Loving Graham

by Kenna Knight

  “Graham, the nurse says we have to go now. Zoe needs to rest. You can come back tomorrow and see her if you want.”

  “Gloria will be here first thing in the morning. She won’t need to be on a list or anything, will she?”

  “No, any adult can visit during visiting hours.”

  I stand and bend to place the softest kiss on her bruised cheek. I’m not even sure if my lips touch her skin, but I want so much for her to know she’s not alone. “Hang in there, sweetheart. We got you,” I say, and I’ve never meant anything more.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Levi

  Later on at home, Graham heads straight to the pool, and I go to the kitchen to try to salvage what I can of our dinner. I’m not hungry anymore, and from the looks of Graham, neither is he. I’ve had my eye on him while I work to package the food in Tupperware containers I brought from home. He’s facing away from me smoking a cigarette, something I’ve never seen him do, and although not dangerous, I worry about his stability. Taking up an old habit in a moment of stress can lead to other old habits, and I won’t watch him fall back down the rabbit hole of addiction.

  When everything is tucked away in the fridge, and the counters have been wiped down and pots and pans scrubbed, I quietly make my way outside to join him.

  I don’t speak when I sit down. I figure he will when he’s ready, something I’ve learned about him the more time we spend together.

  “She will not suffer anymore. When she’s out of the hospital and healed, I will do whatever it takes to make sure she lives the rest of her life happy and well cared for.” His voice is icy and darker than I’ve ever heard it. He’s angry, and I should probably keep my mouth shut, but it’s important he understands that Zoe’s physical injuries are only the beginning of her upcoming problems. He can’t shield her from this the way he thinks he can. So many people mistakenly believe that dropping the charges or not filing charges in the first place means the problem will just go away. It won’t.

  What Zoe and her husband, Zach, did is a federal crime because of the amount of money stolen. It’s completely out of Graham’s hands.

  “Graham, you know she’s going to be charged whether you want her to be or not, right?”

  “That’s bullshit,” he says grinding his cigarette under his shoe and lighting another. “This isn’t her fault. It’s that damn husband of hers who got her all mixed up in this. She’s a sweet, simple girl who loves everybody. She wouldn’t hurt a fly, and now she’s laying in a hospital bed destroyed.”

  “Do you think she has a mental disability, Graham? You mentioned she is a little slow and simple, how much so?”

  “I don’t think she’s retarded, no. I’ve never asked her if she had a disability or not, but she is shy and quiet, she doesn’t like to veer from her regular schedule, and she doesn’t go out to party or anything. She also mentioned once that she was in special education classes in high school. I checked her records from cosmetology school, though, and she did fine, and her instructors raved about her technical skills. That’s why I hired her.”

  We sit in silence for a few minutes before I probe again. “You mentioned her husband being mentally ill, do you know what he suffers from?”

  “Being an abusive dick for starters.”

  “Has he done anything like this before?”

  “Beating her or making her steal?”

  I sigh, he’s too angry for this conversation right now. “Either, but we can talk about it later. Maybe we should go inside and rest.”

  “I don’t want to rest. I wanna kick somebody’s ass,” he says standing up and flicking his cigarette butt into the yard. He stuffs his hands into his front pockets and walks toward the house.

  Now I’m sitting outside alone unsure if he even wants me here right now. I hear doors slamming inside and decide that going home is the best plan of action at this point.

  I grab my keys and overnight bag from the floor by the front door and go outside to my car. I start the engine and jump when I hear a knock on my window.

  I roll it down so I can hear him. “You’re just going to leave without saying anything?”

  “I thought you might want some time alone. I didn’t want to bother you. I can come back in the morning, and we can talk if you want.”

  He puts his hands on the door and leans toward me. “What I want is for you to come back inside and have my back instead of running away when shit gets hard and siding with the enemy!” he yells.

  Siding with the enemy? What the hell is he talking about?

  “Graham, wait, you’re mad at me now? And what do you mean I’m siding with the enemy? Who’s the enemy?”

  He pushes off the car hard and turns to walk away shaking his head. Fucking hell, now I don’t know what to do. He’s being irrational, and even though I understand why, I don’t like being treated this way.

  I decide to try one more time. “Graham, wait a minute.” I get out of the car and run to catch up with him. I put my hand on his shoulder and turn him around before he opens the front door. “Hey, I’m not bailing on you. I’m giving you space. And as far as siding with the enemy, I don’t know who you think the enemy is, but my side is always with you.”

  “I didn’t ask for space. And the enemy is the system that convicts a person like Zoe of a crime she didn’t understand she was committing. I should have never gotten the police involved.”

  That stings. It almost sounds like he means he should never have gotten involved with me. “She hasn’t been charged with anything yet, and it would have come out anyway. Zach still would have hurt Zoe, and the police would have gone to her apartment for the domestic call and found the deposit bags. There is nothing you could have done to stop this. It’s nobody’s fault but Zach and Zoe’s.”

  Every muscle in his body locks up, and he steps closer to me stopping when we are nose to nose.

  “You’re wrong. It’s nobody’s fault but Zach’s. I changed my mind. I do want to be alone. Goodbye, Levi.” He steps backward glaring at me, and when he reaches the door, he turns to go into the house.

