious. I wanted to protest but I couldn't speak with his lips against mine. Instead I kissed him back just as roughly.

  His knee pressed between my legs, forcing my thighs apart and rubbed his hand against the seam of my jeans. Despite all my anger, I realised I was soaking wet. I wanted to resist him and push him away but holy shit, I needed him inside me. My hips responded at once to his touch. He unzipped my jeans and ground his hard cock against me.

  When I tried to tell him to stop, a breathless moan came out instead. I pulled him closer, biting into his shoulder, not a playful nip but burying my teeth into his skin with the intention of hurting him like he'd hurt me. He'd slipped my jeans and panties down and rubbed against me with his hand. My hips bucked against him.

  I knew this wouldn't solve anything but I didn't care. I just wanted him. I hated him for what he'd done but I needed him. He knew what to do to make me climax. His fingers moved with expert strokes, rubbing me hard so that I moaned and ground into him. I couldn’t fight the waves of pleasure flooding my body.

  When he entered me, I was still angry with him. He pinned me against the wall as he thrust hard inside me and I bit into his shoulder. Angry with him and angry with myself for letting him do this. My body had no shame.

  He shuddered into climax then collapsed against me.

  "Don't leave me, Ruby," he whispered into my ear.

  Our bodies both gleamed with sweat as we walked unsteadily into the bedroom.

  "Please don't leave me."

  At first I'd thought it was romantic when he said this to me, but now it seemed much darker. I wondered what Tex really wanted from me. Even as he'd grown more confident and outgoing, he still clung to me at times like this. The loneliness in him went deep to the bone, into places I'd not even explored.

  “How can I stay with you when you act like such a jerk?” A wave of nausea swept over me as I said the words. I didn’t want say the words out loud but I couldn’t keep them buried inside me. I couldn’t let him just walk all over me then forgive him the moment he wanted to play nice.

  Tex didn’t even apologise. He just stared at the ceiling.

  "Who was that girl?" I asked. I wanted to know if he realised who she was.

  He shrugged. "I dunno. Some groupie."

  I'd have felt happier if his eyes had met mine when he said that. He tried to act casual but he held something back. Had he been attracted to her?

  "How did she get backstage? I thought they were being extra strict about security?"

  I picked at a loose thread on the blanket. It didn't matter. None of it mattered, really. He'd come home with me and we were together. Except, it did matter. I wound the thread tightly around my finger until the tip turned white.

  "Dunno. Didn't ask. What do you care?"

  I took a deep breath. Seriously, he shouldn't even have to ask that. If he'd just been chatting to her, I'd have not cared. If he'd thought about me instead of leaving me hanging around waiting like a fool, that wouldn't have mattered in the slightest, but for him to be flirting with another woman while I was locked out, how could that not upset me?

  "You looked like you were having a good time with her."

  He turned to face me, pulling me closer but I wanted some distance between us. I let him rest his hand on my waist but I didn't move to him.

  "Are you jealous?"

  I sat up, ready to jump off the bed.

  "What the hell, Tex? Seriously, what the hell? Do you know how long I waited for you to come out and tell that bouncer to let me backstage? I felt like such a dick. He acted as though I was some desperate fan trying to get back to see you."

  "Well, you couldn't expect me to just go waltzing out there. I'd have been mobbed. Hannah said she'd go out and talk to him. I figured you'd just go get a drink or something while you waited. It's no big deal."

  For him it was no big deal. I was the one left on my own out there because he was such a big man that he couldn't risk showing his face. I was the one who'd been thrown around and had drinks spilt on me and manhandled. I didn't want to make this into a huge deal but he didn't even have the balls to say he was sorry. It was at least half an hour before Hannah had come out. Had he forgotten about my existence in that time? I wanted to punch him and knock some sense into his brain.

  "Did anyone ask that chick where she got her pass? Because it seems strange to me that I lost my tag and this random fan was backstage with one."

  "I think you're being paranoid. She was probably with the support band and just kept hanging around."

  I got up off the bed. I wasn't in the mood for snuggling with him. I had no warmth inside me, just a big ball of pissed-off-ness in my belly.

  "Where are you going?" he asked. />
  "I need some time alone."

