Horrid

by Katrina Leno

  “You kept saying no because…”

  Ruth smiled. “You live in this house now, Janie. Why do you think I never wanted to come back?”

  Jane couldn’t think of a suitable answer to that.

  She finished her oatmeal and washed her bowl, setting it down to dry just as Susie texted.

  The first thing Susie said when Jane climbed into the car was, “Did you hear all the sirens last night?”

  Jane’s skin prickled uncomfortably. She settled her backpack at her feet and adjusted the air vents. “I heard them, yeah.”

  “They sounded close.”

  Susie backed out of the driveway as Jane wondered whether to tell her. She hadn’t thought about it yet, but she couldn’t really see any reason not to.

  “They were close. They were at my house.”

  “Wait—really? Is everything okay?”

  “Everything’s okay. It was all just a big, weird… I don’t know what it was,” Jane said truthfully. “My mom went out to get Chinese food and… I heard something. I thought someone was in the house.”

  “Oh my gosh, Jane, that’s so scary. What happened?”

  “They didn’t find anything. The cops. There was nobody there.”

  “But you did the right thing,” Susie said firmly. “Either way. Better safe than sorry.”

  Jane paused. She chose her words carefully. “I’m not convinced they’re right.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I just… I don’t know. I have this terrible feeling. About that house. I know, I’m probably just…”

  “Look—we haven’t known each other that long, Jane, but you don’t seem like an alarmist to me,” Susie said. “Otherwise, you probably wouldn’t have agreed to move into that house in the first place.”

  Jane laughed. “Why, because it’s creepy?”

  Susie shot her a quick sideways look and said, after just a moment’s hesitation. “Yeah. Because it’s creepy.”

  Jane bit her bottom lip. “Can I tell you something?”

  “Of course.”

  “I’m wondering… if maybe Melanie had something to do with it.…”

  “Melanie?”

  “I just… I had this super-weird interaction with her yesterday, and… I don’t know. It’s probably nothing.”

  Susie exhaled. “I don’t think Melanie would do something like… like break into someone’s house.”

  “I don’t know,” Jane said. “I’m not saying she did.…”

  “But you’re not ready to say she didn’t, either,” Susie finished.

  “Yeah. I’m not.”

  Susie didn’t have an answer for that.

  Jane moved through the morning half-asleep, and when she got to lunch, Susie took one look at her and said, “Okay, we have to get this girl a coffee.”

  “Field trip?” Alana said, perking up at once.

  “Field trip,” Susie confirmed. “Meet me at my car in five. I’ll sign you guys out.”

  Susie headed to the office, and Jane and Alana walked to their lockers together.

  “How are you doing?” Jane asked when they were alone.

  “Oh,” Alana said, shrugging. “I’m okay. It’s really sad, obviously. But I feel sort of… I don’t know. Like an outsider. I mean, I’m not as sad as Melanie, because it was her sister. And I’m not as sad as my mom, because it was her niece. I feel like I’m almost on the periphery. Like if I’m too sad, I’m, like, embellishing my sadness or something.” She paused and made a face. “Does that make any sense?”

  “I’ve had all those same thoughts,” Jane admitted softly. “Even though he was my dad, I kept wondering—does my mom get to be sadder? Does his mom? Does his brother? I think the important thing to realize, to try and remember, is that grief doesn’t have a rule book. You’re allowed to feel every emotion under the sun. You’re even allowed to invent new ones. I think I’ve done that a few times.”

  Alana smiled weakly. “Thanks, Jane. That’s actually really helpful.”

  “I saw Melanie yesterday,” Jane said cautiously. “I didn’t expect her to be back already.”

  “I know. I guess her mom tried to get her to take more time, but… maybe she needs the distraction or something.”

  “Sometimes the longer you take, the harder it is to get back to a normal life,” Jane said. “Or… the new normal.”

  Jane wanted to tell Alana about how weird Melanie had been, how strangely volatile their exchange had been, but for some reason she didn’t. Melanie was in pain. Didn’t Jane herself understand exactly how much pain she was in?