  Wow. Did that just happen? Somehow he twisted this thing up in his head so bad that I feel like the villain. I kick a rock on the porch across the yard and stomp back to my car.

  I have a bad feeling about leaving him alone in his condition, but he’s a grown man, and he doesn’t want me here. I have no choice but to leave.

  At home, Nicky and I sit on the couch, and she listens while I bring her up to date on everything that’s been going on between Graham and me and also his case against Zoe and Zach.

  When I’m done, she sits quietly taking it all in with a dab of paint on her cheek, and her hair in a messy bun on the crown of her head. She’s been working on a project for a local art show, and I pulled her away from it.

  “I get that he’s upset, but it seems like he’s not putting his anger in the right place. Give him a few days to cool off, and I’m sure he’ll see that you’re being honest about what’s going to happen to his friend.”

  “Maybe. He goes to Milan Wednesday, though, and I know he has a lot of things to do before he leaves the country, including hiring a lawyer to see about Zoe’s case. He’s talking about hiring the best in the country to get her out of this, and he’s planning on paying for all of it. I don’t know how much money he has, but that would make a big dent in anybody’s bank account.”

  “He seems to be doing extremely well. I wouldn’t worry about it. I’d be more worried about him getting over stressed about all of this and making a bad decision.”

  “You mean drugs?”

  “Yeah. Do you think?”

  “I don’t want to, but he was smoking cigarettes one after another, and I know he doesn’t usually smoke. Honestly, I haven’t known him long enough to know a lot of things about him. You still talk to Gloria, don’t you? Maybe you could call her tomorrow and make sure he went to work and that he’s acting okay?”

  “I’m having lunch with her tomorrow since she
doesn’t have to work. And besides, I think you should check on him yourself.”

  “I thought you said to give him space.”

  “You don’t have to smother him just show up and say hi or something.”

  “I don’t know how to do this stuff. I suck at relationships. Maybe I would be better off alone.”

  She pokes me in the chest with her long, bony pointer finger. “No. You. Wouldn’t. Be. You don’t suck. You two just started your relationship under stressful circumstances, that’s all. I swear if you give up on that man, I will not be your friend anymore. I’ll find a new place to live, and I’ll change my phone number.”

  “You like him that much, huh?”

  “No, you twat! You like him that much!”

  She’s right. I more than like him, I love him. But I don’t have any reference or anything with which to compare these feelings. He’s hurting, and I have no idea how to make him feel better, especially if he doesn’t want me around. Part of me thinks it would be best to cut my losses now before my heart is beyond saving. The case is now solved, and we won’t need to see each other anymore other than a possible court date. If ever there were a time, it would be now.

  Can I walk away? Can I let the only man who has ever made me truly feel loved fade away? Is it even up to me to decide?

  Chapter Twenty

  Graham

  I haven’t felt this out of control since I was spiraling out of control on drugs. I’m so damn pissed about so many things I don’t even know where to focus my anger. I’m mad that Zoe was taken advantage of. I’m mad at her idiot husband for hurting such a good human being. I’m pissed that no matter what I do or say, Zoe might be punished for what she did. And most of all, I’m irritated with myself for being a dick to the person who was trying his best to support me in all of this, Levi.

  I should have called him this morning to apologize. I could have asked him to come over tonight so we could talk or at least meet up for coffee, but I didn’t. I hurt him when I pushed him away, something that I swore to myself that I would never do after hearing about his relationship with Neil.

  Levi deserves better. He needs someone to show him unconditional love not bark and snap at him when he speaks the truth. He was, in his own way, trying to comfort me by preparing me for the worst of what could happen with Zoe. Instead of listening with an open mind, I slammed the door in his face.

  I’m not cut out for a long-term, serious relationship. It’s better for me to stick to what I know—shallow hook-ups and friends with benefits.

  That’s why I decided to leave for Milan early and put as many miles between Levi and me as possible. I hired a top-notch lawyer to handle Zoe’s case this morning after a sleepless night and boarded a flight to Italy. If I stick around, I’ll end up running into Levi at the hospital or maybe even the courthouse, and that’s all it would take to weaken my resolve to let him go.

  I gave my spare house key to Greg who agreed to come and take care of the dogs, and all of my travel arrangements were already made so it was simple to switch flights and bolt.

  The best gift I can give to Levi Yale is letting him find someone who can love him better than me—at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

  Gloria is on fire about my decision. I’m surprised she didn’t call Levi and tell him to meet me at the airport. I made her swear on her kids’ lives that she would leave it alone, and for once in her life, she did. It may have been because she has her hands full organizing support for Zoe while she’s in the hospital. Or it could be because I left her in charge of the salon for two weeks. She is officially the contact person for the police department while I’m away, and I’m sure they will have plenty to keep her busy.

  If Gloria weren’t a control freak who gets off on a challenge, I wouldn’t have left the way I did. Now I have to focus on moving forward. I’m going to do this job, have some fun in Milan, and relax. In two weeks, I will come home, and things will go back to the way they were pre-burglary and Levi.