  He didn't say anything but I heard a definite snort. I couldn't believe that he thought this was nothing. It was like he was starting to believe his publicity. Maybe this was the real him though. The Tex I was used to had been just a shell he'd put on to protect himself for a while. I had no idea what he'd been like before. It made me wonder what I needed from him. I'd been the one who'd pushed him to go back to playing and I'd never regret that but he could stop acting like such a dick.

  "And what was the deal with you and Devon?"

  "Huh? What was the deal with you and Devon? You acted like a tool."

  "He had his arm around you and even before that in the car. 'Don't drive so fast, Devon. I'm scared’."

  I tried to reply but no words would come out. There were no words.

  "Ruby, I'm only protecting you. You do not want to go near that guy. He's not what he seems. He's dangerous to be around. He corrupts everything."

  He was using his nice voice now but I wasn't going to fall for it. I got what was going on. He was angry with Devon and, because I'd been nice to Devon, he was taking it out on me.

  "Tex, I'm not your sister. I'm not Julie."

  "What the hell are you talking about? I'm worried about you."

  "No. You were worried about your sister. I'm an adult who knows her own mind and I'm not going to make the same mistakes she made."

  "I just want to protect you."

  "You couldn't protect Julie and you can't protect me. How the hell does it protect people when you leave them hanging around like idiots for hours? How does it protect them for you to act like such a cockhead. You don’t want to protect people, you want to control them."

  Tex got up from the bed. I wasn't sure what he was going to do. Maybe I'd said too much but, if I let him get away with this shit so soon into our relationship, he'd only get worse.

  "You have no idea what you're saying."

  He left the room.

  Then he hurled something at the wall. I couldn’t see what it was but it sounded like glass shattering. To me, it sounded like something inside me breaking. Cracks running through everything we'd built together.

  I went outside even though the night was cold. The moonlight shone through the skeleton frame of the house. Would that house ever feel like mine? I wasn't even sure I'd still be around when it was finished.

  Chapter 13

  Denise

  I'd done it. The whole night had gone better than expected. Since we'd gotten the tickets together, I'd met with the other guys from the forum before the show. We'd had some drinks and then got to the venue before the doors opened. I wanted to stake my spot at centre stage on the barrier. I didn't even drink that much because I sure as hell didn't want to move to use the toilet.

  The two support bands were both kinda lame so I sat down because I didn't want my feet to wear out from too much standing. Just before FORSAKEN came on, I stood up and leaned on the barrier. The five of us stood with our arms linked so no one could push in. That's when I saw her. The red-headed witch decided to come out and mix with us plebs. If I could turn my eyes into lasers, I'd have cut her into little chunks with those beams. She thought she was so shit-hot. I recognised the other girl with her. I was pretty sure she was Brownie's girlfriend. I had no issue with her. She seemed sweet and she was with Brownie, which took her out of the running.

  The two of them both had backstage passes, of course. That's when I got my idea. I just had to cut the lanyard around her neck and it'd slip right off. I'd get backstage, no questions asked. It might mean giving up my spot at the front but the sacrifice would be worth it for the greater good.

  It was a long shot but if you don't risk it all, you don't win. And I sure did win. The stupid girl, it was like she'd never been to see a band play before, floundering around in the crowd. All I had to do was wait until she was distracted then snip the lanyard around her neck with my nail scissors. I never expected that to work. I thought she'd notice straight away. She got to her feet and, for a moment, her gaze drilled into me. I thought for sure the next thing she'd do would be check for her pass but she just skulked off. I shoved that pass in my pocket then pushed my way back to the front.

  I sniggered to myself, hoping she was as careless with her love life. Then I could just snip Tex from around her neck with my nail scissors too.

  The next test would be actually getting backstage. The security guys wouldn't be nearly as stupid as she was and, if she turned up, grizzling because her pass was gone, they might figure things out.

  I shuffled through the crowd and positioned myself so that I was near the backstage entrance.

  As soon as FORSAKEN finished playing, I rushed backstage, flashing the pass at security. They didn't even look twice. Suckers.

  The band weren't even offstage yet and I wandered around, looking for the right room. At the end of the black passageway, there were a couple of doors and, at the very end, concrete stairs leading to who knew where.