  Alana grabbed her jacket from her locker, then they walked to Jane’s locker together. And although nothing huge was out of place, although the door was shut and it was locked, Jane paused. The number dial was on 15. The last number of her combination. Jane always put the dial to 0 after she closed the door.

  “What’s wrong?” Alana asked.

  “Nothing,” Jane said. But she put in her combination more slowly than usual, turning to each number at a snail’s pace.

  When she finally opened the door, a cascade of fabric and papers and broken bits of pens and pencils spilled out onto her feet. Everything that had been in her locker was torn to shreds, destroyed. Jane picked up a swatch of fabric—her jacket, cut up into tiny pieces. She removed the lifeless spine of a hardcover book, her chemistry textbook, all the papers ripped out and tumbling out of the locker.

  “What the fuck?” Alana said, taking the piece of cloth from Jane. “Is this your jacket? Jane, what the hell is all this?”

  “Yeah,” Jane confirmed, slamming the locker door so suddenly and violently that Alana jumped and dropped the fabric she was holding. “My jacket. My books. My things. Everything.”

  “Jane… Who…?”

  “Melanie. Obviously this was Melanie.”

  Jane closed her eyes. She tried to hear Greer’s voice in her head, the voice of reason, one of the only voices in the entire world that could calm her down when she felt like she might explode. But Greer was gone; Greer didn’t have a voice anymore.

  Alana was still talking, but Jane couldn’t tell what she was saying. It sounded like her words were coming from underwater, a stream of senseless syllables that meant nothing.

  Jane could hear the blood rushing in her head, pulsing in her ears.

  She was going to kill her.

  She was going to kill her she was going to kill her she was—

  “Jane!” Alana’s voice cut through the chaos of Jane’s internal monologue and Jane’s eyes opened, surprised. “It’s okay,” Alana continued. “I’ll get her to replace it. All of it. I’ll talk to my mom. I don’t know why she would do this. I honestly think… I mean, I don’t want to make excuses for her—I know she’s just so, so sad, this whole thing… She was really close with her sister.”

  Maybe it was the shock of hearing Alana raising her voice when she was usually so calm and chill that snapped Jane out of it, but it worked.… Jane breathed in slowly. She felt herself returning to her body. The sound of blood rushing in her ears dulled to a gentle background noise.

  “Are you okay?” Alana asked quietly. “You turned bright red.”

  “Just a little angry,” Jane replied, struggling to keep her voice calm.

  “I totally understand. I’m so sorry.”

  “You don’t have to talk to your mom. It’s fine. I don’t want to get anyone else involved. I just want to ignore it. Ignore everything. Until it goes away.”

  “Okay,” Alana said, nodding. “Okay, I get it. I won’t say anything. But if you change your mind…”

  “I’ll let you know.”

  “Are you okay? Do you still want to get a coffee?”

  “Yeah. Definitely.” She made herself smile. She gestured at the floor, at everything that had fallen out of her locker. “What about this?”

  “Here,” Alana said. She took her own jacket off and spread it out on the floor, using it to collect all the pieces. Then she poked her head
into the nearest empty classroom and dumped everything into the trash.

  “Thanks,” Jane said.

  “I’ll talk to Rosemary,” Alana promised. “I’ll get you new books. And here—do you want to wear this? I’m fine.” She held out her jacket.

  “No, thanks. That’s sweet.” Jane smiled.

  “Okay,” Alana replied. She seemed unsure of what to do next, filled with a nervous energy.

  “Let’s go. Susie’s waiting for us,” Jane said, still smiling.

  She was getting really good at making herself smile.

  They told Susie what had happened as they drove to Beans & Books, and Susie, after launching into an impressive stream of expletives aimed at Melanie, finally quieted down and let out a hiss of air. “What is wrong with her?” she asked. Then, a moment later, “I mean… aside from… you know.”

  “There’s no excuse for doing that to Jane’s things,” Alana said, her voice even and calm. “No excuse.”

  “I have to ask,” Susie said. “Are we sure it’s her? I mean, it’s probably her. But are we sure?”