  Yeah, right, when cars fly, fortunes in Chinese fortune cookies come true, and Sherman gets full control of his bladder again.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Levi

  I pull up in front of Tease around noon when Graham usually schedules himself a thirty-minute lunch break if he can. It’s raining today, the perfect backdrop for my glum mood and a painful reminder of our romantic weekend away in Seattle.

  I take the steps outside two at a time trying to stay dry and open the door. The second I see Melody’s face, I know something is wrong. Her eyes widen, and she pauses mid-sentence with whoever is on the phone to look left and right frantically for someone to save her.

  Nobody is available. Every stylist has a client at their station, every stylist except Graham who is nowhere in sight. Melody hangs up the phone and plasters the fakest smile I’ve ever seen on her face before she greets me.

  “Well, hello, Detective Yale. I wasn’t expecting to see you here today. What can I do for you?”

  I approach the receptionist’s desk and lean across to speak quietly to her. “Melody, I want to say how sorry I am about the other day. I didn’t mean to come off so cold and uncompassionate. I was upset, and I took it out on you, and that was unfair. I apologize, and I want to wish you well with whatever decision you make concerning your…” I’m not going to say pregnancy until she does. No way am I making that mistake again.

  “Pregnancy? It’s okay, you can say it now. I’ve decided to keep the baby, and everybody knows.”

  “Okay, well, that’s great, congratulations then. I’m happy for you.”

  “Thanks.” She sits staring at me waiting for me to make the next move, and I get a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach that she’s doing it on purpose.

  “I was wondering if Graham was free? Is he taking his lunch break in his office today?” I ask attracting the attention of all the stylists near the desk. They are eyeing me while they work like they’re waiting for something. I don’t like it.

  I hear heels clicking on the marble floor, and Gloria is in front of me before Melody can answer. “Do you have a few minutes? We need talk,” she says holding a brush with some smelly chemical goo on it.

  “Yes, is something wrong, Gloria?”

  “I need to finish putting these foils in, and I’ll meet you in Graham’s office. Ten minutes tops.”

  “So he isn’t here?”

  “No, he isn’t.”

  My heart drops into my stomach, and I start to panic internally. “I can come back later when he’s here if you just tell me what time. It’s no problem.”

  She holds my gaze with purpose without saying a word.

  “He isn’t going to be here today, is he?”

  She shakes her head, and her eyes soften with something close to pity.

  “I’ll wait.” We walk together down the center aisle of Tease until she reaches her station, and I keep on to Graham’s office.

  It’s tidy and clean unlike when Graham inhabits the space. The desk is bare, photographs are lined up, a blank notepad sits next to the phone, and everything gleams with a cleanliness that says Graham is going to be gone for a long time.

  I sit down at his desk and stare at the mural on his wall of the woman he calls his muse. Originally, I thought she might represent Gloria, but after seeing it a few times, I realized she doesn’t resemble her at all. Gloria is beautiful, but she’s short and curvy and very much a fiery Latina.

  Graham’s muse is willowy and elegant. She appears graceful and, of course, she has the most beautiful mane of blonde hair. But she’s sad, unlike Gloria who is always singing and smiling and snapping her gum.

  I make a mental note to ask him more about her, and another jab of panic strikes my chest. What if I never get the chance? What if Graham is gone, and he’s not coming back?

  Gloria appears in the doorway out of breath. “I got Suni to finish my girl for me so we could talk.”

  “Oh, okay, you didn’t have to rush. It doesn’t lo
ok like he’s going to be back soon anyway,” I say gesturing at his immaculately clean desk. “I take it that’s what you want to talk to me about?”

  She enters the office and closes the door taking a seat opposite me in the chair I should probably be sitting in since, as far as I can tell, Gloria is the boss for now. She doesn’t seem to mind, though.

  “Yes, it is.”

  “You can just come out and say it. I think I can guess what’s going on.”

  “No, Levi, you can’t. Graham is a special man. Everything he does, he does with such passion, and it always comes from a place of love. He wants to help everyone, take care of everyone, and he can’t stand it when someone he loves gets hurt. I’ve never met anyone like him in my life. You know that saying I would give you the shirt off my back? If you multiply that times one hundred, that’s Graham. He would give you the house he lives in if he thought it would help.”

  “What does that have to do with him being gone?”

  “Graham told me about your argument last night. For the record, he ordered me not to talk to you about it, but I never listen to that boy when he’s talking stupid.” I chuckle because that sounds just like Gloria.

  “He left this morning for his photo shoot.”

  I frown at this news. “I thought he wasn’t leaving until Wednesday.”

  “He wasn’t, but now he has this stupid idea that you two were a mistake, and before you go getting all defensive, it’s not because of you. You see, for being such a good man and successful and hot as hell, he has a self-esteem problem that I cannot for the life of me figure out. He thinks you would be better off with someone else, someone who isn’t so wrapped up in other people’s lives. He doesn’t think he’s good enough for you because of his past, and he can’t stand the thought of hurting you or letting you down.”

  “He said that?” I thought we got past that when he told me about his addiction. I guess not.

  “Not in those exact words, but, honey, I know him, and that’s what he’s thinking, guaranteed.”