  Laughter came from one of the rooms and I figured that had to be the support band. I tried the next door. The room was empty. The table in the middle of the room was in disarray as though people had rushed out. It had to be the room. I picked up a half empty beer from the table. I wondered if it'd been Tex's. If I took a sip of the beer, my lips would touch the spot his lips had touched. That was excitingly intimate. But I had no way of knowing if it was his. It might be hers and I'd get some skank disease. A half-eaten tray of sandwiches sat on the middle of the table. They'd gone a bit dry but I helped myself to one.

  Then I spotted a bar fridge. It was filled with cold beers. I took one of those as well. What other delights would I find in this room?

  Sitting on the bench at the back of the room were a couple of bags. Tex's bag? I went through the first one. It reeked of leather and pretty. That had to be Devon's. The one next to it had a denim jacket sitting on top. A chick's jacket. I threw it on the floor then stomped on it. Ha, take that, bitch.

  There was a change of clothes in the bag. It had to be Tex's because the clothes weren't big enough to fit Brownie. Face it, the dude was kinda pudgy. I found a can of deodorant and sprayed it on myself. I smelt like Tex. Wow, that made me a helluva lot more attractive to myself. Jeans, t-shirt, not much else. Then, scrunched in the corner, I found a dirty pair of jocks. Which would've been totally gross if they weren't Tex's dirty jocks. I hesitated for a moment then heard a sound outside so quickly thrust them into my back pocket. He'd never miss them and I'd definitely appreciate the souvenir.

  I heard Tex's voice in the hallway. He was on his way. So close. The idea that I might actually get to stand close to him, to talk to him, maybe touch him made my pulse race off the chart. I smoothed down my hair and tried to look cool.

  Where should I be sitting when they came into the room? I tried leaning against the wall, my leg tucked up showing off my thigh but that was too obvious. And I was nearly pissing my pants with excitement. I needed to sit with my legs crossed.

  If I was asked how I got the pass, I'd have to have a story prepared. I could say I worked for the venue. I was an assistant. No one would question that.

  I gulped down the rest of my beer then sat down at the table as if I belonged there. Because I did. It was my rightful place in this world, the one that had been denied me for so long.

  The band members came into the room. First Brownie, then Tex, with Devon trailing behind.

  "Ah, you're here. Want a beer?" I asked. I gulped, thinking they'd surely see through that and tell me to get out but no one said anything so I ran over to the fridge getting out three beers and handing them out. No one questioned that. Devon took his beer and wandered back out of the room.

  Tex sat at the table so I sat next to him.

  "Can you grab me one of the towels?" he asked.

  "Sure thing," I said. I noticed the towels he was looking at and got one off the top of the pile.

  We had a natural affinity for each other and soon were laugh
ing and joking around. I leaned in, noticing the streaks of grey in his blue eyes and the way his mouth curled into a smile. Some other people had come into the room but I barely noticed them. Why would I notice nobodies when I was sitting beside Tex, with him actually talking to me and joking around? I wished I had a record button in my mind that I could set to have a copy of this moment that I could replay for the rest of my life.

  I'd just got Tex his second beer when that other chick came into the room. The one who'd been with Brownie. She rushed over to Tex.

  "Tex, they won't let Ruby in. You have to go out and talk to security."

  My heart sunk into my boots. My very cool platform boots. He'd ditch me and go running back to that bitch. Just when I'd got his attention, she'd ruin it all. Hell, she might even join the dots and realise I'd taken her pass. Maybe I should clear out when Tex went to get her.

  "Sure, in a minute." Tex waved her away with his hand then went back to telling me the story about his first guitar.

  I tried not to show a thing but inside I was gloating so bad I thought I'd burst. He'd ignored her for me. That meant he cared more about me than her. I thought the other chick would stay around nagging him but Brownie called her over. I could see her dirty looks but Tex was engrossed in his story and I focused on him. There was nothing in the world I'd prefer to sitting there, listening to him talk. I laughed at one of his jokes and brushed his arm. I touched him. I actually touched his flesh. I'd never wash my hand again.

  This was exactly like I’d imagined. In every daydream and fantasy, he was exactly like this. Maybe they hadn’t been daydreams. Maybe they’d been prophesises.

  “Hey, Tex. Why haven’t you got your arse out there to get Ruby?” The woman came back with her coat on and she had murder in her eyes.

  Tex didn’t reply.

  “She’s out there waiting on her own. We’re leaving and I want you to get out there and get this sorted before we go.”

  "No worries, just got to finish my beer," he replied.