  “We’re not sure,” Jane admitted. “But… I just know.”

  “Melanie once cut the feet off every single one of my Barbie dolls,” Alana said flatly. “We’re sure it’s her.”

  “Damn,” Susie said. “What an asshole.”

  Just the way she said it—so earnestly and simply—made Jane burst out laughing, and pretty soon they were all laughing, which felt really, really good, and served to vanquish any remaining anger in Jane’s body. Alana laughed the longest, burying her head in her lap and shaking uncontrollably in the front seat, and Jane wondered if it felt just as good for Alana as it felt for her—to laugh that much.

  “Okay, okay,” Susie said. “So we’re all in agreement: It was Melanie. Jane, what are you going to do about it?”

  “Nothing,” Jane replied without any hesitation.

  “I want to tell my mom,” Alana said, finally pulling herself together. “Or Mel’s mom.”

  “It’s just not worth it,” Jane continued. “Especially not with everything she’s going through. I’m just going to ignore it and hope she doesn’t do anything else.”

  “In that case, we need to do something to take your mind off it,” Susie said. “What about a movie night at my house Friday? My parents are taking the twins out of town. You can both sleep over, and we’ll order pizza or something. Jane—we haven’t even hung out outside of school yet,” she pointed out.

  “Sounds great!” Alana said.

  “Sounds fun,” Jane echoed. “Should we watch a scary movie? For Halloween?”

  “Absolutely not,” Alana said. “I hate scary movies.”

  “But don’t you love Halloween?” Jane asked.

  “Love Halloween, hate scary movies,” Alana clarified.

  “Well, sorry, but you’re outnumbered,” Susie chimed in. “I have to side with Jane on this one.”

  “Ugh, nooo,” Alana said, and for the rest of the car ride, she kept up a nonstop barrage of romantic-comedy movie suggestions, of which Jane and Susie rejected every single one.

  Jane avoided Melanie for the rest of the week, keeping her head down when they passed each other in the hallways. Alana came through with a new set of textbooks, and Susie insisted on giving Jane a half dozen spiral-ring notebooks and a handful of new pens.

  Ruth remained busy with her new job and came home tired and quiet; most nights, Jane cooked herself dinner and ate alone and did her homework at the kitchen table.

  North Manor was quiet, too. There wasn’t so much as a strange creak of the floorboards. No unexplained shadows. No marbles. No rose petals. Nothing.

  On Friday, Jane worked at Beans & Books after school, then went home to shower. She’d been looking forward to movie night, partly for the selfish chance to see what Susie’s house was like. Was it as big and creepy as North Manor? Did it make the same strange noises, the same sounds of settling Ruth kept telling her she’d get used to?

  She hadn’t told her mother about her coat. She had saved enough from working that she could replace it on her own, and Susie had agreed to take her to the mall that weekend to get it. She just didn’t want to bother Ruth about it. She had enough on her mind. She’d sent a text that afternoon saying she’d had another busy day and worked right through lunch. She was getting dinner with a coworker after work, though, so at least she was making friends.

  Making friends! Jane had replied.

  Making money, Ruth responded, adding a winky face.

  Jane took a quick shower, dried herself off, and walked over to her window. She moved aside the curtain and looked out at the front yard. It was already so dark, and the sky was a menacing deep gray. The weather people had been warning about snow flurries for a while, but so far there had been nothing more substantial than frost. Maybe tonight would finally be the night.

  She heard a buzzing on her bed and found her phone on the covers. A message from Susie to her and Alana.

  Terrible news. My parents canceled their trip last minute, and the twins have already claimed the basement for the night.

  Another message popped up from Alana: Noooooooo

  Jane let the phone drop while she toweled off her hair and slipped into her sweatpants. When she picked it up again, there were five new messages.

  Susie: Alana, can we do it at your house?

  Alana: Negative. My cousins are here from New York. Barely room to turn around in this house.

  Susie: Should we go to the movies?

  Alana: Still closed for renovations remember?

  Susie: Ugh, great. Well, I guess we reschedule?

  Jane hesitated before sending a message back. We can do it here? My mom is working late. No pressure though. We can reschedule.

  Did she want the girls to come over to North Manor? Not particularly, but she also didn’t want to be alone right now. And with Ruth out of the house, it made sense.

  Susie: I’m down! Are you sure?

  Alana: Yes I’m in!

  Jane: Yeah, totally. Come over whenever.

  Jane tossed the phone down again and finished getting dressed, slipping on a T-shirt and pulling a zip-up hoodie over it.

  It took about fifteen minutes before she began to wonder whether this was a terrible idea—but by then, Susie had already texted to say she was on her way to pick Alana up, so Jane sucked it up and called the local pizza place. She ordered some pies and waited in the kitchen, holding her phone, looking at the last messages she’d exchanged with Sal.

  Sorry I had to get off the phone so quickly. Going out to dinner with fam. Ily

  Everything is so good. Everything is perfect. I love it here.

  Ok? weirdo

  Reading them over made her stomach knot up in a strange way.

  Why couldn’t Jane remember sending that message? Was something wrong with her phone, or was something wrong with her? And why hadn’t she talked to Sal since the night of the suspected break-in? Jane hadn’t even told Sal about it. She used to tell Sal everything. So why was she keeping this from her?

  Maybe because she knew Sal would try to rationalize it, try to convince Jane that nothing had happened. And Jane didn’t need to hear a lecture on what she already knew.

  When the doorbell finally rang a few minutes later, Jane made her way to the foyer and let Susie and Alana in. They were each holding an armful of snacks and wearing pajama pants.

  “Hi!” Susie said.

  “I never thought I’d see the inside of this house,” Alana whispered, staring straight up at the ceiling. “Susie, look at that chandelier. Do you see it?”

  Susie laughed. “Yes, I see it, Alana.”

  Jane closed the door behind them. “I ordered pizza.”

  “Great, I’m starving,” Susie said. She took her jacket off and dropped it by the door with her backpack. “Where should we set up?” she asked, holding up the food.

  “Oh, living room is this way,” Jane said. She couldn’t help noticing Alana,
still looking around, her eyes wide and strange. “You okay, Alana?”

  “Sorry. It’s just a little… I never thought I’d be in here. It’s a little sad.”

  “Sad?” Jane repeated. “What do you mean?”

  Jane saw Susie shoot Alana a look, and Alana responded by shaking her head and forcing a smile. “Just that it was empty for so long, you know. That’s all.”

  “Well, now Jane’s here and all is well,” Susie said, a cheerfulness in her voice that sounded just slightly forced.

  “Yeah. Here I am,” Jane said, holding out her hands awkwardly.

  “Sorry,” Alana mumbled. “I’m just hungry.”

  “No worries,” Jane replied. “This way.”

  She led them through rooms, stealing glances behind her to see how quiet they both were, how wide-eyed they seemed as they looked around at everything they passed. Was that how she’d acted the first time she walked around this house? Probably. And it wasn’t that much of a stretch to get a feeling of sadness, either—after all, Emilia had died here.

  Trying to lighten the mood, she turned around suddenly and put on her best tour guide voice: “If you’ll look to your left, you’ll see original wallpaper from the 1800s. This paper was shipped over from Paris, where it was hand-painted by local artisans.”

  She’d expected her friends to laugh, but instead they just looked so fascinated that she ended up laughing instead.

  “Wow, that’s amazing!” Alana said earnestly.

  “I totally made it up,” Jane admitted.

  “Sorry, are we being weird?” Susie asked. “It is really… I mean, this is a pretty famous house. Even outside of Bells Hollow.”

  “I get it,” Jane said. “Do you guys… want a tour?”

  “Absolutely!” Alana replied, and Susie nodded just as enthusiastically.

  “Okay. Well, the living room is just through here, so you can drop the food off.” She led them through one more set of pocket doors and they made a pile of snacks on one of the couches, then she showed them around the first floor, through the fancy dining room to the kitchen, back around past Chester’s study, rooms that she honestly hadn’t even been in since their first few days in the house.